


Coincidental Fridays

by bottomlouiswriter



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Blowjobs, Bottom Louis, Eventual Smut, Fingering, Friends With Benefits, Implied Mpreg, M/M, Pregnant Louis, Slow Build, Virgin!Louis, chapter three is where it gets really interesting, experienced!harry, handjobs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-08
Updated: 2016-12-03
Packaged: 2018-02-08 01:36:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 9
Words: 102,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1921797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bottomlouiswriter/pseuds/bottomlouiswriter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>* chapter seven rewritten and reposted on august the eleventh * </p><p>“Can I kiss you now?”</p><p>Louis could only nod again, cause it was all his dreams come true and it was his crush and literally his best fantasy-</p><p>Louis didn’t have time to form a reasonable thought before Harry’s lips were on his and it was unbelievable. Like literally Louis had to open his eyes several times to assure it was Harry and pinch himself to know it was real.</p><p>But it was. Harry’s lips were on his, controlling and dominant, just enough to rile Louis up and leave him wanting more. It was perfect, as perfect as a completely platonic, we are not now friends with benefits, kind of kiss could be.</p><p>OR an AU where Louis is a complete sixteen year old virgin, Harry is his nineteen very experienced best friend. They may become friends with benefits that sort of turns into more, that definitely turns into more with only one of them realizing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> So this is the new oneshot I have been taking a break to write. I decided to break it into four parts that will be about 10k or longer each because I'm currently at 31k total and no where near finished. This may turn into six parts but definitely no more than that. 
> 
> I decided to post in parts because today is my blogs birthday and this is my present to all of the people who have made me love writing as much as I do, on here and tumblr so thank you so much and please do enjoy!

Harry was usually here by now.

Not that Louis really kept a mental note of the approximate times Harry always came to see him –he did- but Harry was _really_ late. Like Louis had already completed majority of the thirty page chemistry review along with writing down English definitions on flash cards, late.

It was closing in around two in the afternoon. Louis sitting in one of the private studying rooms at the back of the library, door closed and blinds shut. His room was basically just like the others, each room assigned by a teacher to an excelling student who had spares in their schedule. He had covered all the literary reference posters that had been around the room, along with the math formula ones, because it was time for revision and he really had to memorize them. He had done the covering of all necessary posters, reorganized his bag, studied, filled out review books, and Harry _still_ wasn’t here.

He was getting ready to pack up his things. Accepting the fact, that his best friend, who was weirdly the exact opposite of him, had other priorities besides him. Harry was cool and a lady-killer –actually any kind of person killer- he was beyond attractive, physically and personality wise, so his absence shouldn’t have surprised Louis, but yet it still did.

(Louis knew it wasn’t surprising rather than a mass of unresolved, confusing, ridiculous _feelings_.)

Harry chose that exact moment when Louis probably looked like a kicked puppy to finally show up.

“Hey Lou! Sorry I’m late-“ Harry broad smile dropped to a deep frown when he spotted Louis. “Hey.” He cooed softly, dropping his bag and kneeling before Louis, his hands coming up to cover his kneecaps. “What’s wrong Lou?”

Louis schooled his expression into what he hoped was a decent mask enough to fool Harry. “Nothing Hazza.” Louis fake chirped “Just got some of these questions on the chem review booklet that aren’t making sense. Got to ask Miss about them.”

Clearly Louis should know by now that he can’t fool, Harry even at his best of times, especially with some lame excuse as to not understanding chemistry (its his best subject.)

Harry smiled lightly at that, thumbs rubbing the skin just above his knees, sending slight goose bumps over Louis arms and legs. “We both know chemistry is your best subject Lou, if you don’t know everything in the textbook I’d be surprised.” Harry joked, his small attempt to make Louis smile worked. The younger’s lips pulling up into a smaller but genuine smile. “What’s wrong boo?”

Louis sighed, placing his hands gently over Harry’s and looking down at them, try to stall, so he could think of what to say. What did end up coming out was completely, not at all, what Louis wanted to say. “I just thought you had like backed out of our plans today.”

Harry chuckled loudly after that. Head thrown back, showing the delicious expanse of his neck, his collarbones showing just the slightest bit, dipping so deep that Louis wanted to lean in a nip at them playfully. _As if._

Harry’s eyes sparkled and his face split with a foolish grin. “I was chatting up a girl, Lou, got her number for Saturday or something.” Harry laughed again and Louis etched on a smile even though his brain was _screaming_ at him to ask Harry why he was going out with another girl and not him. “You know Friday’s are our day.”

Louis nodded. “Just figured that you got something better to do. I mean we do Friday’s every week, surprised you aren’t bored yet.” Louis chuckled, refusing to look at Harry but that proved futile. The older grabbed Louis face in his hands, (Louis marveling at how his palms practically covered half his face), and forced the younger boy to look at him.

“Friday’s are special Lou, a ritual with my best friend, and no girl will break them.” Harry said seriously. “That’s a promise alright?”

“M’kay.”

“There we go!” Harry’s smile was back, and Louis couldn’t help but smile too, (god those _feelings_ ). “Now that we got that ridiculous thing solved, what are we picking up for take away or am I cooking tonight?” Harry questioned while standing up, pecking Louis’ forehead on the way.

Louis blushed, immediately glad Harry had his head down the slightest bit to grab and extra flannel out of his bag. His head staying down while he put on his shirt and Louis tried to calm his warm cheeks. “How ‘bout a bit of both?”

“What’d you have in mind?” Harry muttered, looking up just as Louis turned away, grabbing his bag and books.

“Homemade pizza?” Louis questioned lightly when he turned back around.

Grabbing Louis by the wrist, Harry headed out. “Perfect.”

*^*

As per usual the pizza buying and making was fine. It going over smoothly, with jokes and tales of the day, but it was after the fact when the food was done that things got a little –personal. Or that was one way to say it.

“Harry I just don’t understand why you have to chat up every attractive person you see, guy or girl.” Louis sighed loudly, placing his pizza on the side table and facing Harry.

Harry sighed frustratingly. “Lou we have this conversation so much it just feels like a broken record at this point. You know why I do what I do so just –leave it.”

“No Harry I am not going to leave it!”

“Lou.” Harry threatened.

“Oh don’t Lou me. You know damn well I have a point.”

Harry turned to face Louis this time, becoming more and more red in the face. “I can turn that around on you too Lou, I can have a point too.” Harry growled. “Why don’t you ever try to date someone even have one night stands? All you ever do is study and be around your mom or me. Why don’t you explain that to me, considering all we ever do is delve into my personal life, lets delve into yours!”

“That’s not fair Harry.” Louis whispered, looking down at his hands. “You know why I can’t do those things, why I _don’t_ do those things, I’m not like you.”

“Yes Lou, your _gay_ , just because you can’t be open in school doesn’t mean you have to completely deny yourself the right to have someone that the fuckers at school don’t know about.” Harry huffed. “I was like that too Lou, I was closeted but I still let myself have people, privately. You can do that too.”

“I can’t. I would have to find people outside of the school –god even this _town_ it wouldn’t work, Harry we have talked about this.” Louis whined, wringing his hands together before bringing them to his face and hiding behind them.

“Lou, you have that one guy you study with, Liam he’s fit as hell, you could totally get him, and there’s also that Adam guy and Chuck too,” Harry went onto list a bunch of the guys that Louis merely associated with. The list seemed to go on forever, and Louis would rather drowning than hearing all these names and knowing Harry’s wasn’t going to be on the list.

“Lou, you okay?” Harry questioned snapping his fingers in front of Louis’ face.

“Yeah its just-“ Louis sighed heavily, mentally preparing himself, knowing Harry was going to understand regardless of how stupid or naïve he sounded. “I want all of that. I’ve heard you talk about; how good sex feels and the way it tastes and how its completely overwhelming, embarrassing as that is, I want to know all of those things.” Louis mumbled cheeks flaming heavily. “I want to know what it feels like to just be like that with someone, like someone I’ve know for a while and who loves me and I love them. Its totally cliché but that’s what I want.”

“Lou..” Harry trailed off.

“No its fine Harry, I can accept the fact that as of right now, me having someone like that just isn’t in the cards, or it may never be, who knows. It’s a depressing fact, but I’ve learned to accept that I will be alone, if not forever than for a decent amount of time.” Louis stated, finishing it off with a wave of his hands and turning back towards his pizza.

“I love you Lou.” Harry whispered eventually, “We’ve known each other for so long too Lou, I could help.” Louis was confused, and Harry could tell. He smiled slightly at the younger’s naivety straightening his posture a little before trying again. “I’m experienced Lou, and I know you want to get experience with someone that cares about you. I can be that person. It won’t be an exact relationship but it would help you be ready for one.”

And _oh._

Louis knew what Harry was implying now, he knew _exactly_ what Harry was implying but all that he managed to sputter out was. “What?”

Harry scooted closer, putting Louis’ pizza aside and tangling their hands together, looking Louis straight in the eyes. “I could help you Lou, help you get more comfortable. I’m not saying full on sex or anything but we could try certain things, work our way up so you can go out and find someone.”

Louis stayed still. He didn’t even know where to start thinking. On one hand there was being with Harry. It wasn’t ideally the way he wanted but it was _Harry_. Then there was not being with Harry and still not having anyone, no experience, no nothing. Louis knew what would make more sense, especially for a sixteen-year-old boy, and with an older boy, one he had liked since he can remember. A sixteen-year-old virgin, with a nineteen-year-old practical sex addict. It would be an interesting combination.

“Lou, you don’t have to.” Harry trailed off, lightly brushing a couple fingers over Louis’ cheek.

Louis shook his head in disagreement. “I want to think about it.” It was no louder than a whisper but Harry heard him.

“So like a maybe?”

“Yeah, like a maybe.”

“Alright.” Harry whispered back, looking at Louis so intensely for a minute, before snapping out of it and grabbing his pizza. He turned back towards the television, taking a big bite out of the slice of cheesy dough and watching, intrigued at the program.

Louis just nearly gets back to his pizza when a hand comes to his leg, squeezing comfortingly and when he looks back Harry’s staring at him again. “What?”

Harry just shrugs. “You don’t have to rush your decision okay Lou? Take all the time you need. I’ll still be waiting.”

Louis nodded a little shyly, and he nearly smacked himself upside the head. _There is no need to act all weird around Harry now you dimwit._ Louis lectured himself. _Nothing is going to be different, nothing at all._

Louis nearly snorted out loud. Like hell nothing was going to change.

**

Louis knows when Harry said ‘ _take all the time you need’_ he probably meant a lot longer than two days. But really Louis was too anxious to wait any longer, wanting to let Harry know he was in, just so he could have a valuable reason to touch Harry all the more.

It was Sunday, the day where Louis usually caught up on any extra assignments or redid ones he wanted to improve for marks, but instead, He found himself cleaning his room, antsy and scattered over the fact that Harry was coming over.

Now Louis knew this was nothing terribly new, they always hung out, and it was usually in Louis messy room so it really shouldn’t have mattered whether or not his room clean, but Louis was _telling_ Harry. Telling him he was in for this –thing. Whatever it was, he was ready.

When all his clothes were successfully stuffed and pushed away into drawers and closets, Louis showered quickly. Making sure than his hair was nice and clean and that he smelled good, brushing his teeth too while he was under the steam.

He dressed easily and in Sunday laziness. Nothing more than sweats and a baggy shirt he thinks used to be either Harry’s or his dads. He left his hair wet, letting it do as it pleased and walked around, just waiting for Harry to arrive. Louis about to delve into his bed, the mattress looking comfortable and cozy when the doorbell rang, respectfully followed by door opening.

Harry was here.

They had long ago stopped actually waiting for someone to answer the door, whether it be siblings or parents, eight years of friendships comes with many benefits, letting yourself into said best friends house being one of them.

All of a sudden Louis was attacked with nerves. He knew Harry said he would always be there, and to take his time. But what if Harry had only been joking, or was trying to be supportive without being serious. What if he had waited too long or not long enough? Louis head was spinning with questions by the time Harry was clomping up the stairs and that set in a new batch of panic. Cause Harry was literally almost in his room, he was having a mental breakdown and Louis was about to agree to some kind of friends with benefits deal.

He did end up going to his bed, but not because he had nothing to do, but from the slight wooziness he had begun to feel. Just stumbling onto his bed when Harry opened the door, coming in with his own Sunday comfy clothes, though his seemed more attractive.

He was wearing an orange beanie, one of his favorites, paired with a looser pair of his jeans and a big black sweater. Louis didn’t know if it was to do with age and maturity or the fact that Harry was just naturally attractive, but the boy didn’t look like he had just woken up. (If Louis didn’t know Harry better he would have thought the boy had been up for hours, but the sluggishness to his actions, and how his eyelids were a little heavier than usual told the younger different.)

“Hey Lou.” Harry rasped and yes-. He had just woken up. The older smiled at Louis, wandering over to sit on the bed beside Louis.

“Hey.” Louis replied softly, afraid that if he spoke any louder his voice would crack. He looked up through his eyelashes at the older boy, shy and hesitant, noticing Harry’s frown.

“What’s up with you?” Harry questioned, pulling his sweater over his head and readjusting the shirt underneath.

“Nothings up.”

“Yes there is.” Harry insisted. “You’re being all shy and scared. You haven’t been like around me since you were telling me you were gay two years ago. What’s wrong?”  

Louis fiddled his fingers, twisting them together, till they were white and releasing them, just to twiddle his thumbs. He refused to look up, too scared and embarrassed –like really embarrassed- to tell Harry why he wanted him here.

Hands came over to cover his; long fingers stopping his white knuckled fingers and untangling them, waiting till the circulation was back before talking again.

“What’s got you so shy all of a sudden.”

“M’not being shy Harry.”

“Yes you are.” Harry mused, bringing a hand up to make Louis look at him. “I’m not leaving you alone till you tell me.”

Louis knew Harry would stay true to his word. He wouldn’t relent his questions till Louis gave in. Told Harry every little thing that was on his mind and buried deep. Harry usually persuaded Louis to tell him every little thing about himself and even more. Dragging truths out of Louis that the boy himself didn’t even know.

Louis fumbled for the right wording but really how do you properly say to your mate that you are agreeing to be friends with benefits. Exactly. You don’t. So Louis let out the first jumbled thing he could think of, looking straight at Harry probably looking terrified. “Yes.”

Harry’s brows furrowed immediately, he looked at Louis like he was crazy, wondering what the hell the younger was talking about. “Yes?” Pause “Yes what?”

“You know the thing you suggested on Friday.” Louis mumbled embarrassingly, looking down.

Louis only just glanced a look up, and when he did he saw it click for Harry. The older boy looked genuinely surprised, his eyes wide and mouth slightly open in shock.

He evidently noticed Louis had crawled back into his shell. Their hands still laced together but instead of Harry’s one hand holding Louis head, it was on the younger shoulder, having fallen away when Louis looked away.

“Lou,” Harry whispered lowering himself down till he could be somewhat eyelevel with Louis. The younger boy peeked at him slightly, afraid that he was being rejected, Harry having that gentle voice. “All you had to do was say so. You didn’t have to be all shy, I’m here and I offered that for a reason. Because we are close _and_ you can be yourself with me okay?” Harry reassured, Louis loosened up a little at that, looking up more and so Harry didn’t have to bed down as much. “Good, now enough of this shy bullshit.” Harry joked, laughing right after, soon followed by Louis.

“Alright, alright.” Louis sighed eventually when their slight chuckles subsided. “I was being a bit of a knob, but you got to understand Harry that I’m really shy when it comes to these things cause I’m inexperience and then now with you who is so experienced and will probably be so disappointed that you won’t be getting laid, at least with me, and-“

“Louis I already know all of this.”

“I know but it’s just that I want to be able to trust this that I can say whatever and do whatever with out being judged-“

“And you can.” Harry soothed. “That’s why you said yes to this whole thing. You can trust me because I know you only get experience from trying and nothing is embarrassing about sex or being with someone, you just have to talk and that’s why you have me. Because we can do all of that, trust and love. It may be a different kind but it still works. Alright?”

Louis nods in agreement; his gumbled feelings and mixed emotions summed up easily and eloquently into what Harry said simply. Louis knew he could trust him, talk to him all of those things. That’s why this was going to work, Louis reassured. It had to. “Alright.” Louis affirmed, relaxing the last bit into the bed and getting comfortable.

Louis lay on the bed, head flopping comfortably onto his pillow as sighed out. One less thing to worry about, well not entirely, but one less thing to confess. His nerves were completely gone now, stomach finally settled and brain no longer feeling woozy.

Louis waited for Harry to lay down beside him like they usually did, the two of them customarily ending up cuddled up to each other, but instead Harry turned and pulled Louis back up, slowly dragging his so Louis was sat right in front of the older boy. Louis breathed in deeply, bringing his hands down into his lap and looking at Harry intensely.

“This okay?” Harry muttered out, staring attentively at the younger boy.

All Louis could do was breath though. It seemed his expression didn’t change and neither did his voice, it having stopped working apparently. He looked cautiously at Harry, cause like- he was not expecting it to start _right now_. In fact that was the least thing he expected at all. Louis thought it would be a relaxed lets cuddle and leave this be for a bit, but that probably wasn’t going to happen.

Louis nodded though, regardless of his apprehension to the fact he didn’t know what was happening –or well he did- he just didn’t know where Harry was going with this, and really it was all the same thing in his mind. After his hazy, confused nod, Harry fully leaned himself into Louis.

Louis nearly fainted at his strength. Not seeing any sign of a struggle from Harry what so ever, only pure determination and concentration.

“Can I kiss you now?”

Louis could only nod again, cause it was all his dreams come true and it was his crush and literally his best fantasy-

Louis didn’t have time to form a reasonable thought before Harry’s lips were on his and it was _unbelievable_. Like literally Louis had to open his eyes several times to assure it was Harry and pinch himself to know it was real.

But it was. Harry’s lips were on his, controlling and dominant, just enough to rile Louis up and leave him wanting more. It was perfect, as perfect as a completely platonic, we are _not now friends with benefits_ , kind of kiss could be.

**

Harry stopped asking for permission after that first kiss.

It was whenever they were alone, mainly on their Friday’s. Harry would come over to his school, come into the private studying room and kiss Louis as hello. It had started as simple little pecks that extending into short but sweet kisses, within the time between that Sunday and the next Friday, Harry working Louis up to slight making out at his small flat on the first Friday.

Louis still had to accept the fact that yes, he was making out (okay not that heavily) with his best friend slash crush for three years. It was quite unbelievable since their whole set up.

It was now their second Friday and Harry had yet to pick Louis up. The younger boy was anxiously waiting in his seat, algebra and slope graphs long forgotten in their closed books beside Louis arm. Louis checked the time yet again, for what seemed the tenth time in over five minutes. He had almost resigned himself to walking home himself, even standing up to get his bag when the door opened quickly and a pair of arms circled around his waist.

Harry quickly tucked his face into Louis neck tickling the younger’s neck with his hair. Louis laughed loudly, trying to squirm away, to which Harry just held on tighter, the tickling quickly turning into teasing when Harry started placing light kisses onto his neck. Louis froze immediately, his laughter dying in his throat, cause like that was _way new._

“Sorry I was late, just held up at school, plus traffic and all.” Harry mumbled, taking his head away for just a moment, spinning Louis around so the younger was facing him, dipping down the slightest bit. “Why are you so like, frozen?” Harry chuckled, looking at Louis confused despite his laughter.

Automatically Louis hand flew up to his neck where Harry had been kissing moments earlier. Almost right away it clicked for Harry, and when it did, Louis looked down almost embarrassed. “You kissed my neck, and like bit it a little, s’just new is all.”

“Hey Lou look at me.” Harry cooed, running his hands up Louis’ sides to his arms and down to his hands. “Being with someone regardless of what type of relationship, you shouldn’t be embarrassed about the pleasure they give you or new things no matter how small okay. S’usually the small things that make all the difference especially in things like sex, ‘kay?”

Louis nodded understanding what Harry was saying but wondering if he would ever reach that point. He nearly gets past overwhelmed and whining when Harry kisses him the right way or drags his bottom lip between his teeth when they stop kissing just to go right back at it again. He didn’t know how those little things would ever prepare him for the greater pleasures. He was nearly whimpering with kisses, what the hell was he going to do if he had sex?

“I get that, its just hard to see where little neck kisses will help considering sex happens like down there and its up by my face. “

“Like I said Lou all the little things.” Harry moved in and for a moment Louis thought he was going to kiss him, but last minute Harry ducked down towards his neck. “You see Lou, neck kisses usually end up in lovebites, hickeys all the same thing.” Louis felt Harry sucking just a little bit and Louis nearly buckled at the knees just from the idea that Harry might _mark him_. Harry stayed in the same place for a while sucking lightly and even nipping just the slightest bit at the same spot. Louis almost fainting at the couple nips Harry gave to his neck.

“Or, I could use the slight neck kisses to brush down along your collarbones, leave some lovebites there and if you were shirtless I could bring my mouth down to your nipples and suck them, bite them, tease you.” Harry’s voice sounded husky, and Louis tried his hardest not to slouch or buckle but the thought and image of Harry looming over him, bare-chested and sweaty while using his mouth across his chest to bite and mark-

Louis was leaning against Harry more so than he probably should, just from a few words by the end of it.

“But you know semi-nakedness is for another conversation, at a later date.” With that Harry stepped back and went to the doorway, nearly leaving Louis to topple over in the process. “Wow- Shit.” Harry swore loudly, catching Louis and pulling him into his chest, and upon seeing Louis slightly dazed expression smirked. “I would ask if you are alright but you seem a little bit more than that.”

Louis nodded. “I’m fine, just like a lot –that was a lot.” Louis breathed in heavily laying his head against Harry’s chest, ignoring the movement of Harry’s chest in silent laughter. “Like I guess I just got images and, just yeah –wow. “ Louis whispered the last part and it seemed Harry couldn’t hold it in, laughing loudly at Louis’ last part.

“Hey stop-” Louis tried to sound stern but when he pulled away and saw Harry’s face beginning to pink with laughter, he couldn’t stop his own. “- Stop laughing you prick!” Their laughter continued and neither Harry nor Louis could stop. God damn this boy and his influence of those goddamn _feelings._

“We should get going Lou, we still got to order take out.” Harry mumbled after their laughter died down, leaning behind Louis to grab the younger’s stuff. He grabbed his and Louis bag, holding them by their handles in one hand while the other grabbed Louis books, nearly toppling over at the weight. “Jesus Lou, how many books do you got?”

Louis giggled, taking the binder from Harry’s arms and beginning to walk to the door, “Enough to make sure I pass with nothing but straight A’s. Now come on we got take away to get!”

Harry sighed and laughed lightly to himself, following shortly after.

*^*

They were sitting at the Chinese food take away place and there was a middle-aged women staring at his neck.

Louis was seriously uncomfortable even going as far as covering where he assumed she was staring. The women just looked from where his hand was to look him in the eyes, before her gaze darted over to Harry.

Louis chanced a look at Harry, the older had his head resting in one hand as he looked at Louis with a _beyond_ smug expression.

“What the hell’s got you so smug?” Louis hissed, turning away from the lady to face Harry straight on, hand still on his neck.

“Oh nothing.” Harry fake sighed, smiling wolfishly when Louis shot him a deep glare. “Why’s your hand on you neck?”

“I don’t know.” Louis mumbled, placing his glare at the table instead of Harry. “The lady won’t stop staring at my neck and I don’t know why.”

“Oh? Is that so?” Harry’s voice was complete faked innocence, Louis heard it right away and when the younger looked up, Harry looked far from clueless.

“What the hell do you know that I don’t?” Louis hissed.

“Nothing, I’d maybe try to find a reflective surface to see for yourself.”

Quickly and reflexively Louis grabbed one of the spoons that were on their table and held it up to his neck. He nearly toppled over at what he saw.

There, where his hand had been, where the lady had been _staring_ was a –hickey?

Louis gasped loudly and dropped the spoon to look at Harry directly. The older looked happy, letting out a few chuckles, while leaning back in his seat, one arm falling across the seat beside him.

Louis stood up quickly, making his way to the bathroom not forgetting to motion Harry to follow. He heard the scrape of a chair against the tiled flooring and merely assumed Harry was following.

When he got in the bathroom, Louis quickly went to the mirror to inspect the slightly purple bruise on his neck. Harry appearing behind him, looking pleased.

Louis turned quickly ready to bash Harry out when the older interrupted him, before he could even start. “Its not even that bad, I barely even nipped your neck, it’ll be gone in a few hours tops.” Harry laughed, bringing a pouting Louis into his chest. “You’ll be fine.”

Louis huffed but listened nonetheless, going to tug away from Harry, but the older had something different in mind. “C’mere.”

“What?” Louis shuffled back in closer; ignoring the faster beat in his heart, and looked at Harry eyebrows raised.

Harry pointed to his lips. “C’mere.” Louis shook his heard, dropping his gaze. He heard Harry sigh, but kept looking down, afraid to look up at the older. “Lou, if you ever expect to get somewhere you are going to have to do things by yourself sometimes. That means initiating-“

“You know what Harry I think our food may be ready.” Louis cut in, trying to dislodge himself from Harry’s hold. It really was no use, Harry had his hands on Louis’ hips and was ultimately stronger that Louis so the younger didn’t really stand a chance. But Louis still tried. “For gods sake- Harry let me go!”

Harry didn’t answer, just mumbling something under his breath before backing Louis up quickly to the door and pinning him there. He grabbed Louis’ jaw swiftly and sealed their lips together, effectively shutting off Louis protests.

The older quickly took over just like he usually did, but this time his body pressed against Louis while working their lips together. Usually it was just a few kisses while Harry’s hands were around Louis waist and his were around Harry’s neck or shoulders, nothing like this. Ever.

But Louis dealt with it the best way he could, which was shutting his eyes tight and holding back whimpers as he felt Harry’s chest press firmly to his and his tongue running along his bottom lip lightly, tracing it. Harry pulled him in even more, forcing him to go onto his toes, while Harry leaned in and down. Harry continued to trace Louis bottom lip, Louis eventually and very tentatively opening his lips, to which Harry made a noise of approval, his tongue delving into Louis mouth and exploring. Louis didn’t know what else to do, besides slowly wind his hands over Harry’s shoulder and follow Harry’s movements, they had only done this a handful of times so Louis was just a little overwhelmed.

( _Little was a major exaggeration_.)

Harry eventually pulled back, making sure to bring Louis bottom lip with his teeth just slightly hard enough so there would be tiny imprints there. Louis shivered and sighed when Harry pulled away, immediately, resting his head against the door and opening his eyes, only slightly seeing stars from how hard his eyes had been clenched.

“What I was trying to say Lou, was you are going to have to do things for yourself, that means being the first to start things, regardless of experience. You have to start trying things.” Harry sounded out a breath, his hand falling down from Louis’ jaw to his hips, massaging the bone there slightly. “I won’t always be the one to do things, you’re going to have to do it Lou, better to start with me, someone you already trust ‘kay?”

Louis nodded bringing a hand to his lip where the indents already were, feeling over the marks and suppressing a shiver.

“Sorry about that, tend to get a little needy or rough when I’m into things I guess.”

“S’fine. Just you do it all the time kinda used to it, just not like that.”

“I only do it cause I know you like it.” Harry laughed, thumbing over the bite marks when Louis hand dropped back to his side. “Yes I like marking but you like me being like that.”

Louis stared dumbstruck at the other boy. “How do you know?”

“You like get a quick intake of breath or you shiver just a little or a lot, depends..” Harry answered simply, “You tend to notice these things when you’ve been with several other people, just comes naturally to notice peoples likes and dislikes. Kinda have to if you’re trying to please them.”

Louis nodded a little dumbfounded. “Sorry that I like shiver or breathe weird or whatever when you do it, just subconscious I guess.”

“You don’t have to apologize for things you do when you are receiving pleasure.” Harry answered adding on when Louis went to protests. “No matter how small the pleasure is Lou.”

“Right.” Louis muttered blushing and looking down.

“Now before we go get our take away I’m going to ask again okay Lou?” Harry pointed to his lips once more. “C’mere.”

Louis still felt beyond hesitant, slowly bringing his hands to the back of Harry’s neck, and pulling the older down. Reaching up onto his toes to meet in the middle. He kisses lightly, letting their lips move together for a little bit before separating. He leaned in for one more kiss from Harry, the older happy to oblige before Louis pulled away and fell into Harry’s embrace. Bringing his hands down to Harry’s middle in the process while Harry leaned his cheek down against Louis’ head.

“Sorry I stopped, just-“

“A lot, I know Lou, that’s good that your trying, s’what this is all about.” Harry breathed, out pressing a quick kiss into Louis hair before backing away and grabbing Louis wrists. “We’ll work on it later, we got to get our food.”

Louis nodded dazed, following Harry out into the main room and sitting back at their table. This time Louis and Harry sat together, Harry in front of the younger boy, looking down at his phone.

Biting his lip and contemplating what Harry said, Louis leaned in, hesitant but keeping in mind what Harry said. He leaned in till his lips were just behind Harry’s ear stopping to take a deep breath before leaning in a placing a light kiss there, letting it linger. He pressed another peck bellow Harry’s ear and then one in front, both lingering.

“Thank you Haz.” Louis whispered, falling back to rest his burning face to Harry’s shoulder glad Harry hadn’t chosen to wear a tank in the warmer weather. Glad Harry wasn’t able to feel his rapidly beating heartbeat, or boiling face on his skin, cause really. _How in the hell did he just do that?_

Harry turned the slightest bit, pressing a slight kiss to Louis forehead before whispering to the younger boy. “You’re welcome Lou.” Pause. “And stop blushing, that was good, no need to be embarrassed.” A hand came to rest on Louis knee, squeezing before staying there, while both of them fell silent.

Louis felt near ready to beat the boy in front of him bloody cause he just didn’t _understand._ Didn’t get that it took all Louis nerve and then some to even lean in that close knowing he could potentially do something remotely intimate. It was the fact that he could do those things and Harry didn’t even know how big that was for Louis. That he could touch Harry and kiss him, maybe even more and Harry would never have a clue how much each touch or endearment meant to Louis. Harry didn’t know; and really that was all Louis’ fault.

So Louis turned his head even more into Harry’s shoulder, _knowing he should be beating himself bloody_ , while blinking away tears, waiting for take out.

**

The next two weeks passed with no new ‘lessons’ as Louis had begun to call them seeing as exams were literally staring Louis in the face and he refused to do anything with Harry besides flashcards and review packets. Harry would often greet him with a chaste kiss, one Louis had grown _very_ accustomed with, try to get Louis to do something new or slightly different before helping the younger with his review, only with a sigh of defeat when he grabbed Louis’ books.

That’s how they were now, Harry sat brooding and unexcited while holding color codes flash cards, legs straight out in front of him and back leaning against the head board. Louis sat opposite him focused expression on his face as Harry read out the definitions in a complete monotone voice.

They had just finished English literary references for the second time getting ready to go onto history questions when Harry threw down the review booklet and looked at Louis exasperatedly. “I swear to god Louis if you make me read out one more question or formula or whatever, I am going to loose it.”

“Harry you promised you’d help me!” Louis whined leaning in to grab the history book again, trying to force it into the unwilling boys hands. ”C’mon Harry just this last subject and then we can take a twenty minute break.” Louis tried pleading, shoving the book once more.

“Twenty minutes, really Lou? “ Harry shoved the book away not at all caring that it flopped out of Louis’ hand and off the bed. “That’s not enough.”

“Well than what is?”

“Let me give you another lesson Lou.” Harry smirked wickedly, watching as Louis expression changed.

“Really my marks are going to suffer cause you want to kiss?” Louis scoffed, leaning back onto his hands. “Its not even like you can get laid cause that won’t happen so what’s so important about some lame old kisses.”

Louis knew he was right, didn’t know how Harry was going to argue that point. Harry hadn’t talked about anyone he had met recently, and Louis hadn’t asked (not like he wanted to know) so Louis had a certain understanding that Harry might have a slight case of blue balls but really what was Harry going to do about that with Louis? Louis didn’t understand how some plain kisses from him were going to help, unless Harry was really desperate and imaginative. He almost chuckled out loud at the last part.

Harry creeped forward, kneeling in front of the younger boy so Louis had to tilt his head up to meet Harry’s mischievous gaze. “I said new lesson today. Change it up a little, it’s been three weeks Lou.”

Louis gulped a little at that. “What’s new?” He hoped Harry would ignore the way his voice raised a few octaves. He saw with the glimmer of Harry’s eyes that he noticed but luckily for him Harry did, the older just choosing to lean over Louis and pull him in by the neck till their lips were mere millimeters apart.

“Figured we could try some different things.” Harry answered nonchalantly

“I want to know Harry, I don’t like going in blind.” Louis stated back.

“Just follow me for the first little bit. That’s another thing, you won’t always know what’s coming, but I promise its nothing we haven’t done before.” Harry answered, looking towards Louis to make sure it was okay.

“Okay, just like warn me when we are going to do something different.”

The older nodded his and with that closed the distance. Louis followed Harry immediately, letting his mouth fall open and pliant while Harry’s tongue made its way into his mouth, massaging the two of them together. Harry continued to do that while pushing Louis back, forcing the younger boy to fall back more on his hands. Harry continued to apply pressure, kissing Louis so hard it seemed his lips were going to bruise, moving them against each other while Louis tentatively worked back against Harry. Quickly falling into a slow but comforting rhythm as Harry pressed his weight onto Louis, eventually making the younger lay flat out on the bed.

Louis pulled back suddenly, a trail of saliva still connecting their lips. “Is this what we’re doing?”

Harry huffed, not entirely pleased that the kiss had stopped, adjusting himself so that his weight was supported on his hands at Louis sides. “I figured with the new lesson Lou, we’d try a new more _intimate_ position for making out, maybe even get into heavier making out, probably should soon.”

“Oh okay.” Louis let Harry, fall between his legs, that parted just enough to fit Harry’s lanky body, albeit a bit flustered. He kissed Harry mindlessly when the older brought their lips together again. Feeling the texture and motions of Harry working his lips open and exploring his mouth, working their tongues together while bringing his hands to map across Louis ribcage on each side. Louis didn’t focus on the feeling of Harry, instead he reeled into what Harry had said just moments before.

‘ _probably should soon.’_

Yes Louis obviously knew this was true. Its how a relationship worked regardless of what kind, but Louis wanted to think of it as a loving relationship, not a business contract and with Harry’s words, that’s exactly what it felt like.  Louis always had the vague sort of imagination that things were different than they were, this situation being no exception, but with Harry’s reminder, it was a massive exception to the rules. He was imagining them being a couple, going through these stages just like every other couple did. But that wasn’t true not even close, and Louis felt like a huge blow had been given to his stomach. Almost making him feel winded and in desperate need of air and proper working lungs.

He pulled away, just barely short of gasping. Looking for any excuse not to be under Harry or even near the boy at the moment.

“Oh um, well-“ Louis tried fumbling his way out of Harry’s hold and off his bed. “I got to go to the washroom, just excuse me. “

Louis hurried out of the room, hearing Harry make a noise of protest and flop onto the bed, but he wasn’t concerned about that room anymore. He rushed into the bathroom, quickly slamming the door shut and locking it. He stumbled a little –well actually, _completely_ \- teary eyed towards the sink. Louis hands came to grip the basin, white knuckled and sniffling. A few drops caught in his eyelashes before falling into the sink and Louis had to smash his eyes together to stop anymore from coming out.

Louis scolded himself. Mentally berating himself for even agreeing to this, trying to fathom the reason he let his pesky stupid _feelings_ get in the way of his brain, of his common sense. God he is a straight A student he should know a smart idea from a dumb one. So why the hell did he agree to this arrangement. Harry was just going to end up going back to hook ups four times a week, if he had even stopped, and Louis was going to be broken. He’s at the point where he’s had enough of the pleasure to know its good, but also seen enough to know the pleasure is poison. Harry’s affections always end and never come around again, he was toxic and Louis knew this. Seen girls heart broken and boys devastated when Harry ignored them after hook ups. Why had he been so foolish to fall into the exact same place as all the other broken heart people.

“Lou,” Harry mumbled through the door, rasping his knuckles against the wood a few times. Louis chuckled just a tad bitterly, knowing Harry was already standing there, hands stuffed nervously in his pockets with a confused frown on his face as he stared at the floor. “I’m sorry that I pushed you, or whatever I did. We can go back to studying if it’s really that big of a deal.”

That only made Louis angrier. The boy was apologizing blindly. Had no absolute clue why Louis walked away, verging on tears and yelling. Louis wanted to do those things exactly. Open the door and show Harry, _make him understand,_ but that would ruin everything.

Gripping the sink even tighter, making the joints in his hand ache with overexertion and tension Louis leveled his voice as best as he could. “I’m fine Harry, I’m just not feeling well.” Louis paused, blinking away goddamn tears that left without permission and clearing his throat. “It might have been that cafeteria lunch I had today, sometimes the stuff can be hazardous for your health.” Louis tried to joke but even to him it sounded beyond strained, and he knew Harry would notice too.

“Lou.” Harry knocked again, this time harder and quicker. “I can tell I did something wrong and upset you. Whatever it is just let me in I’ll fix it.”

Louis did let out a slight sob at that, quickly biting his lip to quiet any others. There wasn’t a way for Harry to fix this, unless he could love Louis in a way other than ‘ _we’ve been platonic best friends for eight years’._

“I’ll be fine Harry, it’s just a stomach ache. I’ll get mum to pick something up before she comes home from work.” Louis sank onto the floor, holding his stomach, feeling sick, but not from cafeteria lunch. “You may as well just go Hazza, I’m not going to be out for a bit, and you could be out doing something better than taking care of a sick person.”

“But..” Harry tried to protest but Louis just cut him off.

“Harry just go!”

He heard Harry let out a resigned sigh before walking away. Louis sighed in relief slumping to the side and curling into a ball. Knees drawn up tightly to his chest as pesky tears leaked out the corners of his eyes. Though the tear tracks down and across his face only made him feel weaker and slightly dirty, Louis let them come out, knowing he needed to face his emotional side every once and a while. He smiled sadly at the fact he had to set aside certain times to deal with his emotions, always getting caught up in mental organization and knowledge that other health types got pushed further and further away till times like these. Times where he was pushed to the point of breakdown even by the simplest things.

Someone knocked on the door once more when Louis sniffled particularly loud. Louis assumed it was Harry, knowing it was too early for his mum to be home, knowing the girls were at their dads early for part of the summer. He heard the older place his forehead against the door, it making a resounding _thump_ in the otherwise quiet place.

“Feel better Lou.” Harry mumbled through the door, sounding guilty and defeated. “I’m sorry.” It was barely there, but Louis heard it, heart cracking a little at the fact Harry felt bad about it. Felt bad about things he didn’t even understand.

There was the soft thump of Harry’s steps down the hall before a pause followed by the front door closing. Louis remained laying on the floor, knowing the ‘ _Feel better’_ wasn’t for his stomach-ache.

**

The following morning Louis texted Harry.

**_I won’t be able to hang out today. Got study group. Sorry._ **

He didn’t sign it with any sort of affections or endearments like he usually would. Not adding in a Hazza or babe no x’s to the end, being cheeky like he usually was with Harry. It was simple and straight to the point. The only way Louis felt like acting towards Harry at the moment.

Harry didn’t respond through text though it showed he had read it. It was a few minutes later that a incoming call flashed across Louis screen, flashing with Harry’s name. Reluctantly and guiltily, Louis let it ring a couple times before pressing decline. And knowing Harry, the older boy would call and call till Louis picked up, so Louis shut off his phone. Watching with relief and sadness as he screen powered off to black.

Louis followed through with his usual daily routine. Study, though this time longer, considering that day before had been interrupted, before jumping into the shower and washing up like he usually did. Spending extra time on the relaxing feeling of hot water over his tense muscles. Trying to will his mind to think of anything but _Harry_ or _School,_ but it was no use.

With school ending soon, exams coming up next week and it becoming summer, Louis started to get that feeling again. It was something that only happened around times when school was ending. Sure there was excitement, but there was also a bit of fear.

After leaving his shower tired and exhausted, though it was more mentally than physically, Louis dried off sluggishly. Drying himself just enough to put on boxers without getting them wet, before he flopped onto his bed. He cursed loudly when wetness seeped into his pillow, having forgotten about his hair.

Eventually Louis just settled, knowing today was just going to one of those days. One of those days where he just couldn’t stand anything that was going on, and nothing would go his way. It would probably stay that way till he talked to Harry and worked things out just as payback. Louis almost reached over to call Harry, just to test his theory, but decided against it immediately.

Calling Harry was not an option; neither was seeing him until Louis sorted his shit out.

*^*

Louis fell asleep promptly after that. Enjoying the nap and momentary lapse of reality, escaping his embarrassment and feelings, and waking up feeling well rested. He got ready not long after, his mum knocking on his door and reminding him that he had that extra study group with Liam, Chuck and Adam. He threw on something casual, just joggers and a older pull over, slipping on a worn pair of toms before heading downstairs to the kitchen where he heard his mum.

“Hey mum.” Louis walked in placing a kiss on his mums cheek, before going to a cupboard, pulling out a couple granola bars from one and a to go mug from another.

“Hello dear,” Jay answered, putting the kettle on without question and pulling out the tea. “How was you nap?”

“It was fine.”

“You okay dear?”

“Yeah mum, just worried about exams.” Louis stated, going beside Jay and getting his mug ready, turning when he felt his mum’s persistent gaze. “What?’

“I know you dear. “ She smiled lightly, turning to get her own mug. “You aren’t upset about exams, but I bet it had something to do with the fact that Harry has called here multiple times and left a message to get you to call him.”

Louis froze, half way lifting the kettle to his glass, looking determinedly at the counter, refusing to meet his mother’s knowing gaze. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, me and Harry are just fine. I just caught him snogging some chick, so he thinks he should apologize. S’all.” Louis shrugged, the lie slipping out of his mouth easily, with a twinge of guilt to it.

“Alright, well just make sure to call him and work it out love.” Jay murmured, grabbing the kettle for herself and pouring in some water, mixing some sugar and milk in, smiling at Louis slight gag when she did. “Well I’m off to work boo, see you later.” With that she kissed the side of his head and was out the door, leaving Louis in the kitchen.

He frowned slightly, wondering how the hell he was going to get to the library when his mom already left. Usually he would just call Harry for a ride but that wasn’t an option and neither was taking the bus seeing as it was six thirty seven and the next bus didn’t come for another forty minutes, meaning he would be extremely late. Louis huffed, trudging up stairs to go get his phone to call Liam, saying he had to cancel, knowing there was no way he was getting there any time soon.

Louis sighed resisting the urge to answer all the texts that popped up as soon as his phone came back on. Instead he ignored all the notifications that came up with Harry’s name, and went into his phone instead, dialing Liam’s number before bringing it to his ear, waiting.

It picked up on the third ring, Liam answering happily. “Hey Lou! I’m almost at the library what’s up?”

“Um nothing actually, I’m not going to be there. Things came up and I can’t get a ride so I’ll just be staying home.”

“Oh.” There was a slight scratchy silence on the other line for a bit before Liam continued. “Sorry I was just getting off the bus. But why don’t you just call Harry. He’ll bring you over.”

“Yeah I kinda had a fight with him, well not necessarily a fight but there was this thing and I kinda left and made him leave and-“

“Okay hold up, you and Harry had a fight.” Liam asked incredulously.

“It wasn’t a fight, well not really.” Louis protested, shifting on his bed till he was sat against his head board, legs crossed.

“Okay so you and Harry had a slight disagreement. Over what though?”

Louis covered his face right away in embarrassment, even though Liam wasn’t there. “You are going to laugh at me, it’s so embarrassing.”

“I promise I won’t laugh okay and if I do you can kit me next time I see you okay?”

Louis really didn’t have any problems with that, knowing Liam only did this if he was absolutely serious, though he was still red faced and hesitant when he started explaining. “Okay so I was kinda arguing with Harry on why he has so many one night stands and stuff and then her turned it around on me and it basically turned into him proposing we do like a _friendswithbenefitssortofthing_.” Louis rushed out, hearing Liam’s intake of breath on the other line. “And before you give me a giant lecture on this I thought about it for a few days before I said yes, so since then we’ve kinda been kissing and he’s been showing me how to kiss and snog and stuff. And then the other day we were snogging and he decided we try this new position where I was on my back and he was over me, cause he said we should probably start working up to sex or something cause that was basically the end goal. And I panicked so I left and hid out in the bathroom and told him to go away and I’ve ignored him since.”

Louis finished with a great gasp of air at the end, having used all of it while explaining it in a rush. He heard Liam sigh at the end, a deep full on _what the hell am I dealing with_ sigh.

“So if I heard correctly, you decided to do this benefits things with Harry so he could teach you things and then panicked when he put things into perspective for you.”

“Well not really put into perspective per say, I’ve know that the entire time, just kinda been ignoring it because I want it to be a relationship but the way her phrased it made it sound like a business deal and just kinda hurt that that’s all he sees it as.” Louis muttered into the phone.

“God Lou, why do you do these things to yourself.” Pause. “You should have known not to do this.”

Louis paused. His brain stuttering and trying to make an accurate response to what Liam was wondering. He often wondered that himself but when you are in so deep with someone, you don’t realize things like you should. Louis shrugged even though Liam couldn’t see. “I just wanted to be able to have some sort of _claim_ I guess on him, even after all his one night stands and random fucks. It just made me want that even more, I want him to touch me and have some sort of relationship, doesn’t matter what kind.”

“Louis that’s not healthy. You should just tell him, or get over him, so you don’t get hurt.”

“I know its not healthy but I can’t get over him Li, the only way this is ever going to work is by this.”

“How do you know its not going to work? Is it going to take him taking your virginity and fucking you raw and then dumping you,” Liam wonders into the phone, leaving Louis with the image he never wanted to imagine. It’s a complete possibility, Louis knew this, but it wasn’t a reality he wanted to face. Refused to believe that Harry would do that to him, even if things would go that far. Louis squeezed his eyes shut tightly, whimpering a _no_ into the phone.

“See Lou, you shouldn’t have gotten yourself into this. You need to get out. We are going to go out to a party so you can start getting over Harry. Deal?”

It took a while but eventually Louis answered. “Sure.”

Louis could practically hear Liam beaming from the other line. “I promise by the end of this you won’t be in love with Harry Styles.”


	2. Two

It was the following Thursday and Louis had just finished his last exam what seemed mere hours ago. Having had history on Monday, math on Tuesday, chemistry on Wednesday and English just finishing today. The constant study and reviewing had been hard, but it had kept Louis occupied easily. His need for perfection always at the back of his mind, nearly forced his limbs to constantly be attached to a book or review cards. The constant weigh down of books and notes paid off when he flew through the exams in perfect timing, flawless grades sure to on his report card in a few days.

He was now getting ready in his room, fixing his hair nervously and fiddling with his clothes. Louis wasn’t entirely sure if his outfit was party appropriate or whether he was even going to be able to fit into the whole scene. These things were usually Harry or Liam’s thing, not his but regardless he was dressed in his tighter dark blue jeans that were usually only for special occasions and a band tee he was positive was Harry, knowing he would never buy the actual shirt, even if he did like their music.

Liam was set to come any minute, so Louis picked up what he needed, his wallet and phone, looking around his room for anything else he would want before grabbing his vans by the door. Louis walked down the hallway, stopping to lean against the wall every few steps to get his shoes one, his phone buzzing just as he reached the living room, both shoes on. When he peeked out the window he saw a car and assumed it was Liam, doubling checking his phone just in case.

Liam didn’t bother to actually meet him at the door, it wasn’t a date, just friends going to a party, so Louis met him at the road. The other boy was standing out of his car and smiling approvingly at Louis.

“Nice outfit Lou, some boys are going to really like it.” Liam said slipping back into the driver’s seat of his mum’s car as Louis blushed and opened the passenger door. Louis slipped in easily, buckling up and muttering out a thank you as Liam began to drive off to where the party was.

“Like seriously Lou, you could for sure get someone tonight. Start the process of getting over Harry. Maybe make out a little you know.” Liam encouraged, looking over from the road to glance at Louis. “I’m serious Lou, you’re doing the right thing coming along.”

Louis nodded, ignoring the twinge in his stomach telling him that he should go back home, call Harry fix everything while he still could. Maybe get Harry to come over, make out teach him something new instead of using what he’s learned to get someone else. To snog someone else at a random person’s party. “Yeah I guess. Just feels a bit weird, finally looking for someone other than Harry you know?”

Liam hummed in understanding. “I know Lou, three years is a long time, but you have to realize you can have anyone you want. Someone that will treat you good, better than Harry anyways.”

Louis fought back the urge to defend Harry. Tell Liam off for saying that, because Harry treated him just fine, as a friend. That its not Harry’s fault he blindly hurt Louis sometimes, considering Harry didn’t even have a clue that Louis liked him let alone felt close to being in love with him. He wanted so bad just to bail on this night already but he just kept quiet and focused on where they were going.

They ended up driving the rest of the way to the northern part of the city in silence. Louis watching in amazement when they began to get into the higher-class parts of the neighborhoods. They stopped in front of a very expensive looking house, even with all the partying teenagers and garbage across the lawn just basically everywhere.

“Kay so I’m going to be meeting up with some people and you can come with whatever you want, just please try to have Lou, dance with people do whatever just start trying to get over Harry. For everyone’s sake yeah?”

“Yes Liam, I’m not completely antisocial, I know how to converse with people, albeit they’re not usually drunk but I’m sure I can make due. “ Louis plastered on a smile, Liam soon doing the same before they both got out of the vehicle.

Liam walked up the walkway with nothing but confidence, Louis tried to do the same. He figured he just looked as foolish as the drunk people snogging in the yard.

*^*

Louis really hadn’t pictured his night going like this.

He had been partying just like everyone else, actually finding that he was enjoying himself. It had taken him a little while, his head and heart not really feeling into it, but eventually Liam got a drink into him. It wasn’t much, not by a long shot but it had felt nice and helped him relax. Not long after he found himself on the dance floor, second drink in hand, calm and loose, dancing when someone had come behind him.

Louis had turned around and saw that it was a guy behind him. His eyes were brown and his hair was a shaggy dirty blonde mess. He was close in stature to Louis only being a few inches taller, but he was muscles and broad. He smiled kindly as did Louis, the other man shouting his name for Louis, Louis doing the same to Seth before turning back around and decided _why the hell not_ and began to dance against Seth. Louis figures it was right about the time they he had turned around and they had introduced themselves, that Seth slipped him something.

Louis didn’t drink right after, dancing to a couple songs before he felt the boys cock begin to harden a little against his but. It was then that Seth had suggested Louis drink up all of his drink so they could head somewhere private and as the other boy had phrased it _‘have some fun.’_ Louis hadn’t questioned it, merely downing what was left of his drink and following the other boy.

Louis was nowhere close to having fun where he was now. The drug had obviously kicked in making Louis’ attempts to get Seth off of him useless. He was crammed into a dark corner, Seth’s mouth working furiously over his unresponsive one, hands beginning to wander.

“Ge’off me.” Louis mumbled trying hard and failing to remove Seth’s body from his own. The other boy just chuckled, moving his hands all over, feeling touching, _groping,_ any part of Louis’ body he could reach. Louis could vaguely feel shaggy strands dragging across his skin, following soda sticky lips. The only definite thing Louis could feel was his heart racing, beating with fear and anxiety. Knowing what could come next, and he wouldn’t be able to do anything.

“Now, now love, we don’t want that.” Seth tutted. Working his hands to the front of Louis body. His hands began working over Louis soft crotch, Seth moving his own hard one over Louis thigh, grinning at Louis wickedly. “Going to take care of you babe. Going to fuck you nice and good.”

Louis whimpered fearfully, trying to shove this _pervert_ off of him, but it was no use, his muscles were made idle and frozen with drugs. He whimpered and sobbed out even louder when Seth began to undo his pants while walking him to a door along the hall, earning him a loud smack on the face and a rough shove to a door.

“Listen hear you little fuck.” Seth hissed, pushing Louis against the door. “You aren’t going to make a sound, and if you do I swear to god you will regret it.” With that he opened the door, not caring for the fact that Louis faltered greatly with the loss of support.

“You’ve got to be kidding man.” Through his drug filled mind and loss of coherence Louis still knew that voice. His mind was filtering through things that it could be or _who_ it could be but he couldn’t realize. Seth swore colorfully, making to back up and shield Louis at the same time as the couple in the bed moved around. The man’s head was turned, still on top of the girl who had propped herself on her elbows. “We were just getting- _Lou?”_

And –okay this person knew who he was, Louis could process that much but he still couldn’t get who it was. He saw the man move off the bed and scrambled towards him, making Louis subconsciously move away in fear, falling back into a dresser and trying to find purchase on something to steady himself. When he didn’t, Louis promptly slumped against the furniture and sank down easily, head lolling with the movement. The figure looked hurt and confused but that quickly changed to anger when he saw Louis fall.

The familiar boy quickly moved his attention towards Seth. He towered over the other boy, a lot more dominantly than physically, backing the shaggy haired blonde against the doorframe.

“What the hell did you do to him?” The taller figure growled out, anchoring his hands into Seth’s shirt and pushing him hard against the wall, ignoring the wince that came from the blonde haired boy when the ridges dug uncomfortably into his back.

“Look man, its really none of your business-“

“None of my business? I am his best friend you fuck face, I have more right to be anywhere near him than you do.” And – _oh._ It was Harry.

Louis supposed it made sense, the girl, the bedroom, the party, it was all Harry’s scene but of all people to meet up on at this moment, it was Harry. _His Harry_.

Louis had the faint idea of moving, going to Harry and pulling him off this guy, being the brains in their friendship, but his brain was hardly working while his limbs were no better. All he could mutter out was a weak ‘ _stop._ ’

Harry turned his burning gaze away from Seth to look at Louis, shooting him a fierce look, while keeping his hands in the other boy’s shirt. “Not now Lou.” He turned around quickly and began barking out questions, seeming to grow closer and closer to his limit as each word was strung out. It was mere seconds of Harry firing accusations that felt like hours to Louis, who was sat weak on the floor with little availability to do anything.

Harry seemed to only grow more and more impatient with each eye roll and excuse Seth gave out, soon shoving him into the hallway; hard. “What the hell do you think you were going to do with him you cunt?” Harry growled not hesitating to get right back into Seth’s face. “We you going to be a fucking coward and sick fuck and take advantage of him?”

Seth rolled his eyes, pushing Harry away and standing up swiftly. He put his hands up mock defensive. “Look its not being cowardly when the little slut is out shaking his ass for everyone and willingly goes with someone.”

Harry burst at that. Drawing his arm back just as quickly as he snapped it forward. It hit Seth right in the mouth, right away causing a busted lip, where one of Harry’s rings made hard contact with the younger’s mouth. Harry pulled back again this time hitting Seth twice, once in the nose and cheek before kneeing him in the gut.

“Its not fucking willing if you have to drug them to even look at you.”

Harry swiftly pushed a hunched over and out of breath Seth to the ground kicking him in the ribs. Spitting out a firm question. “What’d you slip him?

Seth rolled uselessly on the floor refusing to answer Harry with small shakes of his head. Harry kicked him again this time twice, once on the side of his ribs and another to his back. “I’ll ask again, what’d you slip him.”

Seth appeared to be shaking his head no, in refusing to answer, but just as Harry brought his foot back once more, about to deliver another kick, Seth answered.

“Just some oxy.” Seth gasped, clutched at his stomach still on the ground. Harry nodded solemnly, shaking his head in disgust at the boy on the ground before turning back to the room.

Louis was sitting there, but so was the girl –Sally or Serena something like that. She was trying to keep his head propped, while also attempting to open Louis closed eyelids. He was shaking and his muscles weren’t working, the younger boy often moving to one side easily before the girl straightened him. Harry stared shocked and looked at the scene, not sure what to do.

The girl looked at him and motioned with her head for him to come over. “I could use a little help. I’m trying to check his pupils but he’s too fidgety.”

Harry rushed over kneeling beside the both of them and held Louis like she had been, head in one hand and supporting the rest of his upper body as best as he could with the other. “How do you know what to do.”

“I’m a nursing student plus my dad’s a doctor. He’s worked with patients like this before, told me the signs just incase I ever needed to know.”

Harry stuttered out an ‘okay’, staying quiet while she finally got Louis’ eye open and checked his pupils, pulling out her phone for a light source.

“He was definitely drugged, but it wasn’t enough to cause any other damage besides stop him for being mobile. It was strong enough to start to knock him out, but he should probably be awake just so he has a vague memory of getting home. Just as a precaution.”

Harry acknowledged her answer, knowing he had to get Louis home. He wasn’t going to let Louis rest in any of the beds here, knowing there would just be more sick people trying to get to him. Getting Louis back somewhere quiet and undisturbed was important. There was no other option. “Said it was oxy.”

“Well based on the symptoms that seems accurate, there might have been a roofie and oxy mixture but either way they have similar symptoms and all so either way just take him home, make sure he rests.”

Harry nodded, knowing he wasn’t going to do anything else but bring Louis to his. Make sure he was okay through the night and tomorrow morning. He stood up quickly and scanned the room. “Will you watch him while I get my stuff.”

“Course.”

He thanked her profusely before dashing to go slip in his boots and grab his leather jacket, brought out of his closest and dusted off for this special occasion, though clearly it had gone to waste, though Harry really didn’t mind, he would pass up the offer of a random fuck for Louis any day, Harry slipped both on carelessly, barely even properly redressed before he was moving to pick Louis up.

The younger boy stirred when he was lifted bridal style into Harry’s arms, feeling somewhat familiar arms around him, but not familiar enough to make him comfortable. He seized up immediately, limbs going as locked as they could while he tried to open his heavy eyes. The familiar voice came next though and it soothed him. “Ssh, s’okay Lou, it’s Harry, going to take you home now.”

And okay- it was Harry, no more creepy Seth, so Louis settled back in, relaxing his muscles back from weakness to jelly and letting his eyes rest easy, knowing Harry would get him somewhere safe. Anywhere safe.

And Harry did.

**

When Louis woke up the next morning he was in a room safely tucked in bed, but with no absolute memory. He also happened to be stripped down to his boxers with nothing but a duvet covering him and someone else’s jumper on top.

Louis panicked at that, thinking of all the possibilities. Seth having succeeded in getting him to a bedroom, someone else having done something, any thing he thought of lead up to one question. _Was I raped_?

Louis was completely unsure, and it seemed that you should be able to tell if your body has been violated, but all he remembers is dancing and sort of going to either a bedroom or a hallway before it all goes dark. He vaguely remembers being carried there, or maybe that was after, Louis couldn’t recall, all he knew was he was just as scared as he was last night.

His eyes darted around the room and when things began to come into view, it was all familiar, things he had seen a _million_ times before. There was that familiar desk and a few clothing articles that Louis swore he had seen someone close to him having and wearing. There was those few pictures and finally when Louis’ eyes landed on the last corner of the room, there was an _oh so_ familiar boy beside the bed. And then it clicked.

The older boy was propped up in his desk chair that had been moved over to the bed, closest to Louis side, sleeping. His feet were up on the bottom corner of the bed, where Louis feet didn’t touch and his clothing was rumpled and creased, obviously from the day or night before. He noticed that Harry had circles under his eyes and he frowned in his sleep. His face twitched and he mumbled under his breath with his expression continued to flutter with confusion of what he had to be dreaming about.

Hesitantly, not really knowing what their relationship was right now, Louis prodded Harry’s feet with his own. Fully stretching out, and then some to reach, but nudging Harry’s feet with his own nonetheless.

It didn’t take much before Harry was sitting up straight, feet coiling back to the floor while his tired eyes opened, alert. Harry settled his gaze on Louis instantly looking over the younger’s form. The younger boy was sitting up and had the blanket bundled up around his legs. He was toying with Harry’s jumper and looking shy.

Harry moved off the chair quickly, shuffling over to the side of the bed and sitting down gingerly. “Hey.”

“Hey.”

Silent beat. Silent beat.

“How are you feeling?”

“Clueless.” Louis muttered, looking down at his hands twisted in his lap. He winced at the scratchy feeling in his throat. It seemed raw and dry all at the same time. Like he had been sick for weeks, yet deprived of water to make the hurt any better. He massaged the expanse of his neck slowly, focusing his ministrations on his throat from the outside like it would help the dull throb on the inside.

Harry nodded, looking at the younger boy, all drawn in and shy, hand folded in close to his chest, as were his knees. The blankets having shuffled down as Louis’ knees coiled against his stomach. “I found you and I brought you back here, made sure you were okay. You were really fidgety and I thought you were having seizures, but you twitched less and less the more times you got sick. I’m assuming that you eventually coughed up what he gave you, and you were fine after. I brought you to bed and you just slept the rest of the time.”

Louis looked up at Harry a few tears already have slid down his cheeks, while more seemed to be collecting in his eyes. “You took me home and made sure I was okay?” The getting sick explained the sore throat, something that nagged at the back of Louis’ brain for the simple fact that it could have been something worse. Something he wouldn’t have wanted to experience yet sober, let alone drugged up and with a stranger.

“Yeah Lou, I know, or at least I read that some of the victims don’t like when someone they know help them through the things, some prefer hospitals and stuff but I wasn’t just going to leave you like that.”

Louis nodded quickly. “Of course I’m okay with it.” Pause. “I would have been in worse shape than getting sick a few times if you hadn’t helped –just, thanks Hazza.” Louis mumbled, refusing to look up and flinching the slightest bit when Harry placed a tentative hand on his ankle.

“I’m glad I found you Lou, so you don’t need to thank me.” Harry paused, looking at the even warier form of Louis that was only brought out on rare occasion, especially with him. Harry wondered why Louis always became coy and anxious sometimes when topics and talking came down to emotional or deeper meanings then the weather or jokes. Harry didn’t know what else to start off beside one of the pointers he found on the internet, choosing to go with something both serious and heartfelt. ”I guess I should ask if there is anything’s you want to know about, that I could tell you.”

Louis looked at Harry quickly, moving his eyes to the side for mere moments before looking back, not wanting to look anywhere but Harry’s trusting expression. There was that look there, that as comforting and familiar, something Louis needed after a night of hesitancy and debauched people. He needed that contentment, and Harry had that written all over him.

Louis shuffled unsure, wanting to move closer to the older boy, but almost fearing the contact. Knowing there was nothing but softness and kindness that would come from Harry, but having had enough hands on his body for a while. Louis was conflicted and he knew Harry could tell. The older boy himself was twitching to offer relief, but not knowing how. This was never like them; nothing was ever reluctant or tentative. They were constantly touching and feeling, always being in each others embrace somehow, but now, neither knew what to do.

“I guess what I need to know before we talk anymore, is did he get away with anything, like did you find him already touching me or what?” Louis breathed out, he was already shaky and scared not knowing what else to do beside look at Harry, and pray that the answer was _no._ That the sick bastard didn’t get any farther than crowding him up against a wall. That he truly hadn’t been as violated as he felt.

Harry wasn’t surprised at the first question settled his face to show what he hoped was something resembling supportive and open. “When I found you it was because the guy had begun to bring you into the room he went into with someone else. I was about to tell him to fuck off and find somewhere else, when I saw you literally hanging off him. You were so out of it, your hair was messy and your lips looked a little bruised and your pants were undone, just the button. He didn’t get any farther than probably grinding on you or something sick like that.” Harry paused, making sure they had eye contact. Speaking lowly when he finally did, Louis’ blue eyes glossy and expectant. “You weren’t raped Lou.”

Louis felt like he could sob in relief and in fact he did. His body crying out loud, though he quickly went to cover it with his hand. He shook his head firmly, shutting his eyes tightly and trying to get his shoulders to stop shaking, while Harry cooed at him, moving forward.

He let himself be wrapped in the familiar arms of Harry, though it was tense and quite one sided. Louis did nothing but fall into Harry’s embrace hand still over his mouth and eyes still squeezed shut. Harry rubbed his back easily, not hesitating to follow Louis’ every move, even when Louis hunched himself into a ball or when he just flat out laid out on the bed, turned away from Harry crying.

It dwindled out slowly, Louis’ cries softening and stopping in the comfort of Harry’s chest. Harry soothed him, continuing to cuddle him closer and rub his back. In the end they were laying together on the bed. Louis was still tense, trying his best to cuddle into Harry despite his mind and body telling him to go somewhere else, somewhere Harry wasn’t or really no one was. But he stayed. Harry’s arms bringing some discomfort but a lot of peace, even when Harry’s body was the only one molding into the embrace.

“I know you are upset Lou, and you probably don’t want me around or anything, but I will help you no matter what okay? I’m sorry I wasn’t there to take you to your first party like I should have but, I promise Lou, I’ll be there from now on no matter what.”

Louis settled into the embrace a little more, sighing and playing with his hands that had slowly began to sneak and settle against Harry’s chest. “Its not your fault. I went there with Liam because I was trying to find someone to be with instead of you. Really I was the one being stupid. I should have known better, especially with drinks.”

Harry frowned deeply, face settling almost into a pout. “Why were you trying to find someone instead of me? Do you mean like for our type of relationship?”

Louis hesitantly moved his head where it was resting. “Yes and no.” He said, hesitantly. Moving his fringe to shyly look up at Harry. “I was trying to find someone to make out with or fool around with because of what happened the other day.”

Harry’s mind went back to when he stood outside the bathroom door feeling a lot more helpless than a best friend should. He had supposed and automatically assumed it was something to do with what he did. He was positive he had pushed Louis too far, scared that he had tried too hard and that they should have just stuck to the review. Harry’s body slumped a little more, while his frown only seemed to deepen.“We need to talk about that too. What did happen the other day?”

The first thing that ran through Louis head was _shit._ He hadn’t thought that far ahead. He scrambled for any reason that seemed plausible and believable while his heart pounded and his head slammed with idiotic excuses. Louis nearly slapped himself right in front of Harry with what slipped out. “I was just scared that you thought you had to do this for me.”

_Good job Lou, might as well just tell him you love him._

Louis hurried to correct himself (lie). “I mean like just the way you phrased we should probably start moving quicker, just made me feel like you weren’t going to want to wait for me to be ready to get to sex or like all that stuff, cause I don’t even know what I like or want and than with all of that I got scared and I thought you just wanted to get this over and done with this cause you are already tired of me.” Louis finished with a staggered breath, having rushed everything out, rambling on and on because apparently he couldn’t shut himself up around Harry.

Harry shook his head quickly, muttering out a strong of _nononono._ He turned them as to have Louis on his back while he hovered, but seeing Louis flinch the slightest bit, Harry stayed on his side, facing Louis. “That wasn’t it at all Lou, I just figured that was what would be good for you, just all or nothing sort of thing. I guess I should have talked to you about what you would like and explained things, but I just didn’t really think of that.”

Louis flushed a little. “That’d be nice. I’d like to know things before I try them.” Louis said, speaking up a little at the end, trying not to shy away. “Like obviously with sexual things you learn by experience but there are things I don’t even know about that I’d like to. Simple things, I don’t want like whips and chains or anything but some research would help me Harry.”

Harry barked out some laughter, head falling onto Louis’ chest at his shy mention of excessive sexual toys. Louis cracked a small smile, glancing at the top of Harry’s head as his laughter stopped and he just stayed there for a few moments.

When Harry did move, he propped his head to look up at Louis and smiled. “Sounds fantastic. But for now, enough talk you are doing great but I think you just need some time to relax without any sexual talk.” Louis went to protest but Harry held up a finger. “I know you seem fine with me Lou, but I still need some time to settle with the idea of what could have happened, and I think you need just some time to be quiet or loud just whatever you need, nothing sexual involved. But we can start any day after today just give both of us some time okay?”

Louis nodded easily, smiling coyly at Harry. “Sounds really good actually, don’t know if I could handle anything super touchy and roaming right now actually so –thanks Hazza.”

Harry beamed at the nickname, Louis not usually using it anymore. Harry made a move to get off the bed, but Louis grabbed his shoulder’s slightly, partially pulling Harry over him. Harry froze in shock but relaxed when he heard Louis muffle into his shirt. “Can you just hug me for a second?”

Harry did, settling his arms under Louis’ back and hugging him close while sitting up. Louis ended up draped over his lap, both of them clinging together. Harry was the first to pull back, cradling Louis head, and pressing a firm kiss onto Louis forehead. He stayed there and so did Louis, neither wanting to move from the comfort or the embrace.

“I’m kinda surprised you didn’t kiss me.” Louis tried joking, sniffling a little.

Pulling away Harry looked into Louis eyes. “You weren’t the only one that was a little hesitant over what happened. Was constantly thinking about what would have happened if I hadn’t been there. And, I don’t want to push this part of our relationship. It can wait.” Harry dropped his hands down to the mattress, leaning back on them and looking at Louis.

Grabbing Harry’s head this time, Louis rubbed his thumbs over Harry’s cheekbones. “You have to stop thinking about that. I don’t want you thinking about me in that position and state okay? I don’t want you thinking of what could have gone worse. You got me out, that’s all that matters.” Louis expression was shadowed and distant, imaging what could have happened or remembering what did. Either way Harry didn’t like it.

Harry nodded, rocking on his hands nodding to Louis. He attempted to change the subject, hoping to replace Louis darkened expression with something lighter and a topic less daunting. “Hungry?”

Louis lightened immediately. “Starved.”

**

It was more than a few days that it took Louis to even mention them getting things back to normal let alone actually have a detailed conversation about it. In fact in was one day shy of being three weeks, well into summer already that Louis brought up the topic again.

Harry and Louis had been lounging in Louis backyard, Jay at work, while Harry had the day off his new summer job, both of them enjoying the time off school. They hadn’t been out long when Louis became twitchy and it was a twitch Louis had grown accustomed to when he was around Harry and wanted to talk about something serious. It was also a twitch Harry had grown accustomed to, and if he definitely noticed when not even fifteen minutes into laying and absently chatting, Louis became anxious, but he said nothing. Both knew Louis would burst at one point or another, the question usually coming out in a gush of breath and stuttered phrases.

“Iwanttokissyouagain.” It was probably not the smartest thing to say, considering Louis was trying to stray away from the whole love thing and get closer to the whole benefits thing, but he couldn’t stop his words, especially around Harry. He was also trying to show he was ready for this again, no longer nervous and really the jumbled mess of words wasn’t going to help.

Harry almost chuckled at how it took less than half an hour for Louis to combust. His words tumbling our quick and straight to the point. There really was never beating around the bush when it came to Louis talking with nerves. His voice constantly pushing out things twenty times faster than his brain could comprehend. Harry easily understood, having been through this once or twice, in the last few weeks let alone months. “Do you think you’re ready for that Lou?”

Harry didn’t take off his sunglasses or really even move from lounging, enjoying the warm sensation of sun on his skin, but that was disturbed when a shadow quickly passed in front of the warm rays.

It was inevitably Louis, and when Harry peered up at him, he had a deep-set frown and a cute little pout to his lips. “Its you, so I feel like I will be okay. I need something besides Seth’s memories right now, so just like -please Harry?”

Harry shook his head. “I don’t think you’re ready Lou, its only been three weeks. Just give it a couple more and then we can talk about it again ‘kay?” Harry was unconvinced that three weeks were actually enough even more doubtful that two more would be better, make things close to normal again, but all he could do was hope. There was no definite timeline of when Louis would be close to recovered and when he would be back to his old routine, but Harry just went by gut instinct and what he saw.

He still saw the way Louis would flinch at certain things, the brash and sometimes violent moves on television, the younger boy clamming up even worse when the scenes were intimate. Harry would go to comfort him, but hold back unsure that physical comfort would be right for Louis’, unsure what he could do to make the typical things they watched and even did, easier for the boy. Harry was beyond uncertain and hesitant when it came to Louis as of late and that was something that never happened. There had been the few hours after a fight occasionally but there was never an extended amount of time that Harry felt absolutely helpless of what to do to solve the problem.

It appeared though Louis was more than capable of making his own decisions, though based more on pride and stubbornness that to what he felt was right. It became even more clear when Louis sighed once and then a second time, clearly weighing his options.

Louis huffed a third time, annoyed and with a moments hesitation straddled Harry’s laid out form. He blushed maroon and shifted unsure, but stayed put and sure of himself astride Harry’s hips. Harry struggled to cope with the new position, Hands flying onto Louis thighs, than hips, looking at Louis exasperatedly.

“What the hell Lou, what do you think you are doing?” Harry said, trying to separate himself from the younger boy but to no avail, Louis tightening his legs across his lap.

“I want something to remember and think of other than _his_ wandering hands Harry. That’s all I think of when mum hugs me or someone brushes past me. Its him and you are the only other person that can get him out of my mind, off my body, so Harry –just kiss me.” Louis pleaded winding his arms around Harry’s neck. “Please.” He whispered, when Harry leaned their foreheads together. The older’s grip on his hips having gotten a lot harder over his hipbones.

“I don’t want you to get scared again.” Harry muttered, rolling their foreheads back and forth, as if shaking his head and closing his eyes, breathing deep.

“You won’t Harry, I just need you to help me get over this. I need something else, someone else to think of besides him.” Louis whispered, sounding just as desperate as Harry looked.

Harry looked at him briefly before leaning in and pressing their lips together chastely. Louis whimpered slightly, causing Harry to pull back in protest.

“Lou we can’t-“

The younger gripped the back of Harry’s neck while the other one dug into his shoulder, trying to pull him back in. “I just need to get back into –please.”

There it was again. Louis pleading for something that he shouldn’t have to beg for. Something he shouldn’t be whimpering for in fear but in pleasure. Harry nearly busted with anger for the fucking _asshole_ that did this to his Lou. Made Louis cling to him with the need to get that night off his mind instead of want to remember something good of their own. The pleasure or plain fun they were supposed to be having together was tainted and ruined by that idiot.

“I don’t want you nearly crying every time we just brush lips Lou. We –you need to be ready for this. Mentally, emotionally, physically, all of it. And by the way you’re clinging to me in fear right now isn’t being ready Lou.” Harry explained gently, bringing his hands to Louis’ and removing them from the tight hold.

Louis looked down at his hands defeated and embarrassed. He chanced a glance at Harry under his eyelashes, confused. “What was I doing wrong. I always cling to you like that if we make out.”

Harry smiled sadly at the younger boy. “But that only happens after we’ve been going at it for a while Lou. You started off scared and all over me, when you usually start off shy and all to yourself.”

“Oh.”

Brushing away Louis hair, just for something to do besides hold his wrists like an adult scolding their child. “You aren’t ready yet, but you will be and I promise you can come to me when you are.”

Harry gave him a simple peck on the corner of his mouth and then on the forehead and left it at that.

**

It was a few days later when Harry was at work and Louis had nothing else to do at home.

Harry had to get a job and actually work like any other broke uni student, and Louis had to find a way to occupy his time till Harry got off at nine. Louis had done everything he could think of to do before Harry would be coming over, and it was currently only three.

He had woken up at eight. Recently cursed with nightmares and cold sweats of Seth and the party. He had woken up scared and scattered. His brain fighting to comprehend that he wasn’t at the party anymore, that he had woken up. When he did he shook himself and dragged himself out of bed and to the shower. Striping out of his sweat soaked clothes and climbing into a colder shoulder and washing off the feeling of wandering hands and memories on his skin.

That had lasted all of half and hour before he began to feel too ice cold for his liking, a point he had become accustomed to in the past three weeks since the party. By the time he was dressed and comfortable he walked quietly to the living room and flicked on the television before settling into the old cushions. There had been a mini marathon that had entertained Louis for a matter of to hours, four episodes long of some old cartoon he remembers watching as a little kid. It was evidently dumb and obviously made for a person with no more brain capacity than a seven year old, but Louis left it. Not really in the mood to care. Body and mind just sinking into the couch and relaxing.

Louis ended up changing the channel not long after the mini marathon ended, winding up with musical channel on as he trudged into his kitchen to get some food. He pulled out cereal and milk, pouring it and eating in the same deterred and somber manner. It was a bit ridiculous considering he should be outside, it being summer break with plus twenty weather or warmer, but he couldn’t bring himself to. Not really in the mood to be outside in ultra warm rays and become sweaty and grouse, especially when he would just be going out alone, something he wasn’t entirely comfortable with doing as of late.

He ended up eating two bowls of corn flakes and half a bag of crisps before he resigned himself to cleaning a few things like his mum had asked before she left for work.

The kitchen was first. Louis cleaned an assortment of dishes and cutlery, drying them and putting them away robotically. He worked mechanically, wiping down the counters and sweeping the floors before moving upstairs to his bedroom, where he worked in an identical fashion. Making his bed and picking up the few clothes that were on his floor. He finished around quarter to three and laid down, picking up his phone, flicking through the abundance of texts he had from Liam and the few from Zayn and others at school.

Liam’s were the most hasty and desperate –as bad as that sounded. Louis had been short with Liam ever since the party, in fact there had been so little communication between the two since then, that Liam didn’t even know what happened.

Of course that had been Louis fault. He was slightly scared and really hesitant to entrust the knowledge that he almost got raped at his first party to anyone other than Harry, and that was only because the older boy was there to witness it himself. Louis knew the second he told Liam, the other boy would feel guilty and there would be a new person he would feel timid around, with them knowing the exact reason why. It was difficult because he felt he needed to talk to someone other than Harry, he always needed someone to talk to besides the oblivious fool he was in love with, and that was usually Liam. Every time he read a text from Liam, one laced with desperation and plea’s for Louis to actually talk, Louis almost did. Every single time.

It was getting harder every day, with suddenly loosing the comfort of kind and gently touches, feeling like he couldn’t relax around the people he should be able to be comfortable around. All the touches were being shadowed by rough and dirty ones. He could just stand the simple good night or morning hugs his mom gave him, her touch still warm and kind, familiar. There was still that hesitancy before he would fall into any embrace Jay gave, it took almost a moment or two, before Louis would remember that this wasn’t a dirty guy from a party but him own mum. Only then would it get easier everytime to not almost pull away from her arms. Though it was still difficult for Louis, he and Jay were close, and to even feel discomfort with her loving hands was constricting his lungs. Every day got harder and harder to breath, his mind having to catch up ten fold for what trust his heart was lacking. It was mentally exhausting, keeping all of it to himself.

So as Louis laid on his bed, he resigned himself to calling the boy.

It rang a mere two times on its way to a third when it was answered suddenly and there seemed to be fumbling. Louis listened, biting his nails, out of habit before a surprised and slightly shaky voice came on the line. “H-Hello? Lou?”

Louis had nearly forgotten how easily Liam was to talk to. His voice calm and totally relaxing, filled with _something_ that just made a person at ease. “Hey Li.” Louis answered quietly, bringing his hand down to toy with his shirt instead.

They both stayed silent for a while, just their breathing on the line along with their nerves. Eventually Liam broke the silence.

“So how’ve you been?” It was tentative and a safe first choice, and really it was a total Liam Payne move.

Louis smiled a little tightly even with the absence in the room. “I’ve been better.”

“Is that why you’re been ignoring and blowing me off for nearly three weeks? Because you’re poorly?” There was spite in the last few syllables but really Louis couldn’t blame him. He had ignored him and been short with him for a decent amount of time before calling him out of the blue.

“It’s a little –well actually it’s a lot more complicated than just me having some cough and needing medicine.”

Liam went silent again and almost painfully Louis waited.

“What happened than?”

Louis simply chose to start with ‘ _the party.’_ He explained to the dancing the suspected slip of something in his drink and being dragged off and cornered in a dark hallway, very numb and completely defenseless. He heard the occasional sniff of the other line from Liam and he himself had to stop himself from crying at certain points too.

He talked about the guy –not entirely trusting Liam with a name- and described what little he could remember on his own of being in the hallway before going to Harry’s explanation. He didn’t really remember that either but what he did, he made sure to include with Harry’s version of the story. He heard Liam heave a huge sigh of relief when timidly he said into the phone he wasn’t actually raped, but was merely claimed a person who was going to be.

“Holy Christ Lou.” Liam sucked in a deep breath, holding, before letting it go in shaky increments. “Just –like hold on- I’ll be there in ten minutes.”

Louis went to go protest but the line went dead immediately and he was left there on his bed, waiting.

Not even ten minutes later, probably a mere seven (Liam probably sped the entire way here and Louis made a mental note to give him hell for it later), there were rapid knocks on his front door, stopping before not even two seconds later they were there again.

Louis didn’t even make it all the way to the door before Liam grew impatient and threw open the door on his own. He took a moment to spot the smaller boy and when he did he quickly walked over and engulfed Louis in his arms.

Louis got a big face full of the addidas throw jacket Liam had on along with cotton t-shirt and the brief smell of cologne, there were firm and strong arms wrapping around his back that held him firmly in place. Liam was breathing hard and it seemed Louis was the one that had to be comforting the other boy.

Liam was a tad unstable, wobbly elbows and unsteady knees that surprisingly kept them both stable. Louis took a moment to adjust, body having a slower process of relaxing into an embrace than before while his face tried to find purchase of an area no so fabric land with no oxygen.

“Is it okay that I’m hugging you cause that’s really all I want to do right now.” Liam whispered where his face was squished not quite right but not quite wrong into Louis’ shoulder. His hands tense against Louis’ sides before pulling him in closer to the point of suffocation.

“It.. takes me a little bit to get used to someone completely draping themselves over me, but I suppose I will be fine.” Louis chuckled wetly, making fun of Liam but slowly and surely finding comfort in his arms that he didn’t want to let go of.

“I’m sorry, I know you probably don’t want anyone to be hugging you right now but I just feel like I might combust if I don’t right now Lou. “ Liam went to move away but Louis’ own hands across the wide length of Liam’s shoulder stopped him, keeping him where he was.

“Please stay. Nobody really hugs me unless I feel comfortable around them, and that’s only Harry but even now he’s stopped doing that, practically at all.”

He could almost picture the furrow of Liam’s eyebrows and confusion on his face. “Why not?”

“He was the only one that knew.” Louis sighed. “Stopped because he thought I needed time.”

“He’s right Lou, don’t want to be rushing into those things.”

Louis just shook his head. “Doesn’t mean a nice hug every once and a while from someone I trust is forbidden.”

Liam just hugged him tighter.

*^*

They had talked a while after, and Louis felt relieved in the sense that Harry didn’t have to be the only one that knew.

Of course there was always the option of telling people, but there was also the difficulty of finding the proper people to trust with that information and when and where to talk about it. Just like any other serious situation it took time to figure out who to entrust the details with, feelings and thoughts included.

And that’s exactly what Louis had done.

There wasn’t anyone home, Jay was taking extra shifts at work, so Louis and Liam just sat and talked. The entirety of their conversations didn’t just stick to the party; it was mix of everything and anything under the sun. They talked about a new girl Liam had met at said party and the fun he had had with Zayn. They had also talked more about Louis’ ‘relationship’ with Harry and what had and hadn’t been done.

Liam had started a in depth explanation that started off about Zayn that somehow ended up about Harry. It originally started with Zayn happening to be completely single and totally flexible either way. Louis had chosen to ignore the comment, though it appeared Liam wasn’t finished. He had continued with Zayn’s admittedly impressive academic records along with his interesting hobbies that didn’t revolve around sex. Liam was blatant about his opinion on the raven-haired boy compared to Louis curly-haired best friend slash friend with benefits. 

Liam had continued to make an entire speech about how Harry wasn’t good enough for him. He made plenty of comparisons that Louis offhandedly noted as similes and metaphors in his head, bad ones and definitely not worthy of being a new cliché but comparisons nonetheless. His brain constantly working in definitions and equations without him even noticing. Liam had rambled on and eventually Louis had the heart to cut the boy off, saving him the breath and the thought he knew Liam was putting in to forming the sentences perfectly.

He had merely managed to say that Harry was the one that found him.

Liam didn’t mentioned Harry again.

*^*

Liam left particularly late for dinner but early for sleep but that didn’t bother Louis. He stuck and waited for Harry, the older promising that he would come over after his shift, call if he couldn’t.

There wasn’t a call but Louis still fell asleep with his phone in hand anyway, just waiting. Always waiting for Harry.

**

Harry eventually did come.

Louis was woken up when his gangly limbs and clumsy footing landed him on top of the smaller boy, making said boy awake with grumbled nonsense and a scowl. The apart grumpiness vanished into hazy, sleepy smile when he caught sight of the ridiculous convenience store shirt Harry was wearing along with his hair tied back with a headscarf, his American flag one this time.

“What are you doing flopping onto me when I’m sleeping Harry?”

Harry smiled sheepishly, standing by the edge of the bed and getting rid of unnecessary articles of clothing. Boots coming off first, thumping to the floor, resonating when he chucked them away, while his belt buckle was next along with his pants and his bright orange work shirt landing lastly on the pile. Louis laid back and watched, admiring the slow process of Harry’s toned body being revealed. It wasn’t necessarily a first, Harry had stripped and snuggled with Louis before but that was before they had been friends with benefits and Louis knew he could touch.

His mind didn’t stop to think, but his body hurried to act. He crawled across the bed, in record time, not caring that blankets were tangling around his ankles or that he was only in a muscle shirt and boxers. He reached Harry and pulled him down for a kiss without a second thought. Harry made a sound of surprise, his whole body freezing before his hands settled on Louis hips. Louis’ flustered mind or the blush on his cheeks didn’t deter him, not even when Harry tried pulling away. He only whined into the kiss and wrapped an arm around the expanse of Harry’s shoulders, pulling him closer, while the other went into his hair. Finding purchase at the base and tiny wisps or curls.

Harry almost seemed to blatantly refusing, but as Louis lips worked against his slowly and determined, he responded back. Louis nearly jumped in triumph but choose to keep his lips against Harry ‘s instead. Harry took charge, though not without a bit of stubbornness from Louis first.  The smaller boy a little too smug to just let the kiss go when he was the one to start this again after what seemed like so long. The older wrapped his arms tightly around Louis’ waist, pulling him closer, just as Louis did, just enjoying the kiss.

Louis eventually melted into the touch. Happy and content to fold into Harry’s chest and slowly let him take control. Let himself be comforted while Harry’s mouth worked encouragingly and eagerly over his own, denying Louis just enough so that he still worked for some of it his own, not entirely letting Harry lead the kiss.

Harry broke away not long after he let his tongue tease the inside of Louis mouth, like he usually did. He broke off with a gasp and loosening his grip a little, flexing his fingers against Louis’ spine, while Louis immediately hid his face in Harry’s neck breathing hard.

“Hello Lou..” Harry whispered, bringing a hand to place over his head. Thumbing over the space between his hair and skin, trying to regulate his own breathing while Louis just held on tighter. “Mind telling me what that was all about?”

“I talked to Liam today.” Louis whispered clinging to Harry tighter as the older hummed in understanding. “And I feel –better, like a lot better.”

“That’s good Lou, glad you talked to him and sorted everything out.” Harry leaned back, moving away just enough for them to be looking at each other. “What does that have anything to do with things though Lou? At least with us.”

“Well I talked to him about how the whole thing started and what I remember and then I told him your side of the story I guess and then he just kinda hugged me and made me feel a lot better. It was later and he said that we –like you and me shouldn’t be doing any _benefits_ things, especially because of what happened at the party and then he also mentioned your history but I basically told him that none of that mattered.”

Harry heaved a sigh, loosening his hold while turning his head away. “Liam is right Lou, at least with the whole thing that has happened we can’t rush into things, its only been, not even a month. That’s not enough time.”

Louis hurried to assure him that it was, holding on to Harry’s body that was trying to retreat from the embrace. “It is though, Harry.” It was silent for a moment and Harry turned to look back at Louis. The younger boy cupping his cheeks when he finally did. “You were the one that brought me back to yours to take care of me, you make me feel safe Harry and I don’t need to be afraid of someone who makes me feel that way. I’ve been feeling so down on myself because I couldn’t talk about it to other people besides you, cause I ignored Liam and refuse to tell mum, so actually getting it off my chest today and being able to fully trust in a friend that I know I can go to has taken so much off my mind its unbelievable.” Louis sighed, shoulders slumping from where they were tensed up to his ears. “It’s made me feel more relieved and more like myself than I have since it happened. I just feel –lighter for a lack of better phrasing.”

“You know if it’s talking that will help you I’m here.” Harry questioned, turning his eyes down, almost like he was insecure that Louis didn’t either know that or trust in it.

Louis nodded once. “Course I do. It’s just been better to go to someone else. Start getting back to normal relationships instead of staying cooped up scared I’ll let something slip if I go out with people who I’m friends with but don’t know what happened. It’s easy with Liam, he’s a good rock, that I know won’t judge me for anything.” Louis answered, patting Harry’s shoulder as an after thought. “So are you, just so you know.”

Harry smiled a little before looking back up. “You sure.” Harry asked, there had been a change in his entire attitude. The way he stood wasn’t so ready to pull away, it was rather laid back and comfortable, while his grip tightened the slightest around Louis’ waist. Even his voice sounded different when he talked.

Louis nodded. “Positive.”

Harry kissed him without further notice, cupping Louis’ face with one hand while the other went between his shoulder blades. He kissed him hungrily but not too overpowering to scare him. Louis hummed into it happy. Glad Harry was _finally_ kissing him.

The older pulled away not longer after joining their lips and brought his mouth down to Louis adam’s apple. Kissing it before biting and sucking the tiniest bit. He trailed his lips all over the younger’s neck, Louis whimpered out quietly, hoping Harry didn’t hear for the sake of not being embarrassed even more.

It appeared Harry did.

His lips tugged into a smile stopping his work to smile into the crook of Louis neck before starting another love bite at Louis’ sharp collarbones.

“Missed you.” Louis whispered, tangling a hand through his hair and smiling on his own when Harry’s movements stuttered before going back to work. “Missed kissing you.” Louis blushed, but kept smiling regardless, just happy to have Harry like this again. For them to slowly getting back to the way things were. “Missed you just touching me without being so hesitant and scared I’m going to fold in on myself. Like when we’re like this.”

Harry pulled away, lips slightly swollen from Louis could tell with the poor lighting in his room. “Like when we’re what?”

Louis turned a little rosie on the cheeks, moving his eyes elsewhere from where Harry’s were trying to connect with his. Make his blue eyes to meet the dark jade that were without a doubt teasing. “Like just having you cuddle me or touch me just cause we can do that y’know. As embarrassing as that is.”

“What have I said about being embarrassed about things like this? Pleasure isn’t embarrassing it’s natural.” Harry scowled playfully while chiding him, like a mother scolding her child about something taught a thousand times before.

“I know, I know. I’m still a little innocent boy remember, give me a break here.” Louis’ eyes finally met Harry’s and there was that cheekiness that seemed constantly present in dark green irises. It shown and matched Louis’ own though the younger had a small almost mischievous smirk on his lips while Harry’s was just plain lively.

“Not a chance.” Harry laughed, pushing himself over onto the bed, forcing Louis to tumble backwards. Harry fell in between his legs, well more like thrashed but regardless he ended up between them, practically suffocating the younger boy.

When he righted himself, he found himself above Louis lips just enough to feel Louis’ breaths, while his arms were braced on each side of his head. Smirking and running a hand over Louis’ forehead, Harry pushed away what feathered hair had fallen into Louis face. “You still embarrassed?”

“A little.” Louis murmured.

“Too much for me to kiss you?”

Louis shook his head. “No.”

Harry laughed before kissing him again and again and again.

**

They eventually had to stop kissing though neither of them really wanted to. Harry had begun to yawn onto or into Louis mouth, which definitely made the decision of going to sleep final.

It hadn’t been that long that they snogged. Merely twenty minutes or half and hour of just lazy and content kissing, nothing more. Louis and Harry were both content to do just that, kiss without commitment and cuddle when they both became too exhausted.

They were curled against each other, Louis’ head resting on Harry’s chest, leg in between the older’s. One of Harry’s arms was across Louis’ back while the other was slung carefully on the younger’s hip.

“I’ve missed this.” Harry’s voice rumbled out into the silence of the room. Louis squirmed, almost asleep, looking to Harry, raising a questioning brow. “You said you missed kissing me, I meant to tell you I did too, missed being able to do the things you mentioned earlier. I liked being kiss you whenever, cuddling like this too, was just afraid of scaring you again so I didn’t. Glad I can now though..”

“You could have done whatever this entire time, but you were too stubborn.” Louis smirked, propping his chin on his hands watching Harry roll his eyes.

“I could have, but it wouldn’t have felt right for either of us to try sooner. I would have felt guilty because I knew you needed healing time, which you did and I don’t feel guilty so both of us win.” Harry smiled looking down at the younger boy. “You needed to do something about the whole incident not involving me and you did. You talked to Liam and that helped you a lot, at least I assume it did, because you initiated the kiss in the first place.” Harry raised an eyebrow, teasingly scratching a hand up Louis back.

It was Louis’ turn to roll his eyes, but he smiled nonetheless. “It did help. I fell lighter and like the _old_ me – as stupid as that sounds.” Louis couldn’t help the way his smile widened impeccably.

“It was good that you are starting things Lou. Means you’re comfortable with not only me but with the simple pleasure of kissing, and that you’re okay with doing it yourself. Means you are becoming more confident of yourself too.” Harry praised, making Louis writhe under his almost proud gaze. “Means you’ll be more than capable of taking charge of your own pleasure if you have to.”

Louis had a vague but scarily explicit idea of what that meant. A few images came to mind, ones with fingers and hands even one or two with mouth, that he was almost positive was Harry’s. He merely shook his head and stayed silent, figuring the nod of his head was enough to be thanks for the comment. He wasn’t entirely sure what his voice would sound like, almost positive it would be high and almost desperate with Harry imagining him taking care of his own pleasure. Something Harry probably had very explicit images and sounds, even real life memories for. Louis nearly shuddered at that.

Harry chuckled, evidently figuring Louis’ silence for some humiliation or the fact that he was somewhat turned on. Something Harry figured out early on when Louis would shiver or shake even stay silent from Harry’s implied words. He pulled Louis up so he could place delicate kisses across his face. He finally settled on Louis lips for a few pecks, before Louis pulled away and settled against his chest once again.

“Tomorrow I want to start looking into things, like you said we would. I want to make sure I know what I’m doing mentally but at the same time I want to know physically too.” Louis mumbled, moving around a few moments before settling into Harry’s side and the bed once more. “I think I’ll need to know what I’m getting into first, at least a little so.”

Harry resettled his hands by Louis’ waist sinking into the bedding as well. “A research day sounds perfect Lou.” Silence. “How about tomorrow. We can head over to my place and look into things. Sound good?”

Louis only nodded in response, already beginning to sleep.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that its taking me so long to update! I'm on a little mini hiatus I guess considering I can't find the time or energy to write. Everything just seems to be shitty lately so hopefully I'll be writing the next few days and be able to post other things! Anyway hope you liked this and will update it too hopefully in a couple weeks!! :)


	3. Three.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is a bit longer than my usual chapters. It's about 3-4k words more than the other ones I've written so far but this is where it gets good!! Hope you like reading it as much as I liked writing it!! <3

The minute they were in the door to Harry’s flat, Louis was making a beeline for couch. Harry made his way into the kitchen first, calling over his shoulder, as he set his keys down.

“Want anything Lou?”

“Just a coke if you have one.”

Harry nodded, grabbing a beer for himself and a coke for Louis. He walked into the living room to see Louis with his laptop open. His shoes had been kicked off carelessly, like they usually were, but he wasn’t pushed and sprawled on the couch like he usually was. Instead he was sitting in front of his laptop stock-still. When Louis spotted Harry coming over, he moved over the slightest and motioned his hands weirdly to his computer. When Harry looked over he saw there was a browser pulled up by it was waiting to be typed into. “I don’t know where to start.”

Harry nodded sitting down beside Louis. It took him a few seconds to get comfortable but when he did he turned to face the younger. “So there are a few things we could start with. We could start with like actual sex right away or we could talk about other types of sex and foreplay.” Harry motioned with his hands like there were two different categories to choose from between them. “It’s whatever you feel comfortable with first. And I’ll try to explain things as best as I can before we go to the Internet cause that can just get over whelming.”

Louis nodded. “That seems good. We should probably start with the stuff before actual sex.”

“Alright.” Harry agreed, thinking of where to start. “Well obviously foreplay is like what builds up to sex and that can include, hand jobs, blowjobs, rimming, fingering, though that’s iffy, because that could be the full thing, or preparing for the full thing alright?”

Louis nodded, body already warm and extremely flushed. His cheeks were beet red but he tried to keep eye contact as much as possible. 

“So do you like know what they mean or do you want me to explain?”

“Well I’m pretty sure hand jobs, blowjobs and fingering are self explanatory. Just not sure about the other one.” Louis’ hushed his voice when he said certain words, his mind berating him for it but it almost felt wrong to say them, weird even.

“Okay so rimming? If it were with a girl, it would be called eating out. You can still call it that, but with a guy there is a rim so that is what you typically call it. It’s another form of oral.”

Louis swallowed nervously, afraid that if he opened his mouth even just the slightest bit, a moan or a whimper would fall out. He could just picture what rimming would be like, what it would _feel_ like. With Harry between his legs, eating him out and rimming him till he fell apart. He let out a violent shutter and Harry easily noticed it. The older grinning wickedly.

“Interested Lou?”

“Y-yeah.”

Harry just laughed leaning in to kiss Louis. He captured the younger’s lips fast, quickly working them together, Harry didn’t even have to ask for Louis to part his lips, the younger doing so automatically. The older didn’t wait either, he quickly tongued into Louis’ mouth twisting and teasing.

Louis whined, pulling Harry into him to the point where Harry was on his knees, no longer sitting Indian style on the sofa. He towered over Louis, but the younger didn’t seem to care, just brought his hands up along Harry’s back and onto his shoulders, squeezing them to bring the older closer.

Harry pulled back with a gasp. “It’s a thing for me too. Looks like we’re off to a good start with kinks.”

When Louis didn’t completely follow, Harry just smiled kissing him easily, but breaking away by biting his lip. He looked at Louis for a moment, eyebrows raised before it clicked. “Oh, right.” He smiled back at Harry, pulling him back into a kiss. “We’ve got a great start then.”

**

Their research continued for a couple hours.

They had just finished ordering Thai food, both of them in the mood for something other than pizza, and they had just gotten into using the Internet. Louis had no clue all the types of sexual kinks there could be so that’s where they were. Or well really started, considering all the _breaks_ and such they had taken since they had gotten home. Louis’ mainly made bathroom trips to stop his blush or calm down himself down, seeing as talking anything sexual led to picturing Harry doing it and that did not end well for him. Harry took breaks to get water since he seemed to be doing most of the speaking, not that he minded. He had watched with humor as Louis constantly blushed and tried to hide it, maybe even teasing but that was all good fun.

Harry had delved into actually explaining things that could be involved with foreplay even though Louis continuously claimed that he knew what they all were. Louis nearly wanted to skin him alive for making his cheeks this red and hot, not stopping and looking like he thoroughly enjoyed the way Louis blushed. The younger punched Harry whenever he would laugh at the way Louis’ eyes would widen at the over dramatic details he would put in, just to rile the smaller boy up. In the middle of it, still a long way to go, they were both red, Louis’ partially from laughing but mostly embarrassment and Harry completely from laughter.

They were now just getting into actually describing foreplay and how that tied into oral and other types of sex and kinks. Harry was completely nonchalant, while Louis was an embarrassed mess.

“So like we said already, when you make out, that could be foreplay. That’s how it usually happens with teenagers that are just starting. They start making out boom they’re turned on and sex happens but when there are older people having sex, there are usually other sources of pleasure before you actually have sex.” Harry explained, grabbing the laptop and resting in on his knees. He pulled Louis in closer, hand falling on the inside of his thigh, pulling him closer, ignoring Louis’ startled yelp. “In our case where we are both guys, the other things could be oral or hand jobs something to do with your kink could happen too if it’s a major kink.”

“What do you mean if it was a major kink?”

“Well mayor kinks usually come in with BDSM and bondage. That’s Dom’s and sub’s, being tied up. All of those are things I haven’t entirely looked into enough to actually say that is a sexual kink for typical when I have sex. They also usually only happen in established relationships so there is already trust in order to do that. I typically tend not to go there with my partners, cause it’s never long term.”

Louis mind was floating with new vocabulary. They were things he had heard before obviously, there weren’t many sixteen year olds that didn’t, but now he had definitions and examples to put with those words. It was almost weird, starting to feel like he was in the crowd of people his own age. It was weird; he was his own type of person when it came to high school, taking his knowledge far beyond the normal AP levels, but with Harry’s help he was starting to feel more, _normal_.

“With your partners do you…” Louis trailed off, not entirely sure how to phrase the question. He was fairly certain he knew the answer, Harry had more of a personality to take care of people, he was also larger, strong…

Harry continued looking to the screen “Do I what?”

Louis felt his cheeks warm even more, “You know like do the um- like do they-“

Harry laughed heartily, looking sideways at Louis, understanding now. “You asking if my partners top or if I do?”

“By top you mean?” Louis trailed off, having an idea of what Harry meant.

“I mean I’m the one that puts it in.”

Louis snorted as Harry flicked through a Google search. “Eloquent.”

“Thanks.”

Louis tried biting his tongue. Almost trying to stop his words from coming. He wanted to ask if that would be the same for them if they ever got there. Louis hoped they got there, its what he had always hoped would happen since he matured enough and realized that’s what you imagined long term when you liked someone. It appeared though Louis really couldn’t stop his mouth. “Would you top me?”

As soon as the words slipped out of his mouth, his hand came over to slap across his mouth, the other following, as if placing them over his lips would allow him to take back those words.

Harry seemed to freeze momentarily, stopping where he was at the laptop and turning completely to Louis. He sighed when he saw Louis’ hands, pulling them away immediately and pulling Louis into his lap, chest to back. “I was kinda hoping to save that question for a little later Lou.”

Louis frowned, looking at the muted television in front of him. There was a random episode of friends on and he almost smiled at the images. “Why?”

“You haven’t had any experience yet Lou, so you don’t know your preferences yet. You haven’t even tried anything down there so you can’t exactly know yet Lou.”

“Excuse me!” Louis squawked, turning to look at Harry. “How do you know that I don’t know my preferences?”

Harry raised an eyebrow. “Have you ever fingered yourself? Even so much as went near there, to know whether or not you like something being there?”

Louis flushed a little. “Well no, not entirely but that doesn’t mean I don’t have ideas.”

“Ideas are different than the actual thing Lou.”

“Well, I liked the idea of you rimming me very much when we talked about it earlier! Louis lamented as soon as it came out of his mouth, knew for a fact his face was red. He could feel the heat blistering his cheeks and his entire face as he said so, as well as the need to take that comment back radiating off of him.

Harry became serious, placing the laptop of the table and turning straight over to Louis “So you’d be okay me laying between your legs with my mouth being between your ass cheeks. My tongue teasing your rim and working its way inside, all while you cling to the sheets or my shoulders in pleasure. You know that for a fact?”

Louis flushed even more to the point where his entire body seemed to be turning pink but he didn’t care. He knew he couldn’t answer, so he let out a whimper instead, cock almost starting to harden at the though, even just hearing Harry say it.

He heard the older curse before Harry dived in to kiss him, grabbing his cheeks furiously and pushing their lips together, hard. Louis keened, returning the kiss with just as much fever. Louis whined happily into his mouth and it was Harry that nearly passed out. Louis hadn’t been this responsive when they kissed, _ever._ It was just something that didn’t happen, though there wasn’t usually enough pleasure or stimulation to conduct the moans and whimpers Harry was picturing would come from him.

Harry pulled back, but not without Louis trying to keep him there.

“I have feeling this is going somewhere you aren’t ready for yet. So let’s just stop it as a really quick hot snog.”

Louis shook his head, still wanting to kiss the older boy. Trying to bring Harry back to his lips. But Harry refused.

“I’m going to go get you something to help things and then we can continue looking okay?”

Louis nodded and fell off of Harry’s lap, curling into the couch and laying his head down, as if he was tired. Harry rushed into his room and began digging through the night table to get a full bottle of lube. The one he found was slightly used, but he supposed it would do. He wanted Louis’ to start experimenting so things could start progressing more. Harry wanted Louis comfortable with doing stuff himself, before the younger started having someone else, especially his best friend doing that to him.

Harry plopped down by the younger, getting him to sit up basically side-to-side. “Got something for you.” Harry said, holding up the bottle and handing it to Louis.

Louis’ eyes widened and he suddenly got coy, shy again. “What?”

“I want you to be comfortable with pleasuring yourself before I start doing it, so go home and try this whenever and after that or after a few more times when you’ve experimented, we’ll delve further into things.”

Louis nodded in understanding. It was like right there he got why he chose Harry to help him do this. Harry was actually looking out for his own best interest, like a real man should, unlike others that probably would have pressured him. Louis was happy about it if not more withdrawn. “Alright, I guess.”

Louis nodded, taking the bottle in his hold and tightening it as he got up to move and put it in his bag. He had just put the bottle away, zipped up his back pack when Harry spoke. “I do top by the way.”

Louis straightened up immediately, turning around eyes wide. “Really?”

Harry nodded, a coy smile of his own. “I like being able to be in control of someone’s pleasure. There are very few things I am great at, sex happens to be one of them.” He sighed, rubbing a hand across his forehead. “Its easy for me to take control of it, I’m comfortable with it. That’s why I offered to teach you. It’s something that I find natural. I don’t have any qualms or embarrassment when it comes to talking about sex. I like being able to provide comfort to a person that isn’t entirely sure. I just figured it would be easier for you to learn from me, someone who likes sex but also handles it in the right way.”

Louis heart warmed a little at that. He walked over lightly, settling himself into Harry’s lap and cuddling in. It was something they normally did, cuddling in various positions, always finding comfort in each other. “Thank you Hazza. It means a lot.”

Just then the bell rang for takeout. Harry pushed Louis up easily, standing up after and making way to his wallet that was on the counter. Louis rushed to go get his, scooping up his entire backpack and making way to the door. Harry saw him, picking up his pace and grabbing his wallet a lot quicker, racing towards the door.

They both got there at the same time, Harry though ripped Louis bag from his hand holding it arms length behind him, stopping Louis from getting it with his other arm. “I want to help pay Harry!”

Harry just shook his head. “Not a chance. You are going to go back in the living room and write out your kinks from the list I pulled up, cause we have got a lot to cover before you go home tomorrow. So go sit and I’ll go get food.”

Louis couldn’t argue with that. They really were behind schedule. They were already supposed to be passed kinks and probably a whole lot of other stuff Harry hadn’t talked about yet. Blame the inner geek in Louis or the fact it was just impulse to do everything at the right times, Louis felt he had to go and fast track a way to get through explaining kinks just to get back on schedule. So stubbornly Louis walked back to the living room but not before demanding his bag. He did after all need that note-book.

**

An hour later and an entire list full of kinks for Louis, the younger felt a little overwhelmed.

The list had been separated into three categories. There was maybe’s, yes’s, and absolute no’s. The maybe list wasn’t entirely long, it got shortened each time Harry explained a kink that was on Louis’ sheet, to which it usually got moved to the yes or no category. They were now sitting on the couch, Louis Indian style while Harry had one leg tucked under the other, facing the smaller boy. They had their lists out, Harry’s much cleaner that Louis’ who’s had scribbled out words and half assed re drawn lines for the table he insisted on making. (Harry had rolled his eyes at that.)

“So we have kinks that clash majorly but yet we can still have sex and it turn out good?”

Harry chuckled at him. “Yes I tend to like exhibitionism more so because I like the risks of it where as you not so much. Exhibitionism isn’t a must for me though.” Harry explained, watching as Louis nodded along. “Where as you have a kink of stimulation, or so we think, to your rim. You could potentially like having stimulation there, and sometimes whatever you think you like sex wise is true, we’ll just wait to say for sure till you try on your own.”

“So if the time comes and say I know what I like, you would do that for me, to please me?”

Harry nodded, toying with his bottom lip as he began clearing Louis history and searches. “Yes, if the time comes, I would go down on you. Like you would probably either blow me or jack me off before we actually have sex.”

Louis nodded, looking down at his head as a warm blush spread across his skin for the millionth time tonight. It was getting easier as the night went on, he was slowly starting to sink into, what he used to think was a tad ‘vulgar and embarrassing’, conversations. He often caught himself glancing at his hands or Harry’s, knowing what they were fully capable of doing now, having heard in depth explanations on it and a prostate. He kept thinking of the bottle of lube in his bag, and he was almost itching to excuse himself and try it out in Harry’s bathroom, but he knew he never could. Not really. He would end up feeling too ashamed if he was caught, which was bound to happen in the small apartment.

“So, so far we have covered rimming, fingering, manhandling, slight dom sub relationships, slightly barely there bondage and blowjobs. Is there any other sexual _kink_ you want to go through before we move on?”

“We figured out mine with thorough explanations from that list, you’ve only given two or three examples with barely there explanation of yours.”

“Well that wasn’t a question.” Harry laughed, shaking out his hair before looking back at Louis. “You really want to know all that?”

“It’s only fair that it we are going to be doing sexual things, I know your sexual preferences and pleasures.”

“Alright fair point.” Pause, silent beat. “I like a few of the things you mentioned. I like eating someone out, I like how responsive they get when I do, which leads to my next thing which is noise. I honestly think the louder the better. I like marking, love giving lovebites and doing that thing I do to you when we kiss.”

Louis mind flashed to all the times Harry would bite his lips, easy or hard, always pulling away with a small smirk on his face. Louis knew he liked it, but wasn’t sure if it was for the way Harry looked predatory after or if it was the actual roughness in the bite. He assumed it was the former but he chose just to nod at an expectant Harry.

“I also happen to like fingering someone, that’s another way to get them to be responsive. Sometimes, depending on their personalities, they’ll beg for something more and that’s good too. Begging’s not something huge for me but I don’t mind it. I also like when my partner is smaller than me, even just the tiniest bit. Its definitely not something I have to have, but if I can with whoever, that’s who’ll I’ll go for, compared to someone who is larger than me. I still like providing pleasure to that person regardless but I find it easy if the person is less than me.”

Louis laughed at that. “Can only imagine what you’d do with you gangly self limbs when someone bigger than you was there. Seems like you’d end up more like a human knot than winding up having sex.”

Harry let out a small whine tackling Louis horizontally across the couch. “Are you happy now?”

“Yes. I’m a little worried not knowing if I can reach all those requirements but at least I got the small thing down eh?”

Harry didn’t laugh like Louis hoped and supposed he would. Instead his eyebrows knotted together and his lips pouted extremely. “Hey, It’s not about trying to meet all of that okay. Kinks aren’t requirements. It’s about being in the moment and letting things happen. Guaranteed those things will happen when you just let yourself feel and flow with it, so don’t worry. It’s not like a test you have to prepare for.”

Louis rolled his eyes, though he was secretly comforted. Knowing this wasn’t a memory game followed by a quick pop quiz. It was easier and harder all at the same time to believe what Harry said and just follow what his body told him. He desperately wanted to, god knows if he had followed what felt right inside him, he would be in a totally different position then he was now, literally and figuratively. But then there was that side of him, the perfectionist one that was convinced everything would have to be perfect. That he had to study and make sure he was more ready mentally than physically for this. He knew that theory was completely fucked, but he couldn’t help his school brain coming out in the realistic situations.

Naturally in his clouded and cluttered mind, Louis offered up a joke. “I would hope there would be no quizzes. I’m on summer hols!”

Harry’s body shook with laughter almost immediately. Bodyweight leaving Louis’ as he sat up and went back to where he was before.

“So we’re good?”

“Yeah Hazza, we’re good.”

Harry’s regular smile turned wicked. “Good cause we’ve got some sex positions to learn.”

Louis just groaned, his gut coiling in anticipation while his cheeks colored in furiously.

**

When Louis finally got home the next morning he felt a little over sexually educated.

Him and Harry had barely gotten into the sex positions seeing as Harry went through the pros and cons to each of the first five, before Louis grew tired and mostly just mentally exhausted. He had interrupted Harry while he was explaining a position he had forgotten the name of and seemed completely complicated. Harry had just dropped his hands that had flown up excitedly to work out his explanation and smiled before nodding. They had quickly gotten into bed after that, cuddling with Louis’ leg swung across Harry’s, both falling asleep easily.

He woke up feeling finally glad to know all of that, glad Harry was the one to tell him, but he felt a little overwhelmed. He had sort of imagined he would get to learn these things, sex positions, kinks, types of sex, when he was actually doing them. Sure he knew that you had to know the basics before you actually went and had sex, but he thought basics was knowing where to put what.

Turns out he was quite wrong, at least according to Harry.

He plopped down on his bed, mind and body tired, but his mind was buzzing. Constantly replaying and going over what he had learned last night. He remembered the snogging sessions, Harry and him ending up kissing more than what was probably necessary but Louis really didn’t mind. Encouraged it in fact.

He had just got comfortable in his bed, still feeling a little exhausted, when his mum was coming into his room, dressed in something other than scrubs holding a duffle in her hand. “Pack for a few days, we’re going on vacation!”

**

Louis sighed when he finally got into his room once again. It had been ten days later and he was finally back from the vacation with his mum.

Don’t get him wrong, spending time with his mum was great, just where their vacation was, wasn’t the best. It was boring with nothing too enthralling to do. Louis ended up basically sitting on a beach for ten days, tan skin getting even darker while his mum did the same, with less complaint. She was happy to finally have a period of time off from work that didn’t consist of one or two days before being called in on emergency, or being under staffed.

It had been good to get away but even better to come home. Louis was just anxious to see Harry, having texted that he was home as soon they pulled into the driveway. He was anxious to see his friend, even more anxious to be able to kiss him and do things with him. In fact that was all Louis had thought about when he was gone. He hadn’t even been home for twenty minutes and his mind was also short-circuiting to the bottle of lube that was in his backpack.

The lube he had at home, how he hadn’t had time to use it, even properly think about using it before he was leaving with his mum. He wanted to bring it with but _really_ with his luck that would have backfired when his mum would look through his bag or something like that. It was a plain and simple _not going to happen_.

His mind was curious and his body was practically pulsing with the want to go and get the damn bottle. Strip himself and slick his fingers (another thing Harry explained), and just tease himself maybe put one in. He didn’t know how far he was going to go, or going to make it, but he just wanted to try.

So he did.

Harry wasn’t going to be here for at least another hour. He said he got off work at four thirty and it was only ten after three. His mum had run out to the grocer to get food considering their fridge was barren, so Louis had nothing but time.

He quickly striped himself, pants nearly tripping him in his haste to get them off. He unzipped his bag shakily, digging around uselessly until he found what he was looking for. It wasn’t flavored or anything special. Just a plain bottle of clear lube, no that Louis really had a need or want for something fruit flavored going up his bum. It wasn’t a necessity, what was though was _how the hell was he supposed to do this?_

Harry had explained that usually hands and knees were good, even riding your fingers was okay, but Louis nearly buckled in shame of doing that. Felt all to exposed and new to this to be that adventurous. Instead he settled for the last option Harry suggested. Just simple, on your back.

It seemed the easiest, and less exposed than the others. He obviously knew all of the positions would feel too bare for his liking,  would prefer to almost feel closed in with a curtain, but he knew that that wasn’t an extent he was willing to take.

Rolling his eyes at his own stupid behavior, Louis settled on the bed, back against his sheets and lube by his hips. He slicked up his fingers just like Harry had explained and laid there, lube covered fingers and all, waiting for his body to stop being stupid. It was reluctant that Louis began parting his legs, bending his knees up and spreading them wide. He felt extremely exposed, blush tickling along his neck and sneaking down his chest. His hand followed down as his eyes squeezed shut, passing over his balls with a shiver before reaching tentatively to his hole.

It was a weird sensation, having something there, slick and wet, ready to penetrate. Louis shivered at the cold feeling, moving his two fingers around hesitantly, smearing lube as he went. He waited till there really was nowhere else to smear the lube around, the area already wet and slick, before he placed pressure against the rim.

He gasped at the feeling; it was odd, but not completely unwelcome. He did it again this time, pressing two against the rim, not breaching just thinking about it, teasing himself. He continued like that, getting used to the idea of actually putting something there, instead of just putting pressure against his rim. He finally decided to do it, a few minutes after

His head was a little foggy, just from the teasing, but almost instinctively Louis pulled his legs up higher, even wrapping an arm around one of his thighs before putting his middle finger to his rim. He traced around once before slowly moving in, apply pressure steadily while his breathing became harder and then – _oh._

The tip of his finger sunk in easily. Fitting into the tight hole with a gasp of surprise from Louis, because _he had the tip of his finger in his arse._ He was gay, it’s not like the idea was a foreign concept but the action –completely different. Louis stifled a slightly moan, just the slight amount he had in him was enough for him to plead for more. Knowing that he could push his finger in more and take more, get more pleasure out of it, was enough for Louis to do just that.

He pushed his middle finger until it was in to the second knuckle. He didn’t realize how loud he was being, he heard the few whimpers and mewls, but he didn’t realize they were him. He just continued to push his finger in, until it was in all the way, not able to be pushed in any farther.

Louis chanced a look down. He saw that his cock was red and curved against his stomach, but then there was his hand tucked up and under. He couldn’t see entirely but he could imagine, his finger tucked up nice in his hole that clenched greedily already. It was still a bit weird, made Louis feel a little off having something actually _up there_ but as he began moving his pointer, circling it and making figure eights (all Harry’s advice) he got used to it. Enough to pull it out and push back in experimentally.

Louis didn’t hesitate to do it over again. He squeezed his eyes shut and started working the finger into himself harder. Twisting it just the slightest when he thrusted it back inside. Each time he did it, it was harder and resulted in him whimpering harder. He bit his lip firmly, making teeth marks below his bottom lip, to try to suppress his sounds. It was difficult when he was enamored with something so pleasurable and so _new_ but he tried.

It was ultimately proven more difficult when Louis experimentally placed his second finger near his rim when the first pulled back. He tried nudging the second one in along the first, head turning into the pillow at the slight stretch. It was weird to be trying to fit in more, when at the start of this he wasn’t sure how it was going to turn out, but Louis really didn’t care. He just slowly worked both in. Starting with the tips, before working them in to the second knuckle, moaning and circling them to adjust. Louis finally pressed in all the way, two fingers now all the way in, resting comfortably and much to Louis happiness, snuggly against his butt.

Louis moaned, letting a few slip, before snagging his lip again, biting hard and working his fingers, _both_ _his_ _fingers_ , in. It was an easy pace at first before he starting thrusting them in faster. He worked them in, twisting them and curling them just to cause it felt right.

While his fingers were pushing hard and relentlessly into his hole, his cock had become so painfully hard it was starting to turn purple. The tip was shiny with precome, smearing against Louis stomach as he went about curling his fingers that much harder. Louis felt like he could come at any moment. There was that coiling in his stomach, and the constant push of his fingers only seemed to drive him closer and closer to the edge.

Louis brought a hand down to jerk himself off. Pulling aimlessly and rubbing over the head without noticing. His entire mind was on the fingers that were writhing inside of him, both hand working furiously to make he come.

Louis had two fingers shoving furiously into his arse, while his other hand worked heavily to push himself to the edge. He had unexpectedly brushed his prostate and without a chance to stop it, he was coming.

His back arched as he came, eyes shut and head thrown back. His butt pushed down onto his fingers, holding them there while he jacked himself of quickly, fucking the ring his fingers had made to get himself through it. He had spurted onto his chest and stomach, three ropes falling onto his tan skin.

When Louis finally came down from his orgasm, his legs flopped back onto the mattress, completely worn out, while his back rested against the bed and his eyes opened again. He looked over and spotted Harry standing by the door. His chest jumped at the surprise, his best friend slash with benefits had just seen him finger himself for the first time without him even noticing it. He had the mind to know he should be embarrassed but he was entirely too blissed out to care.

“God, if that’s what fingering is like, I can’t wait to actually bottom.” He was breathless looking Harry over who stood there amazed. “What?”

Harry just shook his head, hands coming up to brush away his hair while making his way to the bed. Louis didn’t really have time to find something to cover himself with before Harry was placing himself, more like dropping, into the space between Louis’ legs and leaning over him on his elbows, catching him mouth in a kiss.

Louis squeaked in surprise, hands about to go to Harry’s shoulder before he remembered the tacky liquid still on his one hand and come on the other. He began trying to move his lips away from Harry’s, trying to get him to stop. “Harry-“ Louis tried, breaking away a little bit just for Harry to capture his lips again. “No, Harry. I’m all sticky and lube covered, plus I’m well, -naked.”

Harry starting kissing up from Louis’ collarbone to his jaw, placing sloppy kisses and half-assed nips along the expanse of skin he was presented. He came to Louis’ lips and hovered, breathing heavily while looking Louis in the eye. “Don’t care.” He kissed Louis again. This time leaning back slightly on his knees while taking both Louis’ hands in his own and placing them on his shoulders. “I do not care, just respond to me.”

“But you’ll get dirty!”

“We can wash later.”

Louis nodded hesitantly and that was all it took for Harry to start kissing him again. Working their lips together, hard. Louis moaned out, just small, into the kiss while Harry’s hands went to Louis’ hips, squeezing them. In response Louis’ squeezed Harry’s shoulder, dragging his fingers up till they reached the older boy’s hair. He pulled, not that hard but enough to get Harry to groan out as well.

Louis smirked a little at that, well actually he smirked a lot, enough to break up their kiss, causing teeth to clack and Harry to pull away. The older boy only went on to Louis’ neck though, this time the other side. He bit with intent this time, not like the sloppy ones he had started with, these ones were real, and it was then Louis realized what Harry was giving him. _Lovebites._

Louis moaned out high at that, holding Harry’s head down at his neck, feeling the older smirk. “What’s so funny.” Louis gasped out, not able to keep his voice steady as Harry started on a new spot.

“I could ask you the same thing.” Harry fired back, pulling away from Louis neck to loom over him, a challenging expression, though there was a small smile on his face.

“I made you moan, kinda felt proud that I pleased you or did something to you for you to do that.”

Harry chuckled at him, leaning back down so he was hunched over to kiss Louis. “You’ve done a lot more than just make me moan from pulling my hair Lou.”

Louis’ mind clouded with confusion. “What?”

Harry shoved his hips into Louis thigh with out further explanation and it took Louis a few seconds to register why the older boy actually did it. A small gasp escaped his lips when he did a little ­whispered _–oh._

Harry laughed softly. “Yeah, oh.”

Harry was completely hard in his jeans.

Louis was a little at a fault at what to do, mind trying to recall what he had been taught, how to do a hand job, any sort of thing to relieve Harry.

“I can leave and go take care of this myself or we can start testing what you learned.” Harry prompted, making Louis’ gaze snap from the ceiling to the darkened green of Harry’s eyes. “Its totally up to you Lou, but I just figured its better to start off in the moment, not like a predetermined thing you know?”

Louis nodded cause he did know. It was something that he felt would lead to an awkward situation. Sure not many things with Harry were awkward, the older boy was nonchalant about most things and when he wasn’t it was usually for a good whole-hearted reason. It wouldn’t have surprised him if Harry would have agreed to something set up and make it seem like it wasn’t, but right now, right this second, it felt twenty times more natural than anything else. It felt better than when Harry asked to hug him, or kiss him, it was better in the moment.

He slowly nodded his head, pulling Harry down for a small kiss. “You’re going to have to help me through it.”

Harry hummed, rubbing a hand along Louis’ ribcage. “Course, s’what I’m here for.”

With that he ducked down again, kissing Louis, trying to get rid of the slight shakes Louis had gotten. “You know Lou, we can wait until you are ready to do this stuff.”

Louis shook his head. “I’m ready for this, its just nerves, of not knowing what to do rather than fear. I like how it is trust me.”

Harry smiled at him, taking a few steadying breaths that matched Louis’, before he spoke again. “I know for a fact this you’re going to be great Lou, no need to worry, just don’t think as much a you act okay?”

Louis just leaned in to kiss him in response. Harry smiled a little into the kiss, not enough to make their teeth hit but enough for Louis’ to notice. Louis smiled a bit on his own before Harry was pulling him in for an insistent kiss.

It only sped up from there.

Harry was soon rutting against Louis’ thigh and Louis was nibbling Harry’s collarbones while the older tried to keep his weight above the tiny boy and not on him. “What should I do?” Louis mumbled against Harry’s chest, scraping his hands down the older’s back and bringing them around to his stomach, stopping at the belt of his jeans.

Harry faltered a moment, bowing his head and taking a breath. He swooped in, dislodging Louis from where he was and kissing him senseless. Louis fell back against the pillows from where he had raised himself to reach Harry’s chest. The older followed, dropping down onto his elbows, tongue teasing the roof of Louis’ mouth before biting his bottom lip and pulling away, like usual, though Louis still whined when he did.

“You can um –you can like put your hand down against me, just so I can rut against it for now.” Harry breathed, head falling into Louis shoulder as he watched Louis do as was suggested.

Louis small hand looked even smaller trailing down Harry’s body. He stopped when he reached Harry’s belt, unsure of whether or not he should undo it, he quickly decided against it when Harry jolted his hips forward. He tentatively placed his palm over Harry’s tented jeans, not sure where to go from there.

“Now just like –put pressure or like squeeze it or press your palm against it, you could like move your hand around too, s’whatever works.” Harry breathed out.

Both of them watched as Louis began to push his palm down. Harry didn’t look long after that, eyes pinching shut when Louis gripped Harry’s dick cautiously through the tight material of his jeans. The older boy grunted, loudly, body jumping as he urged Louis to continue.

Louis did, moving his fingers around and grasping just beneath, just the slightest bit while pressing the heel of his palm down. Harry groaned lowly at that, nipping at Louis shoulder. Louis teased him relentlessly with just his hand over his jeans, Harry grunted each time he did something but Louis got the feeling it wasn’t enough.

It obviously wouldn’t be, at least in Louis’ mind, because Harry was someone experienced. He was used to skin on skin contact hell, ninety-nine percent of the time he was inside his partners. Louis knew that wasn’t an option, didn’t really want it to be. He just wanted to give Harry something _more._

So he began unbuckling Harry’s belt.

The older wheezed in surprise at first, trying to reel back, but Louis just grabbed him by the belt buckle, holding him there. “You said to do whatever felt right, to stop thinking and start acting.” Harry let out a low gravely _yes_. “That’s what I’m doing Haz, I’m doing what feels right, for both of us.”

Harry let out a low moan, nodding his head while going back to his position. They both watched, Harry with more hooded eyes than Louis, as the younger undid the leather belt, pulling it through the loops and letting it slip to the floor. Next Louis anxiously undid Harry’s pants, slipping up a few times with the button, before he got it. The zipper gave way immediately and the head of Harry’s dick, popped up.

“God Lou, just give me a sec.” 

Harry sat up immediately, stumbling off the bed and shoving off his clothing. Louis waited anxiously, moving a hand down to stroke his half hard dick albeit a little shyly due to Harry being in the room. Apparently that was just something he was going to have to get used to. Harry seeing him, really anyone seeing him like this, naked and exposed, his obvious arousal shown.

It didn’t take long for Harry to strip though, the older boy making his way back to where he was this time, completely exposed just like Louis. “This okay.” Harry murmured, kissing the side of Louis head and his forehead before finally his lips.

“Yeah.” Louis trailed off, about to stop himself from continuing, but changing that when Harry gave him a look, that clearly said ‘ _tell me’._ “S’just weird how I’m naked and like completely bare in front of you, just a little embarrassing cause I’m not all that special or anything.”

Harry shook his head, placing lazy kisses across Louis’ face. “I’m not judging honest, but really you don’t have anything to be embarrassed about, so what you’re hard Lou, I am too, in fact you were about to jack me off so really, body appearance is nothing to worry about.”

Louis nodded, comforted knowing that Harry wasn’t a person to hate what they saw at one of the most exposed positions a person could be in. It was nice to know that Harry stuck to the pleasure of sex, not the appearance of it.

Again Louis trailed his hand down Harry’s chest, but this time instead of meeting cotton and jean clothing, he was met with a wet head and a very _real_ dick brushing his fingers.

“ _Oh.”_

“Just wrap your hand like I explained Lou.” Harry gritted out, trying to keep his hips still, for both of their sakes.

Louis didn’t say anything, just did what Harry said. He wrapped his fingers timidly, stroking up to the head to rub his palm across the head, gathering the precome already there before stroking down. Harry started fumbling around for something, and only when he came back with the bottle of lube did Louis understand.

Nodding at the older, Louis took the bottle, squirting some into his palm before rubbing the two of his hands together, warming it the slightest, He brought his hands back this time using both to lube up Harry’s cock, before just resting one on Harry’s thigh while the other one worked. “God you’re like actually pretty big.” Louis whispered. “I always thought guys like you exaggerated but apparently not.”

Harry laughed in his stupor, chancing a glance down at Louis, it was resting again his stomach, not completely hard but nearly there. “You’re not to bad either.”

“I’m small compared to you.”

“You’ve still got growing to do.”

Louis scoffed at that but the banter was cut short when Harry groaned as Louis began working his hand over the head again, teasing the slit, before sliding down to the base. He did that three or four times, always teasing the head before twisting down, but on the fifth one or so, Louis squeezed at the base, and stayed there. He eased up on the pressure, but twisted his hand, sliding his hand up a little before going back to the base. Harry groaned and grunted heavily at that, no longer to stop his hips that jolted through the ring of Louis’ fingers right after.

“I don’t really know what I’m doing, its just what I usually do to myself.” Louis whispered, bringing his hand up to tease the tip again.

“Trust me Lou, its more than okay.” Harry moaned back. His hand started making way to Louis’ own neglected cock, but he wasn’t too sure if he was allowed, hand stopped midway. “Lou, do you want..?” The older trailed off weirdly, semi frozen hand in the air.

Louis nodded jerkily. “You honestly asking if I want you to jerk me off.” Louis questioned. “I’ve already got my hand on yours Hazza.”

And that was all it took for Harry to start jerking Louis.

They fell into a rhythm almost instantaneously, Louis jacking Harry off in a fast pace while Harry did the same with Louis. They were each following what was normal for them, though Harry used a few tricks he had up his sleeve from being with others. He played a little with Louis’ balls, rolling them and fondling them much to Louis’ surprised.

“Oh god.” Louis moaned, stopping his ministrations for just a moment before going back to working Harry though this time, faster.

“I don’t think I’m going to last Harry.”

“Me either Lou.”

It was silent after that, both of them breathing heavily as they continued. Harry teased Louis a lot more than the younger did to him, but Louis was more than okay with it. More than okay with the extra time Harry spent teasing his slit or playing with his balls. He was more than happy to tease Harry as best as he could, just hoping, and knowing, that they were both going to come soon.

Evidently Louis came first, adding to the mess already on his chest and he shot up on his abdomen and onto Harry’s hand. His head tilted back and eyes shut tight. He was completely frozen as his orgasm washed over him. Harry had watched him in fascination. He had seen Louis come earlier, but to be on top of him, while the younger boys come went over his hand, it was completely different.

Harry had removed his hand from Louis’ dick, instead putting it on his. He began moving his hand fast, chasing his release. His breathing started to come in pants, heavy and deep, as he finally looked up at Louis. The boy was laying there completely pliant and soft and that’s all it took. Harry was shooting after that, his own come covering his hand while some got on his stomach and even landed on Louis’. 

He fell promptly to the side. Letting out along stuttered breath and looking over at Louis. Louis glanced back smiling content and pleased, though slightly confused. A thought popped into Louis head and he was sitting up on his elbow, hitting Harry’s chest with his other hand. “You texted me and said you wouldn’t be off work till four thirty!”

Harry laughed loudly, Louis hit him again trying to get him to stop. The older just grabbed his hand before explaining. “That was a typo, I sent another text after that one to say three thirty. But I did manage to get off a few minutes early. You didn’t see the text I’m assuming.”

Louis shook his head, falling back into place along side Harry. “No I didn’t.”

“I don’t really mind if I’m honest, worked out great if I do say so myself.”

Louis merely hit Harry again, not as hard, just a small retaliation. “Suppose.” Pause. “That was pretty fantastic.” He sighed out smiling at Harry and rolling over to his side and snuggling in. He didn’t care how his chest was sticky or that Harry’s hand that rested on his hip was sticky. He was just, happy.

“Well yes, it was a very eventful day for you.” Harry murmured, pressing his cheek against Louis’ hair. “Had fingers in your arse and your first ever hand job. Seems like a pretty busy day and it’s only –“ He glanced at the clock on Louis’ night stand, “-four.”

Louis fought down a blush, peeking up at Harry. “Yes it was figured out a lot of things today.”

“Mmhh.” Harry hummed. “Like what.” He was smirking like the bastard he was but Louis just rolled his eyes.

“That I am definitely okay with having something up my arse.” He laughed at Harry’s expression that jokingly turned sour, “Even though it was only two fingers, it was fantastic, so I wouldn’t mind having more fingers there or like eventually a dick, maybe even yours. All I know is I am more than okay being a bottom.”

Louis knew he dancing along a very thin line, making a comment like that, knowing his mind would be absolutely _murdering_ him later and his _feelings_ would be even more confused but he didn’t care. He just actually did something physically pleasurable with Harry, his _crush_ of three years, so he was more than allowed to be careless.

 **“** You’re going to kill me with all your talk and sexiness and it will be all my fault anyway.” Harry frowned, pouting exaggeratingly cute. “My innocent little Lou is already leaving me.”

Louis cackled loudly, probably loud enough for neighbors to hear.

**

After that day things advanced quite quickly.

It seemed that as soon as Louis got off with Harry that one day, it seemed to happen all the time. Louis liked to believe the reason he was so anxious to get off was that he only wanted orgasms rather than the part about Harry being involved. H wasn’t stupid though, so he choose to ignore the, _you love him that’s why you want it,_ whenever it popped into his head. Louis went with the fact that Harry was older and more experienced and it just felt good to have someone else get you off rather than your own hand.

It had only been two weeks, nearing the end of August and though Lou and Harry were both getting ready to go back to school, they still couldn’t keep their hands off each other. It had merely been a week after the time in Louis bedroom when Harry had introduced blowjobs. Louis had been more than happy to learn, having practically demanded Harry to teach him, resulting in blowjobs becoming part of something they practiced nearly everyday.

Louis had almost grown restless. Getting something so good like Harry’s mouth or even just his hand was great, but Louis knew there was more and he wanted more. He knew Harry did too. Having watched him hesitate or stop himself to _only_ use his mouth or his hand. He saw the way Harry wanted something a little more. Louis couldn’t blame him. Harry was used to being in someone ninety percent of the time when it came to sex, was used to going all the way right away with someone. Louis almost felt bad if not for the fact that Harry constantly reassured him that they would get there eventually, because as much as Louis knew he wanted Harry in him, there was an eventually in there somewhere. It wasn’t a right now thing.

But just because Louis wasn’t ready for going all the way, to have full out sex with Harry, didn’t mean he wasn’t ready to push the limits a little.

Which led them to now.

Louis had just finished putting away all his new schoolbooks when Harry had come to pick him up. The two of them had both finished up getting what they needed for school, Harry having just a few textbooks while Louis a few new binders and pens to get. Louis had happily jumped into the passenger seat of Louis car, Harry pulling him in for a kiss right away that wasn’t really all that clean. Harry licking his way into his mouth right away and working their tongues together. When he pulled back and began to drive Louis had mischievously placed his hand on Harry’s inner thigh, much to the frustration and encouragement of the older boy. By the time they reached Harry’s flat, Louis had managed to work Harry up to a semi just by teasing, much to his satisfaction.

As soon as they were inside, Harry latched their lips together while simultaneously walking them to the bedroom. It was a relief have Louis here to touch and pleasure, nearly going out of his mind from boredom at shopping for uni textbooks when all he could think about was getting off. He continued to walk them back, stopping practically every time Louis bumped into something. It was either a coffee table of a pair of shoes left around, but Harry growled at the pace, wanting to just get Louis in bed already and get off.

He leaned down to pick Louis up by the thighs, smirking enough to break the kiss when the younger squeaked out in surprise. “Too slow, Just wanna get off Lou.”

Louis rolled his eyes, making a reminder to scold Harry for it later but that got lost as soon as he was pushed against a wall.

Harry began rutting down immediately, brining his already swollen lips back to Louis’ who’s were equally as red. The snogged for a while, Harry rutting against Louis, moving his hips leisurely one moment and needy the next. Louis had moved his hips down a couple time, inexperienced and shy, but trying nonetheless. Harry mentally applauded Louis, seeing as his hands were currently occupied and his lips were working at Louis’ collarbone. Harry supposed the lovebite would be about twenty times better than applause.

Eventually Louis got impatient wanting something of Harry’s. It had been constant need to be around Harry, with his fantastic mouth and talented hands jacking him off, but that wasn’t what got Louis off every time in the shower. It was to Harry’s hands sure, but he only ever came when he imagined them _inside_ him.

He knew Harry wanted that too, practically insinuated it every time they got each other off, but always apologized later, saying they would wait till Louis was ready for each thing. Louis had always rolled his eyes, playing it off nonchalantly but being thankful silently, happy there was always that reassurance. But this time there wasn’t going to be apologies, Louis wanted what Harry had applied, he wanted it _now._

“Want you to finger me.” Louis had whispered, quick and without thought. His head rolled forward in pleasure, but Harry stopped right after emitting a groan from Louis.

“What?” Harry questioned, his voice was raspy, sounding like he had already started blowing someone.

Louis just looked at the older boy, unwinding his legs from Harry’s hips till his tiptoes were placed on the flooring. Harry let him, watching him with darkened eyes but a curious expression. Louis grabbed one of Harry’s hands, it just happened to be the one with multiple rings on it, and played with them shyly, his flash of confidence gone. “I would like you to y’know –put these up my arse?”

Harry would have normally chuckled at Louis, awkward and suddenly shy attitude, but those were normally with topics that didn’t revolve with Harry putting his fingers up the younger’s arse. Only the second time for Louis –at least as far as he knew. The silence dragged on for a few seconds, the only sound being their heavy breathing, each boy anxious, waiting for either to react. Even Harry was anxious with his own fears, the possibly that this was too much to quick and that maybe it was just a heat of the moment thing.

It appeared that Harry was too lost to the pulling of his stomach of fear and arousal that he didn’t feel Louis slowly pull away from him, until Louis was pushing at his chest. It was as if the glamour of the moment was broken, Louis falling out of a lot quicker than Harry, trying to remove himself from the older boy’s hold.

Harry found the ability to snap out of it quite easily after that, limbs moving to lock up and keep Louis where he was. Louis tried to protest, attempting to duck out under Harry’s arms but then the taller boy nudged his leg up against Louis’ crotch and felt that he was still sporting a semi. Louis gasped easily, body falling back into the wall as his eyes, surprised turned up to look into Harry’s.

Harry pressed his leg up again, grinding it in slow circles, leaning in to kiss the younger. “All you had to do is ask Lou, honestly.”

Louis perked up immediately, while his dick twitched in his pants, both with anticipation. “Really?”

“Yeah Lou.” Harry kissed him once more, or really tried to, due to the fact a smile was spreading it’s way across Louis’ face, the older didn’t have time to catch his lips for much more than a few pecks. “C’mon love, bed.”

Harry tapped the smaller’s hip, stepping away and walking towards his bedroom backwards, stripping off his shirt as he went. Louis practically salivated at the sight, but quickly made sure to follow Harry when the older rounded the corner. Louis arrived in the bedroom to find Harry, still shirtless looking through the bedside drawer, no doubt for lube. Harry’s head turned to see the younger standing in the doorway, hands working at the edge of his shirt subconsciously. “Strip Lou.”

“Right.” Louis nodded his head, stripping off his own plain white t-shirt and quickly working on the button of his shorts. He was stripped down to his boxers and at the edge of the bed, by the time that Harry was walking over with a half full bottle of lube.

Harry walked over, shirtless and looking, for lack of better wording, sex crazy. Louis supposed this was why Harry was so popular with people for sex. His confident air about him as he approached Louis made him look hot while the shirtless factor, showing off his tattoos made him maddeningly sexy. Louis almost felt lacking in the appeal department, with his slightly pudgy stomach, and undefined lines unlike Harry who was complete angles and sharp cuts, but he refrained from covering himself up, knowing Harry would stop.

Louis supposed though was nearly looking sexy crazy himself when he allowed himself to look down at Harry’s v-line. The muscles accentuated and pronounced with bare taught tan skin, the only spot on his chest that wasn’t marked yet by tattoos. Louis supposed the tattoos had a lot of appeal and that was another thing to check off on the list of things he didn’t have but he supposed his body would have to do right now. He would make an effort to maybe be more prepared next time, maybe look a little better with tighter boxers and less baby fat for Harry. Supposed that would help the older realize-

_Don’t be stupid._

Louis very nearly rolled his eyes at his own stupidity, but decided to keep his eyes trained on Harry. He towered over him, red lips and dark eyes, lube in hand. There was a brief moment where neither moved, but that only lasted mere seconds before Harry was tossing the lube onto the bed carelessly and bringing his hands down to Louis’ knees. Louis looked at Harry curiously but the older just started tugging his legs apart.

Louis ducked his head, cheeks turning crimson with the implication. Harry brought a hand under his chin and ducked down to kiss him, hands trailing further up his inner thigh till they rested on each side of Louis’ hard on. Harry stepped into the V of Louis legs, pushing Louis legs out even farther at the hip, continuing to kiss him as he did. Louis brought his hands up slowly to Harry’s biceps, squeezing them firmly as Harry’s fingers danced lightly over Louis’ tented boxers.

Louis pulled away abruptly and dug his fingernails into Harry’s skin, enough to make the older hiss and straighten a little. “Just do something already.” Louis moaned, tugging Harry back down for a kiss, just in time for Harry’s hand to come and cup him.

Louis outright moaned at that. Breaking away from the kiss to whine at the feeling though it was quickly lost as Harry moved his hands to the waistband of Louis’ boxers. He snapped them once, signal for Louis to lay back and lift his hips, which he did. Soon enough his boxers were gone and he was laying there, Harry in between his legs, cock hard against his stomach.

Harry reached down to stroke him slowly while making work of undoing his own jeans. He pulled them down just enough to get his cock out. It curved instantly to his hip, red and already completely hard. Louis frowned at him before sitting up and tugging down Harry’s jeans and boxers past his hips.

Harry went to argue but Louis shushed him by pulling him down and nipping at Harry’s bottom lip, something he had started licking to do on his own. “If I’m going to be naked so are you.” Harry didn’t hesitate to agree from there especially since Louis ducked down and began biting and making small lovebites (something Louis had quickly caught onto) down Harry’s torso. He stopped by Harry’s hip, right where his dick was and made small kissed by the head, just to tease.

“Lou.” Harry warned, fisting a hand in the younger boy’s fringe when Louis intentionally brushed his cheek against Harry’s cock. Louis didn’t stop there, ignoring Harry’s warning and kitten licking the tip. He watched as Harry hunched over, eyes squeezing shut before they older tugged on his hair. “C’mon Lou, don’t tease.”

Louis just chuckled at that, taking Harry easily into his hand and enveloping the head quickly. He didn’t hesitate to start tonguing over the slit, before bobbing down and letting his tongue slide along the side, coming into contact with the vein making Harry moan loudly.

If there was anything Louis had learned about blowing Harry, he licked when someone teased with their tongue. It didn’t matter whether it was just all over or to the head, but he loved it. Louis just also happened to learn that tonguing over the vein nearly drove Harry wild, it worked everytime to get Harry going.

Louis dragged his tongue back up when he moved back to the head for mere moment before going back down half way, trying to go farther but his gag reflex kicking in. Louis worked Harry like that a few more times, fisting what he couldn’t reach before he pulled up. Harry didn’t hesitate to push him back after that, crawling on top to straddle his hips and kiss him quickly.

Harry pulled away, a string of saliva still between them but that didn’t matter, he was patting around for the lube, looking around desperately while grinding his hips down so his cock was against Louis’. The younger threw his head back in pleasure as Harry continued to make circles and figure eight with his hips to get friction on their dicks while he searched for the lube.

He found it merely seconds later when Louis’ hips bucked and the bottle moved a little from under his hip with the movement. Harry grabbed it hastily and moved back, ignoring the protests coming from Louis and standing back in the v of the smaller boy’s legs.

Slowly, while looking Louis in the eye, Harry started to hitch Louis’ legs up. He kept his eyes on Louis watching as his cheeks tarnished with pink, his body becoming exposed with each upward movement of Harry’s arms. Soon Louis’ feet were level with Harry’s shoulders, legs shaking a little as Harry started slicking his fingers with lube.

“You sure?”

Louis nodded jerkily, breath stuttering a few times before he wrapped his hands under his thighs, holding himself there. Harry pressed kisses along side Louis’ left calf trailing them up and he moved a finger down to Louis’ rim. He sucked a lovebite into the inside of his thigh as he slowly put pressure against the muscle, feeling it flutter. Louis’ eyes flickered close a whine falling from his lips when he pushed back against Harry’s finger.

Without warning, Harry pushed the tip of his finger in, staying there as he rubbed a hand down Louis’ thigh to meet the younger’s own hand. He squeezed lightly before petting back up Louis thigh to rest his hand on Louis’ calf. “Good?” His voice was raspy and deeper than normal, while his gaze was concerned it was also filled with lust. Eyes having gone darker and lips already red from kissing.

Louis sighed out, relaxing back into the mattress and sifting his hips. “S’good, s’really good m-uh more.”

Harry looked at the younger boy, fringe already sweaty and pushed to the side while his cheeks were flushed. Louis cheeks only got redder while both their breathing got a heavier as Harry pushed his finger in to the knuckle and then all the way in, circling it before drawing it back out.

Louis tried to push his hips back, get Harry’s finger in quick, but the older pined Louis’ hip with one hand, pushing the finger back in achingly slow. The smaller boy grunted trying to move out from Harry’s grip but the other boy continued to pin him there, working his finger in slowly.

“F-fuck Haz. I w-ant m-more.” Louis whined, gripping his thighs harder and bringing them in closer. Harry didn’t listen as he finally chanced a look down at Louis entrance. He only had one finger in but it was still like – _oh._

It was weird but a good weird that seemed to make him harder, more desperate to finger Louis in earnest, work him over faster than a snail’s pace. It was strange to see Louis’ rim twitch each time Harry came close to pulling his finger out, watching as he fingered his best friend of eight years arse. Good but surreal.

Louis didn’t even have to ask before Harry was pressing a second tip to his hole and pushing it when he quickly pulled his one finger back. Louis arched a little as two fingers stretched him, Harry let go of his hip to fall over top of him. He caught himself on his elbow, but ducked down right after to catch Louis’ lips in a filthy kiss.

Louis wasn’t entirely able to react, whine’s falling too fast from his lips to kiss Harry. The older had his finger’s moving and curling, _spreading_ inside him reaching angles Louis couldn’t reach last time, and the smaller lad couldn’t keep up. As soon as he was used to the way Harry was just teasing and circling two finger, the older boy was pulling them out to thrust them back in, or curl them up searching for that spot.

Louis was close already cock leaking precome heavily while he had a curling in his stomach, already close wanting more. “Hazza close.” He managed to stutter out, rocking down freely as Harry nipped at his neck, rutting his own hips down against the bed while working his fingers harder. “’nother.”

Louis didn’t even feel Harry hesitate before there was a third long finger pressing against his rim, teasing before pushing past to join the others and curling, hitting his prostate.

Harry leaned back up just in time to see Louis’ eyes roll back as a long moan ripped deep from his chest. Harry brought a hand back to Louis’ head, cradling it as Louis’ back arched. Harry screwed his finger’s in a few times, hard and quick and Louis was done. Coming across both their chests with a silent moan. He quickly slumped back, legs falling back to the bed while letting out a sated sigh, while Harry rushed to stand back.

As soon as he was standing he was fisting his dick, not wasting any time and jacking off fast. His grunts filled the room, as he hunched to place a hand on the bed. Louis sat up right after and didn’t hesitate to place a head on Harry’s hipbone with putting a hand over Harry’s. They both jacked him off quickly, Louis working his fingers over the head ever few strokes while Harry just fucked the ring of his fingers.

Harry came with a load grunt, hunching over completely, practically tackling Louis, as he spurted up his stomach and across Louis’ chest, a small bit even landing on the younger’s neck. Not long after his legs gave out and they were falling onto the bed.

“That was g-good.” Louis stuttered out eventually from underneath Harry, still coming down from his orgasm. Harry chuckled and moved away, shuffling making the sheets rustle till he was lying across the bed properly. Louis, with a few small grunts, made his way up too, lying in beside Harry. He scooted in shyly when Harry lifted up his arm in invitation. Harry pulled him in close, Louis swinging a leg across to the older’s hip, settling his head into the crook of Harry’s neck, just by the swallows.

“Yeah was pretty good Lou.” Harry muttered, body easily falling into the sheets, already close to fall asleep. “Good first time, it’ll get better each time.”

“You’ll do it again.” Louis asked, admittedly more surprised then he should be.

Harry looked at him like he was crazy. “Obviously.”

**

The next morning Louis woke up with the slightest twinge in his butt.

There was a barely there ache at his lower back while his hole throbbed a bit, not enough for him to wince though. Last night left him the right kind of sore and he was content to just lay back into Harry’s chest as he retraced the feel of Harry’s fingers in him.

Harry wasn’t awake yet, still asleep wrapped around Louis. He was snoring a little in the younger’s ear, occasionally tightening his arms around Louis’ waist, making Louis smile and roll his eyes with that particular type of fond that came from those _feelings_. But Louis allowed himself to feel for right now. Harry wasn’t awake which left Louis time to admire and imagine. Pretend this was something a bit more than what it actually was.

It had maybe only been fifteen minutes that Louis stayed like that, smiling half into his pillow just listening to both their breath, before his bladder got extremely persistent that it had to be relieved. He sighed, unhappy to have to work his way out of Harry’s hold. Sure he would have like to stay there, but the actual problem was getting Harry to let go of him and not wake the older boy up.

It seemed easy but really each time Louis would move himself and try to twist out of Harry’s arms the older would bring his arms in closer and tighter, locking Louis in even more. It seemed futile after the third try when Harry merely wound himself closer to Louis, burying his face into Louis shoulder.

Louis had to do the inevitable when his bladder really pressed down hard and it literally felt like he was going to wet himself and the bed.

He practically ripped Harry’s arms from him, scooting himself forward while doing so before letting go of the older’s hands and rushing off into the bathroom. He vaguely heard Harry groan but that was the last of his concern, getting into the bathroom just in time.

Louis finished quickly only sparing a quick glance at his appearance as he grabbed his toothbrush. He had every intention of kissing Harry this morning, just not with morning breath. He finished rather quickly spitting and rinsing before making his way into the room.

Harry was awake when Louis came back into the room, head propped against his hand as he looked at the door, mock scowl. He was completely naked under the blanket, Louis knew that, but the grey covers laid low on his waist. His tattoos were on display, the sparrows on his chest standing out the most to Louis.

“Morning.” Louis piped up, smiling happily and jumping back on the bed.

Harry didn’t say anything back, but quickly reached a hand out. Before Louis could fathom what he was doing or even move away, Harry was grabbing him by his arm and making him tumble forward, just enough so that he fell onto his side. Harry wasted no time in moving Louis to his back and hovering over him. The curly haired boy made no move other than look at Louis, nearly going cross eyed while doing it.

“Well hi there.” Louis joked, trailing a hand across Harry’s chest before winding in his hair, pulling him down for a small kiss. They stayed like that, only a sheet separating them while kissing, before Harry pulled back. Louis whined a bit at the loss but settled back into the bed nonetheless.

“Morning breath.” Harry explained, planting a row of chaste kisses against Louis’ jaw and down his neck. “I was thinking a bit, for a while actually about some things, but last night really got me thinking.” Harry drawled, stopping his kisses to come back up and look at Louis.

The younger boys first reaction was _oh shit._

The possibility that Harry had finally caught on, or that he let something slip were the things that ran through his head instantly. His stomach nearly seized with the thought that either of those things were what Harry had been thinking about. His heart started beating twice it’s regular speed while he seemed to start sweating like it was thirty degrees out. “W-what?”

“It’s nothing to worry about Lou, just that things are progressing faster and just to be smart about our whole arrangement I think we should both go in and get tested.”

“Oh.” Louis sighed in relief, stomach uncoiling from the knot it had worked itself into while his heart stuttered to slow down. “I thought there was like something worse going on. Something serious.”

“Well it is serious.” Harry replied. “Its something responsible people having sex should do. We’re just friends with benefits and if I gave you a disease that ended up affecting you later in life, with someone else, I would never forgive myself.”  

Louis ignored the twinge in his chest when Harry mentioned different people, still trying to live in the fantasy that this –the whole friends with benefits thing- would last their lifetime. That it would never end.

“Shouldn’t we have done this before?” Louis asked. They had already done things, hell Harry’s fingers were just up his arse last night, and Louis’ had his dick in his mouth more than just last night, wasn’t that a little late?

“I didn’t think it was all that bad, cause I’ve always used condoms when I’m with someone, never gone without and you’ve never been with anyone so I figured we were good, but it’s always better safe than sorry.”

Louis took a moment to consider it. Harry’s logic did make sense, both of them, from when they first started to now, neither of them had been with someone bare so it shouldn’t be a problem but really, you could never know. Testing didn’t sound exactly _fun_ but if it was the proper way to do things, Louis wasn’t going to skip it just cause he was a virgin. He was going to follow it to a T, blame his goody two shoes persona from school, but he wasn’t about to cut corners on something like this.

“Alright.” Louis agreed. “But! But before you go smiling away there, you have to make the appointments cause I don’t know where to go for that sort of thing.”

Harry nodded his head quickly, leaning back in for a kiss that was a bit longer than the last ones, but he quickly pulled away and began making his way to the bathroom. “Morning breath!” He called over his shoulder.

Louis just laughed loudly, head thrown back as Harry walked to bathroom, bare arse and all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and Kudos greatly appreciated. Next part should hopefully be up in three weeks or so!! <3


	4. Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry it has taken me like three or more months to post something, but I've been super busy and distracted and not at all in the mood to write. Sorry my lack of motivation times a million. 
> 
> Anyway, this isn't all of part four. I just wanted to get something out to you guys so that I could see if you like where this is going. I honestly am a bit lost with how I'm writing this. I have all my ideas but no definite way that I want them to happen and some things feel too rushed, and basically I just need your opinion. 
> 
> So please, please, please, please, comment your opinion on what you think. If there is something wrong please let me know, in a nice way, please be constructive, and I'll fix it to the best of my abilities.
> 
>  
> 
> *** Edit :// I have had someone beta this and I have put in that version. Somethings may be a little different but that's because my beta is awesome and did an amazing job at correcting my grammatical errors and fixing things I had missed! I also added on the second part to part four so enjoy!!

Louis was having a bit of a break down. It was the night before school started and Louis was having an extremely hushed conversation with Liam over the phone about a certain person that was sitting in his living room.

“Liam what am I supposed to do? He’s waiting in the living room, probably looking for something tonight and I just –can’t.” Louis explained exasperated. He was sitting against the farthest wall of his bathroom, trying to be as quiet as possible in case Harry or anyone, happened to walk past the door. 

“Look Lou, why don’t you just tell him you aren’t feeling it tonight?”

“But then he’ll be all suspicious and demand what’s wrong and I won’t be able to stop and I’ll rant and I’ll tell him, then everything will be ruined and I’ll hate myself forever and it’s just not good.” Louis sighed, entirely way too stressed about his situation, that was really entirely too dramatic, to deal with Liam’s advice.

“No you won’t Lou, you know your limits.”

“Not when it comes to Harry, it’s practically like my brain to mouth filter stops completely and my mouth just goes _on_ _and_ _on._ ” Louis droned, listening to Liam’s frustrated sigh from the other end of the line.

“Well either way Lou, you are going to leave your bathroom, like a big boy and go face Harry. You can’t keep locking yourself in your bathroom to stop Harry from confronting you every time something trivial comes up. Call me when you’re done hiding, or don’t whatever. Night Lou.”

And with that Liam hung up.

Louis pulled his phone away from his ear quickly to see the time of _six minutes and forty-eight seconds_ blinking back at him. He growled, frustrated, before shutting his phone and placing it beside his knee.

Louis knew Liam was right, but like other things he didn’t want to acknowledge it. There were a lot of issues that were floating around Louis’ mind that he just kept pushing away. It wasn’t like he didn’t want to deal with them, it was that he didn’t know if he had the mental capacity to. There were cheats to get through maths and easy definitions to get through English, but there was nothing that Louis could have learned that would prepare him for dealing with _this._

He knew he had to face his choice, but really he did that practically every day. Harry was the main problem that seemed to continually pop up inside Louis’ head that never went away. Sure it would fade for a while when he was with Liam or his mum, but other than that he was physically always _with_ Harry. Louis felt like his school didn’t prepare him for making decisions, especially not ones regarding being friends with benefits with your best mate of eight years who you’ve also loved for three, with pro and con charts or brainstorming, because trust Louis, he has tried.

If anyone were to dig to the bottom of Louis’ trash bin, or snoop through old coil-ring notebooks, they would find that Louis had tried charts, and webs, small paragraphs and even attempted a small outline of their friendship with sticky notes and a tiny timeline. Each time he failed to come up with a solution to his problem, Louis felt like each +A he got was a lie. Dirty lies that could couldn’t help him get out of the fact that he was helplessly, even more so than before, in love with Harry Styles.

He had tried strategies he looked up online. He felt guilt when he had typed in _how to get out of a toxic relationship_ but he thought it was necessary. He had tried distancing himself. Harry had asked to hang out at least five of the seven days of the week, three of which Louis had declined with paper thin lies. Harry never said if he could see through them but with a bit of heartbreak, Louis could hear it in his voice every time he said he couldn’t do whatever Harry had asked him.

It was repeated a second week, though Harry had gotten sick of texts and phone calls apparently and chose to show up at Louis’ doorstep, fourth day into week two. Louis had looked nothing short of surprised and caught in a lie, and Harry knew it too, it was blatant on his face. He had stuttered out a hello, and walked into the living room, Harry barely even comfortable on the couch before Louis grabbed his phone and darted into the bathroom, to call his friend.

There was a quick knock on the door, and Louis hurried to get up. “Lou?” It was Harry and Louis turned to the mirror face flushed and eyes wide as he tried to make his state seem more casual than _holy shit I’m going to have a panic attack._

He opened the door, smile plastered on, quite visibly fake, and strode out and past Harry. “Hey Harry, was just about to come back out.” He tried faking nonchalance, walking in front of Harry and trying not to walk faster when the older quickly appeared right behind him, following into the living room.

“You okay Lou?”

“Yeah, m’just peachy. Why you asking?” Louis threw a glance over his shoulder to see Harry’s frown deepen while his shoulders hunched. Louis knew he wasn’t buying it, hell Louis himself wasn’t either.

“You just seem really off s’all.” Harry mumbled, sitting on the couch, looking up at Louis, clearly waiting for him to do the same. Louis chewed his lower lip, rocking on the balls of his feet, before deciding the chair was better and moving onto that.

Louis ignored the hundredth confused look Harry gave him and stared at the television, a muted movie played absently. Louis watched it, fidgeting as he felt Harry’s eyes on him, hearing the older sigh and move around. “Seriously Lou, what’s going on?” Harry asked, just as Louis was about to move yet again.

Taking a quick side-glance at Harry, Louis shrugged. “Nothing.”

“Bullshit.”

“No Harry, not bullshit. I’m fine.”

“No you aren’t, you’re always like this when you don’t want to talk about things. You can’t lie to me Lou, so just tell me what’s going on.”

Louis supposed when he picked someone to have benefits with, it shouldn’t have been someone who knew him so well.

“I’m just anxious about a few things okay? It’s nothing for you to worry about, just like my brains overloading s’all.”

“Overloading about what?”

“Um just like everything I guess, getting ready for school again, my mum a bit, Liam too.”

Harry cleared his throat, grabbing Louis attention as he scratched at his hair beneath his headscarf. “What about like our thing? S’that something that’s bothering you too?”

“No, um.” Louis cleared his throat glancing at his nails to avoid looking at Harry. “Nothing’s wrong with what we’re doing, it’s like I said, other things.”

Harry pushed himself up off the couch with one great heave, a sigh falling from his lips as he did. He looked a tiny bit confused and a lot more exasperated, when Louis glanced at him under his fringe, though Louis was unable to hide away meekly as Harry approached and bent down to his level.

“I know you’re lying. What the hell is going on that you aren’t willing to tell me?” Harry asked, brushing a hand up Louis’ thigh and up to his hip, squeezing.

Louis looked up, but over Harry’s shoulder, keeping his stare blank, looking almost hypnotized. “I feel like something is wrong but I don’t know how to put that feeling into words.”

_Yes I do. I love you._

Harry cupped Louis’ jaw, thumbing at his cheek a little, grabbing Louis’ attention easily. Louis tried not looking, knowing his will and ability to lie would deteriorate if he looked at Harry, but it was no use when he saw the genuine concern in Harry’s expression. “I’m just like getting nervous and anxious about us, uh...”  

“Fucking?”

Louis nodded, a bit of pink bursting on his cheekbones, his eyes fluttering down to his lap at the bluntness that Harry had when it came to sex. Louis had thought by now, from the past four years of hearing about Harry having sex practically daily, that he would be used to it. Even with him being the person Harry was with, his embarrassment was still there.

“You know if that’s the problem Lou, we can stop I don’t have a problem letting you go find someone else that you want to have sex with.”

Louis hurried to correct himself. “No, no, um, that’s not the problem. I’m just like, super nervous I guess because having sex comes with so many different variables and things that have to be perfect. The setting, timing, right positions, right moves-“

“Wow slow down Lou.” Harry cut off with a chuckle, hands falling onto the tops of Louis’ thighs. “Sex isn’t a mathematical problem that is carried out by steps. Sex is sex, there is no set way to do it.”

“But-“Louis wanted to argue. _That’s what I need._ It was a great plea in his head that fell greatly onto his face, mirroring the way he felt the need to have concise steps in the pout of his lips or drawn eyebrows.

“No buts Lou, that’s how school’s taught you to think, but I’m teaching you different. Sex is sex, when it happens it happens, it can’t be made perfect when you’re trying to do just that.”

“But I don’t want to screw it up.” Louis whined, head diving into his shoulder as his hand went to cover up the flaming cheek that was probably still showing. “I don’t want to embarrass myself in front of you.” And okay that wasn’t really supposed to come out.

“Is that what you’re worried about? S’that what’s bothering you?” Harry tried to pry Louis shoulder from his ear, which were practically glued together with glowing amber embarrassment. When Harry moved onto his hand, trying to get his fingertips away from his hairline, Louis’ shook his head making a _harrumph_ noise, shifting his bum till his was tilted on his hip.

“Louis, we still have to talk about this stuff.” When Louis still didn’t answer, choosing to stay sitting half lying on his hip, ignoring Harry who was still crouched by his knees. “Fine, if you don’t want to talk, we don’t do anything till you do.”

Louis stilled for a mere moment before sliding his hand down his face, exposing an eye and slowly his cheek and corner of his mouth. “That’s not fair.”

“Yeah well, you don’t want to talk about this-“Harry said motioning between the two of them. “-we don’t do this. At all.”

Louis completely dropped his hand and turned so he was completely facing the older boy, whining. “That’s not fair. Friends with benefits is always more sex than talking. That’s kind of the point. Why can’t you be like that?”

“Because we aren’t some random people that sorta kinda become friends cause they fuck. We were friends before we started fucking.”

“We aren’t fucking.” Louis tacks on, voice tiny, because he knows Harry’s dead set and he doesn’t know what else to say.

“Technicalities.” Harry waved it off, as if extremely offended it was even mentioned. “But seriously Lou, I won’t even touch you intimately if you don’t talk. That’s the deal.”

“I don’t want to tell you.” Louis whispered, thumb and forefinger spreading to span across his forehead.

Harry made a noise of being affronted, expression gone sour. “What do you mean you don’t want to tell me?”

“I mean I can’t Harry.” Louis sighed, exasperated.

“What can’t you tell me?” Harry asked distressed, hands creeping to the edge of the seat.

_I’m madly in love with you that’s what._

Louis wanted to fall on the floor dramatically and whine and plead because talking resulted in secrets and secrets being told and things being ruined. He had practically lead himself into a corner where he had to spill his biggest secret of all. Before he was able to play things off but now Harry knew he was hiding something, and he wouldn’t be able to get another lie as big as that to cover it. That’s not what he wanted, either of his two options led to the same thing. He would lose the little bit extra he had of Harry, the small kisses and the full out snogs that turned into handies or a good blow.

Louis felt like he could combust from the inside out, right then, and Harry would still expect an answer.

Harry shifted on his knees, as if getting ready to move and in a moment of panic and pure habit, Louis pulled him closer, arms hooking into the first dents of Harry’s shoulder blades and pulling, hard. The older boy rocked forward with a cocky smirk, as if that was his plan all along, settling into the space that Louis created by separating his legs, a clear invitation for the smirking lad in front of him.

They ended up face to face a few small millimeters apart from each other’s lips. Louis’ hands curled anxiously in the back of Harry’s loose t-shirt. “I want to tell you so bad, but I want to do this so much more.”

Harry slid his hands up, silently, to Louis hip bones, thumbs pressing into the bone till it slipped with a stretch of skin to sink in with a small hiss falling from Louis’ lips. “We can Lou, you just got to talk to me.”

Mouth twitching anxiously, moving forward ready to capture Harry lips fiercely to do some damage, Louis let the second closest answer slip. “You’ve been with so many I feel like I should be perfect. Like what if I’m not good or even attractive to you and you’re still just being your usual nice self. I feel ridiculous either way.”

Harry moved in closer, while pulling Louis towards the edge of the loveseat, palms splaying across his back while his fingertips rested lightly on the curve of Louis bum. “The others don’t matter. I could honestly care less about vague memories when I’ll have you above me or beneath me, making your beautiful noises and looking so turned on.” Harry whispered the words across his cheek, to lead towards his jaw and peppered kisses under his ear. The older boy let out a tiny moan when he felt Louis’ legs twitch up and squeeze at the side of his waist, ready to wrap around and bring Harry in close.

Louis knew the words held no higher meaning than comfort to a friend that he occasionally got off to, but his heart still ached and rocks pelted from his stomach to the floor with Harry seeing him as the most important. He had, unbeknownst to Harry, told a huge insecurity that held Louis back for four years. The older boy always being with others, that eventually Louis deemed them better than himself in one way or another. To hear Harry say what he had practically begged to hear for years, that he was all that mattered (even though it was in a _total_ different context than what Louis was thinking), had his heart hammering

“I’m all that matters?” Voice soft, small and vulnerable.  

“S’it Lou.” he groaned, gripping Louis’s hips tighter, fingers indenting his flesh.

Louis shuddered, body racking with the moan that fell from his lips that were soon captured roughly by Harry’s. Louis arched forward, back curving deeply while his legs hurried to accommodate themselves around Harry’s waist. Harry didn’t wait for the kiss to get more frantic, just simply stood up to find the nearest stable surface.

It happened to be a wall, one near the hallway and the living room. Louis should have been mindful of the fact that his back was wedged a little too harshly into the corner of the hallway, but the way Harry’s tongue worked over his was more important. The small roll of Harry’s hips coming to meet his and large hands groping greedily all around his body, Louis found the subject of the wall very disconcerting.

It got less and less easy to be coherent, for either of them. Louis whining when Harry’s hips started jutting forward faster, huffed and broken moans being pressed satisfyingly into Louis’ mouth. They were practically mauling each other in the hallway, Louis digging his nails tight into Harry’s shoulders and nipping along his neck, while Harry grabbed onto the fleshier parts along Louis legs, always wanting more. It was settling deep into Louis’ bones, the primal ache that felt so good when he was like this, when he was with Harry, but he knew they had to draw away from it.

With Louis’ luck, he knew today would be the day his mum came home early or Liam finally decided to be a normal friend and come over without asking. He tried to shake away the deeply settled _yes_ that was repeating in his brain and tried to think of stopping but it wasn’t working. Nothing would ever work when he was trying to get Harry off his brain especially when that boy was pressing into him so insistently.

It seemed though his mind was completely crowded with _harryharryharry (what else was new?),_ the older boy wasn’t completely incapable of pulling himself away from the kiss. He did so, a string of spit and Louis’ long whine of protest following him.

“Bedroom?”

Louis only rocked his hips harder.

Harry tried his best to keep his footing, not wanting to drop Louis or prolong getting naked and getting off. He did manage to get to Louis’ room, pressing Louis along the doorframe, Louis hurrying to press his feet on the floor. Tugging at the end of his shirt and stripping it off, tossing it with all the others already on the floor. Harry followed, feeling Louis’ small hands roaming across each part of his torso as it was revealed, his own shirt falling away before he slowly undid his belt buckle.

Louis leaned in, head resting against the elders collarbones looking down Harry’s chest, as the long deft fingers of his best friend worked to get his own belt undone. He could hear Harry’s heavier breathing, could practically feel it, his own heart rate erratic, as Harry unbuttoned them and slid down the zipper, giving way to Harry’s very prominent bulge. Louis moaned, not hesitating to slide a hand down and palm him.

Harry groaned as soon as Louis’ hand made contact, hands working to move his pants passed his hips as Louis continued on eagerly. It didn’t even take Louis a second to work his hand down the front of Harry’s boxers and get a hand around the elder’s dick. Harry let out a small hiss quickly followed by kissing Louis hard, working his tongue past Louis’ lips immediately, kissing him hot and open mouthed, desperate to get off.

Louis responded just as eagerly, hand going to work Harry’s shaft, except his hand was pulled away and there was suddenly the bed below his back and Harry towering over him looking ridiculous with his jeans just barely past his hip and the tip of his dick peeking out of his boxers.

“Get undressed.” Harry muttered, taking his eyes off the younger boy to focus on peeling his legs out of the tight denim material, boxers following immediately after. When he was naked, cock a little more than half hard, he saw Louis was still in his boxers. He hurried to lean over the bed, tapping Louis’ hip and getting the offending clothing article over and off Louis’ butt and legs.

He was met with the sight of Louis’ dick just as hard as him if not more, while the younger almost mewled happily with the loss of all clothing. He saw Harry lean over him, curious eyes following each move. He felt, well was more startled, by Harry lining up their cocks, and wrapping a hand around them both, lightly fucking into his own hand and against Louis’ dick.

Louis gripped onto Harry’s ribs, pulling down, forcing Harry’s back to arch and deliver a harder thrust up into his hand. They both keened at that, though Harry still tried to keep a slower pace, much unlike Louis’ who kept wanting to go faster.

“Fuck sakes Harry!” Louis swore, hips stuttering up on his own accord when Harry still didn’t make any move to go faster like the younger wanted.

“What Lou?” Harry murmured out, breath more forced than usual. “What do you want?”

“Want something Hazza.” Louis whimpered, when Harry’s fist tightened around the base of both their cocks. It was true Louis wanted something –well really a lot of things, all of them including Harry, but right now he wanted Harry to get him off. It continued like that, Harry making the occasional hard or fast thrust only to squeeze the base of both their dicks and slow down as to not come. Harry dropped his jaw to let a string of saliva fall onto both their cocks, before working it over, making the slide better.

Louis moaned and gripping Harry’s biceps, nails digging in hard, knowing this wasn’t all he wanted right now. “Finger me Harry.” Louis gasped out when Harry’s hips canted forward once again, harder than usual.

Harry’s head fell into the curve of Louis’ neck, breathing hard, before sitting straight up, hand still around their cocks, hips still twitching forward in tiny thrusts. “Want that Lou?”

Louis shook his head eagerly but was quick to scramble out a yes when Harry’s finger rushed south and pushed against the muscle, wanting a clear answer. “Yes Harry, _yes_.”

Harry nodded drawing away to retrieve the lube where he knew Louis’ hid it and Louis watched his back as he did.

In the back of his mind he knew he shouldn’t be doing this. Talking was the key he was meant to be using, not sex, and not pleasure that was more a sinful distraction than a productive action. It made him feel shameful and badass at the same time, a total contradiction, lying in bed waiting for the man he loved to come finger him as a best friend. It was crucial times like this when Harry’s fingers entered him over and over again, that it felt like nails puncturing his lungs and his heart, stabbing his entire chest because those fingers in him didn’t show a bond of trusting love but a simple mindless fuck. _A way to get off_.  

It hurt and he wanted to scream.

He at least found comfort when he screamed Harry’s name and spattered white ropes against his chest. He felt like a dirty secret when Harry didn’t scream his.

**

Third day of school, piles of homework stacked on his desk waiting to be done and Louis was ignoring them for the simple pleasurable fact that Harry Styles mouth was currently buried between his cheeks eating him out in earnest.

In those three days since Louis had laid on the bed and felt like nothing more than a used doll, the younger boy’s discontentment with _feelings_ and _Harry_ hadn’t reached an end. By now he was decent at ignoring them, able to find comfort in assigned literature or history essays, but there was no longer comfort in school-work when all he saw was Harry.

The first day had passed with excitement and nostalgia that it was his last year walking in to the madness that was first years not knowing where to go and third years envying the last year students. It was weird and wonderful all at the same time, and Louis felt at home when he went home and to his room with an armful of books, but felt alienated when Harry came over and took the books right out of his hands. Moving them to the desk so Louis’ hands could find placement against the elders ribs instead, while Harry ducked in for a kiss that quickly turned into getting each other off.

The second day passed with guilt on Louis’ part, seeing as his mind wouldn’t stop replaying what had happened the night before and Liam kept giving him reprimanding looks. He had flew through the course work he was given on the first day, seeing as most was just overview of last year’s curriculum, leaving him with less books to take home. He had managed to dodge Harry that night, making a quick rather hurried and detectable lie about working on homework at Liam’s, though Harry brushed him off saying he had work of his own.

On the third day, Louis worked rigorously to avoid Liam’s looks and to stop his mind from wandering back to Harry, though his entire days’ work was tossed down the drain when said boy picked him up from school. He had every intention of talking to Harry and setting things straight, had been for days, weeks almost, but they got to his room and Harry was suddenly against his back kissing his neck and well, -here he was.

It wasn’t like anything he thought it would be, Harry’s jaw working in overtime to get the right angles, to lick into Louis eagerly each time. Work his tongue around the finger that had sneaked its way in, much to Louis’ pleasure.

When Harry’s tongue poked through beside his finger Louis pressed into the sheets, biting the pillow as to muffle the desperate moan that was surpassing his lips. He felt Harry smirk against his hole, just the briefest moment before his tongue was back, pressing in more than before.

Louis wiggled intrigued and desperate all in one. Wanting more of Harry’s tongue but also his talk, his voice, but all he could do was rut down trying to get something more. He could already feel this stomach churning, the feeling of Harry’s tongue working eagerly against his opening, settling a heavy feeling in the pit of tummy.

Instinctively, when Harry worked a second finger along with his first in, tongue still lapping at his rim, Louis’ hands flew to any part of Harry he could reach. He arched up and one hand went to grip hard into Harry’s hair while the other dug in his back. Harry moaned out right against Louis’ hole and the younger flopped back onto the bed, eyes squeezing shut and body shuddering as he came.

Harry worked him through it sliding out one finger then both till it was just his tongue working him, before finally stopping and looking up at the younger with mussed hair and spit slicked mouth. “Good?” He began moving up the bed as he asked, moving so he was completely encompassing Louis’ naked form.

Louis’ head fell against Harry’s arm and he pressed a kiss there, nodding his head lazily. “S’good.” He slurred, moving his hand down to the front of Harry’s boxers, feeling the older boy was still hard. “What’d you want?”

Harry’s hips twitched forward when Louis’ hand squeezed him and he buried his head in the younger’s neck. “Just get me off.”

Louis nodded and immediately after there was a hand working its way into his boxers. Louis worked his hand in and pulled him off with quick tugs, making Harry come in his hand not long after. Harry sighed happily slumping to the side of his friend, lifting his hips to chuck off his dirtied boxers, letting Louis wipe his hand on it before he did.

“We’ve both got physicals booked next week.” Harry answered to the quiet room not long after.

Immediately Louis’ body seized and Harry had to notice because right after he was hovering over the younger boy and grabbing his face. “Hey, that doesn’t mean we have to have sex right after we get them done or when the things come back, this isn’t like a way for me to pressure you into it.”

Louis knows this. He knows every single bit of this, knows how the physical works considering he’s looked it up along with other things, but the whole pressure thing isn’t what he’s worried about.

Okay it is but not in the context Harry thinks.

Harry was assuming Louis was panicking because he thought Harry was expecting to have sex after they had the exams done, and that he wasn’t ready. Louis didn’t think he would be ready in a week’s time, but that was for the fact that him and Harry’s _thing_ would probably be done right after that. Harry would take his virginity, and after with maybe a cuddle session in between sex and the next day, Harry would be back to fucking anyone else. And _that_ was what hurt Louis, more than it worried him.

Louis must have still looked panicked for too long because Harry’s lips were covering his and working them open, almost reassuringly, _almost._ “I’m not going to pressure you Lou, I’ll wait as long as you need.”

And it wasn’t like Louis was terrified of his first time. In fact in a lot of ways he was ready, in the I’m a horny teenager ready to get fucked kind of way, but not in the, I’m sure that this person wants me and wants this just as much as I do kind of way. Louis had no doubt that Harry loved him, but for Louis it was I want to be with you forever kind of love and with Harry it was more friendly, the I’m helping you out kind of gesture.

When Harry pulled away Louis mind was still swimming, but he was still able enough to form a sentence, a proper response to assure Harry, once again _lie_ , that things were fine.

“I guess in general I’m just nervous, I’m ready and I’m not and like getting the test done is just one more step to being ready and it’s just weird. Like finishing one subject to get closer to graduation even if you aren’t ready for the real world.”

The school analogy of course hit home. Louis always made school analogies, they were practically in every sentence, and it just assured Harry more that it was the truth (or what he needed to know).

Harry ducked his head for a laugh. ”How do you always manage to relate something to school?”

When Louis shrugged Harry moved down to place a kiss up along his jaw, then his cheek, his eyelids followed by his forehead and lastly his lips. “I don’t know how you do it either, but Lou, sex is not based off a timeline like a subject of school is. You don’t have to hurry to have sex by midterms. Like I’ve said sex happens when it feels right, and you’ll just know.”

Louis supposed Harry was right. He usually always was.

**

Louis ended up waiting at the doctor’s office for Harry rather than meeting him there.

The plan had been for Louis to skip out on last block and go over to the clinic and meet up with Harry who would be coming in from Uni. Though Harry had booked these appointments, the older boy was seemingly late, leaving Louis to wait, uncomfortable in the waiting room feeling watched like a hawk.

Louis uncrossed his legs and rearranged them for the tenth time, watching as the desk nurse pulled out more files and put them in a stacking pile beside the computer. When it was twenty minutes after the scheduled appointment, doctor being late, Harry stumbled into the waiting room, a little too loud. His boots clattered a bit too much on the floor when he spotted Louis and quickly made work of walking over to him.

Louis smiled up at the older boy, glad he had arrived. Harry smiled back and quickly bent down for a kiss, leaving the younger boy with a surprised look. Harry sat down and promptly looked over to Louis who still looked a bit stunned, and his expression twisted weirdly.

“What?”

Louis shook his head, frown sinking in as he looked away. “Nothing, uh, you just kissed me.”

Harry answered slowly as if repeating it for the tenth time. “I know Lou.” When he looked up Harry was giving him a strange look that also seemed to be nervous. “We kiss a lot, in fact we do more than kiss so I don’t see how that’s a big deal.”

Louis stared straight back and shook his head. “I guess so, it’s just weird. We don’t usually kiss in public.”

As if to prove his point, Harry gathered Louis’ face in his hands and kissed him wholeheartedly. The younger spluttered for a moment, trying to push himself away, but gave in all too easily when Harry pulled him in harder. After running his tongue along the younger’s bottom lip, Harry pulled away hands dropping, disconnecting from Louis completely.

“Even if we’re just fucking around, you’re my fuck buddy and no one else’s, I can show that if I want.”

If Louis were coherent and this was anyone else besides Harry, he would straight up say fuck you. But he wasn’t entirely coherent and this other person was his best friend and a person he’s in love with, and in a way Harry just said they were each other’s.

**

They were called by two different nurses and had to go to two different rooms, but in a way Louis was glad. He wouldn’t have to hear the telling of how sexually active Harry was when the doctor asked along with any other questions, he honestly didn’t want to know.

He was led into the room by a nurse who at the frame of the room, handed him a gown and told him the doctor would knock before coming in, just to ensure privacy. As soon as the door closed Louis was slowly stripping off his sweater arms erupting in goose bumps from the chill in the room. His shirt followed and soon the bumpy flesh spread to his chest and his nipples perked with the slight draft. Soon his legs were exposed to the air around him, adjusting little by little as he laid all his clothes on the complimentary chair and picked up the gown to dress in. The gown was traditional blue and scratchy as hell, but Louis supposed the gown wasn’t meant for comfort, or rather not the cozy kind.

True to the nurse’s word, there was a quick rapt on the door before a middle aged man came in, just as Louis settled himself on the table. The man was glancing down at his charts and when he looked up after flicking the pages down, he smiled nicely.

“Louis I assume?”

Louis responded with a small smile and a nod. “That’d be me.”

“Alright.” He sighed and sat down, bringing slim rectangular glasses from his shirt pocket to his nose and grabbing a pen to start writing on the otherwise, blank, package of forms. “Hello, my name is Dr. Turner and today I will be performing a physical for you. First before we get to the actual tests, I have some personal questions to ask. First off have you ever been sexually active?”

A small blush tainted Louis’ cheeks as he shook his head, looking down to his wrangled hands. “I haven’t had actual sex, so no.”

The doctor hummed and made a small scribbled note. There were a few more etching noises from the pen moving along the paper, Louis waiting in the cold room for some sort of direction as to where they were going. Finally the doctor cleared his throat and rolled his chair away from the desk, glasses being pulled off to look at the younger boy.

“Seeing as you haven’t been sexually active, I don’t entirely see why you are in for a physical young man.”

Louis looked down and grabbed the end of the gown, answered meekly. “I’m planning on having sex soon, with I guess my partner, and we both want to do it without protection, so we’re both getting one done.”

“I’m assuming, you partner is more experienced, or has been sexually active before.”

“Yes.”

“Alright, well, just to be sure, we’ll get a few blood samples from you to ensure health and run any other tests. Am I correct to assume that you will be the one, for lack of better wording, bottoming in this situation.”

At that Louis turned bright red and stuttered out a yes.

“All right. I’m not actually the one that performs any of the blood tests, you go into the partner clinic just beside us for that. I’ll just give you the sheet that checks off the tests you should do along with optional ones.”

“Like what kind of tests.”

The doctor took a break from his writing to look at Louis, resting back into the chair like he was telling a story to his kids of the old days. “Well, seeing as you are in a homosexual relationship, and you are in fact the one receiving, you are a starter generation that carries the gene of masculum graviditate. It’s the Latin preface for male pregnancy. Since you are only a starter generation there is only a minimal chance that you will be a carrier or be able to wind up pregnant like a women can. The males that belong to the starter generations, normally around nineteen-ninety-seven or even nineteen-ninety-six that do end up pregnant are more so in America rather than in Europe.”

Louis’ whole heart stuttered because – _what?_ That didn’t seem possible. “Oh umm...” Louis mumbled nails digging into his palms because this couldn’t be real.

“It is obviously a lot to take in, so I’ll just minimize this for you. We’re going to take a small vial of blood just for this test, and see if we find the MG gene, if not you can put this away and never think about it, if you do have it, you come back and we reevaluate. It’s not a drastic life changer unless you’d like it to be.”

“How long will it take to get test results back?” Louis had to clear his throat a few times, try to pronounce his voice stronger, but all that came out was weak, nervous, words.

“At most two or three weeks. Test results, especially ones like these that take a bit of extra screening.”

And well, how the _hell_ was he supposed to get through three weeks of not knowing if he was pregnancy eligible or not?

He didn’t know either.  

Shortly after finishing his writing and ripping away the page from his pad of paper, Dr. Turner was out the door and Louis began to get dressed.

**

It was obvious that Harry’s appointment was going to take longer, so Louis went into the partner clinic, mind overworked and confused, and got in a rather short line for blood work.

There were only two nurses working one of which was working the desk and the other who was drawing the blood of the only other client in the clinic. When the lady left, band-aid and cotton ball secured on the inside of her elbow, the nurse in the lab coat and gloves, called him back and had him sit back in the chair.

“So has the doctor explained the tests we’ll be doing today?”

“He explained one.” When the lady looked at him as if asking him to continue he did so with only a slight stutter. “It’s t-the MG one.”

“Alright then love, there are a few more we are going to do. This includes one vial for all STI screenings one vial for STD screenings, one for any regular infections, and one for the MG gene. In total I’ll be taking two large vials, also medium and a small.”

“That’s a lot.” Louis chuckled nervously,

“Don’t worry love, when we draw a lot of blood, we generally have a snack or juice for you after, make sure you feel good after, can’t have you going home queasy.”

Louis laughed to himself at the nurse’s openness and joking personality, as she got out the four appropriate vials, a needle that was attached to the tube, and the elastic to tie around his bicep. She prepped his arm easily enough, tying the band, mid bicep and swabbing the area from his inner elbow up to where the elastic’s edge sat.

“Going to put the needle in now love, and I’m going to start with the small vial and work my way up alright?”

“Alright.”

Louis felt a slight twinge and when he looked down he saw the silver of the needle going further into the vein of his arms and not long after the tube filling up with blood that eventually went to the small vial. As each vial was filled with its appropriate amount, the nurse swiftly changed them out until she was on the last one, to which Louis was getting a little dazed. “Almost done there love.”

At that exact same moment Harry walked in.

He didn’t see Louis right away, busy talking to the nurse at the desk who not long after pointed towards the back, where he was, to which the older boy nodded and walked over.

Harry didn’t seem to be needing any of his own tests. No paperwork of any sort in his hand, his only intention of being here was Louis, to which the older boy smiled as he neared. He looked exceptionally good, something Louis didn’t see earlier for the fact that Harry had been wearing a coat. He had a button up on, ugly pattern something Louis couldn’t decipher in purple and black, that was only half way button, exposing not only Harry’s skin but his tattoos as well. His traditional black skintight jeans but Nikes on his feet rather than his abnormally posh boots.

Louis sometimes wondered if it was weird how each time he analyzed what his best friend would be wearing. Wondering what amount of skin the older boy would be showing. Questioning how desperately he would want Harry to kiss him or take him, or even just cuddle based on what clothing he picked out of his closest. It was a little over analytical, but Louis supposed it was normal, or at least his normal.

“Hey love, how’s the blood work going?”

“Great.” There was a bit of a slur to his words and when Harry glanced at the nurse worriedly, the woman was quick to assure that he would feel better once they got him some juice and a small snack.

As soon as she finished explaining, she was gently pulling out the needle and detaching the tube from the vial to cap it and place the fourth with the rest of them, all equally full of dark red substance. The nurse quickly cotton balled and bandaged his arm before packaging the vials and making a move to go elsewhere.

“Help him up dear, I’ll go get him a packet of crackers and a juice box.”

Harry nodded, expression rather serious as he grabbed Louis’ other arm with one hand while the other went to rest against his lower back, gently bringing Louis to a standing and upright position. “I didn’t just get out of anesthesia Harry, I’m not an invalid, don’t have to handle me like one.” Louis joked moving to take a step away, not so close to Harry’s chest, that he could smell the elders cologne, but not even lifting his foot, Louis stumbled a bit, slightly woozy.

Harry’s hand were quick to grab at his waist, securing at the flesh with purpose and pulling Louis back in towards himself to which neon spots danced in the younger’s vision again. “Is the amount of blood taken or the sight of blood making you a woozy Lou?”

Louis shivered a bit at the sound of Harry’s deep voice, resonating from within his chest and sounding loud even though it was muffled, just for Louis to hear. Louis nodded his head, cuddling in closer in the process to which majority of his cheek ended up on Harry’s bare chest. “Bit of both.”

At that moment when Harry was about to respond the lady came back and handed an already opened juice box and animal cracker package to Harry who gently pulled away and nudged the straw at Louis’ lips. Louis eagerly drank the sweet juice, a mix of pomegranate berry or something like that, nearly finishing it all in one go before pulling away and putting his hand out for the animal crackers that were placed in his hand almost immediately.

He ate the entire thing, and his head felt a little less heavy and a lot clearer, and when he shuffled his feet they didn’t feel numb and he was able to balance himself nicely. Nicely enough to back away the slightest bit and grab the juice box out of Harry’s hand, and smile at the lady.

“Thank you, y’know for the food and drink, and well taking my blood.”

The lady laughed melodically and patted his arm quickly. “Not a problem love, have a good day.” She nodded towards Harry before walking off to where she had went before.

Not even a second after she disappeared behind the doors, Harry was crowding back into his space and cupping his cheek, practically demanding his attention. “You sure you’re good.”

His eyes fluttering without permission, along with his heart and when he realized, he looked down, completely bashful. He felt Harry’s other hand grab by his ribs, digging in a little before ducking down, knees bent and all, to kiss Louis long. Harry’s top lip pressed in between both of Louis’ to which the younger wrapped both his arms around Harry’s neck, and pushed back against Harry’s, asking for more.

Harry pulled back with a chuckle, standing up tall once again and pulled away. “Can’t kiss you like that in public Lou. Plus we’ve got other things to do.”

Harry stepped back, beginning to walk back towards the doctor’s office, throwing a slight smirk over his shoulder when Louis ran to catch up. “What other things?!”

**

When Harry said other things to do, Louis did not expect to be standing looking at lube and condoms at Tesco’s with a giggling Harry by his side.

“Why are we here?” Louis asked for the millionth time, hands covering his face this time, trying to hide the fact his face was probably the color of a tomato or worse.

Harry sidled over to Louis’ side, grabbing his hand to stop the younger from drifting towards the end of the aisle away from the condoms like he had done three times before, to bring him right up front and personal to the magnums. Settling against the younger’s back, Harry hooked his chin over Louis’ shoulder and dragged his hands away from his face, beginning to talk. “I’m doing this because at any point or time, you should know how to buy condoms for your guy. There are many different kinds, ribbed, heating and cooling ones, plain, ones that feel bare, all sorts, trick is to get one that feels the best for both.”

Louis snorted despite his embarrassment and crossed his arms, feeling butterflies crashing against his ribs when Harry’s hands ran across his hips to his stomach, settling low on the button of his jeans. “Even though we aren’t using condoms, please do tell Harry what is your favorite?” Louis’ voice dripped with sarcasm, head lolling back the slightest to look at Harry, leaning back just in time to catch Harry’s lips twitching into a smile.

“Well dear Lou, even though I’ve only done it once, and that was because said condom ripped, no condom. Feels better, closer, more intimate.” The entire time he was explaining his breath was falling hotly against Louis’ neck making the younger twitchy, a sudden spike in hormones almost evident at the bulge of his pants. “But when I do get condoms they are generally different each time. Find it fun to get different varieties each time I buy.”

“Which ones do you have now?” Louis choked out, Harry’s lips having moved to brushing lightly against the nape of his neck, but that swiftly stopped when Harry stood completely straight and whipped Louis around.

Surprised and little off balance from the quick change, Louis stumbled back and managed to nudge a box of Trojan’s onto the floor. Louis immediately went to pick them up but was halted when he saw Harry’s stare, looking at him almost in disbelief.

“What?” Louis couldn’t help but ask, shrinking into himself when he felt Harry’s stare get harder. It really wasn’t Louis’ fault that he felt obligated to ask, in the back of his mind he still had the idea that Harry could and probably had fucked someone else when they had their little thing going. No doubt it had hurt, knowing that Harry was getting more from someone else because Louis wasn’t there yet, but he had accepted that idea a long time ago, when they were just friends, it had only taken a little longer this time, because Harry had seen him naked and had finger’s up his ass.

“Do you honestly still think I’m fucking around? I told you not even two hours ago that even if we’re just fucking we’re still just each other’s.” There was an obvious crease from anger sinking deeply into Harry’s forehead and Louis took that time to look away, ironically his gaze automatically fell on the box of condoms on the tiled floor.

“I thought that was just directed towards me because you’re more experience. I just figured you’d want to be getting from somewhere else, considering I can’t give you much.”

“Fuck sakes Lou seriously?” Harry asked, voice hesitating from rising to a yell that so desperately wanted to break out into the air. He looked up and saw Harry genuinely pissed off and angry. He made to step towards the older boy but simply got no further, Harry putting a hand up making him stop mid step, while shaking his head. “No Lou, just –don’t.”

“Harry!” But Harry was already rounding the corner out of the aisle, walking with purpose to somewhere other than Louis.

Louis sighed, shaking his head and trying to blink away tears. He looked at the box of condoms on the floor and nearly kicked them in frustration. Of course he had to be over intuitive and try to pull out answers he really shouldn’t want or need. It was his own fault Harry was furious with him, worse than he has been for a while, his fault Harry walked away, just because he can’t keep his _feelings_ his _curiosities_ under wraps.

Without anywhere else to look and just out of frustration, Louis’ gaze ended up on the entire shelf of condoms, lube stacked right beside them, all in amazing order of brand, kind and embarrassment for Louis. There was a vast variety of sizes, from widths to lengths of condoms and a variety of flavors of lube and when he leaned in to read labels, a variety of oil based and water based ones too.

He sighed. He knew he shouldn’t have said anything, so that Harry could be here to help him, if not for the condoms, for the lube because really he didn’t entirely know what was best. He only knew the bottle that Harry gave him a while ago, which with their continuous wandering hands and hormones, had been diminished to the point where there was barely anything left, Harry’s at his apartment nearly the same.

With rosy cheeks and a large huff, Louis looked closely and found the same brand of lube that he had at home, just plain and clear, and quickly grabbed two, before snagging a box of Trojan bare skin condoms and storming out of the aisle.

**

Harry had taken to walking to the opposite side of the store, feet hitting the tiled flooring with resonating hard smacks that seemed to drain his anger out with each step. It was as if his reasoning kicked in with each step he took farther away from the boy he was practically clinging to these days. That the distance was putting clarity at a rapid pace as if to say turn around and go back, but Harry knew he couldn’t confront Louis like this, infuriated and confused, without making things worse. There were still things his mind had to settle.

He walked by the fruit, pointlessly looking at the shiny green apples and ruby red grapes as his mind swirled with how the fuck Louis still hadn’t figured out he wasn’t fucking around. That there wasn’t a label visible, that inevitably as they spent more time fucking around, both literally and figuratively, Harry had managed to put one there, at least in his own mind. In confusion the older boy wondered how his Lou, still didn’t understand his grabby hands and wandering lips, as of late were more persistent for a reason and that reason was something he was almost positive they both wanted.

There was obviously a way to let everything be, just too straight out talk, but it was almost like their automatic reaction with each other was to hide behind gestures and innuendos. Their entire friendship had been built and continued with those things, simple little hand gestures that they used to communicate when they shouldn’t be, hugging each other like no other pair of best friends did. It had always been like that and Harry had never had an issue till now.

Without realizing he was back to aisle he had walked away from, past the fruit and cereal aisles to come back to the, as the store had labeled it, family planning aisle. It was only to find though, that the younger boy, his Lou that he only wanted to kiss, was not here.

With a huff and a heavy sigh, Harry made his way around the store, hoping to find Louis in a close by aisle, but there was no such luck four aisles down. Wondering if Louis had the mind to go look out by the car for him, Harry made his way to the registers close to the doors to leave, but as he was passing the fifth register open, he noticed the smaller frame and chestnut hair of the exact boy he was trying to find.

But when he peered over more attentive, rather than just a glance, he noticed the way Louis’ head was leaning to one shoulder and how he seemed to be teetering back and forth between feet, something he only did when Harry was openly flirting with him or offering him compliments, and well. When he sneaked a peek at the cashier he noticed a boy –or rather man, close to his age or maybe a tad bit older, smirk evident on his face as he watched Louis redden from his words.

Immediately upon seeing Louis’ blush that had almost permanently been reserved for him, Harry was moving his way to the appropriate line and nudging through the line barely muttering out pardon’s to settle nice and close along Louis’ back. Hand possessively slipping around Louis’ hip and digging in a bit harder than normal, tilting his neck to place a kiss to Louis’ head before straightening once more and smiling tightly at the cashier.

“Everything rung through?”

**

Louis couldn’t contain his smile when the older boy practically suction cupped himself to his back. It was comforting when his large hand, rings and all, had fit to his hipbone and curled in the slightest bit, tighter, as a firm kiss was placed by the crown of his head. He even nearly laughed out loud when Harry asked a question with a very obvious answer, but he contained it looking down to the bag in his hand.

The entire act was possessive, ridiculously so, but Louis couldn’t help the upturn in his stomach and hitch in spirits when Harry did it. It made him feel better, like Harry was willing to be beside him, regardless of anger or any other emotion. The surge of lust from the simple way Harry’s entire stance was screaming _back_ _off_ , and this is _mine_ nearly made Louis want to ask Harry to fuck him right then, but he held back. Watching as the cashier handed Louis his receipt and began to ring through other people’s items, signaling that Louis and Harry were good to go.

Harry silently urged Louis along with a hand on his back, pressing more firmly as if the pressure would ensure they got to the car quicker. It didn’t, and it also didn’t help that they parked close to the back, but when they got to the car, Harry didn’t hesitate to push Louis against the side of the car and kiss him urgently.  

Throwing his arms around the elder’s neck, Louis responded back, body arching inwards to Harry, mouth matching Harry’s insistence, only to be thrown a little when Harry backed away.

“What the hell is in that bag?” He whispered, quickly ducking back in, but to Louis’ neck this time, peppering sloppy kisses along his throat and trying to get at his collarbone. Louis’ free hand, sans bag, rooted deeply at the edge of Harry’s hair, pulling when the older boy began sucking hard on a patch of skin just below his jaw. When Harry nipped at the spot harder than before, Louis’ hips stuttered forward, crotch beginning to tent, wanting some sort of friction.

“Lou?” Harry whispered practically desperate and that’s when Louis realized Harry was harder than he was.

“Uhh... it’s l-lube.” Louis rushed out, feeling Harry push into him a bit further, hips twitching like they holding back from grinding into the younger boy in public. Harry gave Louis a raised eyebrow, arms winding around the younger’s hips to bring them chest to chest.

“Yeah?” His voice was getting a little too close to husky for Louis’ liking, because when Harry’s voice timbered it was as if his mind stayed in that state of mind, of wanting to get off.

“A-and condoms, but we’ve got to go to your place before we use them.” Louis insisted, eyes flashing down to Harry’s bulge that persisted to grow bigger even in the confinement of his jeans, before looking back up to Harry, who was looking at him pleadingly.

“You’re really going to make me drive?”

“Not going to do anything in public.” Louis whispered, pecking Harry’s lips once more before pushing him away, regardless of the elders pout. “Sooner you get us home, the sooner I’ll suck you off.”

Harry didn’t hesitate to drive after that.

**

Two weeks later, Louis found himself at his house, in his room watching a film, waiting for Harry to come over for their usual Friday get together.

It had been two weeks of them constantly on each other, Louis swore Harry’s finger tips were permanently etched into various parts of his skin from the past fourteen days. There were also an array of teeth marks and hickeys spread across the vast expanse of his chest and shoulders from where Harry would tease or take claim, something that always made Louis rock his hips harder, straddling Harry’s lap practically writhing in pleasure. Louis also found himself with permanent teeth marks along his lower lip whenever he had to snare the slim flesh to stop from blurting out an array of things that he had found himself keeping from Harry.

At this point it wasn’t just, _I love you_ , it was I want you to _fuck me_ , I want to be _yours._ And most recently and the most terrifying, I may be a _carrier._

In the fourteen days that Louis hadn’t been completely enamored and taken by Harry, be had spent his time looking up any sort of information that could help him understand this gene. He had only gotten as far as that a pregnancy drug that when consumed while pregnant in the years starting around nineteen-ninety-seven, while carrying a son, the drug gave them a gene that corresponded to being a carrier. That was as far as he dared to go, mind overloaded at the mere thought that it was possible while there was also the twist in his gut that was scared for him to find out if he had the MG gene.

He kept trying to push it to the back of his brain, finding it easy to wrap himself up in and on Harry, to be mindless for a while than to have it constantly blocking his brain. But it all quickly came back when Harry left or they had finished, and Louis was just lying there, mind suddenly flooded like it was reprimanding him for trying to forget. It was like everywhere he turned now there was something that reminded him of the possibility of being a carrier and that was the scary part. He watched his mum wander every once and a while into the rooms of his sisters, who weren’t back from dad’s and wondered if that would be him in a few years, sharing his kid between his and Harry’s house. Mind you that was if Harry ever found out.

Which brought him to the next terrifying part: knowing he couldn’t tell Harry about it. The number one person he wanted to go to, his best friend, was the exact person he was trying to keep this away from. Every time his phone rang and Harry went to answer it, Louis practically tackled him to get it first, afraid that the test results will have come in and Harry will hear. It was nerve wracking, sitting on edge in between curiosity and knowledge, knowing the results would be in soon. His gut was always in knots and each time it got harder to lie and say nothing was wrong, something Harry had seemed to catch on to easily, much to Louis’ dislike.

He wished he could tell his mom, his other confidante, but it seemed as of late, he had also been keeping a lot of things from her. She was entirely clueless as to what happened between him and Harry when the doors were closed and she wasn’t home, and there was that part of Louis that wanted to say something to her. But there wasn’t a direct line he could give her, no _He’s my boyfriend mom_ or _We’re together_ because the together she expected would be entirely different than the reality and he couldn’t face her disappointment. Not when all he’s ever done is make her proud, fill in gaps before she knew they were there, with as much of himself as possible so she wouldn’t have to ever worry about them or him, considering she had another four children and bills that were entirely more important.

And it wasn’t like he could exactly tell Liam either. His best friend, someone who constantly was honest to him, whether it brought butterflies or shards of glass to his stomach was not the kind of person he was looking to comfort for these days. He wanted a liar, someone who wouldn’t hesitate to plant seeds of hope in his stomach that they both knew wouldn’t grow but would be happy to remain ignorant about. But there was always that chime in his mind that reminded him of this past July, after the party that Liam had been the one to sweep out the nightmares and make his shoulders a lot lighter, ever when Harry couldn’t.

Ultimately he knew he was alone in this. Alone in the fact that he was doing things that would leave him screwed for him in the future. If Liam found out he had purposely not told him about any of this, he would without a doubt lose that friendship. Then there was Harry who, if he ever figured out half the stuff Louis’ kept from him would probably pity the younger boy to no extent, because there was no way Harry would love him back. And then there was his mom, who if she ever found out, she would feel like she received a punch to the stomach with all the lies her son was keeping from her. He supposed in the next few days he’d try talk to _someone_ , but really he meant Liam, because he couldn’t face Harry or his mum right now.

But for the time being he felt as if he could only count on himself and for someone who had always had a shoulder to lean on, that was terrifying.

**

It must have been two or so hours later, because when Louis’ woke up and looked out his window, the sun that had been setting was far past that and the sky had turned dark. He heard thumping on his stairs, which meant either Harry was here or his mum was here and well Louis honestly hoped it was the former.

It had been a couple days since they’d seen each other, Harry having to pick up a few more shifts at work than usual considering Uni was expensive this year and he also had rent to pay. Louis didn’t mind though, the few days of solitude led him to find more reasonable thoughts on the problems he was having. But then there was also that part of him that was inexplicably excited to see the older boy, to just go up and kiss him.

Turns out he didn’t have to move at all, because mere seconds later, with the accompanied sound of soft footsteps, his door was open and there stood Harry. He had the hood up of his grey sweater that he was wearing, but his hair still managed to escape in curly tendrils around his face making him look like he was sixteen again. His cheeks were a little pink, but he only noticed the soft hue with the way they were dimpled with a smile.

“Hey Lou.”

Louis dug his face into the comforter a little to hide the way his face stretched into a grin. “Hey Harry.”

The older strode in and Louis took the time to realize that Harry was wearing the one pair of light wash jeans he had, and _damn_ did his legs ever look good. He may have been drooling a little, or maybe his face was too much of a giveaway but Harry chuckled when he reached the end of the bed, catching Louis’ eye with a small smirk on his face. “Like what you see?”

Louis stretched so that he was no longer curled on his side but rather lying on his back, eyes darting between Harry’s legs and his eyes. “You just don’t normally wear light wash jeans. S’different.”

Harry laughed lightly, balancing himself against the wall to take off his socks before throwing them near the laundry bin and beginning to work on the buckle of his jeans. “It’s laundry day at my house, s’all I had.”

Louis watched as Harry effortlessly undid the buckle and pulled the rest from its loops, not even looking down. He swore he almost let out a small moan with the ease Harry performed it in, button coming undone next, barely even a motion at all before it was undone along with the zipper. Louis really should have realized that Harry was watching him, because before he knew it Harry was letting out a few more chuckles which snapped Louis’ out of his daze. “You sure are appreciative today.”

Louis couldn’t fight the small smile and blush that appeared but he didn’t make any move to stop it. “You just make everything look so effortless and attractive, s’hard not to watch you.”

Harry smiled back, murmuring out. “Thanks babe.”  Right after Louis found himself watching as Harry undressed from his jeans and not long after his jumper too, leaving the older boy naked save for his tight boxers.

Louis watched as Harry swiftly climbed in bed beside him, pulling up the covers and shuffling in to grab Louis by the waist and practically crush him against his chest. Louis didn’t get a chance to readjust before Harry was capturing his lips in a soft kiss, nibbling his bottom lip before snagging it making Louis moan granting him access. Louis lay there content and warm while being snogged by Harry, hand digging into the cleft of Harry’s collarbone when the older bit his bottom lip once more and pulled away.

His lip came back with a soft sound and Louis’ brought a hand to his mouth, feeling the indents that were left there already. “Only been here two minutes and you’ve got to leave your mark eh?” Louis joked, eyeing Harry with a false glare that quickly turn into a soft smile.

Harry smiled back before leaning over Louis the slightest bit and beginning to suck a love bite into the skin below his ear. “S’been two days, want to mark you a lot more than that.”

Louis chose to ignore the way his heart fluttered and chest expanded with pleasure to push his neck into Harry’s mouth, turning his face into the pillow more so that Harry had more access. “I’ve still got enough marks from you that you left three days ago.”

Harry didn’t answer and Louis didn’t press it, sinking into the mattress while Harry chose three different spots on his neck to kiss and bite at, to mark all he pleased. Finally after what seemed like a forever, Harry pulled back with a satisfied huff and laid back into his own side, leaving Louis with tented boxers and three more hickeys to account for. It was silent for a few moments before Louis turned to Harry, placing his chin on Harry’s chest.

“You did that on purpose didn’t you?”

Harry’s mouth quirked up into a small grin and there was that small bit of mischief in his eyes that Louis just knew.

“Maybe.”

There was that playful tone in his voice that made him sound younger, as if trying to be naïve, but there was also that twitch in Harry’s arms, like he was restraining himself from rolling onto Louis that made the younger believe Harry knew too.

Swallowing the lump in his throat, Louis shuffled up, placing his burning cheek against the bone of Harry’s shoulder, face hiding in his neck while his breath stuttered. Harry’s hand appeared on his back almost immediately after and stroked, coaxing goose bumps and a shiver out of his body that was nearly ready to curl up in a ball.

“You going to follow through with it.” Louis’ voice came out just barely a whisper, and he felt Harry still as soon as it did.

Pulling back to look at the younger boy, Harry breathed deep. “You want me too?”

And they both knew they weren’t talking about a silly little game, both probably knew it was a bit more of a game from the second it started but neither mentioned it. They didn’t have to.

Louis nodded, a small moan falling under his breath and that’s all it took for Harry to flip them over.

Automatically Harry’s mouth found his and he groaned at the contact, hands locking together behind the elder’s neck. Harry’s lips were only on his for a moment before they were moving along his jawline to his neck, forced to stop just before his collarbones for the fact that fabric was in the way. Harry’s fingers drummed on the edge of his shirt, signaling that the worn black material was wanted off. Louis didn’t hesitate to comply though, more than happy to shift and shimmy till the article was just a product on the floor.

Harry smirked as it was tossed to the floor too, looking up at Louis, while taping alongside his hip, motioning for Louis to lift his hips, Louis did and not long after found himself naked and under Harry, though that wasn’t entirely unusual as of late.

“Nice clothes by the way.” Harry whispered out, in the action of removing his own boxers and when Louis glanced to the side, he realized the shirt he was wearing along with the boxers were both Harry’s.

“Didn’t realize I was wearing your clothes.” Louis answered, a few chuckles falling from his lips that quickly turned into a moan when Harry shuffled in on his knees, just enough so that their dicks were touching.

“You probably have half my closest Lou.” Harry mumbled out, too focused on trailing his hands up the inside of Louis’ thighs, brushing teasingly against his balls and his perineum, making the younger boy’s breath catch with each drag.

Louis let out a loud whimper and Harry’s hands left the insides of his thighs immediately, arms quick to stretch over into the nightstand to grab the lube. Louis took that time to breath, hands falling to Harry’s ribs naturally to just have something to hold onto. He tried matching his breathing to that of Harry’s, hands being guided by the controlled expansion and contraction of the older boys breathing, something he didn’t have.

He knew he was ready for this, was nothing but aching for it, but there was that voice in the back of his head, too statistical for Louis to deal with right now, that was telling him this wasn’t right. It was the side of him that urged him to tell Harry he loved him, the side that ultimately knew this wasn’t entirely right but refused to say it was completely wrong. The side that pulled out those _feelings_ that he never really cared for or wanted to deal with, but had to. It was also the side that was coincidentally pulling nerves from every end of his body into his chest, with the intensity similar to the world on his chest, or so it seemed.

Before Louis was able to, said boy was back between his legs, naked and hard, looking nothing but determined with lube in hand. Slowly sliding his hands down to the v-line of Harry’s body, watching as the older boy’s cock twitched the slightest bit at the proximity, Louis’ breath stuttered just one times too many and instantly Harry was covering his entire body, cock forgotten.

There were gentle hands and a concerned gaze on his face immediately before Harry was whispering out. “What’s wrong Lou?”

Louis tried to shake him off, head going to move but Harry was already there stopping the movement and leveling him with a look. “We’ve talked about this already Lou, we only do things if you say what’s wrong?”

“Okay, I like want this _so_ bad but I’m just so nervous. It feels like I’ve got nerves jumping up and down my body but yet I just want this with like everything I have right now that my entire body is contradicting itself.” Louis murmured back, rushing it out all in one breath, and watching as Harry’s facial expression softened even more, if that was even possible.

“I’ve got you love. It’ll feel normal at first, make you feel so good while I open you up, then when you’re ready I’ll go in nice and slow and when you tell me you’re okay, I’m going to fuck you so good Lou. Promise.”

Louis nearly cried at that, before he was pushing up to latch his mouth with Harry’s. The older didn’t wait to kiss dirty, opening Louis’ mouth with practiced nips before fucking his tongue in with short jabs, working both their tongues together before regaining dominance over Louis’ entire mouth.

He pulled away after grinding their hips together in lazy circles for a few moments, going to grab the lube automatically, before Louis’ hand stopped him. Tiny fingers covered his quickly, and right away his eyes sought out Louis’. His big blues were looking right at him and despite the obvious lust there, there was something else, and Harry almost wanted more time to figure it out, but the younger’s gentle voice snapped him out of it.

“Thank you Hazza.”

Just shaking his head, Harry turned his hand upwards and linked their fingers together for a small moment. “Don’t need thanks Lou. S’what I’m here for.”

Nodding Louis squeezed before letting go of Harry’s hand to which the older lad grabbed the lube, opening it up with a small _snick_ before squirting some out. While his one hand was working his fingers together to warm up the clear substance, Harry’s other hand, large with rings on his pointer and middle ran to the inside of Louis’ thigh, feeling the soft skin there before slowly beginning to push it outwards.

Louis easily complied watching with half opened eyes and one hand absently rubbing his nipple. He pushed the one leg up, all while Louis moved the other one, till he was splayed out nicely, more than enough to cause Harry to lick his lips. He placed a kiss along Louis’ knee, just because he could and Louis was too attractive to not show appreciation.

Harry watched as Louis’ suppressed a shiver from the one faint kiss, smirking before leaning in to do it again. When he began to place slightly sloppy kisses to the younger’s knee and inside of his thigh, he brought his fingers closer, faintly tracing the pad of his pointer finger over the ring of muscles. Right when he began to suck a love bite behind his knees, Harry presses his pointer finger in to the knuckle and watched as Louis keened.

Louis felt Harry smirk against his leg, and he really meant to hit him for it but then Harry’s finger was curling and the thought disappeared. He let out a small moan and shifted his hips trying to get more.

“Patience Lou.” Harry murmured, taking his lips away from Louis’ bruised flesh to lean in over the boy. “I’ve got to be gentle about this.”

Louis _really_ meant to hit him for that one, but then Harry was bringing back his finger just to sink it in once more, so he left it be. He settled for grabbing underneath his thigh and pushing down when Harry began fucking his finger in quicker than the first few slow drags. There had been an accustomed silence that settled over the room, one with Louis panting just the slightest bit and Harry watching him intently, only every once and a while letting out a small breath or groan.

Not long after it started, Louis was ready for the second finger, moving his hips down more, seeking out more, but there was nothing there. Louis brought his hand to grasp Harry’s bicep when the older drew back the first finger and thrust in two. Without even having to ask, Harry understood what he needed and Louis moaned just at that.

“So good.” Louis whispered, hand wrapping tighter across Harry’s bicep, nails beginning to dig in. He knew it was only two fingers but two fingers meant everything right now when he realized what those two fingers were preparing him for. It wasn’t the most he had, no, that would be three, but it was the overwhelming feeling of being two fingers closer to losing his virginity. Of being with Harry like they have talked about for _months_.

Harry curled them up, just to tease, before pulling them back slowly, watching as Louis’ rim twitched at each pull back of his fingers. He moaned at that, cock twitching where it laid against his hip. “God Lou, look good.” Harry moaned, falling onto his hand by the younger’s head to lean in for an open mouth kiss.

Louis barely even followed Harry’s mouth, his own to bother with being open and panting, letting out small moans as Harry’s fingers stretched him open. “C’mon ‘nother Haz.” Louis whispered, drawing his legs open wider and tilting his neck to the side, giving Harry access. He felt a wet trail of saliva that followed Harry’s lips, remaining moist on his already tacky skin.

Harry shook his head in Louis’ neck, pulling back with a spit slick mouth that was pulled into a small smile. “Patience.”

Huffing, Louis ground his hips down as much as he could before scowling at the older boy when he made no move to help. “I’ve been waiting for months. C’mon Harry.” He urged whining when Harry leaned in to nip at his collarbones, growling under his breath.

“S’not fair. I want this to be so good for you, want to make you feel good, but you keep asking me to go faster, looking all pliant and adorable, almost writhing under me.” Louis moaned out when Harry took his fingers back to present three against his already stretched hole. “God Lou, you have no idea how much I want you.”

Louis nearly could have cried with hearing those words, another one of those things that he always wanted to come out of Harry’s mouth. But he simply chose to grab Harry’s wrist and push it in, forcing three fingers in himself, down to the knuckle.

Harry moaned out loud, eyes zoning down to where Louis’ dainty hand was wrapped around his larger wrist, holding his hand so that his fingers were in deep. When he glanced up Louis was looking at him with a sheepish smile and a large hue of fuchsia spread across his cheekbones. “You can have me.”

Louis didn’t know what powered him to grab Harry’s wrist like that or to say those words, but it felt liberating and before he knew it Harry was fucking him graciously with three fingers. Spreading them wide so that he spread with them, opening and getting ready for Harry’s cock.

Finally Harry pulled back, rocking onto his knees and lessening the work of his fingers to grab Louis’ attention, though that was entirely unnecessary considering Louis’ attention was already on him. Looking at the older, who had begun to sweat and the droplets trickled nicely across the expanse of his skin and muscles, and when the younger looked down he saw that he was harder than he ever had been with Louis.

“I-I –are you good Lou?” Harry stuttered watching the younger boy nod his head a little shyly, watching Harry intently.

“Yea- I, yes.” At first Louis’ voice came out quiet but he quickly cleared his throat and made sure Harry knew he was truly ready. “M’ready.”

Harry seemed to sigh and sag in relief and that left Louis letting out a few chuckles. The older obviously heard him and offered up his own smile, grabbing the lube and flicking it open before pouring a generous amount on his cock. Harry gently warmed it between his hands before coating his cock.

Louis leaned up, eyeing Harry from under his lashes, as if asking permission. The older nodded and immediately after Louis’ hand was coming up to rub lube over his cock, hearing Harry let out a small moan as he did.

When Harry deemed that there had been enough teasing, Louis found his hand being pushed away before he himself was being pushed onto his back. He waited for Harry to follow, but the older boy remained on his knees. Louis was about to ask what was wrong, almost afraid Harry had changed his mind, when the older spoke up.

“Are you alright on your back, do you want a different position?” His entire palm flattened on his bent knee, and Louis took a moment to consider it, feeling Harry squeeze his knee as he did.

Mere seconds later, Louis was shaking his head, extending his arms out for the older boy who promptly fell into them, just catching himself so that he was millimeters away from Louis face. “You sure?” He murmured, watching Louis with almost calculative eyes. Louis nodded, his hands going around Harry’s shoulders but falling to his biceps when the older pulled back to line up his cock to Louis’ rim.

When Louis felt the wet head of Harry’s cock touch his rim, his eyes rolled back and he whined. It was not even remotely close to feeling as good as anything they had tried before. Harry hurried to grab Louis’ hand, and squeezed, catching a little bit of what was left of the younger’s attention. “Look at me.”

Louis didn’t hesitate to listen, opening his eyes as wide as he could, looking straight at the older boy, and he didn’t even get a chance to question the determined look in Harry’s eyes before he was moving forward and suddenly he was being stretched and – _oh._

Louis practically mewled, head turning into the pillow and whimpering loudly when Harry’s hips continued to move forward, stretching him wide around Harry’s cock, that was _painful_ but yet _so good._ Louis’ head was pulled away from the pillow and when he looked up it was Harry who had pulled him back, hand against his jaw and rings cold against the bone. When he actually looked at Harry, taking a few moments to focus, he realized that Harry was nearly busting his jaw, his teeth clamped tightly together while his breath seemed to be halted.

“Can I…?” Harry trailed off and it took Louis a second to get it, but when he did he was quickly nodding, feeling rewarded when Harry began pushing in again, farther this time. Making Louis feel as if Harry was going to reach his stomach before he was bottomed out.

That didn’t happen, realistically, but when Louis placed his hand on his stomach after Harry’s hips met the curve of his ass, he certainly thought it had. He swore he could feel it. Feel the big head of Harry’s cock stretching into his stomach and filling him up so good that he couldn’t help but moan, wiggling his hips, even with the burn.

“So full.” Louis muttered, surging up to press his lips against Harry’s, his free hand going to tangle in the older’s hair, knotting themselves deep in his sweaty, messy curls. When Harry continued to kiss Louis, Louis brought his other hand to dig deep into Harry’s shoulder blade, forcing him forward, as if trying to get movement and well- that was permission enough for Harry to move his hips.

He wrapped his arms under Louis back, lining themselves up so that he could hold the smaller boy’s torso still before his hips pulled back to the tip and drawing back in, before doing the same within quick succession. He swallowed the whimpers that Louis let in his mouth, wrapping his arms around Louis tighter, which led the younger to dig both hands deep into his back spurring him on more, hips snapping quicker and faster till it was as if he was pounding into the younger boy, but neither minded.

Finally Louis let his lips fall from Harry’s, turning so his face in so that it was nestled against the older’s neck. He felt Harry’s head drop beside his and heard the deep, breaths resounding out of his mouth, matching the rhythm of his hips.

It continued like that, Harry hips constant in their motion of out and slamming back in, while Louis just laid there completely euphoric with the feeling of Harry being _inside_ him. Louis didn’t realize it could feel this intimate, he only ever saw sex being intimate when the two people knew they loved each other, but right now that wasn’t the case. He felt Harry peek down to where they were linked multiple times, head straining down to see how they were connected and when Louis could comprehend it, he managed to do the same. Sure he had to tilt his hips up and push Harry away a little, but _god_ what he saw after was worth it.

Louis was quick to fall back and moan, hand sliding down his chest, while Harry sat up on his knees, hips faltering in rhythm. They faltered even more when Louis’ hand reached down and felt where they were joined together, feeling the way Harry’s slick cock was stretching him wide. The older shuddered at the feeling, grabbing Louis’ hand to move away before anchoring his hands on the bone of the younger’s bent knees to piston his hips once again.

“Like the feeling of us together?” Harry practically slurred. His words were emitted as if coming from vocal cords that had been rolled in broken glass, lazy and unbelievably deep.

Louis wanted to puncture crescent marks into Harry’s shoulder blades, because _yes,_ he did like them together, in fact he loved it. They weren’t anything, but with the way Harry easily folded back down to encompass Louis form, fitting their limbs together like puzzle pieces Louis’ felt as if they were everything. Drawing curved line up the expanse of Harry’s back, Louis nipped his way, hard, against Harry’s adam’s apple to his ear, clearing marking that this boy, this man on top of him was more than just a friend. It was probably the love of his life.

“L-love you.” Louis managed to whisper, lips falling just against the shell of Harry’s ear before his prostate was being nailed. Harry’s hips relentless as they dug deep and fast to find that spot within Louis over and over again like it was buried treasure. Harry felt just as rewarded when Louis moaned out his name, back making a beautiful curvature that had white noise traveling to the very tips of his toes.

All Louis could register was that his heart felt lightweight as if on top of the world, and he knew his feelings and more obvious state of mind would reprimand him for those two silly words later but all he could focus on was Harry’s still driving hips. The push and the pull, each movement of Harry over him was like pulling at his heartstrings with, for once, the greatest of touches, greatest of intimacies.

He lost it, mind overwhelmed when Harry’s forehead knocked with his, eyes glued to each other while the bed started to squeak and Louis was constantly moving up wards, only being stopped by the safety of Harry’s arms. Those arms significantly tightened and when Louis was about to ask why, Harry’s nose pressed to his temple and said the same thing. “Love you Lou.”  He couldn’t help the way his body finally felt gratified, come shooting up onto his chest while he clung desperately to the shaking form that was the older boy.

Louis just barely had time to realize Harry’s shaking form was just as close as he was, or that his orgasm had tightened his already tight entrance enough for Harry to still completely. His head immediately tucked into Louis neck, moaning out the younger’s name before biting into his shoulder and coming. Inside Louis.

“You just came inside.” Louis whispered, hands finding themselves into Harry’s sweaty curls, winding around masses of curly tendrils. He felt Harry blink in his neck, eye lashes sweeping delicately across his skin before the older was pushing himself up again.

“Please tell me you’re okay with it, because god Lou it felt amazing..” Harry murmured back, bringing a hand to brush away Louis’ own sweaty fringe.

Louis blushed, looking down. “I am –it did-does feel good.” And it was true he could still feel the way Harry was inside, warm but still softening.

“Yeah?” Harry asked, leaning in closer for a kiss.

“Yeah.” Harry captured Louis’ lips before he could say anything else and Louis couldn’t help but smile into the kiss.

He was lying in his bed, sweating and covered and filled with fluids after having just lost his virginity to his best friend, the boy he loves. Louis felt gratified, dangerous, happy and crazy. But most of all, he felt loved.

 

 


	5. Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO sorry for the wait. I'm incredibly sorry but just like everything else things became busy and before I knew it three months have passed since I've updated! I have decided to split the last chapter into two so I can update sooner! I hope you like this chapter because this is probably my favourite so far! Really sorry for the late update but I hope this makes up for it!! 
> 
> Happy Easter!!

Louis woke up to soft kisses on his back.

It felt incredible, heaven like even, and he certainly didn’t want to move. He was afraid to disturb the peace, his room silent and serene, but Harry, as usual, knew when he was lying or not. No sooner had the kisses stopped, Louis whined and arched his back looking for those lips again, did he hear Harry chuckle. The arm slung over his waist tightened, and the lips cam back, this time starting at the curve of his shoulder and working to the hinge of his jaw.

“Morning Lou.” The words were murmured in the crook of his neck and the contentment in the older’s voice was enough for Louis to open his eyes and shuffle to face him. Harry looked rested and happy, arm bent so his palm could support his head while peering down at Louis. For a moment Louis wondered why; why Harry looked so incredibly good in his bed, looking at him in wonder, until it hit him that last night they finally went all the way. Louis wasn’t a virgin anymore.

“Oh.” Louis whispered, looking down at where his hand laid on Harry’s peck. He saw a few lovebites along Harry’s neck and torso and blushed when he realized they were from his doing. He felt more than heard the laugh that came from Harry’s chest and was startled when a larger hand covered his own.

“Yeah oh.” Harry responded, turning Louis’ palm over to tangle their fingers together. When Louis chanced a glance up Harry was staring at him with nothing but fondness, smiling softly at the younger. “You doing okay?”

Louis maintained eye contact and nodded, not being able to stop the bright smile that stretched across his face. “Good.” Tightening his fingers in between Harry’s he nodded his head once. “I- yeah, I’m really good.”

It seemed he wasn’t the only one extremely eager this morning. As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Harry was kissing him, it was just chaste, but Louis still felt butterflies. The older pulled away and all Louis could do was smile at him. “That’s good.” Harry murmured, kissing Louis once more before separating completely. He sat up on the bed and reached to tug on some boxers, while Louis pulled the covers closer, leaning up on his elbow.

“Where you going?”

Harry looked back and sighed at the sight. Louis looked beautiful, almost ethereal, as he lay in the bed. A smile twitched onto Harry’s face when Louis asked him what he was staring at, he couldn’t help but duck his head down, his cheeks rosy this time. “Nothing babes. Just you look-“ Harry paused, trying to think if there was another way to phrase it but he really didn’t think there was. “To be completely honest you look fucked out, and I really like it.”

Almost immediately Louis’ cheeks turned scarlet but his gaze only wavered for a moment before he was looking right back at Harry.

“Well I would hope you’d like it, S’your fault I look like this.”

And well, Harry’s cock gave a slight twitch at that. He looked down at Louis and saw the younger look him up and down a smirk falling onto his face when he saw Harry’s dick twitch.  “Getting excited there Haz?”

And it really shouldn’t turn him on, but Harry can’t help but fall back into bed, fall back onto Louis. The younger squeals when Harry drops his weight over him, resting on his elbows, faces only inches apart. Louis still parts his legs obligingly beneath the blankets, making room for Harry’s hips. He has a wide smile on his face and set of a dozen butterflies in his stomach that won’t settle down. Harry’s smile seems to match his, and Louis’ giddiness only increases when the older rocks his hips down.

“Looking to start something?” Louis laughs, tilting his head back when Harry begins nosing at his neck, pressing soft kisses as his trail.

“Can you blame me?” It’s whispered into Louis skin and its quiet enough that it sends shivers through Louis’ body. Louis feels inclined to respond, he always does when Harry talks but it seems like Harry wasn’t finished. “You look so incredibly good after last night. God Lou, knowing that I made you look this good, after-“ Harry stutters, like he’s overwhelmed, hips rocking down, just starting to look for friction,

“After you stretched me open around your cock and took my virginity?” Louis answers, watching as Harry’s head shoots up, wide eyed and turned on. The older moans and Louis watches as he shakes his head as if in disbelief. Anyone would be really. There was no way Louis would have said that five months ago. 

Louis didn’t have to question what was going on before Harry was shuffling back and ripping the thin layer of sheets away from his body, enough to expose his already half hard dick. Harry was barely even back between the V of Louis’ legs when he filled his hands with Louis’ thighs, pushing up to expose the younger’s entrance. Louis moaned and lifted his hips up, trying to expose himself quicker, knowing where this was going.

Harry stilled all movements abruptly, smirk growing on his face, looking at Louis. “Yeah?”

The younger blushed. “Yes.” He grunted, snapping the waistband of Harry’s boxers impatiently.

Louis heard Harry huff out a laugh, shoulders hunching down as he shook his head in something that could easily be fondness. Louis pressed his fingernails tightly into Harry’s hips calling the older’s attention once more. The smaller boy bit his lip as he watched Harry’s shoulder’s rolled back, chest puffing out as he looked back at Louis, raising a brow in question.

This time Louis really blushed, embarrassment of what he was going to say, leading his eyes to the wall behind the other’s shoulder. “You can’t just expect me to be patient at your snail pace after the night you gave me last night.” Louis rushed out, trying to ignore the way Harry’s hips shifted forward, like a promise. “I’ve had your cock, now- now I want it again. So- give it to me.”

When Louis looked back at the older coyly he found him staring at him in amazement. His hands rounded from the back of Louis’ to the sides before sliding to his hips and grounding themselves roughly. Louis was going to ask again, _demand_ it again, but all he could do was grunt and then moan when Harry pulled him to meet his hips desperately.

Louis’ head dug into the mattress hard, eyes squeezing shut as Harry pushed their groins together, the older’s bulge rubbing nicely against Louis’ own hard dick. When Louis’ eyes opened, they were practically slits, but it was enough to see Harry’s biceps bulge as he lifted Louis’ hips up, enough that Louis’ legs wrapped around ribs instead of hips and that his hole was in perfect alignment with Harry’s cock.

Louis watched as Harry’s attention zeroed in between his legs. He almost wanted to close them in embarrassment, but the way Harry looked hungry for it made him push his hips closer, legs trying to work open even more. His hands moved up to clutch at Harry’s, drawing the older’s attention back to his face and when Louis looked at him, Harry dropped his legs, letting his hips bounce off the mattress once before covering them with his own.

Harry wasn’t even completely on top of him yet and Louis was desperately searching for the lube. His hands worked for it quickly but they quickly got distracted when Harry’s cock slid between his cheeks. He let out a moan and his hands stopped looking for lube completely, choosing to grab onto the sheets and rock his hips down to meet the wet tip.

Harry grabbed his hips, forcing them down and still, while he pushed himself up to meet Louis’ lips. His bit first and kissed after, running his tongue over the teeth marks he managed to make. When he pulled away Louis was left breathless and incredibly turned on, even more so then before. If there was anything that turned him on like a switch with Harry, it was kissing, first thing they did and it still managed to be top three for Louis. (The first was actually having sex while getting eaten out was probably tied with kissing, _but really_ though it probably has been since day one.)

“Lube?” Harry whispered desperately, hands disappearing from Louis hips to tug at his boxers, getting them completely off his legs. Louis closed his eyes and nodded, as if reminding himself that he once was looking for that, before scrambling and trying to find it.

He had twisted on his stomach reaching to the farthest corner of his bed before finally finding it, but by then Harry was already scaling his back with his mouth. Sloppy kisses being placed from the curve of his back to the hinge of his jaw, Harry settling, very much so naked, against his back.

It was good that the bottle of clear lubrication wasn’t open other wise the bottle would be wasted on sheets, Louis hands squeezing together tightly, nails digging into his palms when Harry rutted his hips up, cock once again sliding between his cheeks.

“Got it?” Harry asked, but it was apparent he already knew the answer, hand coming to reach for the bottle as he asked. Louis nodded numbly and turned his head to the side, just in time to meet Harry’s lips, this time gentle and caring.

“Feel okay?”

It really was a dumb question. Louis was literally writhing underneath the older’s body, just waiting to be penetrated, and Harry had the nerve to ask whether he felt okay. The only way Louis was going to feel better is if he had cock up his arse, and preferably soon. And when he meant soon he meant now. The only thing Louis didn’t feel okay with was Harry’s leisurely pace.

“Feel a lot better with your dick in me.” Louis mumbled, half of it jumbled into sheets and pillows, but it was apparent that Harry heard when the cap opened to the lube. Louis felt his shoulder relax and tense for all the same reasons.

Louis wanted to shuffle his pillow, straighten the sheets, basically do anything that would distract him. But he couldn’t. There was something along the lines of not wanting to move afraid of disturbing the peace. There was also the greater part that made his limbs feel like cement whenever he was this intimate with Harry but that was another issue entirely. That had to relate to his _feelings_ and the way his chest always seemed to feel hollow for the fact that his heart was never there. That someone else had it in their palm of their hands. If his heart was in those hands happened to belong to the man touching his hip as he slipped the tip of his cock in well –

Like Louis said, that was an entirely different matter.

When he glanced back, Harry was still only half inside, but to Louis he was too caught up in the beauty of the man. He looked unreal, abs clenched as he slowly punched his hips forward, eyes drawn down causing hair to fall from where he had it tucked, it lay in sweaty wavy lengths. His shoulders were broad and tensed, connected to arms that bulged at the way he was holding onto Louis body. He glistened with sweat and looked absolutely breath taking as he dicked into Louis, finally resting his hips to Louis ass. To many it would look gross or unappealing but to Louis he loved it all.

“You look incredible Hazza.” Louis meant for it to be a thought, but it appears sex interferes with his brain to mouth filter. He watched as Harry’s arms tense feeling the pressure being added to his hips, before Harry’s head slowly came up, looking at Louis with emotions that he couldn’t decipher.

Harry abruptly pulls out and Louis wants to protest but he’s already being manhandled and rushed onto his side. Harry’s hands pushing into all sides and curves of his body to get him to comply. When he’s completely on his side, Harry’s right behind him, literally. He’s molding Louis’ back to his front, grabbing his thigh to push it up and _oh._

Harry slides in easily, bottoming out not long after. Louis goes to grip the sheets once again for what’s probably the hundredth time in the past twenty-four hours, but Harry is curling their fingers together and pinning them to his stomach as he rocks his hips forward. He’s testing the waters even though he knows what Louis can take, he’s being careful like he always is and that makes him clutch the hand in his tighter.

He vaguely feels Harry squeeze back but he’s too enveloped in Harry pulling his hips back fully and pistoning them back in to feel the gesture. He moans and arches greatly into the touch. Harry moves their hands up, tightening his grip around Louis hand and Louis himself. When the younger realizes Harry’s the primary source keeping them together he goes to hold his leg, but Harry yanks his hand back. Placing them higher before beginning to thrust his hips in faster and harder enough to make Louis’ head roll back.

“Don’t- Just let’me –ugh- Lou just let me have this.” Harry grunts, forcing more pressure into his thrusts to the point where Louis feels like he’s being pounded. He manages a glance back at the older, and seems this persistent gleam in Harry’s eyes, one that’s there when Harry is overly passionate or even sometimes in love and it clicks in Louis brain.

_Oh God._

Louis comes. Right there on the spot with stars dancing in his vision. Harry grunts in surprise, unwinding their hands and dropping Louis’ legs so they can move. They end up in missionary, like last night, and Louis doesn’t even care that he’s going to be sensitive, he just parts his legs and practically pulls Harry in. Harry comes willingly, filling Louis again as he pushes his hips in frantic enough to not even have a rhythm. Harry holds himself on one arm and cups Louis’ cheek with the other, opposite enough from the action of his hips to draw Louis’ eyes open. Immediately he sees that gleam again, the one Harry has when he’s passionate and it nearly makes him hard again. Louis is moved over and over again, watching as Harry barely holds himself up, sweaty and breathtaking. Harry catches his eye and Louis can’t hold it back.

He surges up, one arm wrapping around Harry’s neck and digging into the base of his curls, tugging and bites a kiss into his lips. He feels Harry’s hips stutter before they go back to their non-existent rhythm and he just – can’t anymore.

He pulls away and waits till Harry’s jade eyes meet his own, he bites Harry’s lip then his own before winding his hands in deeper. “I love you.”

Harry thrusts in one last time, deep, then he stays still, hands going to the headboard and digging into the wood, wringing as he started to come. And Louis- Louis can feel it, the thick pulse coating his insides. He whimpers against Harry’s mouth, mixing it with Harry’s drawn out moan. A large hand comes to cradle the back of his head and before Louis can protest, not like he _would_ , Harry’s kissing him, bitey and sweet, everything Louis _needs_ right now.

Harry pulls away and lays Louis back, kissing his forehead as he murmurs it back. “Love you too Lou.”

They stay entangled for a while, Harry in Louis, head resting in the younger’s neck just breathing. Louis was carding his hands through Harry’s hair hearing the older sigh every once and a while. They both evidentially don’t want to move and neither is intending to.

That is until they hear the slam of the front door.

Louis hands stop completely body gone stiff, Harry slowly lifts his head and stares at Louis blankly. They both wait and sure enough Louis’ mum’s voice calls out and well- they start moving.

Harry immediately bolts up, looking around frantically because he’s naked and as much as Louis’ mum loves him they both know everything will click if she sees them like this. Louis watches as Harry quickly grabs a jumper and sweats for himself, tugging them on in a way that shouldn’t be attractive, before looking around for Louis’ clothes. He spots the shirt that Louis was wearing last night and tosses it to Louis along with a pair of boxers. Louis hasn’t moved, internally he knows that isn’t good, he can hear his mum muddling around on the main floor and there is probably only a minute till she starts making her way upstairs.

It seems Harry comes to this realization too, sliding up the bed and forcing the shirt over Louis’ head.

“What the hell Lou?” Harry hisses. “Do you want to get caught?”

Louis pulls his head through the neck opening and slips the fabric down his torso, continuing to lay down, but trying to grab for the sheets.

“Lou!” Its hissed again and Louis looks at the older quickly. He grabs the jumper Harry’s wearing and tugs effectively bringing the older closer.

“I currently have your mass amounts of come leaking out of me, so I don’t really know what you expect me to do.”

Harry’s automatic reaction is to shoot his hand in between Louis legs and cope a feel himself. Louis tries to shy away with the fact that his mum is literally seconds away from coming in, but it appears Harry doesn’t care. He gathers what come has slipped out onto three fingers and pushes those three fingers into the smaller boy, swirling them around once before pulling them out and grabbing the boxers.

“If you put these on and pretend like you aren’t leaking I swear I will make it worth your while.” Harry whispers, bringing Louis’ legs across his lap to start fitting the boxers up his legs. Harry looks at Louis and that gleam, that overly passionate one, is filled with determination this time and Louis just lifts his hips to comply.

They just fit together, Louis laying himself across Harry’s chest, while Harry goes to grab the last of the blankets that Jay walks in.

She seems startled to see Harry there, but still not entirely surprised. It’s not completely abnormal for the curly haired boy to be around when she wasn’t. It was practically the norm, so she just overlooked the boy in her sons’ bed and began to talk.

“Hey boo. I just got in and was going to make breakfast yet, you guys hungry?”

Louis goes to answer but Harry already beats him to it. “We were just going to get up and make some.” Harry answers and really Harry should have had a better answer prepared.

“Really Lou was going to help cook? You must be one special boy because I can barely get him in the kitchen to eat let alone cook.”

It appears Harry has realized his mistake. Louis cranes his head up and sees that Harry looks a bit bashful, smiling. “Of course the me cooking was implied. Louis would just show up to eat.”

Jay smiled and nodded. She begins walking out of the doorframe, before turning around and looking at the two. She makes eye contact with Louis and he knows that she knows something’s up. Still she only smiles. “I’ll make some brekkie. Full breakfast sound good?”

Harry replies to her enthusiastically but Louis just nods. She leaves, closing the door with a soft snick, and Louis just knows he’s in for something with his mum when Harry leaves. He sags against Harry’s chest, hands clenching into his jumper while his legs moves across Harry’s thighs, despite the uncomfortable feeling between his legs.

He must grimace, or Harry must just know, because the older’s hand falls to the curve of his bum, nimble fingers working under the elastic before cupping and squeezing. Louis shuddered against Harry’s side, hiking his leg up before pushing back into Harry’s hand.

Harry’s fingers flit across his hole but before Louis can push back for more, they’re gone and the elastic is snapping back against his back and Harry’s rolling away. Louis sputters and sits up as well, kneeling over so he covers Harry’s back and whines. He fits his nails into Harry’s pecs and clinging on harder even when Harry goes to move off the bed. Harry’s hand come to cover his and Louis already knows that the older is going to try and peel his hands off, so he sits on his bum behind Harry and wraps his legs around his waist.

Harry sighs and for a moment Louis feels too clingy. Wrapped around this boy that isn’t even his, acting desperate for the attention. He relaxes a little but not a lot when Harry’s hands come to grip his ankles. Wrapping them around gently as if afraid to break the dainty looking things.

“I promise babes, I’ll make it worth it.”

Louis squashed his face in the older’s shoulder blade and pouted. “Then why aren’t you doing anything?”

This was when Harry forced Louis limbs from his own body. Louis complied a bit reluctantly, but waited patiently as Harry turned around but stood up, leaving the younger looking up at him. Large hands framed his face and then Harry was curling down to place a gentle kiss on the younger’s lips.

“I want to eat you out right now and that is not happening when your mother is downstairs. You- we both are far too loud for anything to go on while your mother is here alright?” Harry asked, kissing Louis again. He pushed Louis’ lips apart and moved his tongue inside, giving a fucking motion that made Louis whimper. “I promise when we’re at mine, I’ll make it worth your while. But right now we got breakfast to eat with Jay.”

**

Almost immediately after Harry had left, Jay was on him.

He ultimately knew it was coming, but when his mum sidled up beside him to dry the dishes, he knew he was cornered. She stayed silent. Wiping off a couple forks then bowls, setting the delicate china wear down before looking at her son. Louis adamantly kept his gaze on the pan, scrubbing away the cooking grease and oil from it to avoid the intuitive glance of his mother.

“He’s your person isn’t he?” She asks the question as Louis silently gives her the pan to dry. She towels around it carefully while watching Louis with the same precision. Louis’ hands sit in the gross mucky water, clenched and shaking, cause _goddammit_ his mum always knows. As gross as the water is, he refuses to take his hands out, knowing without a doubt they’re a dead giveaway, but he supposed his sigh and the way he sinks into himself is also one.

Louis chances a glance at his mum, and sees the sympathy in her eyes. He sometimes forgets his mum found love young too. She sets down the pan, and flips the drying towel over her shoulder, an old trick Louis remembers her doing since he was little. She turns to prop her hip against the counter, folding her arms across her chest, looking at him softly.

Louis sighs and tries to think of something else, but Harry pervades his head. The emerald eyes, the curly hair, dimples and gangly giraffe legs, they’re all part of a person, parts that he adores to add up to the whole that he loves and he doesn’t think his heart can take the secret anymore.

“He’s my person, he just doesn’t know it yet.”

***

“Regular tea and a muffin right?” Harry asked, peering at Louis curiously as he slung hi jacket around his chair.

Louis nodded, doing the same with his jacket, before sitting down at the two-person table and looking up at Harry. The older was waiting for Louis to tell him what kind of muffin, though really Harry should know, it’s _always_ chocolate chip, before he headed off to the queue.

They were in yet another, café that Harry had introduced to Louis. This one was more hole in the wall kind of hipster than the others, this being the fifth café or bakery shop they’d been to in the past week.

It had nearly been a week since they went all the way and that morning with his mum, and Louis found himself being more inclined to tell Harry that he was his person. When Harry had promised, in the heat of the moment and adrenaline rush to make things worth his while, Louis certainly hadn’t expected five coffee shops in six days, followed by hot evenings at Harry’s flat. Louis often found himself spending all his free time there, and with each time he laid out his homework on Harry’s coffee table of burrowed himself into Harry’s bed like it was his own he seriously contemplated telling the older he was in love.

And Louis wouldn’t be inclined to tell someone he loved them on simple coffee runs and almost raunchy nights, but this was Harry. Ever since he saw that gleam in the older’s eyes, he’d seen that the coffee runs were closer to dates and raunchy sex was closer to making love than plain old fucking. Louis didn’t entirely know if the sudden passion from Harry was sex induced or feeling induced but either way, Louis felt in love, like cloud nine worthy in love.

They felt like a real couple. Louis got pecks in public along with linked hands and the occasional arm over the shoulder or across his waist and it felt so _normal_ that Louis felt as if he could burst. This was literally all he could ever want.

The gesture of Harry gentling placing a mug of steaming tea in front of him calls back his attention, enough to make his lips quip into a small smile for Harry to see when he settles across from the younger boy. Harry smiles back but his is more of a grin than a soft smile like Louis’. He presents two paper bags filled with the muffins, chocolate chip for Louis and blueberry for Harry.

“How was school?”

It’s Harry usual question and Louis generally has a decent answer for it (math was good, English was boring, French was challenging, computer science was interesting). But today his day consisted of Liam entirely. Even when he was in classes, his best friend insisted on constantly berating him about his recent life choices, that being he knew that Louis gave it up. Liam’s entire goal of today had to have been convincing Louis to talk to the new guy, which no- Louis was in his love bubble.

Louis decided on a vague answer, hoping Harry wouldn’t notice. “S’fine, nothing new or exciting.”

Harry quirked a brow, taking apart his muffin carefully and taking a bite, chewing carefully as if giving Louis a stare down would make the younger break, having used that tactic before. Louis ignored him, knowing this really wasn’t something that he could bring up. Instead he ripped off the top of his muffin, a tad harshly and took a bite.

Harry let out a chuckle and put his own food down, taking his water and sipping it carefully. Louis could feel him watching, but he really didn’t care. He watching as Harry’s adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed, before he glanced up and caught the mischief in the older’s eyes. He rolled his own and debated giving the finger, deciding against it before blowing on his tea, making sure to hollow his cheeks.

He caught Harry there. The older sputtered before he swallowed, coughing a few times before looking over at Louis who was coyly sipping his tea.

“I see how you play.”

“I have absolutely no idea what you are talking about.”

“Don’t play shy with me Lou.” Harry mused, catching the younger’s foot in his ankles. “I know what you’re capable of.”

Louis smiled, almost bashful, bringing his other leg to hook his own around Harry’s, their legs looking like pretzels. Harry smiled back grabbing his muffin once more before beginning to pick at it slowly.

“Really though Lou, how was school?”

Louis sighed thinking they dropped the subject, but began to explain, picking at his own muffin. “Liam just basically is nagging me a lot because I gave it up to you, but today he was especially bad, even going as far to tell me about this new boy, which I actually don’t think is new. I think Liam just realized he was here.” Louis tried to fit in a joke but from the way Harry’s eyes were cast down, it didn’t help.

“He still doesn’t like the idea of us together does he?”

As it always did, Louis heart imitated a jackhammer when Harry said together. Louis nearly rolled his eyes because really, these _feelings_ had heard much more heart hammering things than _together_.

“He’s not your biggest fan no-“

“Because I slept around right?” Harry interrupts. He looks up and Louis sees that fire in his eyes that marks his passion for the subject. Pretty close to angry but also close to passionate because it revolves around them.

“No- well actually yes Hazza but-“ Louis pausing, catching Harry’s hand in his own. “He doesn’t realize that you’ve stopped anything else and that it’s just us, yeah? He doesn’t get that. I do so like, don’t worry about it.” He explains, thumbing over the tops of the older’s hands. “I’ll deal with Liam.”

Harry sighs, tension seeping from his shoulders, while he flips his hands to knot with Louis’. “Got homework babes?” He asks softly while Louis marvels at the size difference in there hands. Like everything else, the gap is substantial.

Louis nods. “Got to start an English essay and do some formulas for chemistry along with a small assignment in math but other than that I’ve got a relaxed night.” Louis explains and compared to a lot of the nights he’s had that isn’t much.

“I’ve got some reading to do. Got to go through and highlight the important stuff make cue cards and definition cards so I can be prepared for midterms. They’ll be here in no time.” Harry groans, dropping his head down to table.

Louis laughs carding his hands through the knotted curls, working them out gently. “You want to go home and start that?”

Harry nods, takes a minute before he heaves himself up and grabs his jacket tossing it on while Louis does the same. The younger finishes off his luke-warm tea before setting the cup down and grabbing Harry’s offered hand and walking out of the door.

They get to the car and before Louis can open his door, Harry’s boarding him in and kissing him sweetly. He tastes like blueberries and a bit of the mint gum he always chews. Louis chases it hungrily and is rewarded when Harry’s lips work harder against his own. Louis just rises up on his toes, hands working into Harry’s curls when the older pulls away.

“We can continue that, but it should probably be at my flat.” Harry laughs, petting at Louis’ cheeks that turn rosy.

“Yeah sounds good.” Louis nods hands patting at Harry’s shoulders before they fall back to his sides. Harry steps back and Louis hurries to get himself in the car. Just doing up his seat belt as Harry gets in and starts the engine. They start going and Harry’s hand settles onto his thigh like it practically belongs there and Louis allows it.

It does belong there, at least in Louis’ mind.

**

A few more days pass like that.

School, dates, sex and then study. Sometimes the mix is different, especially on the weekends when Louis doesn’t have school but Harry has work or classes. They make it work in some semblance of that order, and it continues the way it has for nearly three weeks.

It’s been the best three weeks that Louis had in a while, mind you the past months with Harry have all been good. It’s just these dates seem to be getting them to a place that Louis definitely wants to be. Closer to dating than fuck buddies which is months worth of improvement and hard work -more like fucking about- being paid forth.

Louis certainly can’t find himself ignoring the hand holding or the cute little pecks, or the way each time they have sex they say I love you at the end. And appears neither can Harry because most of the time he instigates it, though the first few times were with fake nonchalance and a stomach full of nerves. Now it’s instinctual and expected, like any other couple, and though they haven’t said they’re together, Louis feels like it’s soon and that feeling-.

It’s a high to say the least.

Practically three weeks after giving it up, he’s still walking around like he’s foolishly happy from his first lay. He still feels like he is, he’s practically being fucked everyday, before or after very cute dates and it’s his type of idealistic.

Louis knows his type of an idealistic lifestyle is not the realistic one, but he ignores it to fly high on cloud nine. He really shouldn’t have ignored it but he did, and he remained blissful. But it was only a matter of time before Louis’ couldn’t ignore it anymore.

**

Louis’ nearly falling out of his seat giddy in last block when his phone rings.

He’s in study block last, like he always is, in one of those little rooms in the library given to students who excel, Louis has always had one, and it comes in convenient for times like these. The buzzing sounds and automatically Louis answers it. He’s expecting Harry, the older usually calls before he picks him up to elaborate on where they’re going while the younger packs up his things. It’s a silly thing but something they both enjoy. He doesn’t even bother looking at the caller I.D the only person it would be right now is Harry, probably asking if he wants to be picked up early.

It isn’t.

“Hey.” The smile is evident when he answers, pen already dropped and math homework forgotten. He’s damn near ready to pack up his stuff, thinking the older is about to ramble off interesting facts about where they are going. He stops short and his smile drops when a very different voice comes through the other side.

“Hello Mr. Tomlinson this is Dr. Turner from the medical center. I assume you remember me.”

Louis brows furrow and butterflies jump to his throat. “Um –yeah I remember you.”

“I’m assuming you’re confused as to why I’m calling?”

Louis nods before remembering that the doctor can’t see him. “Y-yeah, I’m really confused. It’s been like a month.”

“I know you had your appointment a month and a week ago with us. Sorry it took so long for us to get the results, but there had been a backup in our lab seeing as part of our machinery broke down and the replacement was unavailable longer than we expected meaning all samples were logged up and had to be tested under limited supplies.” The doctor apologized, Louis murmured out that it was fine before the doctor continued. “We have your results now Mr. Tomlinson.”

By now his heart is thumping because he knows why doctors always call back, especially when there has been testing done. The news if very rarely good and immediately Louis brain jumps to the conclusion that he has some sort of disease and right after his heart plummets because that means he could have passed it along to Harry. He nearly pukes right then and there.

“Hello? Mr. Tomlinson?”

“Hmh?” He questions not entirely sure if he trust himself enough to open his mouth, afraid either a sob or bile with come out.

“Did you hear me Sir? I’m afraid there came back a positive on your test.”

Louis has to cover his mouth to stop from crying out in the otherwise quiet area. He can’t bring attention to this, especially not in school.

“You still there Mr. Tomlinson?” He hums so the doctor continues. “Every other test came back clean. There have been no positive tests for STI’s or STD’s. The only thing that popped up is that you are indeed a carrier. You tested positive for masculum graviditate.  ”

Louis nearly sighs in relief before he realizes that he wasn’t cleared for everything. He seizes up and ends the call. Nearly spasms as he throws his stuff together, binder nearly loosing all its contents while his pencil case does, spilling across the entire desk top. He huffs, nearly bursting into tears there, because, -no he cannot handle a physical mess right now when he’s got an figurative one.

He could have very well have caused a hurricane with his stupidity, and he couldn’t take the time to clean up minimal messes right now when a disaster could very well be settled inside him.

He needed a pregnancy test and he needed it now.

**

As he waited for the allotted ten minutes, Louis allowed himself time to breathe.

There seemed to be a constriction in his chest and as much as he wanted to believe that he could get through this on his own, he knew he couldn’t. The possibility was enough to nearly have him on the floor, let alone when he got the test results, but his options were thin. There was no way he could call his mum, not only would he get a lesson on not telling her, he would get a lesson for his stupidity and lessons weren’t something he was looking for at the moment.

Harry wasn’t even close to an option, he couldn’t even be a thought right now. There was no way that Louis was going to him with the possibility that he was pregnant. He could suffer from his own stupidity but he couldn’t drag Harry into this too. Ideally he knew that they were both at fault but right now it didn’t matter to Louis. It was his body and his own stupidity, only he would go down for it.

That essentially left Liam, like it always did. He was the only relationship that Louis had right now that wouldn’t end up with yelling or fights. Liam would be there to comfort him. He always was.

Louis goes to grab his phone, ready to call Liam, but he pauses when he sees that he has numerous phone calls from Harry and texts wondering where he is. He forgot that he and Harry were going to go out to this new bakery that Harry found and insisted on bringing the younger to. Louis clutches the phone to his chest and wishes that he were about to call the person he loves, tell Harry that he needs him, that he needs his loves support through this, but they aren’t a couple and that’s not how things go.

Instead he wipes the tears from his cheeks, though more still present in his eyes and ignores the many texts from Harry to call Liam. As s good trusty friend Liam answers on the second ring and is instantly asking what’s wrong.

“Lou? Are you okay, Harry asked if I knew where you were, said you weren’t there for him to pick up after school? What’s wrong Lou?”

Louis sobs into the phone, because even when he shouldn’t care, Harry does. Going to Liam even though they don’t get along because he was _worried_. Worried that something might have happened because he knows Louis so well, knows that the younger wouldn’t bail on plans without calling unless he couldn’t.

“Lou? Lou what’s wrong?!” Liam sounds stressed, almost like he’s pulling at his hair, because he does that when he’s stressed.

“Is he with you?” Louis manages through his cries.

“With me? Who-“ It takes Liam a minute before he realizes what Louis means. “No he isn’t Louis, he left to check round the school once more. God Lou what’s going on?”

Sniffling and sitting down, he puts his head in his hand and sighs into the phone. “I need you to leave right now. Don’t tell Harry where you’re going and come to the grocer, one closest to the school. I’m in the back bathrooms.”

It’s silent for a moments and Louis knows something must click because he hears Liam’s small intake of breath and shuffling sounding like the other boy is moving. He knows Liam isn’t dumb, he has all the right puzzle pieces, knows that it won’t take him long to put the pieces together and by the time his friend speaks again, Louis figures he’s already got the idea. “Lou please don’t tell me..” He trails off, the sound of feet against pavement becoming quicker as if knowing he’s right.

“Can you-“ Louis’ voices wavers and there’s a tightness in his throat that tells him if he tries to speak louder than a whisper, he’s going to crack into sobs once more. “Liam can you please just get here? Please?”

“Yeah Lou. I’m on my way.” There’s sympathy in his voice and Louis has no doubt that once they end the call, Liam will be sprinting to the grocer if he isn’t already.

“Thank you.” Its tiny and barely there, but he knows Liam heard it. His friend doesn’t say anything before he ends the call and it’s just in time for Harry’s number and icon to appear on Louis’ screen. Its automatic that he presses the answer button and he regrets it immediately, holding the phone at arms length as he listens to Harry call his name through the line. Slowly he brings the phone to his ear and clears his throat.

Harry must hear it because he stops abruptly in his speech. “Lou?”

Louis tries to clear his throat but the tightness there isn’t going away. He tries to ignore it in favor of answering. “Hey Harry.” It sounds horrible. Broken and needy and Louis knows that Harry can hear it, he always can.

“What the fuck is wrong Louis?” He sounds alarmed and with the use of his full name Louis knows Harry’s not messing around. Before Louis can even try to say ‘nothing’, Harry’s voice rings through the phone. “And don’t you dare say nothing, fuck Lou, I know something’s wrong.”

Louis shakes his head and rakes a hand through his hair. He tries to stifle his sob, but it’s a failed attempt when his hand just barely covers the end of it.

“Fuck sakes Louis! Tell me where you are!” Its yelled through the phone and that causes another sob to fall from Louis lips. He shouldn’t have answered this call. Harry shouldn’t he hearing this right now. Louis couldn’t stand to hear the way Harry was so concerned. It made him want to tell the older, made him want to tell Harry so he could come help him through four pregnancy tests. But he couldn’t do that he already told himself he wouldn’t.

He clears his throat and hopes for the best. “H, nothings wrong. I’m just- I’m just on my way home.” It’s a horrible excuse. He should’ve claimed stress or exhaustion, because those are a hell lot more believable.

He hears Harry scoff and the rattling of keys in an ignition rings through. He knows Harry’s on his way to Louis house or something along those lines, he doesn’t entirely feel like analyzing what Harry’s next step is. Louis stays silent on the line as he listens to Harry drive. They’re both completely silent and Louis knows Harry not angry because he’s upset in more ways than one.

“Did you call Liam?”

Louis zones back in at the question, a weird startled jumble falling from his lips before he realizes what he’s done and he claps a hand over his mouth.

“I’ll take that as a yes.” The call ends and Louis just stares at his phone. Not entirely caring, not really having time to think about it before his gaze is drawn to the four pregnancy tests that lay facing down.

He can’t stand the way his breath keeps hitching at the anticipation, or the way his stomach is filling with dread in each passing second. He knows Liam will be here any time soon and his head just _can’t_ take the wait any more. He knows its been more than ten minutes, between the time he peed on the and two phone calls, it has to have been. He can’t wait here sitting in a grocer bathroom stall and just wait till his friend gets here to know if he is pregnant.

So he stands. He ends up having to wipe his hands along his school trousers seeing as they’re sweaty and shaking and he just needs something to do with them. He runs his hands through his hair, the feathery wisps no doubt looking closer to a rat’s nest. Taking a deep breath he exhales and grabs a test turning it over and looking at it before he can change his mind.

It’s a small pink plus sign.

With dread filling his stomach Louis begins picking up the other signs quickly, turning each over as he mutters out ‘no, no, no.” Holding four positive pregnancy tests, Louis’ muttering becomes more pronounced and when he’s nearly close to shouting there’s a knock on the bathroom stall.

That startles him and he chokes out a soft no, opening the stall door and Liam’s on the other side. Liam’s gaze goes to the tests immediately he grabs them scanning them in one hand and bringing Louis into his chest with the other.

“It says you’re two weeks along.” Liam whispers and Louis shudders in his friend’s grip, hand gripping into the crew neck and crying. The arm around his shoulder holds him closer and Louis very nearly sinks into the embrace but the bathroom door swings open. Louis immediately springs away from Liam’s grip but not before batting the hand that is still holding pregnancy tests down.

There stands Harry and before Louis can say a word, the older is in his space and there are hands cupping his cheeks. When Louis looks up he sees that Harry’s eyes are filled with worry, there’s anger there too, but that’s absolved by the worry emanating from the older’s gaze.

Liam clears his throat and excuses himself, but not before flashing the tests to Louis, safely stored in his friends pocket. Louis sighs in relief and makes a mental note to appreciate Liam more, but right now he’s not entirely sure it sticks.

It certainly doesn’t stick, at least not right now. Not when Harry’s crowding into him further till his back hits the counter, and even then Harry doesn’t stop until they are completely pressed together. “Babes.” Harry whispers and Louis’ lips quivers, teeth snagging it to stop the motion but Harry’s already caught it. “Lou, what’s got you in such a state?”

Louis shakes his head, Harry hands heavy weights on each side as he does. The younger wants to try and deny it but he knows if he opens his mouth to say something the truth will come out and that can’t happen right now. It can’t happen ever. So he decides to change the subject.

“How’d you find me?”

Harry rolls his eyes, seeing through Louis very obvious attempts at avoiding the subject but answers anyway. “I was already driving, was going to go to your house when I saw Liam sprinting into the grocer parking lot. Asked if you called him and well here I am.”

Louis nods, but is lost from what to do after that. Harry fills the silence though.

“Was going to track your location through your phone.” It whispered as if he debated saying it and from the look on his face, Harry’s still not sure if he should have.

“What?” Louis asks, beyond confused.

“I’ve shared my location with you in our texts. Done it both ways actually, so I could have just used that.” Harry answers quickly but quietly. He thumbs at Louis’ cheekbones, the surface sticky from tears. “Now tell me Louis, what’s wrong.”

Louis spaces out for a second, zoning in on the soothing feeling of Harry’s thumbs across each cheekbone and tries to match his breathing rhythm to that of Harry’s. It takes a few moments, but it’s worth it when he feels less cloudy and less constricted.

“Nothing it’s just a disaster kind of day.” As Louis says it he wants to reach down to his stomach, pet it almost subconsciously, but instead he wraps his hands around the older’s wrists.

“So you came to the grocer’s bathroom for a disaster kind of day?” There’s serious doubt in Harry’s expression, eyebrows knitted together as he practically scoffs at the answer. “C’mon Lou, what’s going on? You called Liam here before me. Fuck Lou, I heard you sobbing on the phone. What are you trying to hide?”

 _A baby._ Louis thought, tightening his hands. _Your baby._

“Is something going on at school? Are you being bullied-“

Louis stops Harry with a kiss to the lips, going onto his tiptoes and pressing hard into the body in front of him. “Hazza I said it was a bad day, please just leave it at that and take me home.”

He could tell that Harry didn’t want to let it go, knew by the pull of his mouth as soon as he said it. But Louis could also tell with the way Harry’s shoulders sagged that he was going to give in.

The hands cupping his face moved to one at the curve of his spine while the other was at the back of his neck, and before Louis could question it, he was being pulled in for a hug. Louis melted into it and wrapped his arms around Harry’s ribs squeezing hard. When Harry pulled back he placed a kiss to Louis forehead, staying there for a moment before pulling away and taking Louis’ hand.

“Your place or mine?”

**

It was around super time that Liam showed up, knowing that Harry would have just left for uni classes and Louis would be alone.

Louis really was expecting it when his best friend showed up, but when the taller lad sat beside him and slung an arm over his shoulder Louis let a few tears slip. He turned his head and smiled at the other boy, leaning his head against the shoulder offered and they both stayed silent.

“What are you doing?” Liam asked a couple minutes later, still rubbing a hand along the side of Louis’ arm, comfort without talking. He was motioning to the box Louis has been clearing out, filled with old notebooks and school things, when he asked and to be honest Louis didn’t entirely know.

Well he did, but he didn’t know the reason behind it. “Did you keep the tests?” Liam shifts before taking out a Ziploc baggy filled with the four tests. Louis laughs, as does Liam.

“Didn’t know if you’d want them or not.” Liam answers, watching as Louis pulled out the test that said how far along he was. He stood up and for a second Liam was confused, that was until Louis came back with his phone and handed it to him, demanding him to stand up.

“I want you to take a picture of me with the test. A few actually.” Louis explained as Liam opened the camera app. The smaller boy settled on the wall his bed was against, sitting cross-legged before holding the test and attempting a smile.

“You’re keeping it?” Liam questioned, snapping one more before Louis was lying down and motioning Liam over.

“Probably. I don’t really know yet. But I know I want this pregnancy to not be shameful. I don’t want to possibly keep this kid and someday have them ask me why I wasn’t like every other mother or carrier who took cute stomach pictures.” Louis explains, voice cracking once again as tears form behind his eyes. “I don’t know much but I know I want this baby to be loved ‘kay Li? I want them to know I loved them from the moment I knew.”

Liam snaps a close up picture of the pregnancy test against Louis bare and still flat stomach, close enough to read what it says. He looks at Louis’ who’s looking at his stomach, hands edging on the sides of it, as if he’s scared to touch. “Alright Lou.” His head snaps up as Liam says it and he looks beyond thankful.

Liam knows he shouldn’t ask but he does. Lying down and watching as Louis pulls his shirt back down and re-zips the plastic baggy up before placing all four test in the box and putting it in his closest. “You going to tell Harry.”

Louis stops by the closet and sighs, shoulders folding into themselves for a moment, before walking back, posture still sunken. He sits on the edge of the bed, feeling Liam stare at him, as he shakes his head no. He can hear Liam starting the drag out his name so he cuts him off.

“I know I should, trust me. But Li, he doesn’t know I love him, and he doesn’t know that the first time we had sex I knew there was a possibility of me being a carrier. I’ve hidden big things from him Li and I can’t tell him now.” Louis sighed, “Plus I’m the one carrying. It’s my disaster and I’ll choose how to deal with it.”

“So you’re going to choose to cut Harry out of your life and be a single parent?” Liam asked, propping himself on an elbow and looked at Louis incredulously. “You think you are going to be able to keep your pregnancy away from him? We live in such a small town Lou, and if you go out once while you’ve got a bump, word’ll spread and it won’t take Harry long to make a conclusion.”

Louis ground his teeth in frustration. “I told you Liam I don’t know what I’m doing I just know I want a good life for this baby. Harry and I fighting all the time because he doesn’t love me and doesn’t want this baby because it’ll mess up both our lives is not going to result in a good life for this baby. Me working this out on my own and being a singular and loving parent will. I don’t know a lot but I know that’s for sure.”

Liam gawked at him. “You don’t think Harry loves you?” The other boy sat up quickly and faced his friend, looking at the other boy like he was crazy. “Honestly are you blind. I only saw him with you for like two seconds this afternoon and the way he acted- let me tell you Lou, a person is only like that with the person they love.”

“We’re like that all the time Liam.”

“Even better!” Liam exclaimed. “Honestly Lou, you should have seen him when he was looking for you at the school. He was loosing his mind, pulling at his hair and going bonkers cause you weren’t there ready to be picked up for your bakery date. Lou, he called it a date!”

Louis sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “He’s been taking me on those ever since I gave it up to him. He’s probably only acting like he loves me because he’s still on a sex high. Either way if I tell him or I let it play out, he’s going to drop me. Better I do it them him.”

Liam shakes his head and flops back onto the bed. “I’m telling you Lou, he’s crazy in love with you and you can’t just see it because you’re too paranoid for your own good.”

“Paranoid for a good reason now.” Louis mumbled, laying down himself, side lining up with Liam’s.

Liam sighed and pulled Louis into his side, rubbing up and down his arm like he did earlier. “You know I don’t think hiding this from Harry will work, but I’ll be here either way. I want what you want for this baby Lou, and I’ll do anything to help.”

It was quiet for a little while Liam thinking Louis had fallen asleep, but he heard a small sniffle and then Louis was cuddling in closer to his side. “That makes me feel better. Like a lot better.” Louis chuckles. “Thanks Li.”

Liam squeezes the other’s arm, kissing the top of Louis’ head. “S’not a problem Lou, I’m here for the both of you.”

Louis let a few tears slip, but Liam was kind enough not to mention it.”

**

End of November and nearly a month later, Louis is having a very difficult time keeping this baby a secret.

He’s only six weeks and it’s only been a month and he’s already _exhausted._ He seriously under estimated the effort it was going to take to keep this a secret, and it’s not entirely a secret cause Liam does know, but all the people that should know, like the baby daddy and his mum, don’t know and that in itself is tiring. Just the mere thought of keeping this from Harry has him curling up in a ball and nearly crying each time.

It happened once in school when Louis, of course –always the over thinker, had suddenly come to the realization that he had no income to pay for the needs of this child. His immediate thought was that Harry has a job so it wasn’t too bad, but then he remembered he wasn’t getting help from Harry and nearly sobbed all his tears into his English essay. He also ended up falling asleep on the essay only to be woken up by the exact person who he cried himself to sleep over.

He had told Liam the story that night. It was a habit now that Louis called his friend every night, the other boy wondering and worrying about Louis considering he was the only one that knew. Liam felt like it was his responsibility to look after Lou, and even though Louis has told him a thousand times he didn’t have to, he was glad he did.

It was also habit that Louis found himself turning down and ignoring Harry’s offers to stay over. Now Louis’ not going to go and lie and say he stopped everything immediately, he still had a lot of weak moments but he was slowly trying. No matter how he tried though, Louis still felt welcomed and at ease in Harry’s embrace. On the nights that they slept in the same bed, Louis didn’t find himself tossing and turning like he usually did. He felt like he had no worries with Harry though, it was quite the opposite. But he allowed himself to pretend for those few hours just to ease his hyperactive mind.

Another habit he had started (he read online that hobbies were good), was that keeping daily entries in a journal helped single parents (another thing he read online). So that was something he had started to do. During the day the pastel green hardback book was stored in the baby box, and during the night Louis took it out to write. It was something he only did, when no one else was around or he was sure that if someone was they were sound asleep. He would carefully take the box down and take the book out sometimes writing a few pages before putting it down.

It helped, Louis wouldn’t lie, and there were many times during the day when he found himself thinking that it had to go in the Disaster Styles book. He had named it offhandedly, not even thinking about it really. It was only after he wrote Styles that he realized that name should be Tomlinson because the baby wasn’t going to have Harry’s name, they couldn’t. He let it be, deep down wanting the name to be Styles but ignoring it.

There were also a lot of times during the day when he could just call Harry but he ignored that too. He would have to get used to ignoring the instinct to run to his best friend and the man he was in love with.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO that's the chapter! I'm currently trying to finish up both baby..baby? and CF so that all my works will be complete but I'm really trying to push to finish this work! I am currently working on the sixth and final part of this series so hopefully it'll be up in a couple weeks or so!! Kudos and Comments appreciated! 
> 
> PS - follow me on tumblr --> bottomlouiswriter.tumblr.com  
> PPS - I need a beta to go through and edit ALL of my works! That includes everything on AO3 at the moment! Plus the chapters I'll post to finish up any of my WIP's! Please message me on tumblr if interested or email! --> alioupe_2608@hotmail.com 
> 
> Thank you! And have a wonderful day!


	6. six.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow I think this is the fastest I've updated! As you can see this IS NOT the last part. I found a way to extend it one more chapter because this chapter alone -not including everything it was supposed to in order to wrap everything up- is 14.1k words. It's a lot and I realized I wanted to make this the best it should be because I've put a lot of work into this fic and it's been my favorite to write so why not extend that?   
> Ps: I was supposed to go to bed four hours ago but I stayed up so I could write and update for all you lovely readers. I have to get up for school now in four hours so that probs wasn't the greatest idea.   
> Pps: read the end notes for a chance to win a story from me! I'll link you to it at the end notes!   
> Ppps: this is super unedited, so I'm truly sorry. 
> 
> Anyway here's the chapter and please don't kill me!

Louis was waiting.

Waiting in the room for the doctor who was supposed to be here ten minutes ago to check up on his baby. He had booked the appointment when he was six weeks along, the typical eight-week checkup was important, and he swore he was going to tell his mum by the time today came.

Each time he had tried, something else slipped out, each time getting more and more ridiculous, to the point where Jay was getting concerned about what was going on. Louis knew that look, had seen it when he had to fess up in year eight that he failed a test, and most recently when he told her that Harry was his person. He knew it was only a while till his mum started asking the questions instead of waiting, but Louis told himself he had time, when in actuality he had minutes.

“Hello Mr. Tomlinson nice you see you, though I’m sure you wouldn’t have minded avoiding me for a while hey?” Dr. Matt jokes as he pulls up what Louis can only assume, is a ultrasound machine, before retrieving his own rolly chair. He’s beside Louis getting the supplies ready while explaining what’s going to happen.

It’s two weeks later, November the thirtieth, the day of his eight week appointment, and here he is alone, because he has yet to tell his mum and didn’t want to annoy Liam.

“Okay Louis –is it okay that I call you Louis?” The doctor asks, proceeding when Louis nods his head. “Alright well Louis, I am going to be using a regular ultrasound today, that means I’ll squirt the gel on your stomach and then move around and try to find the tiny form of you’re baby along with estimate a due date. If I am unable to see with this machine, I will go in through microscopically, feeling around your cervix first before putting in the microscope to try and find your baby.

He cleared his throat and nodded. “Yeah sounds good.”

The doctor clapped his hands and smiled widely. “Alright then if you’ll just lay back for me and fold your shirt up.”

Louis nods once again and does as the doctor asks, trying to stay calm. It’s a little difficult when he’s doing this alone, no one to hold his hand when his nerves start to get the better of him. Still he just takes deep breaths and tries to power through because this is the first scan, this is something incredibly important in a pregnancy.

He shudders a bit when the doctor puts the gel on his stomach, but waits in fascination and nerves as the machine comes to live to reveal a perfect black and white picture. His eyes immediately begin to water when he sees the sonogram, because the thing he sees is his baby. It’s overwhelming especially for an already hormonal teenager, let alone a pregnant one, but Louis takes it in stride. The baby is more of a blob right now, not really the form a baby yet, but close.

“The baby has already developed its heart, brain and spinal cord, along with bones. Limbs have also started to appear and develop while ears and other things are forming.” The doctor practically whispers, and Louis finds it fitting. “This time is crucial to the development of your baby so its really important that you start taking the vitamins I’m going to prescribe and to start eating well for this baby alright?”

Louis nods his head, wiping at the corner of his eyes that have become a tad dewy. “What else can I do? To like, help t-the baby?” Louis hiccups because he really wants to try. This is possibly the worst timing for it to be happening, but the baby he just _seen_ , makes him want to try.

The doctor smiles and hands Louis a towel to wipe off stomach. “Being a teenage pregnancy is not going to be easy, you’ll want to be doing things everyone else your age is doing but you can’t. I know you are smart Louis, but you have to be incredibly intelligent to keep this baby safe. You have to make the right decisions because it’s not just you now, you hear?”

Louis sniffs and wipes his eyes once more, folding his shirt back down before sitting up. “How do you know I’m smart?” Louis chuckles a bit, trying to ease the tension.

Dr. Matt just taps his file. “Tomlinson right?” When Louis nods he continues. “Everyone knows Jay, especially here in maternity.”

After that Dr. Matt asks if he’d like the pictures. Louis just nods once again.

He was just coming out of the appointment, holding two ultrasounds of what Dr. Matt said was a very healthy looking baby, when he looked up and found Jay in her scrubs leaning against the wall, just waiting, with tears in her eyes.

His heart stops and his brain short circuits, guilt immediately settling in his stomach and _fuck._ This was not how he wanted his mum to find out. This wasn’t even relatively close.

He slows his walk but he can only slow so much before he completely stops and he can’t do that right now without looking like a complete idiot. She looks tired and she probably is, she’s been working a lot of extra shifts to start putting extra cash into Louis’ uni fund so he has a greater range of where he can go to school. Louis told his mum time and time again that she didn’t have to, that he would be willing to work to help himself through school, but Jay had always shrugged it off saying it was what parents do.

It is evidentially what parents do, Louis can see it with the way his mum stands, exhausted with the way she’s working himself to the bone trying to get Louis the best start he can. He can also see the feather light black and white photos of the ultrasounds in his hands that show how he has fucked up and thrown away all her hard work. 

He reaches her and she straightens clearing her cheeks as if the tears in her eyes had fallen.

“How’d you know I’d be here?” Louis’ voice rasps, scared to make it go any louder, scared he might cry.

“Few friends I work with said my son was in the maternity wing,” She eyes the scans in his hands. “Imagine my surprise.”

She turns away after, and Louis knows he’s expected to follow. It’s a bit difficult when she seems like it’s a race, walking fast paced to a somewhere she probably deems more important, but Louis is having a bit of difficulty. There are tears in his eyes and that make it difficult to work his way through the people at the pace his mum is going.

She must notice he’s not on her heals, because she turns around and stops, waiting for him to catch up before she takes his hand and pulls him into the closest room.

It’s a coffee room, probably a nurse’s one, but Louis can’t really tell. To be honest he doesn’t really want to because the ultrasound pictures are all he can focus on. He sits down while his mum goes somewhere else, hands folding around the pictures delicately in his lap. He’s a bit startled when a water bottle is placed in front of him. He looks up and finds him mum looking at him from across the table.

“Water is good, it’s good to stay hydrated for the- baby.” She says, sounding a little dazed, having to pause before she acknowledges the elephant in the room.

Louis swallows and nods, figures now’s the best time to put the ultrasounds on the table. He opens his water bottle as soon as his mum’s delicate fingers pick up one of the photos and examines it.

“How far along?”

“Eight weeks.” Louis whispers. Her gaze flickers from Louis to the picture and it’s silent for a little while longer.

“Due dates around June right?”

“He estimated around the twenty-eighth, though he said the pregnancy could go to July as well.” Louis’ feels like he’s about to shake out of his skin with how nervous he is. The tension is thick, something that has rarely happened between the two.

She hums and puts the picture back down, sipping her coffee before thinking once more. He can always tell when she is, her eyes concentrate on a singular spot while her hands flex. Louis only knows this because he does the exact same thing, having been told by Harry. She looks up and stares Louis down enough to make him crack.

“What do you want to ask mum?” He sighs shoulders falling in towards his chest as he says it. Watching as his mum takes his question like a free pass to ask whatever.

“I was going to ask who the father was, but I’m assuming its Harry.”

Normally the mention of the nineteen year old would have Louis smiling, but this time it makes him grimace.

“ Yeah s’Harry.” He mumbles, running a hand through his hair before letting it fall to twiddle together with the other.

“When is he doing his speech?” Jay asks, taking a small sip of her tea.

“What?” He asks, entirely unsure of what she’s asking.

“You know the speech every boy gives to the parents, when he gets their teenage daughter, this case son, pregnant. You know where he promises to be a good dad, and marry you, make a good family.”

 _Oh_. That speech.

Louis knows that Harry would give a wonderful speech to his mum, even if Jay had a knife at his throat, which seems pretty likely with the look she has in her eyes. He knows Harry would promise to get a good job, and to buy a good house for them to live in, to be a good dad, even propose if that’s what he thought was best, which he would. He can picture everything Harry would promise so perfectly it made his heart ache, because that is his dream. But he also knows that it’s not possible because Harry doesn’t know he has to give that kind of speech.

“Umm.” He rubs behind his neck, not knowing how to explain this. “You won’t have to worry about that actually.”

“He doesn’t want to be a part of this?” Jay asks, about to become more than a little furious, but the fire quickly disperses when Louis shakes his head.

“You’re not planning on telling him?” His mum seems surprised. Louis would be too if he were her. He is still surprised at his own actions to keep this away from Harry.

That was always a part of being friends with benefits. Tell each other everything other wise nothing happens. Though Louis was never really the one to enforce that rule, Harry was, and what could have happened already did, so there was nothing to use as leverage.

“I just feel like this is my mistake and that I don’t need to drag Harry into it. We’re only friends with benefits and he only loves me because I gave it up, and I’m not bringing him into my mess.”

Jay sets her tea down and reaches across the table stopping Louis hands from fumbling with the water bottle. He doesn’t want to look at her, doesn’t want to see the disappointment on her face, but she squeezes his hands and he feels obligated to look up. There’s sympathy in her eyes, and then Louis remembers she’s been through this before.

“Lou I know what its like to be where you are. Trust me I know how hard it is, acknowledging that you’re pregnant and getting checked out is a very big step.” She sighed, squeezing his hands. “But these steps are just going to keep getting bigger and you aren’t going to be able to do this alone. It is going to be so much better on you and the baby if you tell Harry.”

A few tears slip down his cheeks because it’s not like he doesn’t know this. Knows it very well, because he’s heard it so many times, from his mum or any single parent, but especially his mum. She had done what Louis was doing now granted she had been eighteen, and by the time Louis’ biological dad found out it was five years later and to late for the guys liking.

Louis didn’t want that. Ideally Louis wanted this kid to know both its parents but they didn’t have the ideal relationship. Fuck buddies who end up with a kid? Not exactly going to end up being the best for themselves or the kid.

He knew any day he was going to have to stop talking to Harry, because any day now he was going to start showing. There was already a hardened pouch forming between the jut of his hips and it was a countdown till it started turning into a noticeable bump. Louis was practically paranoid that any day Harry was going to notice the slight swell there and demand answers, because if anyone knew Louis’ body better than himself it was Harry.

“I want this baby to have the best life possible and having two parents who hate each other in five years who think staying together just for their kid is best is not what I want or need.” Louis stifled a shutter and squeezed his mum’s hand, gaze flickering between her and the ultrasound. “I was raised by a single mom and as much as I know it’s going to be difficult I’m willing to do it to be able to tell this kid in ten years that I stuck to my beliefs and that its not always good to concede. That sometimes you have to stick with your gut and that’s the way it’s got to be. I want to do it this way because it’s what I think is best mom.”

Louis announced the last part and by then he had more tears in his eyes. His mum also looked close to crying, squeezing her eyes shut as she swayed their hands together. She took a moment and so did Louis. When she opened her eyes she smiled and nodded.

“What ever you want to do boo. But remember this decision doesn’t only affect you, it effects two others. Just keep that in mind alright?”

Louis was surprised to say the least. “You aren’t going to make me tell him?”

“You’re going to be a parent Lou. I think it’s more important now than ever to start going by your own decisions without me butting in.”

She let go of Louis’ hands and stood, and it didn’t even take Louis two seconds before he was standing as well, falling into his mother’s embrace. She hugs him tightly, soothing her hands across his back and holding his head in her neck. His arms wrap tightly around her waist and finally he allowed himself to sag into his mum’s embrace, crying.

“I’m not going to tell you it’ll be fine, because it’s not. But we will make do, the best we can okay?”

Louis nodded his head and hugged her harder. That sounded good to him

**

Louis sitting in his tutor room last block when suddenly Harry comes in.

It surprises Louis, the younger boy who’s sitting and writing idly with one hand while the other cradles his ever-growing stomach. It’s definitely a swell now and to say Louis isn’t enamored with it would be a complete lie. When Harry walks in looking distraught and confused, Louis immediately moves his hand from his stomach, practically flinging it to the other side of the room in his surprise.  

It’s weird because Harry always calls, especially when he’s actually coming to school. But this time Harry just bursts in and immediately sits on Louis’ desk, covering practically all his homework. Harry eyes him up weird as Louis looks at him wide eyed and a little scared.

“We haven’t talked in a while.”

Right away Louis’ stomach falls to the floor. His immediate thought is that Harry knows and he nearly sprints out of the room.

There must be a lot of confusion and fear on his face because Harry drops his frown and turns sheepish. He gets off the table and pulls up a chair instead, grabbing Louis legs and hauling them into his lap. Louis adjust his legs accordingly and self consciously, trying to cover up the small amount of baby pudge that’s showing because he risked it and wore a tighter shirt today.

“Sorry that was probably really dramatic and weird. I was just really upset cause I realized we haven’t had a good talk in a while.”

Louis chuckles nervously. This is all heading in a direction he _really_ doesn’t want to go.

“How’d you come to that conclusion?” It’s awkward and doesn’t sound like him at all that Louis practically cringes.

There’s been a reason he hasn’t wanted to talk or even tried to. They usually talk a bit before they do anything, talk about their days before they exchange a few kisses or discuss what’s bothering them before they do anything more. It’s the way their relationship always was, they talked before they played video games, now it was talking before sex. That has changed recently, with Louis want to not talk at all. Even simple answers of how his day was could lead to something slipping. Talking at this point was a no go. 

“Well there are so many things I keep want to tell people and lately I’ve been going to Niall instead of you. Which brings me to the conclusion that there is something wrong between us are we just haven’t talked in a while.”

Louis can feel Harry studying him carefully so he knows that he’s not getting away with simple small talk. He’s got to put effort into this and right now that means lying, something he’s not very good at, let alone in front of Harry.

“Um, I’ve just been busy s’all.” It’s not a lie. Not entirely. He really has been busy, with keeping up on prescriptions and appointments along with writing in his journal and taking his weekly stomach pictures. The book he’s started to write in is filled with not only daily entries but cravings body changes and notes he gets fro his mum. There is also an already impressive stack of pictures that only grows every couple days. Louis is happy and impressed with his recent kind of busy. Harry just doesn’t have to know that’s all.

“I’ve been busy too Lou, doesn’t mean we can’t still talk.” Harry answers, fiddling with the rings that adorn his fingers while he frowns.

Louis huffs, maybe a bit too obviously, and begins twirling the pen around his fingers. “I get that Haz, but this year is really important for me and I can’t afford to hand in a bad essay or not study because you want to talk.”

Louis realizes that it’s entirely too harsh after the fact, when the older makes a stunned look and slowly slides Louis’ legs off his.

“Harry…” Louis trails off going out to reach for him, but Harry’s already stood up and practically on the other side of the room. He crosses his arms over his chest defensively while he leans against the wall, crossing his feet as well.

“I see, so the fact that I’m not only in university but working to pay my own bills apparently means, to you, that I have more time on my hands to spend it groveling for your time.”

The harshness in his words are like nails on a chalkboard, something Louis really doesn’t want to hear. It plays on his hormones and not only makes him want to cry but to also yell, though to not make a fool of himself he chooses an in between of annoyed. To even the playing field, Louis himself stands and leans back against his desk, facing the older boy who’s got a hard look in his eye.

“That’s not what I said Harry, you’re twisting my words. What I meant was that we talk when we talk it’s no big deal.” Louis tries to remain calm and collected though that’s proving difficult when an exasperated look crosses Harry’s face.

“Even before we started this whole thing Lou we talked all the time and not long after we actually fucked, you suddenly cut me off and I don’t understand.” Louis tries to cut in and deny it, throat already burning while his eyes fill, but Harry doesn’t let him.

“Ever since that day of the super market, you’ve pulled away and I don’t understand!” Harry yells, and Louis’ is starting to feel frantic. “Is Liam your new thing now? Is that what’s going on?”

There’s a crazed look in the older’s eyes and that makes Louis a tad scared. It’s not something he’s seen before and he’s seen Harry in practically every situation. Hastily he walks over to Harry, and even when the older boy tries to move away Louis continues to move in closer. He gathers Harry’s face in his hands and brings him down into a kiss.

Immediately Harry takes Louis by the hips and turns him so he’s against the wall instead. Louis feels himself being crowded into the wall and proximity nearly scares him, not wanting Harry to feel anything, but it soothes him all the same. His nervous system is a wreck and it’s all because of the boy that’s claiming his lips as his own.

When Harry pulls back, he still seems upset and just like Louis, a bit too close to tears. Louis traces his fingers along his cheekbones, before sliding them down to Harry’s neck and pulling him in. Harry follows willingly, settling into the younger’s neck with a slight shudder.

The argument hinted at things that they’re both to scared to talk about. The fear of there being someone else and the thought of pulling away is to both have them quivering and glassy eyed. Its something that shouldn’t be a problem with the type of relationship they have, but Louis is smart enough to know that their friends with benefits label is long gone and they’ve moved to a limbo in between that they can’t really describe.

“I’m sorry I haven’t made an effort.” Louis whispers into the older’s neck. “I’ll try to talk more, I promise I’ll try.”

Louis feels Harry stand a bit straighter, and place a kiss to the side of his head. “That is all I ask for babe. S’all.”

Louis leaves it at that, and doesn’t mention the fact that his promise is already an empty one.

**

Two weeks later and it’s a countdown to Christmas break and Louis’ birthday.

It’s also nearing the third month of Louis’ pregnancy, but that’s really only Louis’ countdown.

He’s been keep track of everything going on around him in his book, the hard back’s spine quickly becoming bent out of shape with the amount it’s been used. Louis finds himself always reverting back to the box filled he’s currently labeled ‘ _baby’_. It’s a bit of a simple title, but Louis figures he’ll add to the title when he feels it appropriate and when the box actually starts to fill with more things baby. Currently it’s just the few stacks of belly pictures, taken a week apart, with dates written on each and the pregnancy tests.

Even though he has his Liam and his mum, who have both been a massive help, he finds his sole comfort in writing everything he’s feeling or his questions in the book. It just feels simpler that way, also makes him feel less guilty, which he knows is a cop out, but he just tries to look past it.

Its Monday after school and the fact that Louis isn’t usually studying is saying a lot about how exhausted he truly is. It’s been a bit of an up and down day, waking up even earlier than usual because of morning sickness, which lead him to staying home for first block. He stays for second, but halfway through lunch, the scent of canteen meatloaf threw Louis’ stomach for a turn, leading him to the bathroom, puking yet again. He ended up skipping third and then fourth as well and just went home, his first time skipping which lead him to feel beyond guilty which lead him to here.

He’s lying in bed itching to go retrieve the journal he knows is stashed in his socks drawer. It’s a common place for a hiding spot, but Louis’ getting limited at high and low places he can reach and grab at with the ever-growing swell between his hips. He knows his mum respects his privacy more and more each day, and Harry’s rarely over, so he figures the book is safe.

He’s lying on his bed, debating between doing homework and journaling, when his phone sounds. Louis has to stop himself from flinching when his phone buzzes, a text from Harry saying he’s almost here, the exact reason he hasn’t taken the journal out at all yet, even though he feels desperate to. He sighs knowing Harry always texts him at the stop sign just a street down from his house so he’s got two minutes max, to stop caressing his stomach under his jumper and to get downstairs.

He hauls himself up with a sigh, and is barely in the entrance when Harry walks in.

They stare at each other for a moment and Louis feels the tension. It’s been there since the day in the tutor room and Louis can’t figure out how to break it. Harry’s been more hesitant than usual, barely touching Louis like he used to, which brings a whole new emotion to the pregnant boy’s core. It feels like rejection but even worse, because the proof of how intimate they’ve been is in Louis’ stomach and he clutches it each time Harry leaves him with a small kiss.

They’re drifting and even though Louis knows that’s what’s supposed to happen, he doesn’t want it to. He’s killing himself trying to find a way around it, how to hang on without clutching desperately but he can’t seem to loosen his grip. At this point it’s all or nothing, and it’s a hard fact to accept.

Harry clears his throat and its only then that Louis realizes he’s spaced out. The older boy is standing there, a cotton jumper on with his usual black skinnies on, though these ones have rips in the knees, and Louis doesn’t think he’s ever looked so good. Harry comes up a stair so that they’re practically the same height, and grabs his hips. The proximity makes Louis a little nervous but the touch has him shivering.

Harry takes notice, smiling a bit before wrapping his hands along his sides, fingertips dancing along the dip of his spine. “You weren’t there after school.”

Instantly the tension is broken.

Louis groans and bangs his head against Harry’s chest. He feels Harry laugh against his forehead and the sound of it makes him smile. “I wasn’t feeling well, only went to second this morning and went home at lunch.”

Louis mentally shrugged his shoulders the answer was close enough. He had told worse ones and still was. A little white lie wasn’t going to hurt right now.

Harry soothes a hand over his back and Louis sinks further into the older’s chest. It’s the kind of comfort he’s been seeking for a while now, though under completely different circumstances. “Could have called me babes.”

“S’fine” Louis shrugs. “Knew you’d be working, didn’t want to cause any trouble.”

Harry hums and pulls away with a soft smile on his face. “Wanna go lay down?”

Louis nods quickly and not long after he’s been picked up bridal style. He can’t bring himself to care, the energy seeps out of his body and he relaxes easily into the older’s arms. Harry chuckles at his laziness, navigating the stairs and the hallway just fine, till they enter Louis’ room.

Its usually now that Harry always throws Louis to the bed when they’re like this, and as a second instinct to protect his stomach, he clings. He’s genuinely surprised when the older gently places him on the bed.

He opens his eyes and sees Harry looking down at him a little skeptical, as if he doesn’t know where he’s supposed to go, but Louis just nods enough to tell him. Harry smiles and easily lays down where Louis’ made room for him. They lay facing each other, and the way Harry’s eyes are scanning him are making him nervous. He begins to fiddle his hands together, but that doesn’t last long when bigger more calloused ones come to cover them.

“Lou.” Its all Harry says, quiet and more somber than usual, enough to startle Louis into looking at him. Harry cocks a smile when he catches the younger’s attention. The small smile, private in the space between them, Louis feels a surge to kiss him.

His hands twitch in Harry’s aching to just pull Harry in, but he’s nervous. It’s not the time for sex, especially not when he’s really starting to show and can’t be naked in case of speculation. But there’s also the fact that sex always gives something away. His virginity, a statement of love, a truth of some sort. Sex between them always reveals something and when Louis is desperately hiding something and Harry’s urgently seeking answers, it’s not a smart idea.

Louis still gives in anyway.

He closes the distance with a shuddered breath, immediately working Harry mouth open. It’s been a while since they’ve kissed like this, open and without restraint, something they’ve both needed. Harry’s hands fall from his and cuff against his hips, drawing a whimper from his lips. His body shudders when he feels them rolling, and the action is visible that Harry pulls away, surprised.

“Already worked up?” He’s a bit out of breath, which says something about how long it’s been, but Louis can’t say anything when he’s practically panting.

Harry finally settles completely over him, and Louis doesn’t hesitate, to hitch one leg at Harry’s hip while the other goes to his thigh, thrusting up. Harry grabs his jaw as soon as he does it, watching him intensely. Louis does it again watching as Harry’s jaw works tighter, trying to stop himself from responding.

Louis smirks and bucks up again, feel the pillow dip on each side of his head as Harry presses his fists down into the bed roughly. He does it again and watches as Harry’s eyes squeeze close. He’s close to cackling when Harry’s hand holds his hip down and stops him all together.

“I-I didn’t come here to fuck –god this wasn’t how it was supposed to go.” Even as he says it, he doesn’t sound convincing. His hips twitch with the want to drive down. Louis tightens his hands where they’re embedded, on in his hair the other on the front of his shirt. He pulls himself up to brush their lips together, almost shuddering as he does.

A hand comes to cradle back oh his head, and Louis lets himself relax easily into the hold, Harry following his movements. Louis smiles before kissing the boy above him.

“What’d you come here for then?”

Harry smiles at the younger, playing with his hair as he looks at Louis deeply. “Give you a present.”

Louis snorts. “Your cock isn’t a present Harry.”

Harry frowns before pouting. “It could be.” He looks adorable pouting and Louis can’t help but kiss the sulk off his face. “I did get you a present though.” Harry mutters against his lips.

Louis pulls back surprised and raises an eyebrow. He watches Harry shift uncomfortably before he pulls away all together, resting on his knees at the end of the bed.

This time it’s Louis turn to pout. When Harry catches him, he just rolls his eyes and motions to give him a second. He reaches behind his neck like he’s unfastening his necklace-

_Oh god._

Louis gaze immediately bolts to the ceiling, trying to advert his eyes to anywhere but Harry. There is no way that this boy- this man he’s in love with and who’s baby he’s carrying, is giving him jewelry. Not when he’s trying to push him away. Louis swears it’s all a joke.

But it’s not.

Harry shuffles himself in closer and splays Louis legs wider across his hips to accommodate it. Louis continues to stare at the ceiling afraid to look at the boy between his legs, till calloused fingers weave through his. Louis forces himself to look at Harry and sure enough in his other hand he’s holding a simple necklace.

Louis breath stutters as Harry asks him silently to sit up with a tug of their hands. He does so, but anxiously as he eyes the chain in Harry’s hand. It was hard to examine it fully, but it looked small and simple, exactly like something he’d want. Harry quickly fastened it and let the chain fall against Louis’ chest, sitting back on his knees and smiling softly.

Instantly Louis feels where the chain rests, silver and sitting a bit lower than his collarbone. He grabbed the chain gently and looked at what was on the necklace. To his surprise it wasn’t a small design, but a spherical opal linked to each side of the chain. He let out a small gasp, thumb rubbing over the smooth, colorful surface in awe.

Louis looked back at Harry with a few tears in his eyes, still touching the opal. Harry looked sheepish, more than Louis had ever seen him, except maybe in awkward teen years.

“The chains a bit long on you cause it’s and old one of mine but I got the opal attached to it a few days ago.” Harry scratched behind his ear nervously. “I know it’s a bit simple and you probably like something bigger but I thought it was nice-“

Louis interrupts him, pulling him into a hug where he hides in his neck. He’s so damn close to tears it’s ridiculous and his heart pounding ceaselessly. He wants to grab his stomach with the amount of happy he is, _god,_ he wants to put Harry’s hands there instead because it’s just an amazing moment.

There’s also a part of him, the intellectual one, that wants to ask why opal, when that’s the stone for October, but he just clings. He lets himself go just a little more this once and pulls back to bring Harry back in for a kiss.

Harry whines against his lips and for once, Louis feels like he isn’t the urgent one. The older boy is tugging at his pants, trying desperately to get them undone. Louis tears himself away from the kiss and shudders when Harry carries onto his neck, practically moaning when Louis lifts his hips. From there Louis’ pants are torn down his legs and his boxers follow not long after.

The boxers still hang off of one ankle and Harry is already slicking up fingers with lube. Louis doesn’t even care, he feels a little desperate and with the dry spell they’ve had, they both are.

Louis barely gets his legs spread and Harry’s there, fingers insistent and wonderful. Louis grounds himself with nails into the older’s shoulders, liking the way Harry grunts as he shoves in a second finger. Harry’s hovering over him still completely clothed, he looks frantic and with the way his fingers are moving in Louis, stretching him quickly, he figures he is.

Louis can feel his own heart racing, but blood seems to be pounding in his ears. He digs his nails in deeper when Harry brushes his prostate and moans. Harry’s curls tickle his collarbone, heavy breaths hitting his neck and everything stills for a moment.

The calm breaks quickly when Harry huffs, sitting back up forcing Louis to let go completely. Harry pulls his fingers out, quickly wiping them haphazardly on the sheets as he reaches for the neck of his jumper to pull off. Louis’ mouth waters immediately, watching as abs and pecs are revealed.

Harry’s not even paying attention to the way Louis’ practically gagging for it, just working even quicker to get his belt undone and pants down. He just barely manages to slide them off his hips when a slick hand is around his cock.

His hips stutter forward as he looks up to find Louis looking at him, pupils close to blown and beyond flushed. “Desperate babes?”

He watches fondly as Louis rolls his eyes, stroking Harry one last time before laying back and spreading his legs for the old boy. Harry settles easily, and quickly, almost like second nature. “Don’t act like you aren’t hard up for it too.” Louis quips back, just in time, seeing as the next second Harry’s pushing in.

His eyes squeeze shut and he grips onto Harry’s shoulders quickly, gasping out as the head pops in. He feels Harry’s grip tighten as well, but the older just keeps moving, inch-by-inch till he’s seated completely inside Louis.

It doesn’t take long for Louis to relax and by then Harry’s already working in and out of him quickly. Louis keeps whimpering, they haven’t had hard sex like this since he figured out he was pregnant, and now it was driving his hormones crazy.

Harry pistoned his hips harder each time, hips slapping against the back of Louis’ thighs each time and he was in bliss. Each thrust was hitting his spot while Harry’s mouth was busy sucking violent blotches into his neck, making Louis throw his head back, only expanding the older’s canvas.

Louis doesn’t even hesitate to grasp his hands into Harry’s ass, forcing him to slow his thrusts down and make long strong drives. Harry practically moved them up the bed each time but Louis didn’t care, one hand coming back to weave into Harry’s curls.

The older’s head popped up and Louis saw the ecstasy on his face. Eyes squinting shut and jaw locked and tense at the feeling. Louis let his eyes flutter shut and lolled his head back, bobbing with the movement of the thrusts.

Abruptly, Harry groaned hard and thrust in and up once more before stilling and Louis’ mouth fell open in surprise. He opened his eyes watching as Harry’s jaw dropped open. He let out a moan and came not long after, Harry’s come already pulsing hotly into his hole. The older kept thrusting, working them both through the after shocks before stopping completely.

Harry slowly shuddered his way through dropping the tension through his body, before pulling out and rolling over. Louis winced a bit at the feeling but followed Harry’s lead, rolling over and cuddling into the awaiting side. The blankets were pulled up and they both sighed out.

“Good?” Harry asks, hand sneaking down to Louis hole and feeling where the come has begun to leak out.

Louis nods but bats Harry’s hands away. He feels Harry chuckle underneath his cheek and he hits Harry again for that. Him and baby need sleep.

**

When Louis wakes up Harry’s standing at his dresser in just a towel.

At first he settles back into the bed, still content to lie in bed, but then he remember what’s in his dresser. He bolts up and yells at Harry, startling the old boy, who drops the shirt he had in his hands. He looks like a deer caught in headlights and Louis can feel his heart thundering that he doesn’t even dare to realize Harry was in his shirt drawer. His brain short circuits and he yells.

“Harry!” He exclaims, going to sit up before remembering he’s naked from the waist down. He still sits up and folds the sheet protectively around his bottom half, while glaring at Harry who looks beyond confused. “What are you doing?”

“I was just getting a shirt…” Harry trails off, going to pick up the dropped article of clothing, as if that settles it, but Louis still huffs and crosses his arms.

“That still doesn’t answer my question Harry. What are you doing in my stuff? Did you ever think I maybe have private stuff in there I do not want you to see?” Louis practically yells, face coloring red with anger.

Now Harry looks offended.

“What on earth would you need to hide? Especially from me? In a drawer no less!”

Louis brains stutters and he just sits there with his mouth open, completely caught in twist. Harry must realize because he instantly turns to Louis’ wardrobe, not hesitating to start ripping through the t-shirts looking for something he knows Louis is hiding.

Louis hurries up wrapping the sheet around his hips and steps up behind Harry, slapping him on his bare back. Harry whirls around immediately and grabs Louis hand when he goes to do it again.

“What are you hiding?” Harry sounds desperate and he grips onto Louis shoulders, like he’s going to shake him, before deciding better of it and holding onto the sheet over Louis hips. He’s pleading with his eyes and Louis heart nearly breaks right there, ready to give in. He averts his eyes and shakes his head.

“Nothing.” He whispers, and he wishes his voice were stronger because he sounds incredibly unbelievable, even he wouldn’t buy the lie he’s trying to sell.

Harry hand cups his cheek and drags his gaze back to him, where he sees that the normally electric blue eyes have gone to a stormy grey, upset with the topic. “ _Louis_ , I know this is not nothing.” Harry answers bringing Louis in closer. “God Lou, what can’t you tell me that it’s got you in tears?”

Louis sniffles and shakes his head, settling for laying his head on Harry’s exposed collarbone, settling his forehead against the tacky surface. He’s still wet from the shower but he smells nice and Louis uses the scent to calm his breaths to. _Breathe with Harry, breathe in Harry._

When he looked back up again, Harry had concerned himself enough to tears, a few escaping onto his cheeks. Louis swiped at the tracks lazily but with care before smiling the best he could. “I can’t tell you.”

“What do you mean you can’t tell me?” Harry seems enraged then, brow quickly furrowing as he tighten his grip on Louis. “I’m your best friend, you tell me everything. What is so big that you can’t tell me?”

Louis sighs and just shakes his head. “I can’t tell you cause it’s not your job to worry about it.”

Harry steps away then, and waves his arms. “If it’s making you this closed off and this different than yes it is my business! When are you going to get that anything that happens with you is my business?” Harry yells, dropping his hands exasperatedly when Louis face turns red with anger.

“If I tell you it’s not your business, it’s not your business!”

“That’s bullshit and we both know it! We tell each other everything!”

“Well maybe this isn’t something I want to tell you!” Louis’ voice booms out, beyond angry and pissed off. “Did that ever occur to you, dear Harry, that I do not want to share every bit of my life with you? That maybe some things are best kept to myself, things that you don’t need to  know?”

Harry looks like he’s ready to burst. “What could you possibly want to keep to yourself that isn’t my business? I’ve done everything with you for the past eight months and you still don’t see that I want –that I want to be a part of your life, but you just keep pushing me away.” Harry’s roaring now, face beet red and voice towering over Louis’.

Louis’ pretty similar, red faced and arms moving about with how infuriated he is at the boy in front of him. “You can’t be a part of my life anymore!” Louis shouts, nearly breaking down, _I’m pregnant_ on the tip of his tongue, but then his door opens and they both turn unexpectedly to see Jay stood there, more parental than she’s ever been.

Louis shrinks into himself while Harry remains broad and unashamed, even in just his towel. He’s not even close to embarrassed that Jay probably heard everything while Louis is red for an entirely different reason. Jay stands strong and powerful in the door way though she looks about ready for bed.

“I think it’s time for you to leave Harry.”

Louis nearly sags in relief, but stiffens once more when it looks as if Harry’s about to argue with her too. 

“Now Harry.” Jay repeats sternly walking away, not doubt to her room to get changed out of her scrubs.

Harry sighs in defeat and begins to pick up his clothes, shuffling into them quickly and awkwardly with the silence that’s settled over the room. Louis expects Harry to just leave immediately, with the way neither of them is talking, it seemed like the general consensus, but as Harry’s walking out, he grabs Louis by the waist and kisses him strongly.

It’s deep and Louis feels himself melting into the touch rather than feeling sparks, but he whimpers when Harry tugs him closer, tilting Louis’ head back with one hand on his jaw, so that he can reach in farther. Harry completely dominates the kiss, towering over the younger, making him whine and rise onto his toes, clasping Harry’s arms in his hands. Harry pulls back almost immediately after Louis settled his hands and he looks pained.

“Please just tell me Lou.” His voice breaks and he kisses Louis once more. Harry’s hand catches on the necklace almost like a reminder and Louis’ stomach clenches with the prompt. “Please.”

With that he leaves, and Louis is left feeling empty inside.

He pulls on some boxers and changes his shirt before going to sit on his bed patiently. He knows his mum is coming to talk and not even five minutes later she’s at the door and walking in, apprehensively sitting at the end of the bed where Louis’ feet are.

Louis’ got his shirt pulled up rubbing his belly soothingly while he thinks. It’s entirely and completely about Harry, and as if sensing his distress, his mum places a hand on his shin, rubbing softly. “You alright love?”

Louis goes to nod but stops himself when he realizes that _no, he’s not okay_. He shakes his head instead and sniffles a few times and that’s all it takes for his mum to be at his side. She pulls his shirt down and tucks him into her side, cradling him like all mothers do and sooths him. He doesn’t find complete comfort but being in the coziness of his mum’s company, he feels a weight off his chest, which he counts as a win.

He’s still lying there with her hand threading through his hair when she speaks up. “Want to tell me what that was all about?”

Louis sighs into the room twitches uncomfortably. “He was looking through my drawers when I woke from my nap and I panicked cause I’ve got pregnancy and baby things in my socks drawer. Just spiraled from there.”

“What kind of baby things?”

“I’ve been keeping a journal, just stuff I’ve found online and almost like a daily log of the pregnancy.”

His mum hums. “That’s good Lou, bet it helps.”

“It does.”

Its silent for a stretch and just when Louis thinks he’s off the hook, his mum sits up, forcing him to sit up as well. She faces him and grabs his hands between hers gently, inclining him to look at her, scared of what he’d find, though she looks nothing but kind.

“You were about to tell him weren’t you?”

Louis’ mum is a lot more perceptive and observant than he often gives her credit for, and right now he’s almost wishing she didn’t have that quality. He nods his head pitifully and tries to blinks away tears that just end up on his cheeks.

“Why didn’t you?”

Louis sighs roughly, the burning in his chest from the soon onslaught of tears making it catch. “He’s not going to be in my life anymore. This isn’t his issue, it’s mine and I stand by that. If I do tell him he’ll eventually leave, because we weren’t and aren’t committed to each other. Simple as that.”

His mum shakes his head and for a moment he thinks its cause he’s disappointed her, and he nearly starts sobbing there. “A person who isn’t committed to you wouldn’t tell you that he wants to be a part of your life, love. He wouldn’t go out of his way to be with you or talk to you, even fight with you, because he just _knows_ that you aren’t alright.” Jay whispers and Louis hiccups back a sob. “A person who isn’t committed to you isn’t persistent and they certainly do not give you necklaces.”

Louis whimpers as he grabs his lip, tugging it painfully to try hide his hard sobs. His mum rubs a hand down his arm and shushes him quietly.

“W-what do I d-do?” Louis hiccups, clasping a hand over his mouth as a few whines spill from his lips. His mum just looks at him and the whines thread out of his lungs harder and quicker. “I-I h-ave to t-tell him d-on’t I?”

“Harry is not one to be this persistent with any of his other flings.” Jay speaks softly. “I think you need to tell him that you’re pregnant love, and that he’s going to biologically be a father. Leave the choice of him being a dad who’s actually there, to him alright lovie?”

Louis nods and hugs his mum tightly, he honestly doesn’t know what he would do without her.

“I really want him to be a dad with me.” He whispers to his mum ,as if it’s private, a thought Louis hasn’t entirely voiced yet.

“I think he’ll want that too Lou.”

When Louis pulls back he looks at her confused.

“Do you honestly think he doesn’t love you too Lou?”

And well, Louis starts hiccupping again after that.

**

They don’t talk.

It’s been a total of nine days since they’ve spoken, and aside from the odd text on his birthday and Christmas, Louis hasn’t heard from Harry. He got a text the morning after Harry left, that the older boy was going to visit his mum and sister a few towns over, putting enough space between them that Harry wouldn’t be there for Louis’ birthday. His mum rubs his shoulder and makes him tea, silently soothing him when all he gets is a quick ‘ _Happy Seventeenth Lou!’_ practically at the end of the night.

It hurts. Harry’s always been one to go extravagant for his birthday. Sleeping over so he could wish him a happy birthday right at midnight, or if he couldn’t stay over, call him when the clock struck twelve. There was no call this time, not even one at ten that night and Louis hadn’t felt this way since Harry bunked out of his birthday when the older boy had been going through this awkward teenage phase.

Harry’s in the back of his mind all day, but that doesn’t stop him from being happy when Liam shows up with a random guest, along with a present from his mum. The random guest he learns is Niall, a boy Liam has practically all his classes with, and Louis recalls hearing about him through texts. He gives Liam a weird look when the blonde boy disappears to the bathroom, and Liam just simply shrugs.

“Thought you’d get along with him.”

Liam turns out to be right, when Louis finds himself bickering with Niall easily and in not time. They are both similar, where they’re both loud and a bit obnoxious, especially when the x-box is brought out. Liam is a bit rowdy too, but for the most part he watches Louis carefully, looking on as he adjust quickly to the expansion of the group.

By the time those two boys leave, Louis has to remind himself to get Liam an extra special gift with a thank you. The boy truly deserves it.

His mum and the girls eat a nice birthday slash Christmas Eve dinner. Mum got the girls that night, going all out on not only the festive dinner with all the family but her eldest son’s birthday as well. There’s a cake after one decorated with love by all his sisters, his mum claiming she tried to do it herself but the girls wouldn’t allow it. Louis shrugs but smiles and happily blows out the candles, trying not to think when one stays lit stubbornly.

He gets a couple presents, both consisting of an assortment of books and clothes from his sisters and his mum. He thanks them gladly before bring them up to his room and lying down peacefully. He ends up falling asleep before midnight, exhausted but still decently happy.

Christmas passed by quickly like a snap of a picture. The girls were being packed up and ushered out to where their dad was waiting for them, excited to see them again, even though it’s only been a week. Jay watches them fondly through the door and gives them each a hug and a kiss when it’s time to leave. Louis finds himself doing the same and giving a small wave to the man by the car. He waves back something, that doesn’t happen everytime considering the strain on their relationship. Louis counts it as a win and goes inside, beginning to help his mum with Christmas dinner.

The dinner is chicken instead of turkey, with stuffing and a couple extra sides. They fill their plates and eat on the couch with the tree lit and a Christmas movie on. It’s soothing and relaxing for Louis, whose back has begun to bother him with the slight twinge in his legs. His mum gives him a sympathetic glance before putting her plate down and retrieving a small box placed sneakily behind the tree.

It turns out to be for him, Louis glances at the box in his mum’s hand curiously, but takes it when she urges him to. Its an easy weight in his hand, like it’s barely there at all and when he pulls the lid off, he realizes why.

It’s a small pair of booties, plain grey knit with a simple strap with buttons on each side. They’ve got little white flowers on each shoe, secured in with their own button. Louis strokes over the fabric carefully as if he’s afraid they’ll break and smiles to himself. It’s the first thing he’s actually for the baby and it seems incredibly fitting, even though he doesn’t know the sex yet. When he pulls out the booties though, he see’s there’s a onesie underneath and nearly cries at what it has on it.

He pulls it out carefully and shakes it out from how it was folded, looking at it in awe. The clothing piece is abnormally tiny and it’s a bit of a realization that this is going to be worn by the baby he’s currently carrying. It’s got cute saying, _‘I got all my looks from grannie.’_ Louis just laughs at that and watches as his mum wipes a finger under her eyes, smiling all the same.

“Thanks mum.” Louis whispers.

“I know you don’t know the sex yet, and I don’t know if you will or not, but girls shoes just seemed right.” Jay confesses and it clicks for Louis, that the flowers on the shoes do feel right. Either way, Louis figures his baby is wearing them, they are the first things he got for them anyway.

He puts the items back in the box and standing to hug her. They stand there swaying for a couple minutes before Louis complains about how his back is starting to hurt.

His mum just laughs and tells him to sit down before they go back to eating and watching the movie.

Louis continues to look at the box containing the booties and the single onesie and can’t help but itch to put them in the box with all the other baby things. He also can’t help but smile uncontrollably at the baby things, knowing they’re for his child.

**

A day before New Years Eve, Louis has his three month scan.

The week has been boring, Louis has done nothing but take pictures of his stomach, eat and hangout with Liam and Niall. It’s a bit difficult sometimes because he can talking freely with Liam but not so much Niall, and he almost slips up more than a few times. Liam catches him each time and shrugs off the weird looks Niall gives them. Louis knows if he wants to keep the friendship going he’s going to have to tell the Irish lad soon.

He doesn’t hear any more from Harry other than a quick text saying he’ll be home on the thirtieth, inconveniently around the same time Louis’ going in for his scan. Louis tries to shake the nerves about how it’s risky. Harry more than likely to call him and demand to see him as soon as he’s in town, and that’s not something the younger boy can easily comply with.

Louis tries to ignore all day, but when he’s sat in the doctors office waiting to be called in, his phone starts buzzing, Harry’s face and number popping up.

With the nerves jumping from heart to stomach, Louis quickly ignores the call, but regrets that immediately when Harry calls back once again. This time he turns it on silent before and letting it ring, sighing in relief when the screen finally goes black. That’s shortly lived when texts from the older boy start coming in, and then another phone call.

Louis completely ignores all of them, smiling despite his nerves when he’s called back.

The doctor comes in quickly and gets right to work. Louis barely has time to pull his shirt up before the doctor is squirting gel on his stomach and bringing the wand to his stomach. Louis barely even has time to flinch from the cold gel before he’s fixing his gaze on the ultrasound machine.

“Sorry for going through this quickly.” Doctor Matt apologizes. Running the wand over Louis’ stomach carefully, but quickly. “Last day we’re open till the New Year, so everyone’s trying to squeeze in.”

Louis nods. “I bet, a lot of people probably trying to get ultrasounds for the New Year. Show everyone.”

Doctor Matt smiles at him. “That’s exactly it.” He stops moving the wand and Louis watches as the grainy black and white picture focuses. “Now, that Louis is your baby.”

Louis smiles, a little watery but big. He looks at the picture, watching in amazement as he notices the changes of the baby since last time. The baby looks completely formed, small but still completely formed and that’s something in itself to Louis. He feels like crying seeing the picture, but that’s nothing new, he cries when he sees his past ultrasounds.

“So by the end of this week, you’ll be going into the second trimester and at this time, the chance of miscarriage is dropped considerably.” The doctor says, holding the wand still and capturing a few pictures before printing them.

“The baby’s sex is developed or is in the process but we won’t necessarily be able to see that for a few more weeks and if I’m not mistaken, we should be able to clearly hear the heartbeat today.”

Louis’ own heart skips when he hears that. The doctor said the heartbeat can be detected earlier in the pregnancy but Louis was insistent on waiting. He didn’t want the stress of not hearing a heart beat right away, so he chose to be patient. Right now though, he’s completely ready to hear his baby’s heart beat.

A small thudding starts to sound through the room and Louis can’t help but do anything but cry.

Lays his head back against the chair and smiles happily, hearing how the baby’s heart thumps in the background. It’s fast and the doctor estimates that it beats a hundred and fifty-five a minute. Louis’ ecstatic, over the moon, beyond happy, and whatever other analogy for how happy he could be, that’s what Louis’ was.  Louis beamed and asked the doctor if he could record the sound of the heartbeat to which the doctor just smiled and nodded his head.

The first thing Louis does when he’s out of his appointment is he goes around the hospital and tries to find his mum.

He ends up finding her on the same level, which makes Louis life easier, but she’s with a patient so Louis has to wait. Waiting right now is ultimately not Louis strong suit, because as soon as she’s done talking to her patient, he’s practically in her face.

She lets out a small yelp and places a hand over her heart, and Louis doesn’t even take a second to apologize before he’s blurting it out. “I heard the heartbeat.”

He’s practically jumping, trying to contain his excitement, while it takes a moment to click for Jay. The second it does a smile spread across her face and she grabs him into a hug and shakes them both back and forth. “How was it?” There’s enough excitement in her voice to match Louis’ jumpiness.

“God mum-“ Louis chokes up. “It was amazing. Doctor said hundred and fifty-five heats per minute. He said its really healthy and that the baby’s all developed and I’ve got pictures and an audio.”

As if just remembering, Louis pulls away and fumbles for his phone opening it up and playing the audio right by his mum’s ear. She listens with wide eyes and smiles largely at him when the beats ring through clearly.

“That’s amazing Lou.” She answers softly and Louis nods to himself, looking at the ultrasound pictures in his hand fondly. It is pretty amazing.

Abruptly his phone rings again, and Louis cringes remembering how Harry’s been calling. He looks down and sure enough, there’s Harry I.D. showing. He sighs a bit reluctantly before swiping across the screen and answering.

“Hey Harry.”

“Why weren’t you answering?” Harry questions through the speaker, the first thing out of his mouth. Not even a simple hello, direct and blunt.

“Um, I’m with mum.” Louis supplies unhelpfully, almost smacking himself in the forehead when his mum raises an eyebrow at him. He’s charting on dangerous territory and they both know it.

“Your mum’s working Lou.”

Louis rolls his eyes trying to think of an answer. “Um… Mum forgot something at home and I had to bring it to her. Desperate thing she needed.”

Louis could smack himself with how bad his lies were.

“Alright.” Harry sounds unsure. “I’m back in town, wondering if I could come pick you up?”

He sounds hesitant, and he has every right to be considering how they left things. Louis doesn’t really know how to answer for the exact same reason.

The immediate answer in his head is yes, because it always is. When either of them asks to hangout, the answer was always yes. This time the answer isn’t so clear. Like pretty much everything now, everything was grey nothing black and white. He hesitates too long, that Harry calls his name through the phone tentatively.

Louis snaps out of it and nods his head resolutely, realizing Harry can’t see that when his mum mouths _yes_ to him. He answers and gives in, because he always does and before long he’s given the ultrasounds to his mum to keep safe, and he’s waiting by the front to see Harry.

Louis waits anxiously for Harry beat up old car to come through the parking lot, and sure enough when it does Louis feels like being sick. They’ve never been this awkward and distant and in some way Louis feels happy because that’s how it’s supposed to be, but at the same time he’s loosing his best friend of eight years. It’s a trivial matter and Louis doesn’t know what side of the coin he likes best.

Louis hurries out so he doesn’t have to make Harry get out of the car. The older boy is just leaning back into his seat when Louis slides into his, shivering from the drastic change of cold to warm. As soon as he sits in the car, the tensions builds till it’s practically a brick wall and Louis’ barely has anything to break it.

Harry’s sitting there silently, hands resting a tad too tightly on the steering wheel but his head is bowed in a way that he doesn’t know what to do either. Louis fiddles with his hands, scraping underneath his nails for lack of something better to do. He’s never been good for awkward silences and he’s never been one for patience.

He supposes that’s why he breaks the silence first.

“We need to talk.” He means to say _hi_ , at least to the clear the ice a bit, but he ends up cracking the entire surface.

Harry clears his throat and from the way he nods slowly, Louis knows he was thinking it too. One hand slides to the top of the steering wheel while the other goes to shift into drive. Before he actually moves Harry settles his hand onto Louis’ thighs and squeezes it tightly. It’s enough to put Louis at ease that he’s not the only one concerned.

They drive, and every once and awhile Harry’s hand leaves his thigh, but for the most part it stays there. It’s comforting, and eases the thoughts in his head enough till they get home. Wordlessly, Harry shifts back into park and shuts the engine off before getting out. Louis follows.

They’re at Harry’s flat, and Louis’ more than a little glad. It gives him a greater chance to leave if he needs. They go in, removing snow covered boots and bulky winter jackets, completely silent apart from the few thuds of shoes or the mix of moving fabric.

They settle into the sofa and Louis not even properly situated before Harry’s turning to face him.

“We seriously need to talk.”

Louis nods and turns to face Harry slowly. The older boy is hunched over which is not entirely unusual, but the grim expression he holds is. Louis’ breath comes heavier and he doesn’t know what to say or how to, so he settles for a heavy breath. It lingers and it’s harsh enough to bring Harry’s eyes to his, and there, Louis can see he’s hurt.

Louis’ eyes start watering automatically, and not for the first time, he blames his hormones. “H-harry.”

Harry huffs as if mad at himself, before grabbing Louis behind the thighs and hauling him into his lap. Louis goes to hide his face in the older’s neck, but Harry cups his cheek instead and snogs him senseless. Louis hesitates to settle into the kiss but once he does, he’s curling his limbs around Harry’s. They’re practically two puzzles piece though at this point you can’t tell where they meet up anymore.

Harry pulls away but just barely and rests his forehead against Louis softly, breathing in deep. “I need to stop giving into you.” It’s sighed against Louis’ lips and in complete agreement, Louis nods his head though he’s a little bit dazed.

Harry shakes his head, moving to the side so he can nuzzle into Louis’ neck. Louis has the advantage of being taller, for once, so he curls himself around Harry, like the older would usually do and combs his hands through the knotted curls. “We need to stop giving into each other.”

It’s a mental reminder seeing as the physical part is lost in the way their touching. Harry’s hands circled tight around Louis’ thighs while the younger’s are lost in curly locks. They’re both horrible at keeping their word, but this time it’s serious, and Louis indefinitely knows he has to.

He pulls Harry out of his neck and levels him with a serious look. “We’ve got to stop putting this off.” His voice is shaking because the conversation they’ve been putting off since the grocery store incident is finally here. It’s been weeks but it’s arrived. The realization nearly knocks the breathe out of Louis.

“We aren’t the same anymore.” Louis whispers, watching as Harry nods while looking regretful. Louis almost feels the waves of it rolling off of Harry, like cologne or an odor, its there, and un-ignorable.

“It’s because we don’t talk anymore.” The ‘ _you don’t talk to me anymore_ ’ is what he means. “And that’s hurting both of us.” Harry tacks on after a moment, letting them both breath in deeply.

“I have my reasons Harry.” Louis answers, trying to resist the itch to hold the swell between his hips as evidence.

“Yes Louis and I also have reasons, but I feel like you’ve pulled away completely. You’ve blocked yourself off ever since the super market and I don’t know what to do.” Harry answers, brows set in a stern frown, gaze set upon Louis seriously.

“You know that it doesn’t concern you.” Louis insists, going to continue before Harry interrupts him. “I’ve told you this-“

“I know you have Lou, and I’ve already told you! I want you in my life. I want to know what’s going on so I can help. You telling me I can’t be in your life anymore concerns me so much Lou.” Harry sighs out letting his hands fall from the younger’s thighs, only to bring them to scrub over his face. He’s exasperated and Louis feels the same.

Harry hands fall and he looks back up at Louis. “I want to know what’s got you so scared than you clam up and practically start crying every time I try to bring it up.”

“Harry it’s not that I’m scared-“

“Than what is going on?” Harry asks frustrated. “Is it Liam, has someone asked you out? Are you going out with someone else? Did something happen? Did I-“ Harry swallows and looks scared, “Did I do something?”

Louis pauses, because it’s half right, the baby is half Harry’s. He pauses for to long that Harry swears under his breath and he quickly moves Louis off his lap and onto the couch. He stands quickly and begins to pace hands rooted in his hair and he worries his lip.

When Harry lets his hands fall, he wants to put them right back seeing the way Louis looking at him. Louis stands quickly and goes to take Harry’s hands in his, but Harry tugs them out of his reach. Louis lets his hands fall uselessly to his side unsure of what to do while Harry mutters to himself.

The older’s head shoots up quickly and he looks pained. “Fuck did I hurt you? Like when were having sex did I not prep you good enough? Or was I too rough. God -are you ripped or-“ Harry almost sobs as he says the last thing.

Louis shushes him quickly a shakes his head. “I would have told you if that happened. Plus I would have bled when we were having sex if something like that happened H.”

Harry flings his arms out to his sides. “Well than what? It can’t be any diseases because we both got physicals and if I didn’t hurt you while having sex than what did I do?”

Louis goes to reply but a thought must occur for Harry because suddenly he’s placing his head in his hands again. “Fuck did I say something? Like did I offend you in anyway?” Harry looks up desperate, hands framing his face that he practically looks like a toddler. Louis would be laughing under any normal circumstance, but this time it has him grimacing and averting his eyes to the floor.

He shakes his head and Harry drops his hands exasperatedly before going over to him and holding his shoulders. “Than what did I do? Why did you pause when I asked that?” Harry’s hold tightens the more exasperated he gets. “What aren’t you telling me?”

“There’s nothing to tell H.” Despite that Harry’s grip is still hard, Louis brings his hands to Harry’s biceps and slowly squeezes till Harry eases his hold and pulls Louis into his hold.

Louis holds his hips back a bit his bump nearly getting in the way. Harry just kisses the top of head and rests his cheek there. “You’re lying.”

Louis buries his face into Harry’s neck and resists the urge to nod his head and admit that he is. Instead he forces his head to shake side to side, denying something he could easily confess to. Harry sighs and pushes himself away from the younger boy, going back to sag into the worn cushions of the couch.

“We aren’t going to get anywhere if you don’t tell me what I’ve done.” Harry already sounds defeated.

“You haven’t done anything.” Louis fiddles with his hand and slouches into himself, trying to hide his face.

“Your body says other wise.”

It’s silent after that and Harry lies down completely. The fight is gone out of him, just as easily as everything else with Louis, he caved, gave in to the younger boy.

Louis stands there, for once completely unsure of what to do in the space of Harry’s apartment. He ponders what he can do and realizes practically everything is off limits with the way their fighting right now. He settles for going and putting his shoes back on, a task a little bit harder when there isn’t a bench to sit on like home. The extra weight and roundness at his stomach makes it a lot harder to just bend down completely. He has to take a bit longer to slip them on his feet and do up the laces, and by the time he’s just finished his second shoe, Harry’s voice rings out.

“What are you doing?”

Louis clears his throat, uncomfortable and a tad embarrassed. “M’leaving.” He grabs his coat and the words take a second to register before Harry sits up completely.

“Louis!” Harry says annoyed. Louis can hear him get up and take the few small steps it takes to get to the door.

Louis turns around whilst stringing his arms through his jacket, zipping it up comfortably. “M’gunna go home.” Louis answers hands twisted oddly. He rolls his lips together a few times before speaking again. “Figure I probably should.”

“We’re not getting anywhere.” Harry sighs, stating the obvious. He goes to grab his keys anyway but Louis shakes his head.

“I’ll catch the bus.”

“S’fine Lou.” Harry rasps. “I can drive you its not a big deal-“

“Really H, I’ll catch the bus it’s fine.”

“Lou…” Harry drags out, face contorting with discomfort and unease. “You know I don’t like you taking the bus.”

“Yeah well-“ Louis shrugs his shoulders. “S’gunna have to do for today.” He shrugs and turns to leave quickly and forces himself not to look back.

By the time he gets home it’s nearly an hour later, and Louis is more than relieved to be at home. The first thing he does is go to his room and change. A big jumper –he’s pretty sure it’s Harry’s, and plain sweats. The second thing he does is get his journal from his drawer and the box from under his bed. He’s got things to write and picture to take and add to the box.

**

New Year’s passes quickly like the rest of the holiday.

Louis finds himself celebrating with Niall and Liam instead of Harry, which is another new thing like a lot of things lately. He also finds himself telling Niall about his pregnancy and the trouble that comes with it. It ends with Niall by his side, comfortingly and Liam there also happy that Louis’ expanding his friendship circle.

School sneaks up quickly, but unlike other student Louis finds himself happy with it. It’s better for him to have a set schedule now that he needs to keep track of things. It also allows him the comfort of going back to books and things he aces easily, something he is far from in reality.

Louis settles back into the ease of school, though the time after break was always a bit scattered. Starting new classes and it being his senior year, the whole graduating thing really started to kick in. There were meet ups and planning starting, quite seriously for the end of year. Senior prom, senior grad trip amongst other things.

Louis wasn’t as eager to participate as Liam was or anyone else he knew. He wasn’t even entirely sure if he was going to go to grad seeing as he would be nine months pregnant and ready to pop. It was controversial and it caused a bit of backlash when he mentioned it Liam and a strong lecture when he mentioned it to his mum.

It was the middle of the first week back to school and exactly one week since he talked to Harry. It left him clueless and unsure of what to do. He didn’t know whether to call Harry or show up at the older’s apartment. He didn’t know if either was acceptable and standing on the fence between the two wasn’t exactly easy.

He knew the reason Harry hadn’t made an effort to phone him or show up, was because he thought things were his fault. Louis really should have seen this possibility with the way Harry tends to build everything up on his shoulders. But Louis hadn’t and now they were stuck in limbo.

Louis ultimately felt stuck and it wasn’t something he was a fan of.

**

Louis gets the courage in last block, in the tutor room.

It’s ironic considering all that’s happened here. Louis almost feels nostalgic and he feels that’s maybe what’s sparked the idea. He doesn’t know what does entirely but is just glad it happens. Perhaps it’s the knowledge that he’s done it before or maybe it’s the comfort. Maybe its his want to make things right, or to lift the weight and worry off of Harry’s shoulder’s. He doesn’t know, but he does it any way.

He finds himself back in the super market waiting for a pregnancy test to show it’s positive sign, as ironic as that is.

He’s sitting on the toilet with a pen and a pad of paper trying to figure out how to phrase this correctly. It’s hard to put into words, especially when he doesn’t want three pages of varying types of apologies. Louis’ trying to make it simple and understandable, it should be easy, he’s a straight A student after all, but for once, his pen fails to write on the paper.

The timer beeps on his phone and he looks to see for sure that the reading on the test came out right.

It has, the test reading out _13 weeks._ He sighs out nervously and puts in the folder he managed to get. It’s a plain manila one and it seals shut, exactly what Louis needs.

Louis places the test in carefully before going back to the pad of paper still not sure what to say. He ponders a type of poem, or a simplistic letter, but none seem appropriate. When he checks the time once more he realizes he’s running out of time. Harry’s going to be going to uni soon and the chances of him being back early are slim. That puts the chances of Harry opening this today next to impossible and Louis doesn’t know if he could wait till tomorrow. In fact he knows he can’t. Knows this is not a matter to have patience with.

So he settles for the truth.

He writes it quickly, messily in a way that Harry will know it’s him. It’s not proportionate, middle sized letter to an large piece of paper but Louis doesn’t have time to care or to retry it. He ponders signing his name in full before deciding against it. He doesn’t bother signing it, Harry should know where to trace this back to, and hastily folds the paper before putting that too in the envelope. He licks in shut and secures it tightly before putting everything else away in his bag.

Louis manages to catch the bus just barely and he reaches Harry’s apartment with hardly enough time. He sprints the best he can and as soon as the package is laid in front of Harry’s door, he knocks hard two times before hurrying back down the stairs.

The ride back on the bus is lonely and gives Louis chills. It’s not the company on the bus or the areas they pass, it’s the fact that Louis’ done something he can’t take back no batter how big the pit in his stomach. His phone buzzes in his hands and for a second he gets scared it’s Harry. He sighs in relief when it’s just a text from his mum, but his hands still shake when he sends a reply.

He gets home a lot later than he usually does and the house is dim enough to make him turn on the entry light when he gets home. He hurries upstairs to change into comfier clothes, his uniform hugging a little too closely to his stomach lately that it pinches badly. At the end of the school day Louis is always itching to get into sweats and that’s exactly what he does, whilst throwing on a tighter t-shirt that once used to be loose. It’s his _The Killers_ t-shirt and with the added pouch to his stomach the already hugging shirt is even more taut.

Louis stands at the mirror in his room and admires the way his stomach swells. He grabs his phone quickly and snaps a few pictures and makes a mental note to print and add them to the box. He’s just getting his journal out when there’s a heavy pounding on the door.

He startles and immediately drops the journal on the floor. His heart starts thudding and he curls both hands around his stomach protectively. he carefully creeps out of his room and makes his way down the stairs quietly. As he’s reaching the entryway there’s two more heavy thuds against the door and Louis is close to trembling, heart beating erratically.

He peaks through the eyehole and leans his forehead on the door. His brain stops thinking murderer and that allows him some relief.

He knows he’s not in danger but what’s on the other side of the door doesn’t make his heart stop hammering or his nerves from acting like live wires. The person on the other side of the door does bring tears to his eyes because he knows what’s about to happen, and he’s not sure which side is going to pop up. Heads or tales; good or bad.

He unlocks the door slowly and opens it even slower, the cold coming in quickly and bringing a chill to Louis body, though it’s not the only reason.

There stands Harry looking around anxiously practically bouncing waiting for Louis to open the door. He starts to raise his one fist about to knock again but then he clues back in. As soon as the older realizes the doors been open his head whips around and Louis sees that his eyes are red-rimmed and bloodshot. His cheeks are a little red, but Louis can’t tell if that’s from the crying or the anger, or maybe a combination of the two. Louis doesn’t really know and doesn’t have time to ask, before Harry’s lifting the paper up, his words written there in startling jet black.

_For all the things I couldn’t tell you._

Harry holds up the pregnancy test next while looking at Louis in pain and anger and a thousand other emotions.

“What the hell is this?”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like I said, don't kill me! Now I have some really important news for all my lovely readers! I'm doing a fic giveaway where there are first second and third place and I'll choose the winners based on reblogs, but I was also thinking of bringing it to AO3! If you'd like that comment but for those on tumblr I have the link to it here:
> 
> http://bottomlouiswriter.tumblr.com/post/118091729223/blw-fic-giveaway
> 
> all the rules are there but feel free to comment either here or at my tumblr if you have any questions! Comments and Kudos appreciated!


	7. seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO as you can see, I've changed the amount of chapters to a question mark, because I really don't know how long I want this to be. I think I'm clinging because this is seriously my baby, but when I figure out I will let you all know! 
> 
> Thank you all so much for 400 kudos! Thats actually so crazy and unbelievable, I love you all so much!  
> And can you believe it's almost been a year since I posted this! It's been a year since I started writing this for sure, but almost a year since I actually posted? 400 kudos in that time is crazy and I love you all for it!
> 
> ^ old note! 
> 
> New notes !!  
> Thank you all so much for being patient with me and understanding! I have rewritten this and I'm much prouder of it then the old chapter seven. It serves a better purpose and it's just over all more what I wanted. I really hope you all agree that this chapter takes us places and that it is an improvement to the last chapter!

Harry’s half awake when there are two hard raps on his door.

It startles him because he’s not expecting anyone, especially this close to his classes. His only logical thought at the time is simple, Louis. He doesn’t really think he has any other thoughts but this one does have some logic. Only Louis would be knocking at his door at this time of day.

He quickly shuffles out of bed and hurries himself to the door. His sweatpants are dragging on the floor, nearly off his hips and he pulls the up lazily whilst he opens the door, having to wiggle the handle a couple times to get it to work.

His thought of Louis dropping by is diminished when he sees there’s an envelope just lying there plainly. He figures it was the postman coming to drop it off or maybe a neighbor who got his mail.

He shrugs either way and picks it up, throwing it gently onto the coffee table and goes to get ready for classes. If he doesn’t he’ll be late and with new professors for a new semester, Harry doesn’t want to make bad impressions.

When he walks back into the living room he glances over to the envelope and something is just- off. Harry can’t say exactly what it is, but the envelope irks him and he doesn’t really know why. He shuffles over and reaches for it and notices the lack of postage and stamps on the envelope and then there’s a serious dip in his stomach. There’s a tiny bit of dread coming from his several different parts of his body but automatically he thinks he being ransomed.

He rips it open and pulls out a poorly folded piece of paper, loose leaf and crumpled. He unfolds it a tad carelessly but his nonchalance is dropped when he sees it’s Louis’ writing.

_For all the things I couldn’t tell you._

He furrows his brows and reaches into the envelope freezing when his hands wraps around what inside. He looks over at his blank wall, a calculating and denying look on his face while his internal instinct is screaming at him. He knows what this is.

He pulls it out in the hope that it was just a scare, but a positive glares back at him and Harry feels his world stop.

He doesn’t even hesitate to grab his keys and go.

He can’t properly connect the time between leaving his place and arriving at Louis’ but he remembers pounding heavily at the door, desperately in need to see the younger boy. The second he sees Louis he feels all the walls of numbness fall away and rage and hurt seep into his skin.

His actions are immediate and the arm holding the test and paper raise a tad bit menacingly as he practically hisses out.

“What the hell is this?

**

Harry doesn’t even hesitate before he’s making his way into the entry way and looking around wildly, still practically bouncing out of his shoes. Louis has never seen him like this, the thought and the recognition alone leaves him trembling, just like Harry, but for an entirely different reason.

Harry’s pacing and continuously looking down to the paper in his hand, fumbling with his lower lip pulling it and folding it to the point where its red when he finally turns to face Louis. He takes one look at Louis, eyes settling in on his stomach and heaves out a sob, hands going to bracket his knees as he leans over.

Louis brings a hand to his stomach self-consciously and wishes he hadn’t worn a shirt so tight. He sighs and goes to step towards the older boy but knows he can’t because he’s the reason this has happened. He’s the reason Harry’s a mess of ten different emotions with anger and hurt being the top two.

It’s silent and Louis feels lost. He didn’t picture this outcome or this possibility of Harry completely breaking down. It feels like they’re oceans apart and Louis doesn’t know how reach him anymore. Not with the way Harry is practically heaving for breath and has still got the paper clenched tightly in his hand.

“H…” Louis whispers, the hand that’s not on his stomach reaches to comfort the older boy, but Harry shakes his head stiffly. He takes a few quick breaths before forcing himself to stand straight. He looks at Louis again and he sighs out harshly, bottom lip wobbling.

He whips around quickly to hastily make his way upstairs. Louis watches a little scared as Harry takes them too at a time, bolting like he’s got everything to loose.

Louis pets soothing patterns into his stomach and tries to calm himself down. This isn’t something he can allow to stress him out. This isn’t something what’s good for the baby, which is a sobering thought. It forces him to gather his nerves, and breathe them out in relief. He nearly gains them all back when he hears several thuds coming from upstairs.

He slowly makes his way upstairs. Hearing Harry’s cursing getting louder and louder each time he advanced. He ends up having to walk all the way down the hall to his room and the sight he sees rips a hole through his chest.

Harry is furiously working through every drawer in Louis’ wardrobe, pulling clothing and numerous other things out in search of something, anything. Its when Harry reaches the shirt drawer that Louis realizes Harry’s made the connection of what he was hiding in there.

Harry faces him, eyes darkened to a deep jade in his fury, and asks lowly. “Where is it?”

Harry moves over to tear Louis’ sheets from his bed and Louis stumbles away in fright. Harry’s proximity scares Louis’ when his arms fling out wildly throwing pillows and random clothes articles around, searching for the thing he knows Louis’ hiding. He looks about ready to yell with the amount of livid he is but he must step on something because he stops and bends down quickly, flinging clothes back to reveal the journal.

Louis mentally curses himself for naming the journal in the first place let alone allowing Harry to find out the details this way. He didn’t expect his plan to be carried out this way, but expectations were always far from reality.

“H, give me the book.” Louis must startle the older boy because his head snaps up and he looks like he’s been in a completely different place.

Harry shakes his head, a dead set look in his face. “This has everything doesn’t it?” Harry’s gaze settles back on the cover where it’s so cleverly named, _Baby Styles_. The disaster has been more than a little scribbled out, (still visible even as much as he doesn’t want it to be) because Louis’ long past that stage where he thinks the baby in his stomach is just a giant hurricane of bad. He’s come to appreciate and love what he’s carrying and he was quick to scratch it out to replace it with a better phrase.

“Used my last name, even when I didn’t know I’d have a kid?” Harry asks, turning the front of the book to face Louis like the younger boy doesn’t see it daily.

“Harry, it’s a long story-“

“One you’ve apparently don’t really want me to know of or be in, besides my last name of course.”

Louis sighs and moves forward but Harry takes a step back, going to flip to the first page when Louis advances further. His fingertips graze the edge of the bent out of shape journal but Harry quickly jerks it out of his touch and holds it above their heads, and out of Louis’ reach.

Louis sighs, frustration controlling his body. He doesn’t want Harry to read that, he can’t let Harry even glance at what’s written on those pages. It would be embarrassing and make him seem childish with the way he writes insistently about the older boy. He really feels like he should be more focused on other things, but the book isn’t what he wants Harry to first experience with the pregnancy.

“Haz-“

“I need to look at something Lou.” Harry jitters out, voice shaky. “I need to see something that makes this whole thing real. I need-“

Louis catches Harry’s arm and the older’s gaze, seeing that it has settled into disbelief, and hurt, the anger almost entirely vanished. He slowly brings it down, but only because Harry allows him. “I’ve got other things to show for my-“ He stops before he says baby and almost regrets the second he does because Harry’s expression falls even more while his body goes back to rigid. He said _my_ , singular, disincluding Harry. “I-I mean our baby.” Louis whispers.

He feels weird admitting and saying this to Harry. The words must be odd to Harry to because he repeats them back. “You’ve got things for our baby?” Louis can tell he’s holding back tears, so he simply nods and takes the journal from Harry before going to retrieve the box.

He allows the older a minute to gather himself, as he starts shuffling the thing out. It’s been stashed at the back of his closest and when he drags it out, he can only bring it so far. Louis huffs and plots himself on one side of the box, amongst the scattered and strewed clothes along his floor.

Harry follows a minute later, choosing to sit to the left of Louis, which the younger finds as odd. He figured Harry would want more space between them as possible, he has just lied about something as big as a human life after all. But Harry just shuffles in closer to Louis and the box, making a move to open the box when Louis doesn’t.

Louis watches Harry’s profile when the older takes out the first thing there, which happens to be the Ziploc of pregnancy tests. Harry pauses and looks at Louis curiously. Louis flushes and wraps a hand under the slightest bit to grasp the small bump.

Louis clears his throat awkwardly, tapping his other hand across his knee. “The first pregnancy tests I took.” Harry nods and Louis hesitates before adding on. Harry’s got the right to know more. “I took them that day at the supermarket.”

Louis says, watching as the clogs turn in Harry brain. He knows the second Harry realizes the connection, as the older boy’s shoulder slump and he brings the bag into his lap.

“Should have known.”

Louis scoffs and he would care that he’s being insensitive, but Harry’s being stupid. “Know that your fuck buddy was taking pregnancy tests in a super market bathroom? I don’t think so H, you didn’t know cause I was making sure of that. You can’t blame yourself.”

“We were best friends long before we were every fuck buddies, when you were sobbing in my arms like your life had been ruined at a super market, I should have seen some sort of connection, but I didn’t. Obviously I’m not the smart one in this situation.” Harry mocks nastily, wringing his hands together harshly. He pushes himself up after a moment’s thought and Louis hurries to follow. He stops in front of Harry and sees the way Harry’s hands practically gravitate to his stomach. His breath rushes in quickly but leaves just as swiftly as it came when Harry shakes his head, practically forcing his hands back to his sides. The older turns around and Louis feels obligated to ease his turmoil, inside and out.

“Harry there weren’t pregnancy tests lying around, you couldn’t have known!” Louis argues stepping up behind Harry and grasping his shoulder lightly, but the intent for more contact falls short when Harry shakes his head, beginning to pace again.

Louis drops his arm to his stomach, a bit defeated as he watches Harry punish himself.

“I should have been more persistent, shown you I was here, made a better effort.” Harry sighs out. “Why didn’t you tell me? Do you not want me to be- like do you want me out of the babies life?” Harry sounds confused and choked up and it looks like it kills him to say it. It hurts for Louis to hear it too. Louis shuffles both hands till they’re touching his stomach and he notices Harry eyes trace every movement.

“That wasn’t it Harry-“

“Than what is it?” Harry asked wetly. “Did I not make you feel comfortable enough or did you not trust in me enough to tell me. Were you scared I’d leave you alone to raise this baby? What Louis! What made you keep this a secret for- god how long- how far along are you?”

As if the thought just occurs to him Harry’s voice goes from close to yelling back to a whisper laced with hurt. His eyes are still trained on Louis stomach and the sudden attention is making him fidget.

Louis clears his throat a few times and grasps the edge of his shirt even more. He shakes his head and soothes a hand over the swell. “Thirteen weeks today, I’ve known since October.”

He waits until Harry processes and cringes when Harry shouts. “You’ve known since October?”

Louis hurries to explain himself, moving forward into Harry’s space while the older fumes. Louis grasps Harry’s hands from where they’re pulling desperately on his curls and takes them gently into his own hands. Harry breathes in deep and closes his eyes, listening carefully as Louis explains rapidly, nearing on frantic.

“I got a call from the doctor weeks after we got testing done that I tested positive for the MI gene and we had already had sex, god- you’d already come in me so many times Harry, that I was fucking terrified. The first thing I could think of was peeing on a stick!”

“Your first thought should have been to call me!” Harry roars, not being able to keep his level heading. He strides for the door, ripping his hands away from the younger boy in the process. He ignores the hurt expression that swipes across Louis face and leaves.

Louis hurries to follow. Harry turns around just before the stairs and points harshly. Louis very nearly bumps into him, surprised at the sudden action. “And you knew before we fucked that you could have the gene! You should have told me the second you got out of the exam room that there was a possibility you’d end up pregnant. We would have used condoms then just to be safe, and we wouldn’t have to be going through this!”

Louis frowns and holds his stomach in disagreement. He sees Harry’s logic now, wonders why he never did. He reprimands himself for what seems the thousandth time. He always lets his feelings get in the way of his logic and it’s ultimately always his down fall. “It was hard to talk to you about that when I didn’t even know what we were. Didn’t know if I’d mention it and you’d walk away.”

“Wha- why? Did you honestly think my reaction to finding out you knew about the possible gene and pregnancy for months before you even told me, was going to be better than me knowing everything from the beginning?”

Harry turns and goes down a flight of stairs and walks into the living room leaning against the back of the couch and breathing heavily. Louis follows and stops behind Harry with his arms crossed.

“I fucked up! I’m sorry its just- we didn’t know what we were. I didn’t know how you’d react no matter what I did and if you’d even want to try properly to make this baby’s life good. I didn’t want this kid to grow up with parents that hate each other so I decided what I thought was best!”

Harry turns to him, livid and upset beyond belief. “We didn’t talk about it because I didn’t know that the conversation needed to be had! You never once clued me in on the fact we could end up pregnant one day!”

Louis puts a hand to Harry’s chest, while glaring rigidly. He’s the one mad now, with all the accusations and pacing, fighting as well. He couldn’t take it right now. “Well I apologize, but I was just doing what I thought was best for me and the baby I’m carrying!”

“Did you ever think about me?” Harry throws his arms up in exasperation. “Did you ever think that I’d maybe want to be a dad? Did you ever think I wanted that possibility, with you, my best friend, no less!” Harry takes a moment to breath, chest heaving with the exertion that came with the anger.

The way he spits out best friend has Louis flinching back. There’s more behind the meaning and Louis doesn’t know what else to say.

He watches as Louis breathes heavily too, rubbing near the center of his stomach with his one hand while the other is settled underneath the small curve. He can’t keep his eyes away and the evidence just feeds to his fire. When Louis looks up, Harry sees the anger in his eyes and that just blows Harry over the top. Louis has no right to be angry right now.

“Did you ever think to give me a choice in the matter at all? Did you ever think I gave you this for a reason?” Harry says lowly thumb gliding along the chain of the necklace that still hangs delicately from Louis’ neck.

It remains silent for a moment too long and that has Harry’s head fogging. He needs to leave and he needs to leave now.

He makes his way to the door, glad his shoes are still on his feet because he’s in no mood to spend extra time on them. He can’t stay here any longer, doesn’t know how he could stand it.

“Are you leaving then?” Louis asks, from the top of the stairs. The younger boy is startled at the thought that not even a month ago they were in the exact same place, physically at least. Their emotions were entirely different and the mental sides of things were more than a little out of gear for Harry who felt like his head was spinning in laps.

Harry just grunts in response and opens the door quickly before slamming it shut, leaving Louis and the baby behind.

**

Harry’s not even half a block down when the fresh air has cleared his head and he realizes his mistake.

He stands at the corner, right beside the stop sign and contemplates going back while looking like a fool. His brain is battling out the two better parts of the argument that revolve around his pride and his possible future family. He stands in the cold and lets the two ideas bounce around in his head while he toes with the sparse snow that covers the ground.

His heads a jittering mess and even the simplest of choices are the most difficult. He supposes that’s why it takes him twenty minutes to enter back through Louis door.

When he enters, the whole house is quiet. He slowly removes his boots, not letting them plunk against the floor like usually before removing his light coat and draping it over the usual bench at the doorway. He enters the living room half expecting to see Louis curled up on the sofa, but all he finds is vacancy. He passed by the kitchen as well and to no surprise Louis isn’t there either. He knows his best bet is the room, but the state he left it in along with the boy that’s surely there, scares him a little.

The door’s ajar and allows him the easiest view of Louis curled up all small in his bed, back facing the door while he’s covered in a smaller amount of blanket than usual. When he cracks the door open enough he realizes half the blankets are on the floor not too far away from the box that still remains open. Harry feels guilty when he sees the mess he’s made in his haste but he doesn’t hurry to apologize.  

There’s a certain stillness that happens upon when Harry enters further, and it’s a bit put off. After the last couple hours that have consisted of nothing but high-strung emotions and reactions, the calming silence settles weirdly over Harry’s body. Harry’s still raring to pick a fight, anger bubbling inside himself, even more so when he looks at Louis’ figure.

Harry ignores the ticking time bomb of rage that’s settles itself nicely in his chest, as he sits on the bed. He’s fully entirely prepared to hash this out in without leaving, ready to just get down to it, feels like he’s going to break down if they don’t. But when he sets his eyes on Louis he doesn’t have much of a choice.

The latter boy is sleeping, though it seems fitfully. Eyebrows drawn together in a sleepy pout whilst he’s curled himself into a small ball, like he’s trying to hug himself, attempting to keep it together.

Harry looks forlornly at his sleeping figure.

He wants to shake him awake, poke and prod Louis till he’s bright eyed and ready to talk, but that idea is swiftly pulled from his thoughts when his attention turns back to Louis being pregnant. Regardless of how much Harry doesn’t know about Louis’ pregnancy, or pregnancy in general, he knows being well rested is a big factor. The day hasn’t been easy, on either of them, both physically and emotionally, but Harry doesn’t have an attached life form to him that makes those two drains feel like millions.

Regretfully, Harry brings himself off the mattress, careful not to jostle Louis. He looks around the room once again and feels a reminder of anger and hurt surge into him from the state of things.

Harry sighs, frustrated and confused, before he folds himself down to his knees. He starts the pattern of pulling articles of clothing off the floor and folding them, setting them aside into the rightful piles that they were in before Harry tore them all apart.

He pulls, folds, sorts and puts away for a couple hours. When it comes to the baby box and Louis’ journal, he puts them aside and rightfully ignores them, considering the answers they have. He does want answers but he wants them directly from Louis, can’t take hearing it secondarily again.

He watches the sky become a gradient from midnight black to early morning blue in his cleaning and lackluster attempts of quieting his brain, in order to sleep. He stays up going back and forth between pacing the small amount of floor in the room and sitting in the chair just watching Louis sleep. The routine is uncanningly familiar to the routine he pulled months ago after the party. This time he’s worrying his lip over their baby and not some roofie.

He’s settled into the chair, eyes tired and mind worn from his incessant over thinking. His mind is strictly glued to the topics of baby and anything stemming from it. He didn’t realize how incredibly tied he was to Louis, until his mind kept bringing up various situations of like or dislike. His mind continuously played images of his what his life would be like if he didn’t know, or if he walked away right that second. He was plagued with thoughts of a beautiful baby that clung to a tired looking Louis’ hip and the simple heartbreak and weariness he pictured on Louis’ face was enough to practically break his heart in two.

He tried to keep optimistic, attempting to get his mind to wander to a more positive image, one where a toddler was propped on his hip instead of Louis’, while the smaller boy was tucked into his side. All of them smiling while surrounded by family in their home.

It was his ideal picture, but his idealistic thoughts were not necessarily realistic ones. He didn’t know which future was going to his when he didn’t know anything, especially when his source of knowledge was wrapped up tight in blankets, sleeping away with little worry.

Harry waited until morning light sprung to make his way into the kitchen, and make himself some tea. He acted on autopilot, pulling a teabag and a mug from their familiar places as he flicked the kettle on to heat. It was habit, and for once Harry thanked whatever deity for the familiarity.

He’s surprised when just after six, there is hurried padding upstairs.

Harry, a bit confused, flicks an already boiling kettle off and takes the stairs two at a time. He rounds the corner just in time to see Louis stumbling into the toilet before there are retching noises. Concerned, Harry follows only to see that Louis is clutching the toilet bowl harshly and practically divulging himself into the porcelain bowl.

Harry settles for grabbing a washcloth when Louis shoos him away when he attempts to rub his back. He waits there, cool washcloth in his hand until Louis falls back onto his heels and wipes away the sweat that had begun to bead across his forehead. When Louis turns and gives a sheepish smile, Harry walks back over and settles the cloth against the back of his neck.

Louis heaves a sigh, and settles his back against the wall muttering a thank you, but otherwise remaining quiet. Harry stays the same. Tension high and awkward in the small space of the bathroom. They both are unsure of what to say, Harry because he’s at a loss of where to even start and Louis from the sheer surprise that Harry actually stayed.

Louis had barely enough time to get out of bed, let alone look around his room, before he was striding into the bathroom, but with the way things seemed clear and silent, Louis had assumed Harry had left. Imagine his surprise when Harry was the one getting a cool cloth for him and not his mum.

Harry cleared his throat and fiddled with his rings when the sound brought him Louis’ attention. Louis quickly averted his eyes, but Harry wasn’t so quick to look away. The other boy looked tired and exhausted, and even though Harry had seen Louis sick with the flu before, he was baffled that this kind of tiredness was exerted from being pregnant. Though he supposed this was probably the norm, it was entirely new to him to see Louis sweaty and sick over the baby.

Harry seemed to startle himself from his train of thought when Louis began to get up. Looking at Louis, Harry got a sheepish smile while he motioned to the sink.

“I’ve got to brush my teeth.”

Harry shook his head, insistent and like a bobble head, while Louis slipped passed him, feeling like an idiot. He scratched behind his head, watching both the floor and Louis while trying to think of what else to say.

“Tea.” He ends up saying weakly. When Louis gives him a weird look he clears his throat and elaborates further. “I was making tea before- do you want some?”

Louis nods, before looking at him through the mirror. “Tea’s good.”

Harry nods but doesn’t say anything else before he lets himself out of the bathroom. He faintly hears the scratching of Louis’ toothbrush but he ignores that in favor of flicking the kettle back on, before grabbing Louis’ preferred tea and mug, setting them next to his as he begins to think of what to do for breakfast.

He’s finally settled on eggs on toast when he hears a few thumps coming from the stairs. Harry hears Louis round the corner into the kitchen just as he’s about to crack the egg of the side of the pan. He’s frightened when Louis swiftly shouts _No, no!_ Harry’s futile attempt to save the egg from cracking goes out the window when he whips around and ends up splattering the egg on the floor.

“Shit.” Harry mutters stepping away from the yellow mess and going to get paper towels.

Louis rushes up and tries to help, but Harry just shoos him away, bending down and wiping it up with ease. Louis apologizes, and for the first time in twenty-four hours, he has nothing to apologize for.

“It’s fine Lou really.” Harry repeats for the fifth time. “It’s not even my food.”

“No- well I suppose that’s true.” Louis mutters, walking over to the whistling kettle and shutting it off. “It’s just the smell of eggs makes me sick, so I can’t eat them.”

The knowledge settles over Harry and for once he feels happy in knowing something, instead of dreaded silence or heated arguments. He nods and goes to put the carton away in the fridge seeing as they won’t be eating eggs any time soon. When he turns back around, the fridge closing with a small click, he notices Louis has taken a seat in one of the kitchen chairs.

He’s fiddling with invisible strings on his shirt while he squirms in his seat. Harry catches Louis’ gaze a few times, but the latter quickly adverts it whenever he gets caught. Harry knows this reaction- knows that the sitting and the anxiousness is a sure sign of Louis- for once- not knowing what to do.

Louis always and easily results to a squirming awkward mess when he can’t figure out what he needs to. He’s like this whenever he gets particularly stuck at homework, or when someone mentions something that ranges into areas he’s not knowledgeable about. It’s a sure sign his mind is coming up blank, and for the scholar that Louis is, it’s not something he likes.

Harry decides to take pity on him. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Harry certainly does. He doesn’t think he can leave this house without a full explanation. The possibility of him becoming agitated or upset the longer they ignore this is very realistic. Harry can practically feel the emotions start to build the more and more Louis looks like he’s about to bolt out of his seat.

He doesn’t and Harry has to suppress a sigh of relief.

“I’ve got school in a bit.” Louis whispers out, and when Harry looks, the clock is already at quarter to eight. “So not particularly, especially considering I owe you more than fifteen minutes.

Harry nods his head; he definitely does. He deserves a lot more than this confusing and mangled mess of a situation that they’ve gotten into, but he’s willing to let that go in order of him and Louis talking it out. He’s beginning to fear the conversation but thrive for it even more the longer he stays awake, thinking all the possibilities over and over again.

“Alright.” Harry finds himself saying. It’s the middle answer, and he figures that’s good enough. He’s desperate to demand an exact time and place, but there is another part slamming on the brakes and hoping its weeks away. He doesn’t know what side to go with and he’s just hoping Louis decides for him.

Luckily for him, Louis does.

“I can meet you instead of going to study hall?” Louis suggests, though there’s a very prevalent questioning tone in his voice.

Harry breathes a sigh of relief and nods his head. “I’ll pick you up.”

Louis instantly looks surprised and Harry doesn’t know why. Harry’s features must settle into a compromise of surprise and upset because Louis frowns, and begins making hand motions before he even talks. Louis must realize this because his hands fall back to the table while he fish mouths, just looking at Harry.

“I didn’t mean to upset you, anymore.” Louis whispers eventually when Harry leans himself against the counter. The ledge digs into his back uncomfortably but he doesn’t adjust, in order to look at Louis without disruption. The clock reads five to eight, and Louis really needs to go.

“Bit hard to do, considering.” It slips before Harry can even realize, and he closes his eyes, whilst pinching the bridge of his nose. “Sorry- that wasn’t-“

He opens his eyes, and sees Louis’ hurrying to get out of his chair, grabbing his bag by the strap. The bag is hardly on his shoulder, when Louis begins towards the entryway stairs. Harry sighs and hurries to grab the younger’s arm and hold him back, because he knows what he said was out of line.

“Look Lou, I’m sorry-“

Louis turns around just enough for Harry to catch the tears forming in his eyes. “It’s fine. I deserve a lot worse than that.”

Harry wants to argue, say that it was still out of line, but Louis already gone. Rushed down the stairs and out the door before Harry can even think of saying a word.

**

_How much is this baby going to screw with my academic record?_

That’s the thought that floats through Louis’ brain as he sits on the second bus he’s taken in the past forty-five minutes. He sits in one of the double seats close to the back, backpack at his feet while he looks ahead solemnly. It’s nearly ten o’clock and he didn’t even bother to show up to his first class. His feet had carried him entirely elsewhere when he left his house this morning, and now he finds himself on the second of three stops to get to Harry’s flat.

The thought loops around his head as the bus makes it designated turns and stops, and Louis can’t help but wonder what else this baby is going to intervene with. He had already taken into account the stipulations the baby would have on his and Harry’s relationship but he didn’t quite have time to realize any of the others.

His academics being one of them.

The textbooks upon notebooks that are hidden within his backpack are a consistent reminder of what he should be doing. He should be at school, taking notes and studying hard like the scholar he’s always been. But the books just jostle against his leg with every pothole and Louis can’t find a damn to give for the empty pages that are supposed to be filled with notes.

The box settled nicely against his backpack rattles like the way his textbooks do against his leg. It’s a prompt as to why he’s heading over to Harry’s in the first place. Before his feet had carried him over to the bus stop, they had carried him back home to pick up the box, filled with all of Louis’ current memoires. Louis had let himself sob a couple times over the box, in just a right state, which he half blamed on hormones. He had picked up the box, despite the slight weight to it, and carried it through to where he sat now; waiting.

Louis can only imagine the state his pictures are in, with all the jumbling they’ve probably received. The entire contents are guaranteed to be scattered, but Louis figures it’s best that way. Him and Harry can sort it out together, amongst other things.

His entire goal is set on getting to Harry’s before another bout of tears begins the trek down his cheeks. He’s desperate to let loose all the explanations that are bouncing around in his head, a good majority of them holding barely a sliver of the truth. Louis mind keeps darting to the one thing everything comes back to.

Them.

It’s essentially what it is and Louis isn’t entirely sure if he’s ready to admit that or not. He’s more conscious of the fear of feelings, and what could be a lack of, and he doesn’t know how to control the anxious clawing at his throat. Practically demanding that he just let it all _go_. Louis swallows back the need to blurt out ridiculous things like _I love you_ , the closer he gets to Harry’s flat.

As he’s getting off, just by the corner nearest to Harry’s place, his pocket buzzes, and for a moment he panics thinking it’s from his mum. He’s relieved when he sees it’s a simple ‘ _where are you?'_ text from Liam. He responds saying he’s at Harry’s and that he’d explain later before he pocketed his phone and hiked his grip on the box.

He waits an entire total of two minutes before knocking, and another two minutes before an exhausted Harry opens the door. Harry stands there, rubbing out the sleep from his eyes while Louis adjusts the box, trying to ignore the fact he feels entirely ready to just lay down and cry.

When Harry looks up, Louis’ face must be a torn mess or barely put together and tears, because the older boy looks affronted and concerned. Harry’s eyes dart from Louis’ face, to the box, to his backpack before starting all over. He looks at Louis and tries to ask what’s wrong, but the younger just cries a bit, mumbling an _‘I’m sorry.’_

Harry continues to stand there unsure of what to do, while Louis continues to adjust his sweaty and loosening grip consistently on the corners of the box. Louis can see the anger that resides in Harry’s form, but also the hesitance and lack of clarity that pushes the fury back a few steps.

“I couldn’t go to school.” Louis pipes up after his apology hangs in the air for longer than it should. His voice is pitiful, stuck between a bitten, barely there rasp, like before you start crying and a whisper like he doesn’t want to talk at all. He clears his throat of both types of sound and pushed through watching as Harry shifts from foot to foot, curving his body in, to the left when his hip pops out of it’s standard position.

“I um- I don’t feel like school is where I need to be right now, hard as that may be to believe.” Louis smiles a little hoping the joke will get him a smile or at least something but it doesn’t. Harry’s face stays flat of any emotion and Louis feels the pit of guilt get deeper.

“Now’s not the time for jokes Lou.” Harry answers back, and for a moment Louis’ just glad Harry answered him. The words sink in though and Louis has to school the hope that this conversation is going to be light, because it’s not. They both know that, and as much as Louis would like to pretend he’s already for the adult sides of things, this is one he could do without.

Harry stays there, stuck for a moment, head just darting from the hallway walls and the mess of a best friend he has at his entry way. Even as he steps aside to allow Louis in, Harry’s mind is frenzied. Harry follows the movements of Louis with slow precision as he closes the door. He acts on blind eyes and muscle memory, walking the few short steps into his living room while stepping around the items he already knows are there. But he keeps a steady and a live eye consistently on Louis who sees so incredibly out of his comfort zone, even as he begins to sit in his usual spot on the sofa.

It’s ironic and unsettling that the spot Louis has claimed as his, demanding and loud, for so long, it practically has his imprint, is where Louis avoids. He chooses to sit stock still and silent on the opposite end of where he usually would.

Harry surveys the room while Louis settles his head into his hands, and notices the items Louis had brought with him. The box is on the coffee table, at a good enough height that Harry can brush his fingers over it as he walks by. Louis sits behind it, almost parallel, while his bag is the one off set thing in the room. Or at least, visibly.

“If you came here to talk, I’d really like to start doing that.”

Straight to the point, considering Harry can’t stand dancing around it anymore. He goes to settle in the chair he barely uses, the cushion stiff and rock-like, not comfortable at all, but reverts to sitting on the couch when Louis peeks out from his hands looking torn. Harry’s proximity must appease Louis, because moments later he’s completely drawing his hands away from his face, scrubbing them against the fabric of his school trousers while sitting up completely straight.

“I know we already saw this yesterday but, you didn’t get to see it all.” Louis says, leaning over enough to open the box. The top of it comes off easily enough, and Louis places it in the space that resides between him and Harry.

Harry scratches the side of his face, in an awkward manner, almost afraid to take a look in it again, but keeps his attention focused on the box otherwise when Louis begins to pull things out. He takes out the bundle of pregnancy tests first, and even though Harry’s already seen them, he makes a grab for them still looking over them as if he’s missed something. The one test saying _two weeks_ catches his eye and he speaks before it registers.

“One of these tests says two weeks.”

Louis stops from where he’s pulled out the little knitted booties hay had gave him along with a handle full of pictures. He sets the pictures and booties down on the box top between them and twines his fingers together in nervousness because he knows Harry’s not about to offer his hand to squeeze. Louis attempts to level his gaze with Harry but it falls short, along Harry’s collarbones. Louis feels ashamed that his eyes can’t seem to stray further, when he’s about to explain this baby to it’s father and his cheeks color with the admission.

He hears Harry sigh, but the older makes no move to go further, no explanation or comfort tacked onto the end of the breathed release, so Louis square’s his shoulder’s out of their rounded stature and speaks, hoping the words he pieces together make enough sense.

“I found out early. The doctor had called just a couple weeks after we first had sex, saying they didn’t get my results for a while because there had been issues where they had sent my blood work.” Louis breathes in a gulp of air and nods when it slightly settles the anxiety weighing down his chest and his words.

“Like I told you yesterday, my first thought was to go take some tests.” Louis says, darting his gaze up to meet Harry’s for the slimmest of seconds. He notes the understanding in Harry’s eyes, but reverts his gaze back to the dents of Harry’s collarbones, before he can notice anything else. He assumes there is still the ever-present anger, which to Louis thinks, isn’t going away anytime soon.            

“I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you to use condoms even when I first knew there was a possibility. I just figured that what were the chances, there were very few who were supposed to have the gene and I just didn’t think I’d be one of them.”

“I get that, but you still should have come and talked to me. Regardless of anything we went through, sexually, you should have felt like you could still come and talk to me.” Harry muttered, winding his ring around his finger, a nervous habit. “Is that part of the issue? Like did I make you feel like you couldn’t talk to me, because we were going to have sex or because we did?”

Louis shakes his head. “No- well kind of.”

Harry gives him an incredulous look. “What do you mean kind of?”

“Because in my head, once I gave it up to you, I figured we were done.” Louis explains, looking pleadingly at Harry, who’s looking anywhere but him. “I didn’t talk to you because, yes I didn’t really want to tell you about the possible gene, but I also didn’t want to risk saying things that I thought shouldn’t be said!”

“What-“ Harry’s voice is rigid in attempt to make it sound stronger, but it still breaks anyways and Louis feels even worse then before. “What do you not want me to hear? What is so important that you lied to me about our baby, and pushed me out of your life?”

Louis fumbles, because his heart jumps and nearly stops all at once. The conversation wasn’t supposed to go this way, it wasn’t supposed to go this way at all. As much as he was willing to push himself to discuss the baby, he wasn’t able to push even farther to that. To talk about his embarrassing _feelings_. That wasn’t something he felt up to.

“Nothing.” Louis’ mind feels scattered enough that his response is barely a whisper. But it’s loud enough that Harry stands up, looking livid while doing so. He pushes back the few curls that have managed to escape into his eyes, and huffs when they tangle around his rings.

“It’s obviously more than that Lou.” Harry sneers. “I may not be as smart as you, but it’s common sense that this is more than nothing. It’s enough to make you become docile and quiet. It’s enough that you don’t talk to me, your best friend. It’s obviously something Lou!”

“It’s terribly cliché and embarrassing and I don’t want to talk-“

“You don’t want to talk about it?” Harry asks, though the question is entirely rhetorical. “Too bad. I wanted to be apart of this pregnancy as soon as you knew, but that didn’t happen. Sometimes we have to suck it up and get over it, because we don’t always get what we want.”

Louis’ chest blooms with surprise at the sudden blow and he’s quick to avert his gaze to the floor. He doesn’t move it, even when Harry scoffs, or when he feels a tear slip down his cheek. He’s embarrassed and hurt, but that seems like common ground as of late. He wipes his cheeks, when Harry shuffles in closer to him, kneeling enough to catch Louis’ peripheral.

“What’s so apparently cliché and embarrassing about this?” Harry inquires, though there is still a very evident tone of bitterness to his voice. “The smart kid, being the stupid one. Teenage pregnancy-“ Harry begins to list an impressive amount of clichés out, while his voice gets progressively louder with each one. Louis’ feels as if his eardrums are about to split when Harry practically spits out the last few.

“Stop!” Louis yells, hands going to cover his ears, but Harry’s right there, taking Louis hands away and trapping them between his own.

“Why?” Harry ponders, entirely in Louis’ face and ignoring his futile attempts to get away. “I swear to god Louis I will rant out all the clichés I know till I get it right.”

Louis’ squirms continue, while Harry just looks at him half patiently half angry. Louis hates the heated stare and the lack of ability to move away from it. Frustration seeps further and deeper into Louis’ system the more he struggles, tears collecting in the corners of his eyes before he finally sags. “Falling for you!” He yells in Harry’s face. He watches as Harry’s face morphs into surprise and cries harder when it turns into what Louis perceives as pity. “The fucking cliché of falling for the person who is only supposed to be your fuck buddy!”

It’s sobbed out through tears and Louis can’t even comprehend when Harry has let go of his hands, but he yanks them away and waves them out in a wild gesture. “You happy now?” He wipes the accumulating mess at his nose with his long sleeve button down, ignoring his mother’s reprimand that immediately settles into his head.

He can’t focus on anything other than the fact that he’s been humiliated. Enough to make him red in the cheeks and wet in the eyes. Enough for him to try squirming away even when Harry grips his hips, making him stay. There’s desperation, evident and raging, pushing and thriving against each nerve ending. The feelings of his love for Harry throbbing their way to the surface through embarrassment and hurt, after all the years of taming it down.

Louis sobs out when Harry grapples him forward, allowing enough room for him to wind his arms forcefully around Louis’ waist. Louis hits Harry’s chest with heavy fists that only fade when Harry begins talking with fire.

“ _That’s_ why you pushed me away?” Harry asks skeptically. His grip tightens across the small of Louis’ back, beginning to dig in and Louis gives a pitiful shove in an attempt at pulling away. “ _So what Lou_. We can work through things like that. I know it’s not your favorite thing to talk about, but _fuck_ , we were sexually committed to each other. Talking would have had to come eventually.”

Louis grips Harry’s shirt for no other reason than he needs something to hold onto. He practically claws straight through into Harry’s skin with the desperation he has, but he doesn’t care. Louis just attempts to anchor himself in one of the few way he knows how. “I don’t want to talk about it!”

Harry looks at him in anguish, beginning to spit out questions and accusations. “Is that the issue then? You don’t want to admit anything? Don’t want to admit that you fell for me. Don’t want to admit that the guy you fell for while you weren’t even in a proper relationship is now your baby’s father. Don’t want to admit that me, your best friend, is said father.” Harry just keeps piling it up to the point where Louis feels like it’s a skyscraper. He feels like he’s being outweighed by not only his problems, but Harry as well. His stomach feels beyond jostled at the admission, enough that it feels like his internal organs have all been shifted and rearranged.

“Is that the issue? That you don’t want to admit it?” Harry continues, looking directly at Louis, so hard and inquiring that Louis feels as if it’s invasive. “Or is your issue that you’re ashamed of me? Ashamed of the fact that you got knocked up by your fuck buddy, ashamed of the baby. Is that it?”

Louis’ cloudy thoughts quickly cleared with the questions, though with the way it was phrased it was more of a statement. And the more it resonated, the more Louis began to hate it.

“ _Don’t you fucking dare, accuse me of being ashamed of this baby_.” Louis threatens, rage shooting up his spine in a short moment, while he glares with all his has at Harry.

Harry doesn’t look moved. Completely unconvinced as he kneels between Louis legs. Louis shoves at his chest hard and nearly has the thought to follow through with a slap to the face. He doesn’t but he shoves at Harry again till he gets the message at lets go of his waist.

Louis immediately turns and rifles through the set of pictures he set down on the box top between them. He finds the picture he’s looking for and promptly shoves it in Harry’s face, watching as he nearly goes cross-eyed looking at the image.

“Fucking look at this picture Harry.” He’s nothing short of pissed at the moment and so is Harry from the way he swipes the picture out of Louis’ tight grip. “Does it look like I’m ashamed?” Louis yells, watching Harry’s harsh grip turn into a delicate one.

The picture is one Liam had taken, the day of the super market. Louis is still smiling widely at the camera, with the test in front of his stomach. It’s inarguably Louis’ favorite and from the way Harry gazes at it, Louis thinks it might me his too. His anger still stays while Harry’s seems to have evaporated, but Louis figures they both have their reasons.

“That’s me, the day I found out I was pregnant. I felt like my world had fallen apart. I didn’t know if my mum was going to hate me, didn’t know where I stood with you. The only thing I had for sure was the baby and Liam, but I still made sure to do that.” He gestures to the photo, and watches as Harry’s thumb strokes over the sides gently.

“I was adamant about one thing from the very start. I wanted to make sure that when this baby grows up, they would know I wasn’t ashamed of them, even when I had them at seventeen. I wanted to make sure they knew they were loved.”

Harry looks guilty when he looks back up at Louis; his entire expression has morphed into one of confusion and sadness. He still rubs over the picture absentmindedly. “So you aren’t ashamed of the baby, which means you’re ashamed of me?”

Louis shakes his head, and even in his anger, places a hand against Harry’s chest. “No, I’m not ashamed of you. I’m ashamed that I let my feelings get in the way of all of this. If I hadn’t felt all these _things_ I wouldn’t have told you, and everything would be how it was supposed to be-“

Harry groans and shakes his head. His larger hand encompasses Louis’ where it lays on his chest. “ _No! For fucks sake Louis!_ ”

Louis looks affronted. “What do you mean no?” He asks, looking at Harry’s face intently even though the older’s gaze is directed elsewhere. “I wasn’t going to end up telling you because then it meant I let my feelings get in the way and you would feel obligated to do something about it, probably would have married me for gods sake. And I- I didn’t want us to end up in a one sided relationship. That’s not-“

“Do you honestly think after all this, it’s one sided?” Harry asks aloud, and for a surreal moment Louis thinks that he just imagined it. When Harry continues to stare at him Louis snaps out of his daze.

“That’s not funny.”

“Who said it was a joke?”

There’s complete silence for a while and Louis feels tears accumulate in his eyes for the hundredth time today. When Harry shuffles up off knees to sit beside the younger boy, Louis allows himself to take a slow and steady breath but he still feels too winded to talk. Harry takes that job off his hands though when he clears his throat and shuffles to turn himself to face Louis.

When Louis doesn’t do the same, Harry moves him himself. Pulling at Louis’ limbs till they’re how they’d like. Louis still looks down at his own lap, working on steady in and out breathing. “Louis we’ve been committed to each other for months now. Sure it was more sexual commitment than anything, but we both stopped seeing people, and I think we both know it became more as time went on… Is it honestly that unrealistic that I reciprocate those feelings? Is it that surreal that you think it’s a joke?”

“Yes.” Louis answers without hesitation. He breathes it out more than he says it, but he can’t take it back either way. Harry stares at him hurt, which is becoming painfully familiar. “It’s hard to believe because I never had anyone to stop seeing. You had tons of people before me. It wasn’t a forgone conclusion that just like the rest, I’d be gone as soon as you got it in me.”

“Louis, you can’t just say that.” Harry looks appalled, gawking at him without resistance. “You weren’t someone I pulled at the pub for the specific reason of getting laid. We didn’t have sex the first night we met. We’ve know each other for years, and we waited a while before we had sex.”

“Doesn’t change your reputation.” Louis answers back, because he doesn’t know what else to say.

“No it doesn’t, but you don’t fit my reputation. You aren’t some slightly tipsy decision to pull simply because we flirted over a bought drink or because of some grinding.”

Louis finally looks up at Harry and smiles weakly. “Guess I don’t really fit in anywhere huh?”

Harry levels him with a look. “You fit into my future.” Harry answers simply. “The both of you.” He tacks on after a moment.

“Don’t really think we’ll fit in when you want to pull. Being a baby daddy kinda puts a wrench in those plans.” Louis adds playfully, but there isn’t much fun behind it. It’s deprecating towards himself and they both know it.

Harry lays his hand on Louis thigh, squeezing it lightly. “Don’t really intend on having a reputation anymore.”

“Don’t.” Louis sighs, trying to push Harry’s hand off his thigh. It doesn’t work, mostly because he doesn’t have the energy to fight off the touches right now, along with the fact that Harry isn’t backing down. “Don’t say stuff like that. That’s exactly why I didn’t want to tell you. I still want you to lead your normal life. I don’t want you changing things just for me and this baby.”

“Well that’s shitty.” Harry answers back easily. “You don’t get to tell me what to do. I decide whether I want to change my life, and I do. I want this with you. I’m changing whether you like it or not.”

“You can’t know that you want this with me…” Louis trails off astounded, unsure of what else to add to that sentence when Harry just squeezes his thigh.

“Really?” Harry asks, amusement in his tone. “Then explain to me why you’ve got a very certain piece of jewelry around your neck.”

Louis doesn’t have a chance to respond before Harry is standing with a knowing smirk and making his way to the kitchen. He throws a knowing smirk over his shoulder while simply asking “Tea?”

**

Louis must end up falling asleep somewhere between Harry giving him his tea and lunch because next thing he knows, he’s waking up to the sight of Harry sifting through the pictures. He stays there, because he likes the image. Likes the way Harry looks soft, and not bothered as he looks through each picture.

“You do these every week?” Harry asks softly, looking over at Louis without a single sign of a frown on his face.

Louis nods where he’s cuddling a pillow, face smooshed into the supple fabric. “Two if I think there’s been some changes.”

Harry nods, shuffling the pictures in his hands. From the looks of things across the coffee table, Harry’s sorted them out based on their dates and scribbles on the bottom. Louis smiles at the notion, and directs it at Harry who returns it gently.

“Done one this week?” Harry seems skeptical, but hopeful all the same when he asks, and for a second Louis doesn’t understand. He nods and watches as Harry’s expression falls, gaze averting to his lap. “Guess I can’t get one this week huh?”

“Is that going to help?” Louis asks, unsure of what he wants the answer to be. He a bit disappointed when Harry mumbles out a _no._

“A simple picture isn’t going to fix everything Lou.” Harry reminds, and Louis just wishes, he wouldn’t. He already knows that, been walking that fine line for a couple days now, what’s going to fix things and what won’t.

“You know I’m sorry.” Louis whispers.

“I do.” Harry agrees, eyeing Louis patiently. “But sorry only goes so far Lou. I’m still- god Lou, I’m still livid at all the shit you pulled with all this. But I think small things like taking these pictures and talking will make up for what sorry can’t cover.”

“I’m still so sorry.”

“I know, but you feeling sorry and me feeling pissed aren’t going to change anything right now. We’ve just got to start working through things. Stop putting it off.”

Harry looks at Louis for confirmation that he understands, and Louis has no problem doing so. Working through things has never been an issue, he’s resilient my nature. But his resilience doesn’t stretch much farther than critical and analytical thinking. His habit of perseverance is limited to the range of thinking, not feeling.

Louis attempts though. Trying to crack out from his old mould, while it’s still fresh in his brain. Working through the sand in his mouth and the ache in his chest, as he pushes out words that have an entirely foreign meaning to him.

“Can I borrow a t-shirt?” Louis pipes up and watches, suddenly, Harry looking at him suspiciously. “To do some pictures in. Been a lot of changes past few days.”

Harry nods while suppressing his smile, and stands. He’s quick to grab Louis’ hands, pulling the younger up, practically into his chest, before he pulls him into the very familiar area of Harry’s room. It’s quaint and all different sorts of weird thrown together in quick good harmony. There are the few things that stick out more than other, but it makes it Harry’s and that’s why Louis loves it.

He’s handed a plain navy t-shirt, with a black pocket over the left peck. He feels Harry’s stare following each movement. He’s staring hard enough that Louis feels as if there are hands roaming his body. When he turns around it’s to Harry’s eyes fitted to his stomach where the fabric sits a bit abnormally. It’s not too small but edging on it and Louis can tell it’s obvious to Harry’s hungry eyes.

This time it’s Louis’ turns to take Harry’s hands in his and tug him around into the bathroom. He gives Harry a hold on look, before he’s going back into the living room, where the Polaroid camera sits in the box. Louis quickly grabs it before hurrying back to where Harry is leaning against the vanity of his bathroom.

He smiles when Louis enters once again, but Harry’s eyes quickly fall back to his stomach. He looks ready to pounce, but his reservations show in his hands where they ball up at his sides. Louis smiles and grabs Harry’s fist, smoothing it out with both of his own hands before smiling.

“Curious?”

Harry nods quickly. “Course m’curious. There’s a baby in there.” Harry makes a vague gesture towards his stomach and Louis has to stifle a laugh at the way Harry’s hand practically reaches out to feel before he pulls it back.

He finally eases Harry’s hand back into a relaxed state, and before Harry can process he presses said hand against the curve of his stomach. The bump is barely there, just enough to make some people wonder, but it feels like so much more when Harry’s entire body goes to putty. His hands smoothes out without restraint this time while he looks at Louis in awe.

“S’our baby.” Louis whispers, before he twists around so his back is against Harry’s chest. Harry’s hand remains soothing and sure against the bump. Even when Louis pulls at the fabric of the t-shirt, Harry’s hand stays put, only moving to slide the fabric up and away so he can place his hand on Louis’ bare stomach. 

It’s weird but very comforting. A feeling he had been waiting for since he had found out. It feels fulfilling and Louis can’t help the bright smile that appears on his face and he covers’ Harry’s hand across his stomach, steadying the camera in his grip. “Ready?” He asks breathlessly.

He feels more than see’s Harry nod his head. The older having completely hunched and curled himself around Louis back, tucking his head into Louis neck, while Louis brings the camera to cover his face. He snaps the picture between one blink and the next, feeling as Harry smiles against his neck.

Louis brings both his hands to collect the small dark picture awaiting him and waits for it to develop. When it does he smiles and shows it to Harry who watches over his shoulder. The older hums and kisses his cheek, albeit a bit hesitantly.

“What are you going to write on this one?” Harry asks, speaking entirely against Louis’ cheek.

Louis shuffles around once again until he’s facing Harry. Harry’s hand remains pressed against his stomach, though it’s through the t-shirt now, and he continues to hunch his back even though it’s bound to be hurting. He still has to look up when he gazes at Harry, keeping eye contact as he silently hands over the picture. Harry’s eyebrows quickly raise, in surprise and gratitude, like it a tremendous offer.

Harry doesn’t even hesitate to grasp the picture before he’s walking out of the bathroom in search for pen no doubt. He finally finds one and turns to Louis promptly, opening the cap of the black sharpie.

“Thirteen weeks right?”

Louis nods and watches as Harry settles the picture against the kitchen table and leans over writing without hesitation. He hands it to Louis once he blows on it to dry and watches anxiously.

Louis gives him a weird look, before he looks down. He reads it and it doesn’t even take a second before Louis’ eyes falter at what is written, with a small _oh._

Underneath in smaller writing it says ‘ _thirteen weeks’,_ but that’s not the part that gets him. The picture simply says ‘ _Daddy’s here xx,’_ and it’s enough to knock the breath out of Louis’ lungs.

He doesn’t hesitate before he’s pulling Harry into a kiss. He clings to the front of Harry’s shirt, pulling at him in all the right places till their practically melted into one another. Harry gives as much as he gets and as they kiss languidly in Harry’s kitchen Louis thinks that for once, maybe his heart is the one with more sense than his brain. All he can think is:

_Stay with me._

And for once, Louis feels like it’s a possibility.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter may be a long wait again, so I do apologize! I signed up to write for an exchange so I've got to focus my energy on that right now, but I will try to give you guys chapter eight soon! Again I'm so sorry for the wait and I really hope it was worth it! Comments and Kudos appreciated! Xxx.


	8. eight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, holy shit time has escaped me without a doubt. This update has been a long time coming and I'm so incredibly sorry that it's been taking me so long! Time slips away easily when you've got so many things on the go, and I know without a doubt that isn't the greatest reason but it's truly what happened! Also my lack of motivation and writers block may have taken a part!
> 
> But all that matters now is that I do have part of the chapter eight done! It's only at 8k right now which is a great amount shorter than what I usually post for this story, but I was desperate to get something out to you guys! I will be adding to it hopefully in the next couple weeks, but again no promises (sorry!), because I am so incredibly busy! 
> 
> Hope you enjoy what you've waited for (almost) seven months.

Work is tendious.

 

Extremely and incredibly tedious to the point where Harry is nearly falling asleep behind the register. It’s exhausting, feet barely cushioned and sore from the mat beneath his feet while his elbows rest sore, and forward over top where lottery tickets lay. He takes a moment to gaze around the store, gas pumps still empty outside, save for one car that just pulls into park. 

 

Harry straightens more out of need than want as he reflexively fixes the lighters that rest near his left hand. The car slowly pulls out before leaving and for a second Harry gets curious but it’s instantly replaced when a familiar figure waltzes in through the door. 

 

Louis looks shy, but happy, tucking away hair that’s managed to escape from the beanie that rests upon his head. If Harry’s not mistaken, it’s his, navy in colour with a few holes in its circumference. He’s bundled up with a vans sweater and a pair of black jeans, jacket thrown over top, attempting to keep the warmth in from the cold January days. Harry doesn’t hesitate to round the counter and stride over to where Louis stands. He scuffs his converse clad feet together, smiling coyly as Harry does so, both of them wearing identical grins as they get closer together. The second Harry’s in reach, his hands are gravitating to pull Louis in. Louis comes without fault or protest and settles himself nicely against Harry’s chest, looking up a smiling wider. 

 

“Hey.” 

 

“Hi.” Harry answers back, leaning down right after and planting a kiss to Louis’ lips. Louis smiles for a second, before he returns it, hands moving to Harry’s biceps as the latter settles his against the steadily growing bump. Louis pulls back and presses a short series of pecks against Harry’s lips before sliding his hands down to meet Harry’s. 

 

Harry continues to move his hands along where their child lies, like he always does. The feeling is still foreign and a massive reality check, but still miraculous none the less. A total of three weeks has not been enough for that sense of wonderment to wear off. They both still find themselves wrapped up in the feeling and absurdness of the situation that neither has the want to ask questions. Their rocky past few weeks easing out into something steadier that allows them less stress and more clarity in what they want. 

 

It’s simpler and since the entire thing started, Louis has found his walls reducing in their masses while his piles of questions and problems dwindle to so few that he finds himself able to indulge in the little moments he figured he never had time for. For once Louis finds himself not questioning his actions and just going with what  _ feels _ right. It’s another foreign element, that they both take to adjusting to, but it’s with less resistance and more ebb than anything previous in the past years of their friendship. 

 

Harry though, seems to be in a wonderland that he had pictured weeks ago when he first found out about the baby. It’s picturesque and there really isn’t any other way he can describe it. The perfect moment before it all comes crashing down. With previous examples and the typicality of Louis’ personality, he’s just waiting for the other shoe to drop. He’s afraid it will be his own, one wrong step to ruin all that’s been accomplished and given. The portrait life he’s always pictured crumbling down with one failed move. 

 

His faith though,  grows in the same spurts that Louis lets his guard down. The simple moments where Louis holds on that much tighter or, even as hesitant as it is, asks things he wouldn’t have dared to before, fuels his belief in their happy ending. With every kiss that last just that second longer, or the more Harry finds Louis in his apartment, Harry finds his fear dwindling. It dwindles even further to the point where it seems nonexistent when Harry finds himself absorbed in his affection towards Louis and their baby. 

 

Louis ends up rolling his eyes more often than not when Harry places his hands against his bump and only moves them for dire purposes. He teases in saying that Harry’s simply got an infatuation and each and every single time Harry stresses it’s  _ love _ and it probably always has been. A baby and a fraction of the time, compared to their entire friendship, was causing Harry to realize his undoubted affections. Each day increasing the intensity when he got to see Louis swaddled in sweaters only for the large articles to sit tightly across his stomach. The need to shout it out, expel all the pent-up energy and love nearly leaving his heart in shambles and his nerves fried. 

 

But he simply refrains, for Louis’ inquisitive nature hadn’t gotten the best of him yet, and Harry intended to keep it that way if he could. 

 

Inquisitive Louis, often meant stressed or overly worried Louis, and Harry wanted time to prove that neither were needed because feelings would, or should, be concrete by then. Proved over and over again. Again he finds Louis not being overly curious foreign but he manages. It’s a thing he could get used to. 

 

He begins to talk as Louis squeezes his wrists, grappling a little more just for the sake of touching. 

 

“What are you doing here?” Harry asks, running his thumb over the jut of Louis’ hip, while his lips work back into a smile. He’s near breathless but his curiosity is thriving in the rare occurrence that Louis showed up at his work. In previous visits Harry’s very nearly had to get on his knees and beg, and even then they didn’t receive good greetings like this one had. Harry supposed that has to do with less walls and more wandering hands. 

 

The motivation to showing up at his work is obvious when Louis flashes him a coy smile and sets about worming out of Harry’s arms and into the isles.

 

Harry frowns at the loss, tempted to pull Louis back in, though when he sees where Louis’ headed he figures it’s best not to this time. Cravings, in the past three weeks had hit a bit hard and from where Louis walks with a half-hearted roll of his eyes, it’s one of those runs.  Like a lost dog, Harry follows, placing himself along Louis’ back in the gummy isle, as the younger picks which best suits his cravings. 

 

He watches with a small smile hidden in Louis’ hair, as his hands immediately snatch at the gummy bears, holding them in one hand while he debates about more. He’s looking in between the sour worms and skittles when Harry settles his mouth against his ear, pressing a soft kiss there. “The sour worms gave you bad heartburn last time love.” 

 

Louis shakes his head and squeezes Harry’s arm where it’s settled across his front before grabbing a bag of regular skittles. 

 

“Do you want chips tonight or chocolate bars?” Louis asks politely before patting Harry’s arm. Harry lets go as he considers it. Louis not really usually the one to allow Harry to pick the snacks considering he generally makes their meals, unless they get take out. The impatient look he’s giving Harry when he turns around is almost enough evidence to show that Louis regrets asking and just not choosing himself. Harry almost laughs. 

 

“Well Lou, you generally eat half a bar before you need a crunchy snack, so I’d say both.” 

 

Louis gives a nod and smile, handing Harry the gummies before disappearing to where the chips are while Harry works his way back towards the cash. He begins scanning through Louis’ order just as said boy makes his way over with three bags in hand. Harry simply raises an eyebrow and watches happily as Louis smiles shyly, letting a few giggles slip past. 

 

“I couldn’t decide between two.” 

 

“S’fine love.” Harry laughs out, bagging the chips and waiting for the chocolate Louis picks this time.  

 

It ends up being a caramel one and a coconut one, which Harry figures must be new cravings, Louis usually choosing plain ones rather that extra sweet. He shrugs anyways and finishes scanning everything, letting Louis pay just as the girl taking over his shift comes in.

 

“Back to what I was doing here,” Louis starts, taking out his card as Harry rounds the corner and hands him the bag. “I was going to ask about coming over tonight, after your shift ended, but then cravings kicked it and mum said she could drive me over just before you finished, just figured I’d go back with you, if that’s okay?” 

 

It’s finished more like a question and Harry’s heart dampers the slightest bit at it. He smiles though and hands Louis the bags with a lingering kiss to the cheek, before pulling back. “Love it’s fine.” He gestures behind his back towards the employee room and smiles once again. “Just let me go change and I’ll bring us over.” 

 

Louis looks more than a little relieved and the tension that was in his shoulder’s very nearly completely leaves his body. Some remains and his face twists a little guiltily while he scuffs his shoes together once again. “Are you sure, cause like- I know I didn’t call or anything, I just- I kinda knew you weren’t doing anything tonight so I figured-  but if you are, I can go back home and we can talk in the morning-” 

 

“Babe.” Harry smiles softly, while Louis slowly blows the air out of his reddened cheeks, looking back, shyly. He bites his lip as Harry laughs lowly, bending down so he can knock their foreheads together, murmuring softly, “You don’t have to ask. Even if I was going out or something you know you’re free to stay over.” 

 

As an afterthought he adds, “We kind of share that space now.” 

 

It’s true, a vast majority of Louis’ entire wardrobe having gotten mixed in with Harry’s while his backpack and books had found a permanent spot near the coffee table. The bedroom faced the same reality, Louis’ knicknacks having made their way into corners and onto shelves as their time together seemed to twine together. 

 

“It still feels weird.” Louis sighs, shifting again as his shoulder’s slump. Harry almost wants to envelope him in his arms to take away the defeated look that’s begun to loom on Louis’ face “Being at your flat, while you’re not there, it feels strange, like I’m overstepping.  I don’t really like it. ” 

 

Harry sighs this time and does take Louis’ in his arms. “Lou, I like you taking up my space. It’s not overstepping if I want you there. Honestly, you being there when I get off work or school, is one of the best things I could ask for.” 

 

Louis gives him a look that stems from disbelief, face twisted into a pout that shouts nothing but doubt, though Harry figures that could be wavered. He tries and finds himself gripping into Louis harder than before and prying the younger’s lips open when Louis fists his shirt and tugs. Their bodies settle together more and the slight bump of their child pushes against Harry’s stomach, in an attempt to get closer. Harry settles for gripping Louis’ hip with one hand while the other settles itself alongside Louis neck, tugging in all the right places to get Louis’ trust in this. 

 

When he pulls away Louis is blushing with lips swollen and eyes devouring at Harry’s own kiss slick lips. Harry kisses him once more, just a short peck that has Louis pouting, before he bends to look him in the eyes. 

 

“I’d rather call the flat ours if I’m honest.” Harry presses in again this time, not even letting Louis’ stunned form reply, before he’s pecking his lips and whispering against them. “Don’t over think it.” 

 

He strides backwards while smirking at the glare Louis gives him, though by the twitch of his lips he’s trying not to smile. 

 

** 

  
“What did you mean?” Louis asks later, not indulging in specifics when the topic is the only thing that has been in the forefront of both their minds for the past hour. 

 

Louis’ sitting, leg tucked under his thigh as he rest himself in one of the kitchen chairs, turned facing Harry as he nibbles the corner of his lip, giving way to his weighing anxiety. When Harry turns around he doesn’t hesitate to notice the way Louis fiddles with his hands, knotting them together and twisting before adjusting to his fringe. 

 

He’s been chopping vegetables and preparing supper with a precise impeaching eye on his back for twenty out of the sixty minutes that Louis’ been silent. The entire time, Harry stood, back facing Louis, and allowed the younger boy to stew without interruption. Harry figures the stewing had begun the second Louis had holed himself up when Harry had walked back out, dressed this time in a regular t-shirt and jacket instead of the gas station shirt, and given Louis his hand, only for Louis to straight out ignore it. The car ride had included an intense silence and an overly quiet Louis. Shifted to the window side, his eyes seemed clouded and distant, even as they had flitted over randoms between work and the flat. 

 

Harry had anticipated quick footfalls out and away from his car as soon as they arrived at the complex but what he got was a Louis who simply seemed frozen, staring out, almost in disbelief. That’s the instant that Harry  _ knows _ the implication of his words have sunk in. Louis’ attentive nature and overly observant eyes taking in the expanse of the flat building with new eyes, gives him enough reason to believe Louis is just simply swimming in the implications and ideas of what a simple flat could do. 

 

Harry figures it out; what’s not quite in place, not twenty minutes later when Louis  _ finally  _ starts talking. And much to his disappointment, it’s skepticism. 

 

Still Harry sets the knife he’s using to chop up supper down, and addresses Louis with a careful tone, still afraid one simple word will scare Louis back into silence. “Love, it’s pretty obvious what I meant. I’m sure you know it too.” Harry smile tampers into a small frown when Louis’ lips tremble and his eyes glaze over in a way that saddens the entire environment of the room. 

 

“How do you know?” Louis whispers, attempting composure but failing as his lower lip wobbles even harder than before while tears begin to slip. 

 

“Baby…” Harry trails off, heart beating erratically in his ears as Louis brings his sweater covered hand to cover his mouth, hiccuping into the material. His hesitation to make a wrong step, becomes a non issue as he strides over to Louis and cups his cheeks, thumbing away the tears that aren’t getting caught in the fabric of Louis’ sweater. 

 

When Louis looks at him, he looks incredibly torn; enough that Harry finds his own eyes beginning to feel misty. It’s mutual, the feeling of overwhelming confusion and anguish  that spreads between them enough to have Harry stuttering over the lump in his throat to talk “Why are you crying Lou?”

  
Even to his own ears, his voice is steeped with desperation, both of them incredibly fragile, while he listens carefully to Louis muffling his words in uncertainty. 

 

“Because you know what you want and you’re so set on everything. You have it all figured out.” Is what Louis sniffles out, and even more than before, Harry’s incredibly confused. 

 

“How on earth do I have everything figured out?”

 

Louis lets his head fall into the gentle hold of Harry’s left hand, grabbing the other to twine them together in a quick way to seek comfort. “Because you sure of anything,” Louis murmurs out, voice shaking with it. “You’re so sure that you want me here- as in like all the time, and you’ve just taken everything on, since this whole baby thing, without question and I just don’t know how you know it’s what you want.” 

 

Harry shakes his head, startled at the admission as he huffs, letting his weight settle into his knees till they rest against the floor while his head rests on Louis thigh as he puffs out his cheeks in relief. “Is that you’re worried about?” Harry huffs once again. 

 

Louis nearly hits him upside the head from the irritation that bleeds through Harry’s voice. This single moment is inarguably the farthest Louis has ever invested in opening up to Harry. The bastard should be tripping over himself in a fit to recognize it and be glad that he’s ever gotten the change. Louis still holds resentment to the  _ feelings  _ he cares not to discuss about but always seems to be swimming in. Drowning in the inability to ever say what’s wrong because there’s a hundred different emotions that try to filter through his mouth and his limbs overwhelming him either to the point of shutting everyone out or crying, sometimes both. It takes mountain moving amounts of energy to swallow over the swell that seems to have filled his throat and ignore the urge to shove Harry off and bolt out of the kitchen and into any space that doesn’t hold the tension of talking about his biggest insecurities.  

 

“Honestly,” Harry hums against his thigh and listens as Louis falters in his breath and then his words. “Yes. I still don’t understand how you know you want me, or this baby. I don’t see why you would want us here permanently either when the chances of things going awry are high.” 

 

Harry’s head snaps up the instant that Louis mentions not being wanted. His haste to assure Louis that his feeling of rejection is a false interpretation, makes him stumble over his words while his hands hurry to make material contact. Actions a hurried mess as he clasps their hands to fully linked fingers, as he looks at Louis sincerely. 

 

“Louis, I want you here.” Harry says sharply, squeezing their entwined fingers while his other moves to dig his fingers into the younger’s knee. “There’s no question about that.” 

 

“Sure you know that now, but what happens when we make it permanent Harry?” Louis scowl deepens as he looks at Harry doubtfully. “Creating a life together off some badly placed guilt isn’t going to work Harry! Asking me to move in is serious, you can’t just expect me to not question it.” He hits Harry’s shoulder and pins him with a heavy scowl. There are tears welling into the corners of his eyes, while his cheeks began to tinge with a rosy tint of red, an obvious giveaway that he’s close to losing it all. 

 

“Badly placed guilt?” Harry snaps bitterly, mind- for lack of better terms- blown, with the words that slip out of Louis’ mouth. “You think I asked you to share a place with me because I feel guilty?” 

 

Louis looks guilty himself, about having to admit it as he caves his chest in more than before and goes back to playing with the ends of his sleeves. “Is it really that surprising?”

 

“Yes.” Harry still kneels there shell shocked as he glances at Louis with a heavy feeling of betrayal in his chest, more specifically aching from the left side of his chest, where his heart beats, irregular. “Do you honestly think everything I’ve been doing for you the past few weeks is out of guilt? Do you really believe I do laundry, and make dinner and divulge in movie nights every night because I feel guilty. Do you really think I’d been spending all my time trying to prove myself because I’m scared you’re going to cut me out of yours and the baby’s life out of guilt.” 

 

“Harry,” Louis tried, but Harry shook his head, shoulders rolling back as waves of hurt and anger surged through his body.

 

“No, for christs sake Lou, I’ve been killing myself, knowing that I hadn’t been there for you right from the start, and I’ve been working my ass off to show you now, that I’m never leaving and you still don’t believe me.” Harry heaves a breath and sighs, grasping onto Louis thighs for lack of somewhere else to put his hands and his inability to stray from physical contact. His head is whirling with the words that are trying to formulate in his mouth, mind working miles a minute to try and explain the hurt and hardship that’s largely filled up his life in the past few weeks. 

 

“I kissed you and had sex with you, and I can guarantee Lou, that it was never out of pity or guilt, or because I wanted to get laid. I kiss you now, even in this mess,  because regardless of how clueless we both are I still care for you. You moving in doesn’t change that, only reinforces it.” 

 

Harry slides his hands away from Louis’ thighs and stands even as his knees protest, before makes his way back to where he preparing supper. The silence that follows the soft padding of his feet is deafening. Silence crashing through the room like a tsunami. It’s large and full of potential to turn into a calm or a storm and Harry just waits to see what it’s going to be. The silence is only permeated by the sound of a knife moving through whole parts to create fractional ones and the familiar impeaching gaze of Louis’ on his back. 

  
A little to his surprise, Louis chooses the calm, tension broken as he mutters, “I understand.” The surprise comes after, stirring the calm and making it ripple as Louis speaks again, though his voice is choppy in a way that makes him seem hesitant in his words. “But I’ve always felt temporary with you.” 

 

Harry puts his knife back down, vegetables long forgotten as he slowly turns back and looks at Louis, perplexed. “What?”

 

Louis’ nose scrunches in annoyance as his mouth twists in distaste. “I always just figured that I’d eventually fade out when you wanted something different.” He waits a moment to tactfully add on, allowing Harry to pick his jaw up from the floor. “That’s why I assumed you felt guilty, because you stayed when you normally wouldn’t. I thought that assumption was fair because of the circumstances.” 

 

Harry huffs and his surprise drops down nearly all it’s notches till he’s looking at Louis with nothing short of annoyance. It’s figured that in situations that leave him floundering, that Louis results to being analytical and formal, not at all what this conversation calls for. The responsibility and mature attitude sure, but not the business like coldness. 

 

“Our lack of communication is both our faults, but what other circumstances are you talking about.” Harry asks, barely containing an eyeroll, while he propped his hip against the counter, looking at Louis while the younger rolled his shoulder’s back in a misguided attempt to gain confidence. Shifting up in his chair so his slouched posture is stoich and hard; overly formal in an attempt to mask the nervousness that holds tightly the nerves that wind through his stomach. 

 

“Even before I figured out I was pregnant,  I just thought, eventually that you’d want to stop having sex and that we’d move on with our lives and you would never have to worry about it. But then I found out I was pregnant and stupidly, I decided to tell you and things became a blur and a lot more complicated, for not only me but you too and I just felt as if _I_ _made_ _you_ have a reason to stay.” 

 

Harry lets the words register before he’s giving Louis a glare that’s half indignation and half distress. “Two things Lou.” Harry answers, scrubbing a hand through his hair, before he moves his hands to gesture out as he begins talking once again. “One, our sexual relationship I think was always a mess, but that doesn’t mean our friendship wasn’t still there. I always said from day one that I was there to talk to first and foremost.” 

 

Louis makes a gesture to interrupt, but Harry shakes his head and holds up a finger. He’s in a vat of disbelief of the conclusions that Louis’ drawn, feeling angry and disappointed that he allowed Louis’ hesitance to slip through his fingers unnoticed. The past weeks where Louis became distant become more clear and they replay in Harry’s head like a cheesy pop song, and he’s appalled at the apparent way Louis never seemed to believe his constant reassurances. His head pounds as he tries to reformulate his sentences to prove his point, shaking with the need to do so. 

 

“Second, the other circumstances are simply the feeling that I’m with you out of guilt or pity. Whatever that is, didn’t start when you became pregnant, that doesn’t just come out of nowhere. You’ve obviously felt like I’m with you out of something other than love which, there is  _ nothing _ farther from the truth. You wouldn’t have tried to hide your feelings and the pregnancy if you didn’t have this issue. I wouldn’t have to feel like I owe you something for not being there when you pushed me away.  I wouldn’t have to be working my ass off trying to get us to work if I felt like I had to be here, like you so kindly think is how I truly feel. I wouldn’t be trying everything to get you to open up so that we can fix this, if I felt guilty. I have no guilt tying me to you or this pregnancy. I’m here because every part of myself wants this.” 

 

Louis’ pulse feels erratic the second Harry starts talking, skin tingling and becoming warm all over as his face twists into an expression which shows nothing but the truth and he feels his face flame with a large admission he never intended on making. Harry’s face softens from it’s hardened glare and he seems to realize he’s hit the nail right on the head because his softness fades to shock and they both just wait there. 

 

In all of Harry’s bright or knowledgeable moments, Louis always figured Harry guessing his largest secret would never be one of them. He feels the spike of anxiety that follows the words and he practically bounds out of his seat the second he figures Harry is going to make a move. The second Harry’s foot shuffles along the floor Louis’ gone out of his seat, moving to somewhere other than the kitchen and away from Harry. 

 

It doesn’t entirely work, the flat is too small to ever find true solace and Harry’s not one to let him go, especially after what he discovers. He attempts for the next best thing and moves to shuffle into the bedroom but arms wrap around his waist first and he’s pulled back instantly into the hard support of Harry’s chest. “That’s it isn’t it?” Harry breathes against his ear. He tries without success, not even an inch of it, to create negative space in any sorts between the two of them, but Harry’s not up for it. Caught up on what he’s figured out, ignorant with it. “You don’t feel good enough.” 

 

Louis tears at Harry’s hands, escaping them for a millisecond before he’s being gathered up again. Harry’s hands work deftly to turn him so they’re chest to chest, keeping him there pinned with his overly wide and curious eyes as Louis stands there feeling bare in ways he doesn’t appreciate. 

 

“Louis..” The way Harry cradles him is too soft and his voice is a hair’s length away from being too light to hear. The gentleness is not something he cares to deal with when he’s already feeling particularly stripped, not caring for the added benefit of overly induced emotional conversation. 

 

“No!” He shoves against Harry’s chest, palms colliding with the soft material that makes up Harry’s shirt with enough force to break Harry’s hold around his waist for good this time. “You don’t get to act all soft and caring when you’ve ripped off a bandage from a large bleeding wound!” 

 

He feels distinctive pinpricks against the back of his eyes and blatantly ignores them, for the sake of  _ loathing _ having to deal with them and having a point to prove. “It’s been like this for years. I’ve been your lame younger best friend who’s always sat at home with books and a large crush on you, while you went out and got laid. You always bragged about it and each and every, single time I always felt like I was standing in a shadow, because there was no way I could compare to guys who could dirty talk exactly how you liked and the girls who had the best set of tits you’d seen.” 

 

Harry makes a hurt sound almost immediately after Louis begins to talk. His arms reach uselessly for Louis as his feet move forward to comfort Louis. He’s entirely prepared to blanket Louis in soothing words and reassurance but he simply takes a step back from Harry and shakes his head, whole body following the movement as his entire body begins to sear with embarrassment, hot shame ascending his spine. “You’ve never given me reason to believe that you actually want me here permanently, so I assumed when you stuck around that you felt guilty. Like you had a responsibility you never wanted.” 

 

Harry speaks before he’s even finished, beginning of his words catching with the end of Louis’. “But I did!” Harry’s advancing before Louis’ confusion-addled brain can make sense that he should have moved. He finds himself woven back in Harry’s arms though this time, Harry’s grasping for something. 

 

“No you-” He stops when there’s a deft pull on the chain that sits regularly around his neck, Harry staring at him straight in the eye a glint of a challenge hidden in the flecks of darker jade, as if he was daring Louis to challenge him. 

 

“I don’t know where you got this damn idea that I never wanted you cause I fucking well know you are the only person I ever gave a damn enough about to give them something so important.” Harry’s entire face ripples with the agony of his actions not being recognized for what they truly were. His entire being radiating hurt and desperation which, Louis feels is justified.

 

His body coils with the same agony of hearing old explanations on newly educated ears, his lips roll with the uncomfortable sinking feeling as he represses the frustrated scream he so desperately wants to let out. Pent up emotion boiling in the cave of his ribs just waiting to blow steam and bubble over the top. He watches with evident anger solidified in his eyes as Harry begins to sport a look of determination and triumph in proving his point. 

 

At this point they’re both heaving as if the admission between the both of them is equal to that of a marathon. Breaths laboured and hard as their eyes meet with hundreds of unanswered questions. They remain in their silence as if baiting their breaths and exhaling them into quiet spaces will magically make their issues all go away. Like a single reserve moment between the two of them will provide them with all the answers they’ll ever need. 

 

Louis honestly feels like no measure of silence or time would ever prepare him to acknowledge that Harry is everything he’s ever wanted and everything he can finally have. He doesn’t think the quiet prepares him either, for Harry’s admission of what they both already know; that they’re both already each others. 

 

“They’re all in your shadow Lou. You’re more to me than any of them ever were.” 

 

Tension as thick as brick barricades falls around them, and it’s bombarded by white noise, that buzzes with anticipation of what’s to come. Louis’ knees feel weak, so damn weak his body almost feels ready to melt into the floor to ensure that they don’t shatter. His chest is in knots, heart strings catching with the butterflies that soar from his stomach up into his chest with implications and possibilities all from the single sentence that still lingers behind the white noise. The silence comes with an air of  _ change _ . A simple breaths later and the air  _ feels  _ saturated with the difference between them. It’s maddening in a way that Louis’ never felt before, his erratic breathing becoming restless with the wholesome feeling that swarms his entire chest, leaving no room for anything else but the feeling of a chance for them. 

 

“That doesn’t solve anything.” Louis mutters, voice weak with no vigour or argument left in his tone. It’s a petty excuse, ranging so far from the truth that it’s nearly astronomical. Louis still clings to it, easier to admit that maybe for once they actually have their shit together. It’d be a vast change from the constant maddness of them having their problems spread the length of a footie pitch. It’d be something Louis’ not sure would ever feel real. 

 

“It solves everything. You just don’t want to admit it.” Harry practically breathes it against his mouth, words forming off of Harry’s lips and onto his as they look at each other in nothing short of awe, for lack of ability to control it. His head becomes woozy with the heavy weight of fondness that surges through his entire body, and once again he nearly sags into the floor as his knees begin to feel like they’re dust. 

 

Louis’ feet move him before he’s entirely conscious, only registering the movement as the living room morphs into the kitchen and he finds himself practically melting into the same chair he was in previously. His knees feel wobbly and he isn’t entirely sure what he should do with his hands. They run through his hair as disbelief pummels against the forefront of his head. He sits there, dazed and lacking a reasonable response to what Harry’s just said, nearly having to pinch himself from the fact that none of it feels real.

 

A palm soothes over his shoulder startles Louis enough to make him look around wide eyed and curious. He finds Harry standing beside him, and looking at him skeptically. His brain short circuits and Louis finds himself grabbing onto Harry’s hand, pulling him in enough to make Harry stumble into the v of Louis’ legs like before. Harry kneels and grasps Louis’ hand giving him a weird look. 

 

“Are you one hundred percent, that what you want is me here?” Louis asks, voice hushed like a tone any louder than a whisper will break his courage to divulge in what he’s always hidden. “Like how do you know you don’t want to live separately and just share custody?”

 

“Louis do you honestly believe separate places would work? ” Harry whispers. He starts out a small rhythm of motion, from Louis’ knee up to his hip and watches as Louis releases a few puffs of air that have his chest settling lighter and lighter each time. “Sharing custody would never work, we’ve got to be together. It’s what’s best for the baby.” 

 

On his fourth breath, the grimace Louis’ had been sporting at Harry’s words, fades away to a look of defeat as he shrugs his shoulders. “I know.” He laments, settling for barely a moment before he’s talking once more. “But why did you just assume I’d move here?”

 

Harry levels Louis with a look, that borders on a glare of his own. “Love, you’re just trying to pick a fight and make this more complicated.”    
  


The full expectation that Louis is going to be offended goes unfulfilled as Louis sits there complacent at the comment, shrugging as if to agree with the words.“So what if I am?” 

 

Harry looks at Louis with a brief lapse of blatant surprise before his exasperated settles onto his features once more. “Fine.” He answers shortly, patting Louis thighs to an unknown rhythm as he formulates another proposition. 

 

“Do you honestly want me to move in and make your house even roudier and cramped as it is?” Harry proposes, knowing the obvious large numbers of Louis’ family wasn’t on their side. Neither was the inevitable noise that would come from a large household, which wouldn’t bode well with Louis as he progressed through the months, or a baby when the time came. 

 

Louis indignant expression fades almost instantly and he’s back to a look of resolution with a hint of a frown. “Well no-” 

 

Harry cuts him off again, only feeling marginally bad as he aims to prove his point. “Then it’s obviously going to be here. I have that little extra room with a bunch of miscellaneous things, that I could change into an actual nursery. Granted it’s a bit closer to a large closet than a full room, but then it at least won’t be the baby and the two of us cramped in one room.” 

 

Louis stares at him for a moment and in those few seconds Harry’s just  _ waiting _ for him to figure out another argument. He honestly wouldn’t be surprised if Louis’ defense mechanism of creating problems where there are none came back after the whole proposition. It wouldn’t be the first, and Harry’s infinitely sure it wouldn’t be the last he’d have to deal with. Without question there were greater things they were going to have to deal with as things progressed that would cause this whirl-wind, talking in circles kind of conversation, but if anything Harry was prepared. He just hoped Louis would let him be there to fix what Louis wasn’t always able to process at first glance. 

 

“Fine.” Louis agrees, and for not for the first time this evening, Harry is pleasantly surprised. He still looks slightly miffed, posture stoic and unsure as if he’s hesitant in trusting the words that just left his mouth. 

 

Harry pulls himself up, prepared to go back to the dinner but finds himself halting when Louis voice filters out again.  

 

“But you have to be absolutely sure Harry. I come with a lot more than just my wardrobe and some knick knacks.” 

 

This snags Harry back into confusion as his brows furrow and he tilts his head, kneeling back down from where he had begun to stand up. “What do you mean Lou?”

 

“I come with a rambunctious lot of sisters along with a brother and I have my mum who I still need a whole bunch, which means there’s no guarantee that she and my family won’t be here all the time.” Louis’ prattles on, motioning with his hands as if that will attest to how much room and energy the Tomlinson family truly takes. “And I have outrageous study habits that can leave me in a mood and I have all these weird little quirks, and all these other things that should really make you question whether you want me here permanently.”

 

Harry simply laughs. Head dropping down as he chuckles through his fist in a horrible attempt to cover it up. He should have been expecting the hit he receives to the shoulder, the force put behind it harder than a hit from Louis’ normally would be. Almost instantly his head snaps up and his laughter stops in favour for a frown. 

 

Louis looks as if he’s ranging on furious as he sits there, watching as Harry rubs his shoulder from the light swat it got. “This isn’t something to laugh about. These are real issues you should be considering if I move it!” 

 

“Love I know.” Harry reassures. His hand which had been rubbing his slightly beaten shoulder moves to squeeze at Louis hips, attempting to physically enforce a sense of calm and rational. “You think I’m not used to having the girls hanging off my shoulders and your mum always dotting around. I’ve been around for years, I’m used to the hectic atmosphere that comes with being around anyone in your household.” 

 

Louis’ look softens in favour of something a lot closer to fond than mad, and for that, Harry can only hope his words have struck more cords than just Louis’ appreciation. Appreciation may count for something, but Louis’ intellect always brought forth questions about things that needed reassurance or an entirely different question.

  
“Are you sure you’ll be used to having my mum and siblings here on almost a daily basis?” Louis murmurs out, voice hurrying with each pronunciation. Harry sighs as he leans against the kitchen table and looks at Louis who’s gone back to nibbling his lower lip and fiddling with the hems of his clothing, nervous just like before as if something else just as big is weighing on his mind. 

 

“Love, she’s going to have a new grandchild, I honestly wouldn’t expect anything less.” Harry says, a milligram of confusion weighing down his voice. “I’m sure my mom’s going to be here regularly after the baby is born. It’s a normal thing that’ll happen.” 

 

“I’m not talking about when I have the baby Harry.” Louis answers as if the answer had been obvious. “I’m talking about having her here nearly all the time because I have no clue how to live without her.” 

 

Harry’s confusion drops a few notches as he nods and watches Louis’ panic ebb a little with the mutual understanding. “I still need my mum Lou and I’m nineteen, almost twenty. I still call her all the time, because there is still so much that I don’t know. It’s not a crime to be away from home and ask for help.” 

 

“But I won’t be calling her. She’ll always be here because we’re close, and the baby and everything else.” 

 

“Baby.” Harry soothes, the hysteria in Louis’ voice becoming apparent as his hands begin to ring together, knuckles going white with the action. “When you move out, for the first little bit yeah, your mum will be here a lot, but the longer you have your own space the more you’ll get used to it. Your mum will still visit just like mine, but you’ll learn to be here. I went through the exact same thing when I moved out.” 

 

“But you moved out, because you were going to uni all you had to worry about was yourself and your education.” Louis argues, joining his hands with Harry’s as he begins to explain himself. “I’m moving out because I’m pregnant, which is ten times scarier than when I hopefully, go to uni, and there are ten times the unknown factors with another human life than textbooks. I can handle endless pages of notes but I know nothing about being a parent as much as I’ve tried to research, and I- I just need my mum.” 

 

He looks even closer to tears than he did before, and despite the ache in his knees, Harry kneels once again and leans into Louis’ space. Cupping the younger’s cheeks, Harry presses a kiss to his forehead. “No one ever truly knows what to do when they have a kid. It all comes from experience. You think I know more about how to raise a baby because I’m older?” Harry looks at him, answer obvious between the two of them even before Louis shakes his head. “Every person who has a baby relies on their parents for advice, it’s how it works. And I don’t even know how many times I’ve had to reiterate this Lou, but you aren’t condemned here to figure it out alone.” 

 

Harry presses another kiss to Louis’ forehead before moving to his cheeks and his nose before lightly kissing his lips. “I am  _ here _ . For you and our baby.” 

 

Louis lets a few tears fall as he slips his hand to stroke over Harry’s cheek, rolling his lips together in uneasiness and fear. “I have a lot work on personally   _ if  _ I was to move in, but that doesn’t mean I know for sure if this is going to be best for everyone. What I need right now is to know if this is what’s best for you.” 

 

Harry invades Louis’ space even further, rocking up onto his toes and leaning in as Louis lets out a small gasp. “There is an insanely long list to answer that Lou.” He speaks directly against Louis’ lips, feeling the soft drag as he forms his mouth around each word “But if you really want to know it’s going to be best for me, because whenever I come back from uni, or work I’ll get to find you  _ here  _ in our bed or on the couch. That’s what’s best, because you’re the first person I want to see after going through a long class or shift. I want to make this place our own, sort through all that useless shit in my extra room, and create a nursery with you for our baby. I want to find an exuberant amount of baby toys along this flat because between our mums and sisters they’re bound to be spoiled. And I just know that I want to see our son or daughter here, with  _ you.”  _

 

Louis’ hysteria melts away rapidly and his relief swells in the form of tears. He promptly begins to cry, pulling Harry in and trying to smuggle it against the curve of his neck, while Harry begins to tear up as well. Louis’ lips drift up towards his ear, kissing the shell of it before murmuring out between the cracks in his voice. “You’re such a fucking sweet talker.” 

 

Harry laughs though it’s coated in the effect of tears and he finds himself burying himself into Louis chest this time. He kisses the boy’s collarbone and trails a series of pecks up his neck and to his cheek where he nuzzles against it for a second. “Proved myself didn’t I?”

 

Harry doesn’t have to see the eyeroll to know it’s there before he’s being pulled into an open mouthed kiss from Louis. He falls forward enough to settle weight into his knees while his hands manage to grab Louis’ hips to center his fall. Louis grounds himself in the feeling of weightlessness that comes with kissing Harry. His limbs work without his permission, finding slots and empty spaces to fill with his travelling and nimble feet. He lets them slot in the negative space between Harry’s wandering arms and his narrow hips, wrapping deftly and locking against Harry’s lower back, resting their comfortably as Harry lets one hand move to cup his cheek. 

 

The slight grasp Harry has gained on his lower back gives way and reason for Harry to move Louis to edge of his seat. The lack of chair underneath him is replaced with Harry in front of him, senses being over loaded with the feel of a sturdy chest against his own, cologne insulting his nose with spice and an overall sweetness that Harry carries. Harry slides his hand gently across curves and crevices of Louis’ body, each hand travelling for the same destination. Louis feels Harry’s large palms settle against his bump and it’s enough to make him pull away in overload. 

 

“I still have a lot to work through.”

 

Harry nods solemnly. Hands holding tight to Louis, like a promise, reassuring. “We both do.” 

 

** 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know a lot of this may seem a bit repetitive but, it's all going to make more sense once I add on the second part for chapter eight, and then eventually the final chapter! I seriously hope you enjoyed it and if not, please some constructive criticism would be very helpful! I am always looking to hear your opinions! 
> 
> I also just want to say thank you to all of you who have kept leaving comments, (even if I'm horrible at replying), and those who keep coming back to read, or those who still have faith that I'll update and read it new anyways! All the new Kudos I have received in my time away has been a real help! Thank you all so much! Love you all, and I've missed you all! Kudos and comments appreciated!


	9. eight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No this is not a drill. I am indeed finally updating this story. I apologize for taking so long, I often do not find enough hours in a day to work on my own personal writing as being in uni does take majority of my time and effort, as well as all of my energy. 
> 
> If you're still reading this, thank you. You're unwavering support and love for my writing always baffles me. Thank you and I hope you enjoy it.

A few days followed, and before Harry even cared to acknowledge, it was his birthday.

 

The bitterness that came with aging out of his teens was in full force. Ultimately bittersweet, to be turning twenty. Louis made it his job to ease the bitter and add more sweet as he insisted that Harry have a party. It wasn’t expected to be big, Harry’s friends the few he had from uni along with the ones at work. Of course his family was going to be coming as well.

 

Despite the small amount of people actually coming, Louis had insisted on buying enough food for triple the amount of people actually coming. Louis appears to be enjoying it though, walking to and fro to set up last minute details, snagging bites of food each time he walks past the table.

Harry smiles fondly, bringing over the final plate to the table before he’s snagging Louis into his arms, the younger fussing yet again over the simple decorations.

 

“Love.” Harry smiles, his exasperation being masked by his happiness as he tugs Louis in closer and presses a kiss to his forehead. “Stop worrying, everything is perfect, you just need to stop fussing over it.”

 

Louis chuckles, nervous; hands patting at Harry’s shoulders in a faltering rhythm that must be working in the same time as his anxious heart. “I know, but your family is going to be here, and a lot of your friends I haven’t met yet. It’s a little more than just your party.”

 

Harry nearly cringes at the reminder. As much as he’s evidently excited about their baby, there aren’t many people he’s truly told. In fact he’s told no one. Not his mother, sister or majority of his friends that are showing up tonight, know that he got Louis’ pregnant. Sure Anne hears endlessly about Louis’ and so had his friends, but that line of communication dropped a month ago when Harry figured Louis was pregnant. The shellshock knowledge lead Harry to hide away, giving his entire presence to Louis and practically cutting himself away from everyone else.

 

He’s truly been meaning to share it, really, _especiall_ _y_  to his own mum, but it’s been a distracting and busy time. School, his pregnant significant other, and work. Harry just figured he would do it _eventually_ , but god, is he ever regretting that now.

 

He has no doubt his mother will be the first to show, and he just knows, he’s going to get his ass kicked metaphorically and possibly literally for not telling her that he got Louis pregnant.

Still he smiles and nods for Louis sake, because again, that’s something he hasn’t entirely told Louis yet either. He finds himself cringing inwardly at the thought of being in a dual trouble when his mum appears, any time in the next twenty minutes.

 

“What are you cringing for?” Louis laughs, punching his shoulder lightly though the tilt in his brows gives way to his concern that is way less playful than his gestures.

 

Clearly Harry’s attempt at seeming peachy keen was not fooling the boy. He finds himself being hold by dainty hands that work themselves in patterns in an attempt to soothe Harry. He smiles with the effort and places his hands on Louis lower back in preparation to do the same.

 

Harry smiles at Louis, hesitant in his expression and actions, unsure how to tell Louis what is going. Slowly, he watches Louis’ face slide from confused to an understanding glare. It’s instantaneous, Louis mind working faster than a whip as he digs an accusing finger into tendon of Harry’s chest.

 

“Harry.” It’s so incredibly critical, as if he’s being placed under a microscope and being judged and recorded on every squirm and squint he reacts with.

 

Louis index digs deeper into the tissue of Harry’s chest in the same instance that his eyes begin to roam Harry’s face. Cerulean blues inquisitive and curious, as they sweep through all the different give away’s.

 

Harry’s left eye keeps twitching at the corner, while his face feels warm and his entire being begins to feel defensive, and rudely judged. Still he aims to maintain the nonchalance as he meets Louis’ eyes-, which evidently is a mistake- because instantly Louis turns defensive.

 

“What aren’t you telling me?”

 

Harry should really work on his panicked reaction. “Nothing Lou. Why are you asking?”

 

Without comprehension Harry’s hand sweeps across his forehead and through his hair- a bad nervous habit- that instantly has Louis’ face morphing into a glare. “I’m asking cause your face is literally telling me everything. You refuse to look at me, which means something is up.”

 

Harry only comprehends when he finds his eyes snapping back to Louis’ face from where they hand been staring permanently at the wall behind Louis’ head. No sooner has he faced Louis’ again, he’s tearing away again. His face warms this time, true rosy red blotches spreading across his cheeks, onslaught of mixed emotions.

 

“Uh- well there’s like this small thing about my mum.” Harry cringes, shrugging his shoulders and attempting to play it casual though the shaking of his hands gives him away. “And like my friends.”

 

“What small thing?” Louis asks skeptically, face falling into a deeper frown.

 

“They don’t know-“

 

“Know what Harry?”

 

“That you’re um-” Harry cringes, biting his lip as he waves his hand vaguely to the expanse of Louis’ stomach. “-Pregnant.” He coughs into his fist when he finishes, watching as a tint of disbelief spreads through Louis’ entire body. The boy’s mouth falls slack and the surprise sprouts through his body, arms falling to his sides uselessly while his eyes dart around the room, unsure.

 

Finally, when Louis slots his eyes back onto Harry, he seems to have absorbed the information.

“You’re telling me everyone you know doesn’t know about this-“ His hands flail to his stomach, fury growing as each second passes. “You mean to tell me you haven’t even told your friend, let alone your family that I’m pregnant with your child?” Louis’ voice goes from a disbelieving whisper to a deafening shout as he glares at Harry with everything he’s got.

 

Harry winces, dread filling his entire body as he rolls back his shoulders and tries to butt in. “Lou, baby-“

 

“No Harry, don’t even.” Louis shakes his head, entire body nearly vibrating with how the anger has taken over. He shakes his head once more, like he’s still trying to get rid of the disbelief that clouds his head. His lips attempt to form around words that would equate to an adequate response, but nothing comes out infuriated enough for him to actually speak.

 

“For fucks sake Harry, not even your mum?” Louis asks, frustration seeping into his voice as tears pool in his eyes. “You talk to her and Gems every day Harry! And- and, Anne and Gemma are like a second family to me!”

 

Louis sniffles, hating the look of pity that instantly falls onto Harry’s face. He despises the way Harry instantly looks worse, guilt sitting on his shoulders as his hands reach out, instinct to try and make things better. He wants Harry to feel bad, hates that it’s what he wants.

 

“Did you ever think that maybe I wanted you to tell them?” Louis questions as Harry’s frown deepens. Louis’ anger remains constant with his tears, hands wrapping around his stomach like they’ll stop the sinking feeling he’s got in his gut. “Anne is my second mum Harry, she’s just as important as my mum. I want her to know that she’s having a grand baby -,”

Louis breaks off. His vision goes blurry and his heart hammers with hurt.

 

“Is that why you haven’t said anything?” The bitterness breaks Louis’ voice. “You don’t want your mum to know?”

 

“Not this again.” Harry signs, annoyance seeping through, pointer and thumb turning white with the pressure he adds to the bridge of his nose. His eyes clench shut with frustration, opening to glare at Louis as his entire body drops into exhaustion.

 

“Louis we’ve talked about this.” Harry insists. “I’ve asked you to move in with me. I want to be a dad, one that’s there. I don’t even know how many times I’ve said I want to start my life with you. We wouldn’t be dating if I didn’t want you and our baby.”

 

A funny look crosses Louis’ face the same moment his hands drop in a loss of anger, confusion ebbing throughout his entire body. “When the fuck did we start dating?”

 

“Christ Lou,” Harry cries, eyes practically bulging out as he chuckles coarsely. Louis doesn’t look impressed with his reaction, arms crossing across his chest firmly as his frown creases further. “We’ve discussed this, what do you think we’ve been talking about this entire time. I thought I made it obvious.”

 

“I figured we were just making arrangements for the baby. I didn’t realize you were entirely serious.” Louis shakes his head, biting his lip in agitation.

 

“Lou I made it clear that what I wanted, was us to be together.”

 

“Obviously you didn’t.” Louis argued, looking pointedly at Harry. “Otherwise I wouldn’t be so bloody confused.”

 

“Well to be clear I’ve been calling you my boyfriend for quite some time now.” Harry admits, defensiveness dropping from his voice as his tone softens. “To be completely honest, in my head I’ve been calling you my boyfriend since you told me you were pregnant. I just figured, we’d finally make it official, considering we were going to be parents and all.”

 

“Oh.” Louis mumbles, arms sliding out of their cross to fall at his sides uselessly. His hands grasp nervously at the hem of his jeans, unsure of what else to say.

 

“That’s not the only reason though.” Harry assures, combing through his hair with one hand while the other gestures along with his speech. “I obviously want us to be together for our baby, but I also really like you and I want you by my side for probably, -like everything so-,”

 

Louis laughs, genuinely as he watches Harry fumble and become more awkward as he prattled on. “I get it Haz- well I think I do. We’re each others, and we’ll be each others through everything, right?”

 

“Exactly,” Harry beams. “I’m surprised you didn’t work that out for yourself, being as smart as you are.” Harry chuckles, looking fondly at Louis as the younger’s own face turns soft as he finally looks up. His lips are playing into a small smile, though he bites at the corner to stop it from getting bigger, cheeks pinking the slightest bit.

 

Harry’s entirely too endeared.

 

“I’m school smart, not relationship smart.”

 

Even as he says it Louis’ body curves in, shy, but his legs carry his forward to Harry. Harry pulls him in the rest of the way, one hand finding the curve of his belly, while the other slips to curve into his back pocket.

 

“It’s a good thing you have me then.” Harry smiles, eyes crinkling as he watches Louis shake his head, his own smile capturing the happiness in his face. Louis laughs once before he pulls Harry down into a kiss, smiling into it more than actually reciprocating. Harry pulls back and shakes his head at him, choosing instead to press a kiss to the younger’s forehead.

 

“So like officially,” Louis trailed off, playing with the hem of Harry’s sleeves, looking at the swallows along the other’s collarbones as he did. Nervous and looking for reassurance, Louis bit his lip and hoped Harry would fill in the blank.

 

He does.

 

Tilting Louis’ chin up with the pads of two fingers before he nods, pressing a kiss to the tip of his nose. “Officially, we are dating.” Harry murmurs, head dipping down the last bit, while Louis rises onto the tip of his toes.

 

It’s a simple kiss. Gently in a way most couples are. Nothing showy or desperate, but comforting and allowing a content feeling to settle into both of their chests. They pull back smiling, Louis softly biting his lip as Harry cups his cheek gently.

 

“Only took us nearly a year, but we’re finally here.” Harry murmurs, his own smile beyond sappy. “Together.”

 

“A year in May,” Louis adds, a puzzled look taking over his features for a brief moment. “Pretty much around the same time our little one should be here.”

 

“Can’t believe they’ll be here in a few months.” Harry said, awe filling his voice as the hand on Louis’ cheek fell to his belly. Harry rubbed ardent circles along the side as joy filled his face. “You’re already what, four months?”

 

“Seventeen weeks, yeah.” Louis nods; smile soft as his hand goes to the other side of his stomach as he matches Harry’s rhythm. “She’ll be here before we know it.”

 

“She?” Harry asks, surprised. His eyes widen, while his mouth slackens from shock of it. “You know the gender? When did you find out?”

 

Louis shakes his head, patting Harry’s hand where it slowed against his side. “Didn’t find out. I’ve just had this feeling for a while that it’s a girl, carrier intuition or whatever it is.”

 

Louis watches as relief floods Harry’s face and the fond smile replaces the frown that had been there previously. Harry’s shoulders sag, full of relief, before he bends down to press a chaste kiss to Louis’ lips. “Good.” He presses another kiss to Louis’ lips before straightening once more. “I want to be there when you find out the gender, if that’s alright with you.”

 

“Obviously you’ll be there.” Louis looks bewildered, before shaking his head and chuckling. Sliding his hands up Harry’s arms slowly, he takes in the feel of the flex of his muscles as they work. Louis finally settles his hands along Harry’s biceps, holding tight as he cranes his neck to look into green eyes that are already boring into his. “It’s my next appointment actually- like when you can usually figure out the gender. I was going to ask you tonight if you want a gender reveal party or what you wanted to do.”

 

He’s sheepish as he admits it, truth and honestly slipping off his tongue way easier than his lies ever had. Louis finds himself giddy with the relief of the genuine smile that spreads across Harry’s face, as he looks excited at the prospect of what Louis’ just shared.

 

“Really?” Harry asks, “If we find out next appointment, you want to do a gender reveal?”

 

Louis nods his head quickly, his own excitement filtering through as his eyes crinkle with his smile. “I really would. We’d need someone to plan it though.”

 

Harry nods, bending down to press four excited kiss to Louis’ mouth. He lets the last one linger, opening Louis’ mouth and delving in with just enough tongue that Louis whines when they break apart. “My mum and my sister can plan it with your mum! It’d be perfect, get both sides involved!”

 

Louis’ smile turned down at the corner as he looked at Harry oddly. “Love, your mum and sister don’t know, as we established earlier.”

 

Harry laughs and shakes his head. “They’ll be here early, really should be here anytime, not that I’m thinking about it.” Harry pauses and checks the time, nodding to himself minutely before looking back at Louis, his entire expression ecstatic. “I’ll talk to them in the living room, explain everything, and we’ll still have a nice afternoon where both my families can come together yeah?”

 

Louis nods, wiping the tears from the corners of his eyes as he pulls Harry into a hug. “Sounds like a plan Haz.”

 

He can feel Harry smile into his neck, nuzzling as he sighs in content relief. Louis does the same, rising onto his toes so he has better vantage, biting back his smile when Harry lifts him up just enough that he doesn’t put too much strain on either his legs, or Harry’s back.

 

“You’re still in trouble for not telling your family.” Louis murmurs as he nuzzles, content, in the embrace Harry has him in.

 

Harry chuckles, nodding his head as his eyes crinkle from his fond expression. He continues rubbing his hands in soothing circles against Louis’ back as he laughs out, “I know.”

 

Louis pulls back with a easy smile and pats Harry’s chest, winking cheekily. “Good.”

 

Louis’ hands fall away from Harry’s body as soon as he hears a knock at the door. He looks at Harry, eyes wide and evidently nervous as they both silently acknowledge who’s on the other side of the door.

 

Harry smiles at him reassuring, rubbing his hand along Louis’ arm and bending down for a swift kiss before he turn and goes out of the kitchen. He pops back round into the doorway, hand on the frame as he leans, just the slightest bit cocky with the jut of his hip and his smirk. “It’ll be fine love. Mum’s going to be over the moon, same with Gem.”

 

And with that he pops back out of the kitchen to go and answer the door.

 

**

 

When Harry greets his mum, all he sees is a beaming, very familiar smile, before he’s being encompassed and smuggled into her arms. They feel _oh_ so familiar and comforting, that all the tension releases from Harry’s body. He sighs into his mum’s shoulder, smiling as he feels her hands digging in from trying to hold him so tight. He does the same and shakes his head for Gemma to see when Anne sniffles, most likely trying to hold in her happy tears.

 

Gemma stand behind the hugging pair,  rolling her eyes, but still smiling softly. Her arms are crossed but they open when Harry is finally let go from his mum, leaning in to hug her as well. It’s shorter but just as sweet as the one his mum gave. The same rewarding feeling of finally seeing his family growing in his chest.

 

He steps back into his doorway, his smile turning rickety as he watches his mum beam at him, excitedly. It’s the same smile he gets when his mum finally sees him after a long while. Her eyes that are filled with happiness always glaze the slightest bit with tears that makes her smile watery as well. Regardless of her joyful tears, Anne always continues on, and this time is no different.

 

She squeezes Harry’s arm as she walks past him into the house, discarding her bags at the entrance that Harry just knows has his present, no matter how many times he insists he doesn’t need one. There’s probably also a homemade dessert in there too, which ultimately Harry never ever turns down. It’s different every year but it’s still always mouth watering good because it’s made by his mum and he can never refuse her cooking. From the aroma that filters through the air it smells like his favourite this year.

 

The smell of chocolate fills the air, and albeit the mouth watering scent, Harry can’t distract himself from the nerves the pitch themselves at all sides of his stomach. Gemma lingers beside him, and Harry can feel her eyes on him, observant in a way only older siblings can be. It’s like they dig into the side of his face, heavy and nearly accusing. His chest twinges anxiously, hands nervously toying with his hair, fingers ruffling the curls oddly before gesturing towards the couch where his mum was already heading.

 

Anne sits down without much prompting, and Gemma follows. They both settle themselves into the familiar furniture around the room, while Harry stands at the entrance to the room, awkward beyond belief.

His tongue feels heavy, full with the truth and his muscles ache from the constant thrum that runs through his veins. Harry’s entire being feels jittery with the truth, body practically soaked in compelling honestly that makes him awkward. His limbs fail him far more than normal, his usual clumsy behaviour not even comparing to the catastrophe of a walk he takes to get to the chair facing his mum and sister on the couch.

 

He sits down with flushed cheeks, which only darken when he finds him mum looking at him curiously and Gemma looking at him like he’s stupid. It’s familiar, nearly heart warmingly so that it makes him relax into the boxy cushions of the chair a little more, though his body still stays abnormally rigid. While his entire body has relaxed some in the presence of his mum, his tongue still feels thick, enough to make his voice stutter and his words jumbled as he attempts to talk. He nearly lets him head fall into the palms of his hands when all he manages to say at first is a garbled mix of hello and hi.

 

Gemma shakes her head, though a smirk does lift the edges of her mouth, while Anne gets a sour frown on her face, almost like she knows somethings wrong. They both hold their tongues and thankfully Harry rights his as he manages to get a proper hello out.

 

“Hi. “ Harry clears his throat, swallowing back the wince he feels as he hears the hesitation in his own voice. He tries to bring more warmth into his voice this time, even bumping up the corners of his mouth into a wider smile in hopes that it’d help.

 

“How’re you guys?” It doesn’t work. Or maybe it’s just the timbre of his voice. Either way his mother’s worry doesn’t clear from her face and Gemma’s eyebrow only goes higher. “There’s probably a lot that’s happened since I’ve talked to you both last. How’s Robin mum?”

 

His mum’s frown ebbs away a little into a smile, but there’s still a set furrow to her brows and downturn of her lips. “He’s good love. Sorry he couldn’t make the trip over to see you, especially cause it’s your birthday. He sends his love anyway. “

 

Harry nods, a genuine smile coming across his face. “Maybe next time yeah?”

 

“Of course love.” Anne smiles a little more this time, worry coming off her face just a bit more as the conversation flows a bit more.

 

He feels his body relaxing into the molds of the cushions, as he asks Gemma about her life up in London, her new job that she’s gotten straight out of uni. He watches as she explains it like no big deal, though from the beam in her eyes how happy she truly is with it. It’s flowing and easy conversation that reminds him of what he’s missed from his family. The ordinary feeling of ease that comes with being with his family is what lightens the weight of what he’s about to confess to them. His muscles get a bit of reprieve from the constant jittering and his tongue doesn’t feel so much like it’s tied in a knot anymore.

 

His heart still thuds heavily, beating extra with the nerves, but his head remains clear. Or rather as clear as it can be about to tell his mum she’s going to be a grandmother, but he supposes semi-clarity would do.

 

“... This year I baked you chocolate. Made the pan a little bigger so you have a little bit extra, especially considering I know it’s Louis’ favourite as well.” His mum toddles on, talking without interruption from either of her kids. Her voice has picked up to a happy pitch that reminds Harry of his greatest childhood memories. He see’s the question though before it’s even coming, the slight mention of Louis’ opening up any reason to talk about him.

 

His mum is a lot of things, but subtle isn’t one of them.

 

“Speaking of Lou, where is he?” Anne plays it off with a clueless look, but Harry can see the greater curiosity that’s sparked in her eyes. She’s looking for more than Louis’ whereabouts, she’s looking for more answers that particularly pertain to both Harry and Louis.

 

Gemma shakes her head at their mum’s lack of subtlety, but nevertheless chimes in as well, clearly just as curious. “Yeah, where’s Lou? We haven’t seen or heard much of him in a while H.”

 

Harry clears his throat, a laugh falling through as he shakes his head. It feels more that a little surreal, sitting in his living room under the watchful and waiting gazes of his mum and sister. Confession sitting at the tip of his tongue, as he similiar shuffles to sit at the end of his chair. He’s thought this through before, practiced how he’d tell them before (dating first, pregnancy second) but currently sitting in the situation he’s thought through hundreds of times suddenly seems entirely different. And he feels entirely unprepared.

 

“Haven’t said much cause I didn’t want to tell you in over the phone.” Harry begins. A coy smile slips onto his face, overly fond than any smile he’s had tonight and almost instantly he can see his mum’s smile brighten in acknowledgement. She’s been hinting and teasing about it for years, and he can tell she just _knows_. Glancing over at Gemma he can tell she knows exactly what’s about to come out of his mouth.

 

“Lou and I are together.” He beams as he says it, voice full and bursting with fond and happiness. His mum gasps like she’s surprised, while he hears Gemma mutter a _finally_ under her breath. They’re both smiling though, nearly matching his own as his mum shakes her and places a hand over her chest.

 

“Thought I’d never see the day.” She jokes, laughing as she says so, leaning over and nudging Gemma’s shoulder with her own. She smiles wholeheartedly at Harry and nods, and Harry tell it’s her silent approval.

 

Gemma voices what Anne had silently been saying, giving Harry her own happy look as she says so. “You picked the best one H.”

 

Harry smiles. “I did, yeah.”

 

There’s a slim, small moment of silence before Anne’s clapping her hands and looking at Harry expectantly. “Well where’s the little love? I know he’s got to be over here if the two of you are together.”

 

“He is.” Harry admits, only the slightest hint of bashful blush tinting his cheeks as he confirms. His mum is nearly out of her seat at the confirmation, but he rushes to make her sit once more. “But mum, there’s still something I want to tell you before we go see Lou.”

 

Albeit, looking reluctant, Anne sits back down and sighs, looking at Harry expectantly. With half the truth out Harry does feel reprieved, but the next admission if ten times heavier than the first, and his chest feels the weight of it, as does his stomach. With what room is left from the dead weighted truth that sits in the pit of his stomach, Harry feels anxious butterflies flit through his abdomen. All of it sits in his stomach, heavily and just waiting to combust upon telling the truth.

 

Harry himself, sighs, running a hand through his hair and pulling at his bottom lip with the other as he downplays the nerves as much as he can, at least enough to actually talk once again.

 

“Lou and I haven’t been official for all that long, but we’ve been together for nearly a year.” His mum’s eyebrows raise in surprise though the rest of her face tells a different story. Her and Gemma both seem unperturbed about the fact and Harry takes it that it was almost to be expected.

 

He continues on, swallowing the extra saliva that collects in his mouth while wringing his hands together just sheerly for that fact that he’s run them through his hair too much it’s started to go frizzy.  

 

“Which is when I uh- got Lou pregnant.”

 

This time, when he says it, the surprise ripples throughout the entire room.

 

Gemma’s eyes round considerably while the rest of her face morphs into surprise. His mum’s smile and happy demeanor is swapped as she gasps, basking her in genuine confusion and surprise. He vaguely hears glassware breaking but all he can focus on, is the various stages of shock, that cross Anne and Gemma’s face.

 

“Where’s Lou?” Harry’s gaze snaps away from Anne’s face that had crossed into a mix of horror and confusion, to look at Gemma. He’s unsure of why she’s asking, how she’s got more clarity than any of them in the room. All he can do is look at her more than a little bewildered. His expression must show it considering she asks again. Reluctantly he nods, and watches as she sighs, arm gesturing over to where the kitchen is.

 

“Sounds like he dropped something. Best go check on him.”

 

So that would be the sound of breaking glass ware most likely.

 

He stands, a bit robotically, looking over at his mum who still seems a little lost in her head, before looking at Gemma who’s already shuffling in closer to Anne. She nods her head to the kitchen, while Harry just continues to look at their mum.

 

“She’s just a little shocked H.”

 

Again Harry looks over at his mum, though this time she looks at him. He smiles faintly, and she returns it, which brings the weight of his chest largely.  His worst case scenario would have been Anne being  mad at him, but it appeared at least for right now she was relatively calm. “I’m fine love, just go get Lou alright?”

 

Harry nods and finally leaves the pair on the couch in favour of trailing into the kitchen.

 

Immediately he shakes his head and groans.

 

“Louis, you’re nearly four and a half months pregnant what are you doing on the floor.” Harry walks further into the kitchen as he says it.

 

“I’m picking up a broken mug because you are so bloody blunt, and you have a horrible way with words.” Louis snips, still picking up the larger remnants of the mug he is said to have broke. There’s a deep frown etched into his forehead, while his lips are pulled down deep on each side into a heavy pout. Louis’ being petty and he most likely knows it too, but regardless Harry sidles up beside him and kneels as well, gently taking the shards out of Louis hands and into one of his own.

 

“Fair then, maybe I could have eased into it better.” Harry agrees, he knows without question that he doesn’t have the best etiquette when it comes to words, especially when relaying important knews. He stands up and tosses the bits of broken ceramic in his hand into the trash, before turning back around and placing both palms out in front of Louis.

 

“But that also doesn’t mean at 17 weeks pregnant, you get down on the floor and pick up the broken mug because of my bluntness. There are things called a broom love, even a vacuum.”

 

Louis sighs, brushing back his fringe before placing his hands in Harry’s to be helped up. Louis stumbles a little to his feet, but rights himself easily. Harry lets one of their linked hands fall in order to place a stabilizing hand against the curve of Louis’ hip. He runs it back in forth, running along the meat of Louis’ hip and the jut of his bump. Squeezing their hands together, Harry gently guides Louis over towards the kitchen table, pulling out a chair and letting him sit down.

 

Harry goes to gather up the broom, quietly sweeping up the rest of the mug, gathering it into a small pile to discard. “You know I’ll pretty much let you do anything Lou, but with you getting further and further along, I’d prefer if you’d let me to the bending and heavy lifting. Don’t want you or the baby getting hurt.”

 

Harry’s back is turned towards Louis, but he doesn’t have to be looking to see the tired but knowing expression settle into Louis’ features. It’s one he’s getting used to as they’ve begun to talk and compromise, Louis often settling into the same look when he knows Harry’s not just talking shit.

 

Louis sighs softly, but nods his head anyways, watching as Harry gathers the small pile onto the dustpan before tossing it in the bin. When he faces back around Louis’ smiles at him, gently rubbing over his belly as he agrees. “Got it. You’ll practically have no arguement from me there, I promise.”

 

Harry smiles back, walking over with the intensive purpose of giving Louis a kiss. He does so, placing one hand on the back of the chair and the other on Louis’ cheek while he leans down to press a sweet kiss to Louis’ lips.

 

He pulls back, but not before pressing a kiss to Louis’ forehead, and goes to put the broom away, peeking around the corner to where Gemma and Anne were standing up from the couch. When Harry glances back into the kitchen, the look Louis gives him is understanding.

 

“Mum wants to see you I’d gather.” Harry jokes, smiling as Louis stands up with a shake of his head and soothing hand over his belly.

 

“Well I’d assume as much after you practically blurted out that you got me pregnant.” Louis teases back, nonetheless making his way to meet Harry at the centre of the kitchen.

 

He’s very nearly cuddled straight into Harry’s side when Anne and Gemma emerge from the other room. Immediately he can feel two sets of eyes dart towards his stomach, taking in the roundness that makes it entirely to obvious that he’s carrying and not just fat. Anne’s eyes look a little watery and she still looks more than a little shocked but she still steps towards Louis.

 

Her arms hover a bit in the air, as if she’s unsure of whether she should hug him. Louis hurries to make that decision for her, walking away from Harry’s side and towards Anne’s, moving straight into the familiar embrace.

 

And really, Anne has to be given credit that she doesn’t hold back on her affections.

 

The second Louis steps into the embrace he feels the warming and loving familiarity that comes with hugging her. He practically feels like precious cargo with the way she holds him. When they pull back, Louis can just feel the warmth radiating in her smile, she holds him by the arms like she used to when they were little, and takes in the changes. Her hands hover and still along his stomach before gently falling onto the top of the bump. She smiles, watery but happy as her hands take in the entire expanse of his stomach.

 

“So you’re giving me a grandbaby?” She laughs as she says it, any signs of shock worn off.

 

Louis nods, his own eyes beginning to water as he takes in the happiness that fills the entire room. He looks over at Harry who’s got a matching smile to his mum, before looking over to Gemma who’s just as giddy.

 

“Giving you a niece as well.” He quickly rephrases when he watches Gemma and Anne’s eyes widen. “Or a nephew. Don’t know for sure yet.”

 

“Oh dove.” Anne coos, she manages a couple steps back to the table and drags Louis with her, Gemma coming along as well as Harry to gather around the table. She sits with a beaming smile across her face, hands tapping against the table as she attempts to gather her thoughts.

 

Louis’ in a similar state, fingertips moving against his belly happily, as his own eyes crinkle from how hard he’s smiling. Harry sidles up in the seat beside him, grabbing Louis’ right hand to fit in his. Harry smiles, and revels in the way Louis squeezes his hand back as his eyes spark with delight.

 

While Louis moves to face back to his family, Harry remains focused on the profile of Louis’ face. It’s clear from the ridges and the crinkles that Louis’ happy. Harry doesn’t have to ask to know, that Louis is nothing short of ecstatic. His cheeks are muted pink and his lips are pressed together to prevent his entire face from breaking into a breathtaking smile, though the happiness radiates off him without it. Harry is entirely too endeared.

 

Gemma clears her throat, and Harry finds himself snapping away from Louis’ face to his sisters, where she sits wearing a nearly permanent smirk.

 

_So he’s not entirely subtle._

 

Neither is Louis, if the way Gemma rolls her eyes before calling Louis’ name, is any indication. Harry himself feels his cheeks heat with attention though he grins with it, making eye contact with his mum in a look of understanding. He nods at her, as if answering any of her silent question, and in seconds her eyes mist with tears. She looks nothing short of content, overjoyed at Harry’s own happiness.

 

Harry gathers himself in just enough time to hear Gemma ask, “So far along are you?”

 

**

  


The birthday party goes well.

 

Other than the blatant stares Louis’ receives from Harry’s friends, he enjoys himself. He enjoys and revels in the way Harry seems to be over the moon happy. Anne’s excitement carries on till the time she leaves,with Gemma. She prattles on with Louis, whenever Harry hasn’t dragged him to meet a friend, about all the ideas she has for a gender reveal. Not only did she make Louis promise to talk to Jay about helping her plan the shower, but she also ensured that Louis would give her son his fair shot. It was clear that Harry had spilled more than a bit about their relationship troubles than Louis had originally thought. He had blushed crimson, fumbling to apologize but Anne simply shook her head and said she wasn’t the one he should be apologizing to; he couldn’t help but agree.

 

Once Anne and Gemma had cleared, Harry had time with the small rally of friends from uni and work that had showed. For most of the time to avoid the awkward stares, and the especially harsh one coming from a girl from Harry’s lit class, Louis resorted to sitting at the kitchen table eating the food, as his cravings were more than a little severe tonight. When his stomach and his hankering had satisfied his hands moved to collect the dirty dishes, piling them into the sink.  

 

Louis stands at the sink and washes the dishes leisurely, hands washing smoothly over the dishes as he listens to Harry’s laugh echo throughout the kitchen. Louis shakes his head at the honking sound, inevitably Harry’s.

 

He’s just cleaning off one of the last few dishes when the sound of footsteps linger behind him. Glancing over his shoulder he sees Harry. He’s most likely said goodbye to the last group of friends that had lingered a bit after the cake, if the silence is anything to go by, and the smile he gives Louis is the encompassment of giddy and content.

 

“Hi love.” Louis murmurs, a smile stretching across his face as he does so. Letting the dish that’s in his hands fall back into the water, Louis drags the dish towel over his hands to dry them before dropping it back to the counter, watching as Harry saunters into the kitchen. His chest lifts with affection as Harry comes forward, with decisive steps. In three steps, Harry has his hands gripping into his hips and pulling Louis against his body. Louis looks up, underneath his lashes playfully coy as Harry grins manically at him.

 

“Hi.” Harry answers back, ducking down to peck Louis’ lips gently. He does it twice, allowing himself to lavish a few more insistent moments against Louis’ mouth, before pulling back right after to gaze at Louis.

 

“Leave the dishes for the morning love, I know you’re probably tired.”

 

“I am.” Louis exclaims softly, his own hand going to rub at his lower back. “It’s like our baby tires me out more each day.”

 

Frowning, Harry reaches to grab Louis’ hand. He squeezes it gingerly as they walk down the hall, a sleepy Louis following him into the bedroom as he begins to ponder. “What else does the baby do your body?”

 

Louis snorts, glancing at Harry with a playful eye roll as he moves to where his sleep clothes lay against the desk chair. He pulls off his shirt without regard, turning sideways to Harry to show the most evident impact the baby has on Louis’ body. “If you can’t already feel or tell, my stomach balloons out frequently to make room for them.”

 

Harry himself laughs, as Louis proceeds to wrangle his tired limbs through the larger soft tee, he’s most definitely taken from Harry. Smiling at his loose and lazy actions, Harry moves over to help the younger boy as he begins to unbutton the jeans, that just barely fit. Louis smiles gratefully, letting his fingers fall away in replacement of Harry’s against the waistband of his jeans.

 

“I’ve very attuned to the physical changes, but I want to know the other ones.” Harry explains, going back to his previous question. He urges Louis to sit on the bed once the jeans are wedged past the curves of Louis’ hips. He does so, and Harry smiles at him for it, hunching his back to reach for Louis’ slightly lifted leg to take the cuff of the jeans to tug straight off.

 

Louis sighs once his legs are freed of denim, rolling leisurely onto the mattress and making himself comfortable in the space reserved for him. Harry looks at him questioningly, sleeping joggers in hand, but the other man just simply shakes his head, burrowing himself further into the blankets.

 

“I haven’t been wearing anything but pants to bed.” Louis iterates, lying on his side and coyly stroking the empty side of the bed. Harry starts undressing as he urges Louis to continue. “Lately my skins a little more irritable. I kept waking up cause joggers were bothering my legs, so I stopped bothering with them.”

 

Harry nods knowingly. He himself can barely manage to sleep with pants on -much more used to the nude- let alone a full get up consisting of a tee and joggers.

 

“Anything else I should know?” Harry asks, tentative, because Louis’ usually subject to being picky about whether he wants to talk about his new symptoms or not. Louis just simply shrugs, following Harry’s movements as he wiggles his way out of his jeans.

 

“Been getting heartburn.” Louis admits quietly, cheeks tinted with a light pink dusting. “My morning sickness isn’t as bad or as often, but I’ve been getting heartburn more often than not the past few days.”

 

Harry frowns, shutting off the light, before returning to settle beneath the sheets with Louis.

“Well, I’m glad you’re not getting sick all the time now.” Harry mutters, reaching out just as Louis does the same, to pull the younger boy against him as best as possible. Louis pecks his shoulder, almost as a thank you, fingers playing along Harry’s ribs as he listens. “But I’m not super happy you’re getting rid of one symptom in exchange for another.”

 

“Kind of think that’s how it works love.” Louis mutters, tiredly. His body’s settled, thankful, into the embrace and the comfortable mattress as they talk. “I don’t think there’s much we can do.”

 

“We can talk to the doctor at the next appointment.”

 

“Speaking of which,” Louis inclines, mouth brushing against Harry’s collarbone as he speaks, fingers thrumming along the indents of Harry’s ribs. “I talked to you mum tonight, and she wouldn’t mind doing the shower. Mine and yours are going to plan it all if that’s alright?”  

 

Harry smiles, nodding his head, hand carding through Louis’ hair. “Mum’s going to love that. Think it’d really help her, you know get into the whole pregnancy thing, considering she hasn’t really been involved for long.” Harry cringes, practically feels Louis roll his eyes as he says it. “Which would be entirely my fault. But I still think she’d love to be apart of it.”

 

Louis hums in agreement, eyes drifting closed. “It’d be good for both our families.”

 

Kissing the top of Louis head, Harry smiles, unable to help himself; giddy. “Do you really think it’s a girl?”

 

He feels Louis’ own smile against his chest, fingers halting where Louis’ traced patterns on his skin, thinking. “Yeah, I think it’s a girl.” Louis admits quietly, his own chest rippling with butterflies at thinking what they’re baby’s going to be. He can see it now, the perfect little girl, a mixture of both him and Harry, precious as an angel. “I’ve always kinda thought it was going to be a girl. Mum got me little woolen booties with flowers on them after I first told her, and it just felt fitting. Felt right to think I’m carrying a girl.”

 

His fingers resume their motion against Harry’s chest, slower this time though as he waits for Harry’s own reply.

 

“I always figured I’d end up having a son first.” Harry murmurs, his own hands working soothing patterns into Louis’ back, occasionally dipping his fingers into a tighter spot in Louis’ back, happy to hear the content sighs Louis lets out. “Think I’d be easier to have a boy first. We know more about that I guess.”

 

He chuckles a little as he says it, hears Louis let out his own small puffed laughs as they lay there.

 

“We probably know more than we think. I’ve got practically a brood of sisters, and you have one too, plus our mums. Don’t think it’d be as hard as we think it’d be.” Louis comments, pointing out the obvious amount of women in their lives, that would without a doubt make raising a girl a little easier.

“Would you be disappointed if it isn’t a boy?” Louis asks quietly, shy as if he’s self conscious of his question.

 

Frowning Harry rolls his body away, enough that he can see Louis’ face. His lip is drawn in tight between his teeth, and his eyes are downcast, shy as if he doesn’t want to look at Harry straight on. Harry’s face falls further as he tilts Louis’ chin towards his. Touching their foreheads together, Harry pecks Louis’ lips, then his cheeks, pulling away to look at Louis honestly.

 

“I’ll love whatever baby we have. They’ll be a part of me and a part of you, and I couldn’t care less whether they’re a boy or a girl. They’re our son or daughter, I’ll love them, and you either way.”

 

Smiling enough that his eyes crinkle in the corners, Louis nuzzles against Harry. Delicately kissing Harry’s chin, and then his lips, Louis nods his head. “Me too. I’m excited either way. I just want to have this baby with you, that’s all that matters.”

 

Lips turning up in his own smile, Harry hums, adjusting himself to lean on his elbow as Louis rolled to his back. Pressing down, Harry opens Louis’ mouth gently, licking in humming as he does so. He feels Louis gently slide a hand to cup the side of his face. Fingertips slowly inch their way across his skin till they tangle in his hair, Louis’ hand threading through Harry’s hair as he lets himself be kissed breathless.

 

Inching his way above Louis, Harry works a knee in between Louis’ own, wedging them apart just enough to slot his thigh against Louis crotch.

 

Pulling back cautiously, Harry looks at Louis face. He’s biting his lip, wondering if grinding against the steady thigh against his half hard cock is worth it. His body aches for it. He hasn’t had Harry’s mouth or body against his for weeks. Ever since Harry found out, they’ve been working through things more important than their sex drive. But as Louis looks at the thigh so close to his aching cock, he can’t help the thrum that strings through his body.

 

His hips twitch up against his will, seeking the friction that Harry can offer.

 

Sliding his thigh closer, just a ghost of a touch against Louis, Harry looks at the younger boy for permission. Slowly edging his free hand along Louis’ thigh, up to his hip Harry raises an eyebrow, eyes hooded and emanating lust.

 

“Lou?” Harry asks, voice rougher than it was just moments before, and that is all it takes. Louis surges up and kisses him, closing the distance with needy hands digging into the meat of Harry’s shoulders to pull him down flush against his own body.

 

Harry goes without preamble, working his hands against the insides of Louis’ thighs to spread them even further. Louis lets his legs spread without question as Harry settles himself fully between them. He doesn’t even hesitate before he wraps his legs around Harry’s hips, fingers frantically snapping the waistband of Harry’s boxers, urging them to come off.

 

Harry pulls back despite the whine that makes it’s way out of Louis throat, his own hands pulling away the fabric of Louis’ boxers. “What do you want?”

 

Louis sits up and takes off his shirt, mouth practically watering as it falls open when Harry himself strips down. As Harry settles himself on his knees back between Louis’ legs, Louis pulls him in, hand against the back of his neck. Harry follows without issue tongue working over Louis’ easily, their kisses turning messy as Harry pulls away to bite at Louis’ lip. He continues his trail, teeth nipping at every bit of skin Louis’ offers. Harry works his way down to the centre of Louis’ chest, kissing his sternum, before sliding back up and pecking Louis’ lips.  

 

He repeats his question, lips mumbling against Louis’ own as his hands trail across Louis’ body. Dipping into the curves and savouring the shape of Louis’ body, Harry grinds against Louis, gentle and just a small twitch of his hips.

 

Pulling at Harry’s hair, focusing his attention back on himself, Louis kisses him, once, twice, before wiggling away. “I want sex.” He whispers, arching when Harry’s hips grind harder against his own. “Want you, haven’t felt you in weeks.”

 

Within seconds his body is cold and without the warmth of Harry leans over to the side table rummaging for the lube that’s hidden there. He admires the stretch of Harry’s muscles and body as he does. Abs pulled tight as his arms flexed with his effort to retrieve the lube. It only made Louis more desperate, wanting to feel that body against his, as Harry fucked inside him.

 

He doesn’t have more than a fraction of a second after Harry’s righted himself, to admire what he hasn’t seen in weeks before Harry’s laying him out once more. Louis goes, still startled by the snick of the lube as he watches Harry slick his fingers up.

 

Harry hovers over him, one hand beside Louis’ head, arm bulging,  as his other works between Louis’ legs. He doesn’t tease, first finger working in quickly as Harry watches. His gaze is unwavering, blooming rose across Louis’ cheeks as he quickly works up to a second without so much as looking down. Louis tosses his head to the side, aiming to get out from under the intensity of Harry’s gaze, but it’s no use, Harry’s eyes wondering and following his expression each time his face grapples around a moan, or the way his nose scrunches when he whines real high.

 

Louis’ body is aching for it, muscles pent up and spasming as Harry stretches his fingers in just the right way. Gently grazing his spot on every few strokes. Louis runs his hands aimlessly across Harry’s body as a third is worked into him, working even quicker and better than two seconds before.

 

Harry’s eyes finally break when Louis’ back curves, head drawn back and neck presented like a canvas. His neck is being littered in kisses and he’s got fingers that work desperately inside him, aiming to work him through and stretch as quickly as possible. They’re both incredibly hard right now, weeks of not having sex after months of it being their constant activity took it’s toll. Both of them leaking and ready.

 

“Good -s’good.” Louis slurs, tilting his head back as Harry sucks along the curve of his jaw. Harry works his fingers wider, deeper as if trying to say it’s not good, but Luis presses, dragging Harry’s face to his.

 

Resting their foreheads together, Louis murmurs, more coherent this time. “Good. I’m good, c’mon.” There isn’t hesitation from Harry this time. His fingers slip out easily, leaving Louis stretched and open as the older slicks up his cock. Louis’ whimpering and writhing by the time Harry lines himself up, his legs hugging Harry’s sides as he pulls him in for a kiss.

 

His lips barely touch Harry’s before they’re falling open in a moan. Harry settles over top him, hands planted beside his head while his face is nestled in his neck. He feels Harry’s let out huffs of breath his own, tiny groans slipping into Louis’ ear as he inches his way inside.

 

Pressing his lips against Louis’ ear Harry moans, sliding down onto his forearms and pushing in till Louis’ filled to the hilt. “So fucking tight love. Always so good for me.”

 

He hikes his legs higher from where they’re slipping against the small of Harry’s back, the older sweaty and body shaking as he grinds in against Louis. All of Louis is overwhelmed, his entire body pulsing with need, nerve endings gone haywire with the heat of Harry’s touch. The heat, the _need_ only gets worse the more Harry grinds, hips swivelling in small circles against Louis’ ass, just enough to leave Louis whining.

 

“C’mon H.” Louis whispers, his voice strained, as his body pleads. Opening up prettily to the older’s wandering hands and mouth. He’s splayed open, only kept together by Harry’s own limbs that guide Louis where he wants them to go. He’s panting, another plea on his lips but it falls flat, completely disappears as his breath is stolen.

 

Harry pulls back and hammers forward in quick succession that Louis barely has time to whimper at the pleasure that ripples through his body before it’s happening. Over and over and over again.

 

Louis’ just barely hanging on, to his release and Harry himself. They haven’t fucked this good in _ages_. His hormones are through the roof, and his whole heart is pounding out of his chest as he watches the adoration and absolute concentration that mar Harry’s face as he thrusts into Louis. He’s biting his lip, bottom one snagged between his lips as his brows are furrowed, but his eyes entirely are set in fondness as he looks at Louis.

 

Enamoured, Louis runs his hand across Harry’s face, watches as the older’s face relaxes, just in time for his own to contort in pleasure, head thrown back as Harry pounds into his spot. Harry leans down at the same time Louis rights himself, his nose rubbing against Harry’s as their lips hover.

 

Harry’s pace hasn’t stuttered but his entire expression seems frozen on Louis. Without explanation, Harry brings a hand to caress at Louis’ cheek, biting the younger’s bottom lip.

 

“How did I manage, to get a loving and wonderful boyfriend who’s carrying by baby,  and who treats me nothing less than gold.” Harry shakes his head, dropping it down into the side of Louis’ neck, as his hand travels from Louis’ cheek to his chest and finally down to his cock. “Tell me baby, how did I get so lucky?”

 

Louis hiccups, precome dribbling out as Harry tightens his grip, jacking him off slow. He’s holding back tears as he answers, barely holding it together in more ways than one. “You’re just that good Haz. You deserve the world.”

 

This time it’s Harry who fumbles, his hips stuttering as his mouth drags across Louis’ skin. He hovers over Louis again, their foreheads rocking together as Harry’s pace picks back up. It’s more punishing this time, chasing more than just pleasure this time, but release as he jacks his hips up and into Louis. His eyes look a tad bit red-rimmed as he kisses Louis, sweaty curls falling around them just as Harry pulls back and mumbles.

 

“I’m going to have my entire world at twenty. My love and our child, everything I’ll ever need.” Harry’s hand wraps around his hip, thumbing over the jut of his hip and his bump as he says it.

“I fucking love you Lou.” Harry whimpers, forehead knocking against Louis’ own.

 

Louis comes. Without preamble or warning, he shoots off into Harry’s hand, white streaks landing on his belly and hips as he does. He swears, moaning high and wanton as he clenches down. Harry swears and loses rhythm. Louis’ dazed as Harry grips into his hips, chasing harder and harder with each thrust to get there. Grabbing Harry’s face, fingertips gripping into cheekbones and jaw, Louis brings Harry in, their lips brushing.

 

“C’mon baby. Fill me up Haz.” Louis mutters, winding one hand back to grip hard at Harry’s hair.

 

Harry pulses, body thrumming as he stills. Louis sighs against his lips as he feels the sticky wetness fill him, used to the feeling, but enjoying it after so long. Harry groans against Louis’ lips, expression relaxed and satisfied as he curls in close, encasing Louis’ body with his own.

 

When he finally pulls out, Louis sighs and rolls to his side, facing Harry as the older does the same. Stretching his arm out and placing it out against Harry’s chest, Louis thrums his fingers against the tacky skin. “Happy birthday Haz.”

 

Without preamble, Harry tugs him in aligning them together like they were not too long ago and kissing the top of his head. “Thank you my love. You made turning twenty a load easier.” There’s a hint of a joke in his tone but his thanks is entirely genuine. Louis’ cheeks warm, while his heart sings a little at the praise.

 

“I can make it even better.” Louis challenges. Even after raving sex, planning an entire birthday and caring a baby, Louis is never too tired to up the odds.

 

“No offence my love, but I don’t think you could make my birthday any greater than you already have.” Harry chuckles, squeezing Louis’ hip.

 

Turning his head to rest his chin to Harry’s chest, Louis thrums his fingers over Harry’s heart once again. His eyes hold mischief, but only for a moment before they melt into adoration.

 

“I love you too.” Louis whispers, smiling softly at the misty eyed look on Harry’s face. “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

 

Harry chuckles, admittedly more wet this time that before as he gathers Louis’ hand in his over his chest. Harry pecks Louis’ forehead, just before the younger turns to cuddle his way back into Harry’s chest, rubbing his hand lovingly along Louis’ body. “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me too.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd really appreciate feedback on this chapter, particularly because it has been so long since I've added to the work. I'd love to hear back from each and everyone of you, so comment, kudos or bookmark! 
> 
> Thank you all again for understanding why it takes so long between updates. I always say it won't happen again, but I can't promise that. I'll try my hardest to work on something for you guys soon!

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on tumblr >>> bottomlouiswriter.tumblr.com  
> Comments and Kudos appreciated!


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